Colbertmentum

Stephen Colbert tops Ron Paul and Dennis Kucinich in a new presidential poll conducted by Rasmussen. Which brings us to tonight's Wørd: Loser.

I'll say

Awww, mom! I don' wanna go as the Gong Show! The worst Halloween costumes of all time.


One of the best.

"A noun, a verb, and 9/11"

Sounds like the start to a joke, right? A noun, a verb, and 9/11 walk into a bar and get suckerpunched by a rabid Rudy Giuliani screaming "that's MY shtick!"

Bush nanny leaving State Department

US image chief cuts and runs: Karen Hughes, the tranny ex-wrestler who failed spectacularly in her job of trying to improve the US's image and was one of Cowpat McScrewup's last remaining doody-wipers, will finally leave the taxpayers' tit at the end of the year.

Polls show no improvement in the world's view of the US since Hughes took over.

Mucus-head refuses to call waterboarding torture

And you want to be our next attorney general...

Nominee Michael "mindsplat" Mukasey told Senate Democrats yesterday that a kind of simulated drowning known as waterboarding is 'repugnant to me,' but he said he does not know whether the interrogation tactic violates US laws against torture.

Nice waffling, moron. Why the hell should you be appointed, again??

Bwaaaaaaa! Busted!

In more ways than one. Lying family values hypocrite admits to the ghey, trashy taste in women's undergarments.

Update to yesterday's story on rethug state Rep. Richard "I'M NOT GAY!!!" Curtis includes the words "red stockings and black lingerie." Worn by Curtis. During sex with a guy.

Curtis has admitted to having sex with a man he met at an adult video store in Spokane last week, according to a police report released Tuesday afternoon.

The police report offers a damning and far different version of events from the brief account Curtis gave Monday, one that seems likely to threaten Curtis’ political future.

The report is filled with graphic details of an encounter that began at a porn store on a Spokane Valley strip and concluded miles away in Curtis’ room at the city’s poshest hotel.

The police report contains an account of how Curtis allegedly donned women’s clothing, red stockings and a black sequined lingerie top before engaging in a sex act at the store. He continued to wear them throughout the night under his clothing.

Curtis, 48, is married and has two daughters.

Munchkin of Justice: cretinous droolmonkey may actually be certifiable

Democratic presidential candidate Dennis Kucinich questioned [Napoleon Bonehead]'s mental health in light of comments Bush made about a nuclear Iran precipitating World War III.

"I seriously believe we have to start asking questions about his mental health," Kucinich said in an interview Tuesday. "There's something wrong. He does not seem to understand his words have real impact."

"You cannot be a president of the United States who's wanton in his expression of violence," Kucinich said. "There's a lot of people who need care. He might be one of them. This, to me, is a very serious question."

And the fact that he saw a UFO just makes him that much more awesome.

Saint Fred the Insane quizzed on commie homos, sleep number

"What is your belief for federal civil unions to be passed?" New Hampshire voter Edward Paul asked the candidate during a campaign stop at the local Sleepys showroom Monday.

"Soviet Union?" Thompson responded in his trademark folksy baritone.

"Geez, enough with the Soviet Union already, you senile old fuck. No, civil unions," Paul said.

"Oh. No, I would not be in support of that," Thompson said. "Hey, nice mattress. Yawl oughta try this thing."

Paul said he wasn't surprised, or impressed.

"I think he needs to do more homework on whatever state he's in and I don't think he did on that question," said Paul, a registered independent.

Thompson, face-down in a California kingsize, was not available for comment.


"Yes! I'll take two pillows!"

Accountability and values

Hint: they do not mean "using campaign money to pay for your defense." After pleading guilty. To soliciting gay sex in a public mensroom.

Gay Republican attention whore and servant of the people Larry Craig has used about $23,000 in campaign funds to pay for a Washington lawyer to represent him before the Senate Ethics Committee.

Federal campaign finance laws prohibit legislators from using campaign money for expenses unrelated to their duties as an officeholder or candidate.

Ummmm, I don't think you're quite getting the concept of going to the Ethics Committee, here, Larry...

Quick, Obvious Man, to the Duhmobile!

Hannity and Corpse interview subjects say their views were misrepresented, distorted and censored by the hairy-knuckled rethug dongchompers at Fux News.

Cheney in Confederate flag flap at NY gun club

Dick Cheney's manly eight-hour blast-a-thon on the taxpayers' tab at a Hudson Valley gun club went off without anyone getting shot in the face -- except for the egg on the VP's, after the Confederate flag was spotted hanging inside a garage on hunt club property.

The incriminating photo was shown to the Rev. Al Sharpton, who issued a statement demanding that the vice president "denounce the club, and apologize for going to a club that represents lynching, hate and murder to black people."

And pheasants, one presumes.

Bonus: part of Dick's 15-SUV hunting entourage included an ambulance in case either his ticker, his finger, or his aim gave out.

Droooooooool

Ohhhhh man... first there was chocolate-covered peanuts. Then chocolate-covered pretzels. Now, finally, there is chocolate-covered bacon.

Detectives investigating gay republican lawmaker

No, the other hypocritical bigot.

State Representative Richard Curtis (R-Ectum) reportedly had consensual sex with another man at a downtown hotel that later led to blackmail. However Curtis says there was no sex and he isn't gay. Now Spokane police are trying to determine if Rep. Curtis did in fact have a gay encounter here that made him a target for extortion.

Investigators are also looking for a still unnamed man who was porking the Republican. The pair reportedly had consensual sex inside the hotel and later Curtis was threatened that the liaison would not remain a secret unless he submitted to the extortion.

The alleged late night encounter is in sharp contrast to Curtis' political persona. Curtis has voted against domestic partnerships for gay couples and opposed a bill that would have outlawed discrimination based on sexual orientation.

Bonus: Curtis, who said that he did not solicit a man for sex and that he is not gay said that he "got into this mess just trying to help someone out."

Of his pants!
Bwaaaaahahahahahaha!

Messin' with Sasquatch

"Yeah! get his 'bad' side!" This cracked me up: the AP warns "THE ASSOCIATED PRESS CANNOT AUTHENTICATE THE CONTENT OF THESE IMAGES." OK! This photo provided Monday, Oct. 29, 2007 shows an image taken by a camera with an automatic trigger set up in Pennsylvania's Allegheny National Forest on Sept. 16, 2007. It could either be Bigfoot, a very thin bear with a bad skin infection, or a naked Robin Williams. (AP Photo/Rick Jacobs)

Puttin' on the ritz, cracker?

Representin': Some Kentucky voters are mad at pudfaced jerkweed Mitch McConnell for 'acting like an out and out snob when he’s in Washington.'

Look What's Under The Family Tree

It really WAS funny to hear that Darth Cheney and b HUSSEIN Osama are distant cousins but further genealogical research has unearthed a common bond that Explains Everything:

Bush turns out to be related to Vlad the Impaler -- the medieval tyrant who was one of the inspirations for the fictional Count Dracula. Some critics might say that Bush has certain things in common with Vlad, who is still honored by many Romanians for having saved their country from invasion by the Muslim Ottoman Turks. Vlad was a paranoid and bloodthirsty despot, however, who ruled through torture and murder.

No surprise, except that the gene for intelligence might have been watered down through the generations.












Chimpy the Exhaler
********

BOOO!!

Get some great, full size printable Halloween Masks Here. Categories include Scary Celebrities, Scary Presidential Candidates, and Archives. My choice:



















The senator from Idaho haunts the restrooms at Minneapolis-St. Paul International Airport--and still won't be exorcised from his seat on Capitol Hill.
I am NOT gay, nor have I ever BEEN gay.
************

Evidence of Liberal Bias In The Media

Does anybody besides me have a problem with this?

Within the first five months of the presidential contest, the media effectively had reduced the field to five candidates, even though there were 17 mainstream Democrats and Republicans, a study of political coverage found.

The "Liberal Media" annoints the candidates that THEY in their "wisdom" deem worthy. Some democracy, eh? If the media were truly liberal and not loyal to their corporate masters, we would hear alot more good things about Kucinich, Edwards and Paul.
Oh, and the cross dressing cousin marrying serial adulterer would have been laughed out of the race by now. Sigh.

Uh, no

There's this one TV commercial that has been really cheesing me off lately. It's the one with some b/mimbo breathing something like "you have to ask yourself: when you turn your car on, does it return the favor?"

Right. Barrrrrrffff. No. First of all, I don't "turn my car on." I "fucking start the damn thing." Then I "spend the next half hour crawling behind dump trucks, garbage trucks, school buses, asswipes driving 15 mph below the speed limit" and/or "hitting every goddamn traffic light between here and there." Secondly, the only thing I ever want to do with my -- mmmm, hard! -- stick shift is rip it from whatever its bolted onto and use it to repeatedly pummel the head of the jerkoff ahead or behind me that's driving like a fucking moron. Thirdly, go fuck yourselves, you pretentious asstools.

We're kicking ass!

Turning the corner: A suicide bomber killed 32 Iraqi policemen and recruits at their base north of Baghdad on Monday, in one of the deadliest strikes on security forces in months.

As things continue to go remarkably well in Iraq, eleven tribal leaders working with U.S. troops to fight Sunni insurgents were kidnapped Sunday morning, the latest in a string of such attacks.

In another astonishing sign of normalcy, U.S. Army Brig. Gen. Jeffrey Dorko was injured today when an IED exploded near his vehicle in Baghdad.

With democracy on the march, a phony soldier says "I don't think this place is worth another soldier's life." Why does he hate America?

Woman or not, Hillary doesn't get my vote: Laura Bush

'No matter how pathetic the candidate, I'm voting repuke,' says brainless, overly-medicated twat Pickles Stepford.

First Zombie Laura Bush may be a champion of women's rights but that does not extend to endorsing Democrat Hillary Clinton's bid to become America's first female president.

Bigoted nutbar to retire from House

Rep. Tom Tancredo plans to cut and run from the House of Representatives at the end of 2008, whether his presidential bid is successful or not, the Rocky Mountain Oyster reported.

"It's the fact that I really believe I have done all I can do in the House, especially in setting back the issue of immigration by at least 30 years," Tancredo grunted.

Deja dudu

"The White House warned Monday that there was no doubt that Iran seeks atomic weapons, rebuffing the head of the UN nuclear watchdog agency after he said there was no evidence for such a charge."

No, Tony, that's not it

Former WH spokesliar Tony Snow on the Gpuke Propaganda Nutwork:

"There's perceived bias on the part of Fox because they don't treat conservatives as knuckle-dragging morons. I think the rap on Fox having a bias is an unfair one."

Neither is this --

Tony Snowjob on the Bush misadministration's so-called decision-making process:

"You don't see it but there's a process where everything gets discussed, and there are some raging arguments.... When people look back at this White House, they're gonna find its one that had a lot of intellectual vigor."

Funnay. Must be the drugs.

Great Moments in World Series History

Shit that makes me want to eat glass with about 10 vicodins and chase it down with a bottle of Don Q. 151 rum' from Fox "News

A sentimental montage broadcast by Fox as part of its World Series coverage included President Bush’s opening pitch during game three of the 2001 World Series -- a month and a half after the Sept. 11 attacks -- as one of the greatest moments in baseball championship history.

It’s called PROPAGANDA - a powerful tool used by Nazis and the Communist Party, taken to a new level by the Fairly Imbalanced network.

Ah don't throw laak a girl, dammit!

********

Scariest thing I have seen this Halloween

All trick, no treat! Or as they say in LOLcat, "Full of DO NOT WANT with extra PLEH!"

--divageek

Kickin' Ass!!

In case anybody wonders why U.S. casualties are down, it's not so much that we are kickin' ass, but that the unwritten mission now is to search and avoid

We were hit by so many roadside bombs we became incredibly demoralized, so we decided the only way we wouldn't be blown up was to avoid driving around all the time.
So we would go find an open field and park, and call our base every hour to tell them we were searching for weapons caches in the fields and doing weapons patrols and everything was going fine . . .

Why do phony soldiers hate America? The Reich-Wingnut attack squads are mobilizing from their mother's basements as we speak. Protecting their rear flank, so to speak.

BOO-YAAAH!!

The ever-vigilant Black Helicopter Watch doesn't rest just because it's Caturday.

Makin' progress

We're kicking so much ass that the State Department is forcing diplomats to work in Iraq.

The State Department said Friday it will require diplomats to serve in Iraq because of a lack of volunteers willing to work at the U.S. Embassy in Baghdad.

Those notified that they have been selected for a one-year posting will have 10 days to respond. Only those with compelling reasons, such as a medical condition, will be excused from duty.

However, those refusing Iraq duty may face disciplinary action up to and including dismissal for failing to uphold their oath to serve the United States and the Constitution, Thomas said.

Larry Flynt hints of new “huge” GOP Senate sex scandal

Heh: from BHDC:

Larry Flynt, editor and publisher of Hustler magazine, just told FOX Business Network’s Neil Cavuto that he’s “hoping to expose a bombshell” that will stand “Washington and the country on its head.”

Within the next week or two, he says his magazine will expose a sex scandal of huge proportions involving a prominent United States Senator. Flynt refused to comment on the Senator’s political affiliation, but alluded that he or she is a Republican.

What's Good For The Goose.....

Funny, but true. And really, he has a good point

If the US wants to keep using a drug war air base in Ecuador, it must let Ecuador open a military base in Miami, Ecuadorian President Rafael Correa told Reuters in an interview in Italy Monday. Correa, a popular leftist leader, promised during the 2006 election campaign that he would never renew the 10-year lease for the air base at Manta, in northern Ecuador.
"We'll renew the base on one condition: that they let us put a base in Miami -- an Ecuadorian base," Correa said in Italy. "If there's no problem having foreign soldiers on a country's soil, surely they'll let us have an Ecuadorian base in the United States."

Why not? We have military bases in alot of other countries. But then again, we are morally and intellectually superior to everybody else and......

CODE BLUE!!! Darth Cheney's pacemaker has just imploded! Prepare to invade Ecuador, STAT!!

Craig to claim sex sting arrest, though ghey, was unconstitutional

Says his foot-tapping in mensroom stall was gay come-on protected speech

Idaho's so not gay Sen. Larry Craig will not go away, this time arguing before an appeals court that Minnesota's disorderly conduct law is unconstitutional as it applies to his conviction, according to a new court filing.

This is the first time Craig's attorneys have raised that issue. However, an earlier filing by the American Civil Liberties Union argued that Craig's foot-tapping, hand gestures and cock-grabbing under a stall divider at the Minneapolis airport are protected by the First Amendment of the U.S. Constitution, which guarantees freedom of speech.

Seafood escapes from German supermarket

Too cute --

Dozens of lobsters destined to be boiled alive made a successful getaway from a supermarket in Stuttgart in the early hours of Sunday morning, police said.

The crustaceans, some of them up to 15 centimeters long, crawled out of their crates, then scurried across the floor, squeezed through metal shutters covering the front of the store, and hightailed it out the front door.

"The breakout was successful," said Katrin Brandeis, spokeswoman for the Stuttgart police. "Passers-by alerted the police at 1:45 a.m. reporting a large number of the animals heading down the street."

Best part? They've been taken to an animal shelter.

Mmmmmm, pet lobsters...


Here's some after a nice hot bath.

Nice... uhhhh... assets!

Fox Business anchor or porn star? Take the quiz! I got 6 out of 10.

LOL

Gawd. This is just like my house. Cat wake-up call:


(Thanks, Lee and Sirius!)

Maru, Put Your Burka On

Remember the howling outrage when Pelosi did this?



















“The veil is to show that women are responsible for the sexual self-control of men.” — Ayaan Hirsi Ali
Heh

FUCKING WOW! QUOTES(The Reich-Wing actually is attacking one of their own!)

“Ms. Pander Clause” for wearing the head cover:
“I find the image from Saudi Arabia so disturbing. … That she would oblige her hosts by wearing a shmata on her head is a tacit endorsement of Islam’s subjugation of women.” — Weekly Standard
“Bad craziness in Saudi Arabia … [W]e get this, from one of the most misogynistic societies on the planet: a photo of Laura Bush wearing an abaya and a veil. — Little Green Footballs
“This is Sheikha Laura, yesterday, in the Kingdom of Saudi Arabia … Laura Bush [is] butt-kissing Saudi King Abdullah.” — Debbie Schlussel

I need a hug.....and a cigarette.......and a cuddle....Fuuuuuuck!! They are eating their own!!

OK, now I've heard everything...

America's pandering jerkoff Rudy Giuliani: Blind people should be allowed to carry guns. That's right, fucking blind people.

"You have a constitutional right, that is protected, to bear and carry arms. It is the Second Amendment," Giuliani told about 200 attendees in a high school gymnasium in Lebanon.

During his two terms as mayor, Giuliani supported strict gun laws at both the local and national level and advocated the federal assault weapons ban that expired in 2004.

Catapultin' the propaganda

The Bush misadministration's new strategery to assure better press coverage: have FEMA staffers pose as reporters at news conferences on the California wildfires, lob softball questions at officials about what a heckuva job FEMA's doing.

Saint Fred Reaganson: "Blurrrrrr! Meh! Ehhhhhhh!"

Frederick of Hollywood, from his recliner: Iraq insurgency is simply "a bunch of kids" that better get the hell off'n my lawn.

"We will not be a safer country, we will not be a safer America if the whole world watches us being defeated by a bunch of kids with improvised explosive devices," Thompson said.

Ahhhh! He's demeaning the troops!! Denounce the traitorous motherf*cker!! Rightwingnut outrage in 3... 2... 1..zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz.....

"If Sen. Thompson believes that we are fighting 'a bunch of kids,' he is totally divorced from reality," Sen. Biden said in a statement Thursday. "He should come back to Iraq with me and talk to our soldiers who are in the middle of a civil war between lethal militias or fighting the Bush-fulfilling prophecy of al Qaeda in Iraq or being blown up by IEDs."

Fred Thompson, troop-hater. When is he going to apologize???

Howdy, San Diegerans! Wutzup?!

"What's all this black stuff?"




Preznit Giggles McDoofus grins like the idiot he is as he steps off his plane to visit areas devastated by the Southern California fires Thursday.

Cuntservative harpy blows an O-ring, goats

Conservatard nutjob Sandy Vagina has a bitchfit when Pickles Stepford is caught wearing an Islamic headscarf during her visit to the Middle East.

F-retards, torn between faux-outrage at the Ist Zombie's buttkissing of Islamofascists and hypocritical Bushslurping, go with slurpitude:

They gave her the headscarf as a gift, and she put it on for them. Big deal. Would we want her to go over there and be a complete jerk?

She was being gracious

I looked at that photo zoomed to 500% - it’s very good, but it looks photo shopped

She was accepting their gift. I can’t believe anyone would spend their time whining about this.

Really. I remember how you class acts showed the same support for Nancy Pelosi when she donned a scarf on her trip in April. Fuckwits.


"F*ck! Not me!!"

Truthiness!!

Poll: Bullshit Is Most Important Issue For 2008 Voters

"Heckuva job, dickheads"

(Soon to be former?) Fox News analyst blasts the Bush misadministration for failing to get Osama bin Laden:

I was going to yell about how the Bush administration leaked classified information — again — but we've been there before. Then, I thought I might write about Blackwater, but compared to so many things, Blackwater looks like back water. Besides, these things are of little consequence when you realize how we missed, squandered, screwed up, made a mess of and were massively risk adverse — again — when we did not kill Usama bin Laden in Afghanistan just two short months ago.

You cannot make this crap up; truth is always stranger and more telling than fiction. Our government, the current administration and yes, our military leaders included, failed to kill bin Laden for no other reason than incompetence.

The current “boneheads” in charge will tell you all day long that we are fighting and dying in Iraq and Afghanistan to stop terrorists there so they do not come here. Nice talk, how about — just for a moment — acting like you mean what you say? You know walk the walk. These incidents, where we displayed a total lack of guts, like the one in August, are just too prevalent.

-- by Colonel David Hunt, U.S. Army (Ret.). Col. Hunt, who has extensive operational experience in counterterrorism, special operations, and intelligence operations, and has trained the FBI and Special Forces in counterterrorism tactics, served as the security adviser to six different Olympic Games, testified as an expert at many major terrorist trials, and lectured at the CIA, the FBI, and the National Security Agency, is obviously a terrist-loving Islamofascist who hates America and our troops.

Zoo creatures discuss the latest B. HUSSEIN O/s/bama outrage, Tuesday,
Oct. 23, 2007. (AP Photo/Six Flags Discovery Kingdom, Mike Owyang)

Romney willing to use blockade or 'bombardment' of Iran

Multiple-Choice Mitt Romney, after talking to his lawyers, said Thursday he would be willing to use a military blockade or "bombardment of some kind" to prevent Iran from building a nuclear weapon.

"That's an option that's on the table. And it's is not something which we'll spell out specifically. I really can't lay out exactly how that would be done, but we have a number of options from blockade to bombardment of some kind. And that's something we very much have to keep on the table, and we will ready ourselves to be able to take, because, frankly, I think it's unacceptable for Iran to have nuclear weapons."

The candidate prepares to bomb the sidewalk as child cringes in fear.

Giuliani, "uncertain" what waterboarding is, flipflops

America's pandering twat-hole sidesteps the issue, says he's not sure if waterboarding qualifies as torture.

"It depends on how it is done; it depends on the circumstances; it depends on who does it. I think the way it has been defined in the media, it shouldn’t be done. I would say if that is the description of it, then I can agree that it shouldn’t be done," he said, adding that he doesn’t necessarily trust the media's description and has yet to learn "what the real description of it is."

Um, dude, clue? Laying back while a hot buff naked guy pours warm, soothing liquids over you = good, forced to lie on your back while some hairy beefy goon fucking tries to hurt you = bad. Unless maybe you're Rudy Giuliani, I guess.

Giuliani's stance indicates a subtle softening of his position on interrogation, five months after he declared that he would approve of "every method" one could think of to squeeze information from suspects.

I love this: "a subtle softening." Now just imagine if a Dem had waffled like that: terrist sympathizer! Flipflopping on national security! Siding with the terrists! America-hater!!

Giuliani’s lack of a clear-cut position on a key national security issue is noteworthy for a candidate who has made the war on terrorism a cornerstone of his campaign and prides himself on being straightforward with voters. He told an audience last week, "You’re going to always know where I stand."

Yeah. Meanwhile, Romney would just prefer it to be on a confidential basis with his team of lawyers.


"Uhhh, yeah. Just how big a touchhole are you anyway, Mr Romney?"

Giuliani flipflop in baseball flap

America's panderer Rudy Giuliani swore he'd never root for the Red Sox before he started rooting for them. If we can't trust this man with baseball, how can we trust him with al Qaeda? If he can't stay loyal to his team, how can we trust him to stay loyal to America? If he can support his hometown's enemies, can't he do the same to our country's? If he's this much of an asshole now, how much more of one will be be once he has absolute power?