Happy Toons

World hails 'United States of Obama'

Except for tiny bands of troglotards, huddling around comfortless fires fueled by their own sad and desperate farts.

Newspaper front pages around the world were unanimous Wednesday in celebrating the momentousness of Barack Obama's inauguration as U.S. President.

"Let's rebuild America," said the front page of France's Le Figaro, over a photograph of a smiling Obama swearing the oath of office.

"The Promise," said Liberation, hailing the "United States of Obama."

"3CYPR CBET!" trumpeted Serbia's Vecernje Novosti, spraining itself.

"Remaking America," said the Daily Telegraph in the UK -- a theme carried by many other newspapers worldwide -- while the Daily Mirror preferred: "Reborn in the USA."

The Sun featured a picture of a well-endowed young woman in a bikini over a caption reading "Inaugural balls!"

Then there are these guys:

"From a 'shining city on a hill' to false 'hope'. How did it come to this?" one freetard wrote from his mom's basement.

"President Obama’s inaugural speech was supposed to be one of the great inaugural addresses of all time. It was supposed to encourage us, to inspire us. Instead, it deflated us," moaned townhell.com's virgin Ben, popping the drying spunk-bubbles on his loafers.

"President Obama's Inaugural Address? Clichéd, surprisingly dull, naive, and memorable only insofar as it was forgettable," pouted petulant princess Wynton Hall, already missing the oratorial magnifitudeness of Chimpy McFailure, moron, fake cowboy.

"We will shortly become like France!!!" screamed hideous, toe-sucking midget Dick Morris.

But it wasn't all acrimony and tears: some nutbar at the kkkollinsreport exalted that from now on "White guilt is dead. Today, I’m feeling a little 'uppity,' if you will. From this day forward, my tolerance level for having my skin color hustled is now exactly ZERO."

Seriously. Go fuck yourself.

"A stark repudiation of George W. Bush"

Obama's inauguration speech delivered a "searing indictment" of the Bush residency.

"That we are in the midst of crisis is now well-understood," Obama said pointedly as Bush sat a few feet away, probing a nostril. "Starting today, we must pick ourselves up, dust ourselves off and begin again the work of remaking America."

Not since Franklin Roosevelt rebuked Herbert Hoover as a Satanic, baby-devouring carbuncle has an incoming president offered such a stinging critique of the outgoing one without kicking him in the goolies or throwing him bodily off the dais.

There was also a swipe at the bitter partisan battles that have shaped Washington politics. Obama proclaimed an end to "the petty grievances and false promises, the bending over like willing eunuchs, the spineless caving and hypocritical posturing that for far too long have strangled our politics."

Well, he should have.

And in a line that brought a gasp and applause from the enormous audience on the National Mall, Obama declared: "As for our common defense, we reject as false the choice between our safety and our ideals."

In other words, fuck you and your surrender-monkey "watch what you say" bullcrap, repukes. There's a new sheriff in town and he ain't taking any of your shit.

I ... state your name ...

President Joe Biden takes control of the helm until that Hussein fella can be sworn in properly.

Chief Justice John Roberts gives hope to freetards everywhere, fumbling during the administration of the oath of office to President Obama.

Over on Fox, bloviating douchenozzle Chris Wallace predicted this will go to the courts. Though, presumably, if it makes it to the Supreme Court, Roberts -- who was the one who screwed it up in the first place -- will bitchslap the motherfucker who decided to call him on it, thus embarrassing him all over again.

Update: Even as Constitutional experts roll their eyes in exasperation, the partisan twats at the Fox Nutwork are still going at it:

On the January 21 edition of Fox & Friends, Fox News repeatedly aired video of the oath flub, and co-host Gretchen Carlson stated of the administration of the oath of office by Roberts, "Well, but, here's the thing. Is he really president?" After co-host Steve Doocy responded, "Yes," Carlson again asked, "Is he really president?" and went on to claim, "Because there was a flub in the oath of office."

Idiots.

Pinch Me

President Obama. President Fucking Obama. While the childish and anal lunatics are making travel plans to Paraguay, the grownups have taken charge.

A photo of President Obama in the Oval Office this morning making phone calls to foreign leaders is especially interesting because it's clear he's instituted a new dress code: The new president is not wearing a suit jacket.

It was a rule during the Bush administration that no one ever enter the Oval Office without a jacket.

I still can't believe it.......
Pictured below: President Obama calling world leaders and informing them that the lone cowboy days are over.
WoooooHoooooo!!!!!

Franken to temporarily join Senate during WATB loser's pending lawsuit

Up by 225 votes, Al Franken will join the U.S. Senate while bitter republican Norm Coleman sits gnashing his teeth in his darkened basement alone. So ... very .... alone.

Woohoo!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

A Musical Interlude.......

For this historically orgasmic day. Goodbye to You......

And so it Begins

For fuck's sake, you would think that they would wait for a day....

It didn't take long for Barack Obama to make the first mistake of his presidency. "In the third sentence of his inaugural speech Tuesday, the newly sworn-in president said, "Forty-four Americans have now taken the presidential oath."While there have been 44 presidential administrations, there have been only 43 presidents; Grover Cleveland served two nonconsecutive terms in the late 1800s.

He's also left-handed and he forgot Poland too. How things have changed.....already.

Inspiring headlines on this historic day

Mall packed from Monument to Capitol

Massive crowds brave below-freezing temperatures to witness Obama's inauguration

Crowds pour into the capital to witness Obama's swearing-in

Exuberant crowds pack frigid Mall for Obama's inauguration

History beckons as huge crowds mob Washington

Frenetic street scene awakens capital before dawn

Pastor to Obama: 'May the force be with you'

Obama's day began with cockpunching man who almost destroyed America

OK, I made that last one up.

Asshole pwn3d

Jessica Alba, at one of the inaugural parties, pwns Fox Nooze, Falafelhead after being ambushed in a drive-by by one of their crews looking to score some Hollywood liberal love --

Reporter: Bill O'Reilly says hi. You wanna give him a Factor Inauguration Shout Out?

Alba: No. He's kind of -- [Laughs] He's kind of an asshole.

Reporter: How so?

Alba: I don't know how he does it. I guess he was just born that way, for some reason.

Reporter: Can you give me an example? Come on.

Alba: No, because that means admitting that I actually have watched Fox.

Next: Bill O'Reilly proves he's an asshole.

The Illegitimate President (again)

It's quite obvious the the best part of him dribbling down his mother's thighs, ending up as a yellowish stain on the sheets.

On Fox News, Chris Wallace just speculated that President Obama might still legally be regular ol' Barack Obama, because his botched oath doesn't count.

Wallace was referring to the one slip in today's otherwise flawless ceremonies, which came at the most important moment: Chief Justice John Roberts said and President Obama repeated back to him: "I, Barack Hussein Obama, do solemnly swear that I will execute the office of President of the United States faithfully." The oath's actual line (which is in the Constitution) goes, "I [Barack Hussein Obama] do solemnly swear (or affirm) that I will faithfully execute the office of President of the United States."

Wallace predicted this will go to the courts. Though, presumably, if it makes it to the Supreme Court, John Roberts will rule that he administered a legitimate oath. (Besides, the mistake was Roberts' fault anyway, not that any of this is actually the least bit significant.)

So in wingnuttia, he's a President who didn't swear to uphold the Constitution, and is now free to convert it into the Koran. Allah Ahkbar!
Burka time, ladies!

Bush leaves note for Obama in Oval Office

Continuing a White House ritual, George W. Bush left a note for President Barack Obama, wishing him well as he takes the reins of the executive branch, rocking-horse in the Oval Office.

Using his favorite crayons, Dribbles McChimp drew a pitchure of a dinosaur flying a fighter jet and a diagram of how to build a fort out of the sofa cushions.

Cheney pulls back muscle, heads off bunnies

Outgoing cyborg Dick Cheney pulled a muscle in his back while moving boxes, puppies to the shredder and was forced to attend today's historic inauguration in a wheelchair powered by the blood of innocents.

In not pardoning party pet, Preznit Poopers pisses off repukes

Entire world now united in despising this freak.

In what is being seen as a huge "FU" to neocons and their freetard cumguzzlers, the petulant Boy King has decided not to pardon traitorous gnome Scooter Libby for his role in the leak of CIA agent Valerie Plame, leaving many conservatives crying for the wehhhhmbulance:

“I’m flabbergasted,” said one influential Republican activist, who had raised the issue with White House aides, but who asked not to be identified criticizing the president. {Even now. Even now that that miserable little fucker is leaving. Fucking pussy. -- Ed.} Richard Carlson, vice chairman of a neo-conservative circlejerk, added that he too was “shocked” at Bush’s denial of a pardon for Libby.

“George Bush has always prided himself on doing the right thing regardless of the polls or the pundits,” Carlson said. “Now he is leaving office with a shameful cloud over his head.”

Dude, I... This is what it takes for that idiot to have a 'shameful cloud' over his ... fuck.

An inauguration for all

America-hating Americans unite in a new-found love of country as conservatards, hate-radio hosts squirm in panty-wringing denial.

A surprise for the right: Obama's election has caused a patriotic spirit to sweep America.

It just doesn't square with the right wing narrative. They painted Barack Obama as an unpatriotic, "terrorist sympathizing" candidate whose values are foreign to the American way of life. How could it be that his ascendance to the presidency should be the occasion for the new patriotic spirit sweeping America?

Well, for starters, Bush came into office to serve as president of his party, not the country. Secondly, he was an utter dick. C, so were his handlers. Fourth, because fuck you, rethugs.

Never have so many shoes suffered for so noble a cause

Giant Bush blow-up doll, WH pelted with footware, insults, pretzals.

[The Dictator-tot] was given an Iraqi-journalist-style sendoff on his last full day in office Monday, as tourists and demonstrators lobbed shoes, pumps, boots, sandals and crocs from Pennsylvania Avenue onto the White House lawn.

Marching down Connecticut Avenue with handfuls of footwear, the group of about a hundred was on the receiving end of enthusiastic honks, thumbs-up and waves from people in the street.

The reception was almost as warm from the people guarding the White House.

As the protesters headed back toward Dupont Circle, a Secret Service agent left them with a parting observation -- "You all won," he said.

Heh. The only thing that would have been more fitting was for a rain of feces to pelt his limo as it made its way out of DC {on the way to the HAGUE!!!!! -- Ed.}.

Monday funnies

At 12:01 tomorrow, everything bad is b. HUSSEIN Obama's fault.

John Moody, executive vice president for news editorial, disagreed with the notion of Fox as a voice of the opposition to Mr. Obama. He said that the network's news correspondents would cover Mr. Obama objectively, just as they had Mr. Bush.

Bwaaaaaahahahahahhaaaaaaaaaaaaa!!! Surrrrre. Oh fuck me, toooo funny.
They will still serve the 20% of the deranged and deluded fucktards in this country that still believe Chimpy McMoron was the greatest Pretzelnitwit ever, as always.
Stay tuned.

Quote of the day

I get so stabby whenever I see the rightwingnut blogodrome tearfully wave their ass-flags over how "our manly, resolute leader kept us safe from another 9/11" that I just want to grab them by the backs of their fucking heads and rub their stupid, dribbling faces in the muck that's left at Ground Zero. I mean really.

"In his farewell speech, Bush says he kept nation safe. Uh, George, you kicked the CIA briefer out who warned you about hijackings by al Qaeda and you did nothing to increase airport security and then that thing -- 9/11 -- happened. So what the hell are you talking about?"

-- BuzzFlash.