November 30, 2008

Yore Librul Media.....

....breathlessly informs us about the impending CATFIGHT!!!

Samantha Power, the Harvard professor who was forced to resign from Barack Obama's presidential campaign last spring after calling Sen. Hillary Rodham Clinton "a monster," is now advising the president-elect on transition matters relating to the State Department -- which Clinton is slated to head....In short, she is part of a team that is likely to work directly with Clinton, a potentially awkward situation for the two women.
The WaPo birdcage liner just HAS to report the story according to the rules laid down at Sulzburger Junior High. Maybe everybody would feel better if they were to settle it with naked pillow fight.

Film on Youtube shortly.........

On the Lord's Day

God's one and only true church, the one that condones priests having buttsecks with the altar boys, tells parishioners that they have committed a mortal sin if they voted for Obama.

A Roman Catholic priest has told parishioners they should confess if they voted for Barack Obama because the president-elect supports abortion.
The Rev. Joseph Illo says his parishioners at St. Joseph's Catholic Church in Modesto shouldn't risk losing their "state of grace" by receiving communion sacrilegiously. He delivered the message in a Nov. 21 letter and during mass.
Bullshit like this is just one of many reasons I now consider myself a former and recovering Catholic. The power of hypocrisy compels you.

When I was a kid I used to pray every night for a new bicycle.Then I realised God doesn’t work that way, so I stole one and prayed for forgiveness.
- Emo Philips

When Used as a Verb

(v) to abandon one's principles for short term gain
weak flip-flop spineless mettle character
Tom, a devout vegan, palined when he consumed a happy meal solely to obtain the collectible toy it contained.

November 29, 2008

Too... much... turkee...

If You MUST Drink, Don't Drive....Do Drugs

Accused drunk driver ends up running over himself

A tip to the state's DrunkBuster hot line Sunday afternoon alerted authorities to a possibly drunken driver.
State Police Officer Grace Romero spotted the man's pickup truck swerving across both lanes of a highway, driving slowly and then fast. He refused to stop.
After narrowly missing other vehicles, police said the suspect drove through a ditch and a barbed-wire fence before stopping. He tried to put the truck into park, but it ended up in reverse.
Police said the man fell from his open door and both of his legs were run over by the front driver's side tire.
Being the full service blog that we are, we now will provide you, the devoted reader with Video!
Drunk Driver runs over self!
- Watch more free videos

Kristol: "wharblgrbllll"

Neocon/misadmin assbag Bill "Always Wrong" Kristol, who's been wrong on absolutely everything, who brought us the Iraq war and Sarah Failin, says Preznit Droolers should not only pardon the people that tortured terrorism suspects, he should award them the Medal of Freedom.

Meanwhile, Bill's hopefully-not-for-much-longer employer, the New York Times, warns in an editorial this morning, “If [Bush] wants to try to reclaim his reputation, he can start by not abusing the pardon power on his way out the door.”

If he does, I hope to God nobody ever has the cojones to mention "Marc Rich" and "pardon" in the same article evar again.

Yeah, good luck with that

Duhmbya the DisasterMonkey on his legacy: "I'd like to be known as the magical happy unicorn president who brought joy an' free ponies to everyone. lulz"

Preznit GameBoy vonTorturepants, thankfully and finally nearing the end of his final term of raping the Constitution and the citizenry, says he most wants to be remembered as someone who came to Washington and didn’t lose his values.

Someone who didn’t sell his soul to the political process.

Somebody who liberated 50 million people and helped achieve peace.
Jeebus fucking Christ. You have GOT to be kidding me.

I'd like to be known as that incredibly hot babe that donated eleventy brazillian to various charities/cheezburgers to the ASPCA on the day you fucking went to prison, you asshat. But that ain't gonna happen either.

Instead, if there is any justice in the world, you will forever be remembered as...

Amen to that.

November 28, 2008

Got turkee? Pic from here.

Get Ready, Set......

Deals worth killing for....
The full display of Idiot America goes on display as a Wal-Mart worker is trampled to death on Black Friday.
The first attack in the Liberal war on Christmas.........

Around the intertubes

A work in progress as I try to wake up.

  • Merriam-Webster places Dick Morris’ picture next to word “Pathetic”
  • Thanksgiving at the White House
  • Distributorcap revisits one of my favorite movies, 'West Side Story'
  • EB Misfit with a Joe the Lieberman joke

  • November 27, 2008

    Happy Thanksgiving, all! I love you guys!

    More turkee!

    LTR's Big Fat 2008 Turkey of the Year award!

    A tasteful and tasty Thanksgiving recipe

    Thanks to Sirius!

    1 whole Turkey (weight is dependant on how many servings are required)
    1 large lemon, cut into halves
    sprig of rosemary
    salt and pepper to taste
    butter or olive oil, whichever you prefer
    Heat oven to 350 degrees
    Rub butter or oil over the skin of the Turkey until it is completely coated

    Take a knife and gently separate the skin from the breast meat.
    Slide lemon halves under the skin with the peel side up. This way the juice from the lemon will coat the breast. Season skin of the Turkey to your preference, and place sprig of rosemary into it. Cover and place in oven for 2 1/2 - 3 hours.

    Remove cover and continue to roast until juices run clear, basting every 15-20 minutes. Total roasting time depends on the size of your bird.

    If you've followed these steps correctly, your turkey should look like the one in photo below. Bon Appetite!

    November 26, 2008

    As the Sphincter Clenches......

    People, chill the fuck out, I GOT this:

    Seriously, isn’t it amazing just how impressive the people being named to key positions in the Obama administration seem? Bye-bye hacks and cronies, hello people who actually know what they’re doing. For a bunch of people who were written off as a permanent minority four years ago, the Democrats look remarkably like the natural governing party these days, with a deep bench of talent.
    It’s almost like we have a real President...... But in a drone like predictable mode known as acute Reichwingnuttius Maximus the reaction is the same as usual.......Clinton ver 2.0.
    I spent several years of the Clinton administration writing about one scandal or controversy after another.
    There was, of course, the Whitewater affair and the fight over the independent counsel, Kenneth Starr. There was the Lewinsky matter. Travelgate. The bitter controversy over Elian Gonzalez. The furor over Bill Clinton's last-minute pardons. And more.
    It seems like so long ago. So why am I suddenly hitting the search feature on my laptop ten times a day, looking for old articles? Why am I looking for names like Eric Holder, Gregory Craig, Rahm Emanuel, and John Podesta?
    The power of the Clenis COMPELLLLLLLS You! For fucks sake and Jesus Hussein Christ, Reichwingnuttia would still be pissing and moaning about Clinton-era made-up 'scandals' even if Cheney & Bush Jr. assassinated Obama, declared martial law, ate babies, burned the Constitution on national TV and declared Chimpyface McFuckup and Darth "Deadeye" Cheney co-dictators for life.

    Investigative journalism, returning to a country near you soon.

    Flailin turkeys Pailin

    "Is it chilly outside today? I'm telling you, coming to work today, it was so cold, I was shaking like Sarah Palin taking a geography test." --David Letterman

    "Sarah Palin thinks the alphabet has 22 letters. She's so dumb she thinks the capital of China is Chinatown. Sarah Palin is so dumb, she thinks billboards are postcards from giants. The governor of Alaska is so dumb, she thinks soy milk is Spanish for 'I am milk.'" --"Daily Show" correspondent Wyatt Cenac

    "Well, according to a new post-election survey, people want Sarah Palin to run for president in 2012. It says she's been getting thousands of calls from people pleading with her to run, all Democrats." --Jay Leno

    "Alaska Governor Sarah Palin pardoned a turkey, though she said she was amazed to find out that, besides being a bird, Turkey is also a country. Did you see that all over the internet today? While Sarah Palin was pardoning a turkey, right behind her was a guy slaughtering turkeys. ... But, see, like most internet stories, a little half-true. Turns out that, after a couple of minutes listening to Sarah Palin's voice, the turkeys said 'Kill us now.'" --Jay Leno

    Late Show - Top Ten Sarah Palin Excuses

    Just in time for Christmas

  • The 22 worst gifts on Earth. Period.

  • A new book by Dr. Irene Pepperberg, Alex & Me, "describes her three-decades-long relationship with Alex, the African Gray parrot who was smarter than the average U.S. president" and died at the very young age of 31. Damn. I cried just reading the article.

  • Transgender harpy in hospital after rough sex romp with Dick Morris, dwarf troupe

    Frightening, ballbusting hag Barbara Bush was in good spirits and biting the heads off candy-stripers in a Houston hospital Wednesday following surgery for what a spokesman insisted was a "perforated ulcer."

    But why should I waste my beautiful mind on something like that?

    There IS a God

    mAnn Coulter's jaw wired shut after complications ensued during adams apple reduction surgery. Unfortunately, though, this won't stop her from talking out of her ass.

    In a related story, scientists reported that the Panamanian termite's mandible can strike enemies at a world-record 157 MPH.

    Above: the most disgusting thing I could think of that isn't mAnn Coulter's ugly, pinched phiz.

    Bush's last days: the lamest duck evar

    Joe Klein: As Drinky McDumbass continues to do absolutely nothing, it's left to President-Elect Obama to try to calm a jittery nation.

    [T]his final humiliation seems particularly appropriate for George W. Bush. At the end of a presidency of stupefying ineptitude, he has become the lamest of all possible ducks.

    As a poster on said, fuck 'lame': Lamie McLamerson is more like a semi-comatose quadriplegic duck that's being fed with a tube and has to crap in a bag.

    [This is a presidency that has wobbled between two poles -- overweening arrogance and paralytic incompetence.

    He is less than President now, and that is appropriate. He was never very much of one.

    Fucked fact: the DisasterMonkey has 2 months left of his fucking residency.

    Great Gift Giving Idea

    The really certified by certified people collectors edition of the Democrat vs. Republican Chess Set™ is on sale NOW!!!

    King - Obama
    Queen - Hillary Clinton
    Bishop - Fuck, no -- just Islamic Imams baby!
    Knights - An Al Gore and a Ed Bentley driving Hybrids
    Rooks - A Pair of Windpowered Turbines

    All Pawns
    Special imitation plastic/toxic FDA approved version (made in China) coming soon! And if you pre-order now you will recieve a set of Ginshui knives absolutely free......but that's not all.... if you order now, you can choose as rethug queen either Lindsay Graham and Larry Craig.
    Call today, don't delay, call now!

    Supportin the Troops!!

    In order to preserve the Chimptard's tax cuts for his base, and in a rare moment of fiscal responsibility, an under the radar hail mary statue of liberty pass by the Pentagon has narrowed the military’s definition of combat-related disabilities, costing many cannon fodder troops thousands of dollars in lost benefits.”

    Marine Cpl. James Dixon was wounded twice in Iraq -- by a roadside bomb and a land mine. He suffered a traumatic brain injury, a concussion, a dislocated hip and hearing loss. He was diagnosed with post-traumatic stress disorder.Army Sgt. Lori Meshell shattered a hip and crushed her back and knees while diving for cover during a mortar attack in Iraq. She has undergone a hip replacement and knee reconstruction and needs at least three more surgeries.
    In each case, the Pentagon ruled that their disabilities were not combat-related.
    Why do Rethugs HATE the troops?
    You know, it is bullshit like never mind.

    November 22, 2008

    Happy Caturday!

    Around blogtopia

  • Bob Geiger has the Saturday toons, this week starring Failin, Joe the Lieberman and the craven Dems.
  • Let the oil companies bail out the automakers.
  • Cracks in time.
  • Fucking TurdBlossom.
  • Speaking of holes... (thanx to MarkH).
  • Great Daily Show vid:

    Via EB Misfit.
  • November 21, 2008

    Tiger Woods plays with his own balls

    ... and other actual headlines.

    Santa Is A Pervert

    .... and other movie titles that got lost in translation.

    Excuse me?

    In what has to be the major facepalm of the day week, corpulent antichrist Karl Rove asks Obama not to politicize the hiring and firing of US attorneys. Why isn't he in prison?

    Hypocritical tampon has hissyfit

    Racist a-hole Glenn Beck, his remaining neurons finally collapsing under massive doses of his own fail, is shocked and appalled by the downfall of discourse in America. Really. Hmmmmm.

    May 30, 2008: Beck calls Hillary Clinton a "stereotypical bitch" and a "nag".
    March 4, 2008: Beck asks John Hagee "Odds that Barack Obama is the Antichrist?"
    Feb 18, 2008: Beck says "Nancy Pelosi will end up killing Americans."
    Jan 28, 2008: Beck asks "[Y]ou ever just picture Ted Kennedy naked?"
    Jan 4, 2008: Beck calls "Comrade Clinton" a "liberal fascist," Edwards "a communist."

    And that's just the beginning. The good news? He was confronted by a patriot who threatened to run over him with a truck.


    Kos blogger offended by posthumous Mormon baptism of Jews starts to convert dead Mormons into Bette Midler fans.

    Yawny McNappersons mumbles something during hibernation

    Knowing he will never be able to top the vibrant star power that is Mike Huckabee/Caribou Barbie in 2012, one-time rethug preznental candidate and Sleepys® spokessloth Fred Thompson may leave politics to return to acting, recliners.

    Who exactly is the turkey here?

    "Gov. Palin apparently oblivious to turkey carnage over her shoulder"

    Sarah Failin, after pardoning fowl, giggles through platitudes as others are being slaughtered on camera behind her. John at AmericaBlog:

    She just gave an entire press conference for five minutes in front of a guy killing turkeys on camera. Oh my God, I'm laughing so hard I'm crying. I know it's sick, but she's such a blithering idiot. At one point, oblivious to the fact that some guy is killing turkeys on camera ten feet behind her, she says "we'll probably invite criticism for doing this!" This is a Saturday Night Live skit, with nothing extra needed.

    Senate gives standing ovation to convicted felon

    Instead of quietly slinking off in ignominy on his way to prison, corrupt windbag Ted Stevens held court on the Senate floor yesterday. In a bathos-inducing paean to himself -- conveniently not mentioning his whopping seven felony convictions -- he walked off to the sound of applause and cockslobbering by his cronies. What a fucking pathetic spectacle. And they wonder why their approval ratings are so low.

    SS, DD

    Il DuceBag's latest pet AG continues former pet AG's penchant for screwing the populace -- by forcing upon us the tab for defending Constitution-mangler/torturer Alberto Gonzales.

    In a stunningly braindead move reminiscent of making a rape victim pay for her own rape kit, Attorney General and Bush toady Michael Mukasey OKed the use of taxpayer bucks to cover the legal bills of the ethically-deprived and disastrously inept former attorney general. Which were incurred by his fucking-over of taxpayers.

    The "Justice" Department has reportedly agreed to hire a private attorney to represent Alberto Gonzales in a federal lawsuit that accuses him of politicized hiring. It is galling to think that Mr. Gonzales, whose department trampled over the rights of so many people, is having taxpayers pay for private counsel.

    Ya think? But maybe there IS a God, as "Mucus" Mukasey collapses under the weight of his own obliviousness:

    Mukasey was 15 to 20 minutes into his speech about the Bush misadministration's "successes" in combatting terrorism when he collapsed and lost consciousness.

    Sorry. Hope he's OK.

    Insufferable quisling wins major award

    BuzzFlash's Hypocrite of the Week is none other than noted douchebag Joe the Lieberman, rethug cum-dumpster and turncoat:

    After the Democratic caucus refused to punish Lieberman for his scathing attacks on not only Obama but also the idea that a 60-member Democratic Senate might be dangerous to the national security of America, Lieberman claimed that his lacerating comments about the President-elect and the Democrats had been misunderstood.

    After the Senate Dems let Joe keep his coveted Homeland Security Committee (at grave risk to our national security, given Lieberman's record as a Bush [mis]administration cheerleader), he claimed that he has always been a Democrat, even though he changed his affiliation to Independent when he lost the Democratic Senate primary in 2006.

    Lieberman keeps telling himself and us that he is a man of integrity. But he's not. He's a hypocritical opportunist [that deserves a massive cockpunching, the traitorous fuck].

    Read the whole thing here.

    November 20, 2008


    Cat on a Roomba.



    Pampered multi-millionnaires that destroyed auto industry deserve major cockpunching, not more money.

    The CEOs of the big three automakers flew to the nation's capital yesterday in private luxurious jets to make their case to Washington that the auto industry is running out of cash and needs $25 billion in taxpayer money to avoid bankruptcy.

    The CEOs of GM, Ford and Chrysler may have told Congress that they will likely go out of business without a bailout yet that has not stopped them from traveling in style, not even first class is good enough.

    All three CEOs -- Rick Wagoner of GM FU, Alan Mulally of Fuck, and Robert Nardelli of Clueless -- shit in the face of every taxpayer by flying in corporate jets to DC. Wagoner flew in a $36 million luxury aircraft to tell members of Congress that the company is burning through cash, asking for $10-12 billion for GM alone.

    Wagoner's private jet trip to Washington cost his ailing company an estimated $20,000 roundtrip. In comparison, seats on Northwest Airlines from Detroit to Washington were going online for $288 coach and $837 first class.

    Fucking sell your planes, give up your corporate country-club memberships, kiss your expensive trophy mistresses goodbye, and get real, you fucking leeches.

    Huckabee says he's not settling scores

    "I don't dislike him," Jeebus's favorite hypocrite told CNN's Wolf Blitzer. "I just think he's an asshole."

    Baptist preacher and former repug presidential candidate Mike Huckabee said Wednesday he's not trying to get back at his onetime rival Mitt Romney, despite calling Romney a flipflopping, petulant princess with mommy issues and sprayed-on hair.

    In the new book he's whoring, Huckabee specifically takes aim at Romney for shifting positions on key issues shortly before he decided to run for the White House, saying his record was "anything but conservative until he changed the light bulbs in his chandelier in time to run for president."

    Huckabee, who is now the weekly host of what has to be one of the worst infomercials evar, also ripped into tired old napper Fred "Zzzzzzzz" Thompson and Senile McGrumpypants. Not bad for a guy with a who lied about having a theology degree.

    "This book is not about what's wrong with Mitt Romney or anybody else," he said. "But man, is Mitt Romney a steaming pantload."

    Bush a leper at the G20, USA50

    World leaders under political pressure at home to not pal around with terrorists:

    The Cootie Preznit.

    McCain to seek re-election as senile Arizona curmudgeon

    Grumpy McThuselah, beaten by Barack Obama and his own horrible campaign in the 2008 presidential race, plans to run for senate re-election in 2010 when he'll be 111 years old.

    McCain announced the decision during a meeting Tuesday evening with top ally Sen. Lindsey Graham (R-Panties), advisers Rick Davis, Charlie Black, and other aides.

    Because they did such a heckuva job during his campaign.

    Not mentioned: whether other top ally Joe the Lieberman was also present.

    Report blasts Homeland Security

    The Homeland Security Department has done a craptacular job overseeing the purchase of billions of dollars of equipment and technology, a new report by the Government Accountability Office says. The GAO blamed oversight problems on insufficient staff and limited attention paid by senior department officials.

    That would be the same Homeland Security Department overseen by Harry Reid's BFF Joe the Lieberman? Huh.

    Obama promised change, picking insiders, media whines

    Yes, they really are that fucking stupid.

    AP -- President-elect Barack Obama promised the voters change but has started his Cabinet selection process by naming several Washington insiders to top posts. Wehhhhh!!!!!

    Duh. Fucking AP. President-elect Obama promised change from the eight miserable years of disastrous governing by Preznit Drooly McGameBoy and his rubberstamping rethug enablers, for petessake. Change from the sit-on-your-hands incompetence and virulent corruption of the past eight long fucking years. The wuz on muh tee-vee/lookit muh pokemons!/gonna cut brush/go fuck yourselves Constitution-raping. Snap out of it.

    OMG -- he's hiring Clinton people!!1!!1!eleventybillion

    Oh yeah, I mean after all, the Clinton admin brought us eight years of peace and prosperity, gas below a buck... how friggin' awful to have to go back to those dark, desperate times. President-elect Obama should hire a bunch of neophyte stooges instead of people who actually know wtf they're doing, dammit. Gosh.


    November 19, 2008

    Ethics complaint filed against Mooselini

    No, not for running off with 50 grand in designer duds. Or using state funds to pay for her spawns' hotel bills. Or firing a state trooper. Or character assassination. Or spreading racism and inciting bigotry. Or turning Alaska into an international laughingstock. An ethics complaint filed Tuesday charges that Caribou Barbie broke state ethics rules by holding national television interviews from the governor's office.

    Zane Henning, a North Slope worker from Wasilla, said he filed the complaint with the attorney general. He says Palin is promoting her future political career on state property, pointing in particular to the governor's Nov. 10 interview with Faux Nutwork fingersniffer Greta Van Susteren.

    "The governor is using her official position and office in an attempt to repair her damaged political image on the national scene," Henning wrote. "As if."

    Texas pays for DeLay's redistricting stunt

    Speaking of corrupt scumbags...

    As Texas loses clout in D.C. with the departure of Preznit CrashTest Dummy, unspeakable former Rep. Tom DeLay's redistricting stunt has ended up costing the state significant political power.

    Happy now, you fucking crook? And why aren't you in prison yet?

    Grand jury indicts Cheney, Gonzales

    Liberal commie hotbed.... what? Texas?? Cool. In what we can only hope will be the first of many, Dick Cheney and former Bush spankmonkey/Attorney General Alberto Ghraibzales have been indicted, on state charges involving "organized criminal activity" related to the alleged abuse of inmates in federal prisons.

    Cheney is charged with engaging in criminal activity related to the "vice" president's investment in a financial group which holds interests in companies running the federal detention centers. He he also accused of conflict of interest and "at least misdemeanor assaults" on detainees.

    A spokeswoman for Cheney declined to comment, saying that the vice president was out shooting at a copy of the indictment.

    Abuto Gonzales is charged with using his position while in office to stop an investigation into abuses at one of the prisons.

    Gonzales' attorney, George Terdwiggler, said in a written statement, "My client does not recall stopping any investigation, nor does he recall whether he ever held office."

    Voters actually do the right thing in Alaska

    Corrupt republican -- but I repeat myself -- Ted Stevens, indicted on multiple felony counts a month ago, finally sees his re-election bid go down the tubes. Good riddance, scumbag. Enjoy prison.

    Mark Begich's win gives Democrats at least 58 seats in the Senate, as the race between Al Franken and asshole-deluxe Norm Coleman in Minnesota is still too close to call (the recount starts today). Well, 59 now that ineffectual patsy Harry Reid has a new BFF. *snort*

    GOP voter fraud from a former U.S. Senator?

    Its more likely than you think.

    "Santorums' absentee vote in Penn Hills challenged"

    Yerp, Jeebus's one-time favorite senator, the sanctimonious Rick Santorum, is being dogged by a Pennsylvania couple determined to prove that he isn't entitled to vote in their great state.

    In one corner are Rick and Karen Santorum, who list a legal address in Penn Hills but have resided in northern Virginia. The former senator declines to say precisely where in hopes of warding off his enemies. {Snort. What a headcase -- Ed.} In the other corner is Ed Vecchio...

    "Let him prove it otherwise. The guy's a weasel," said Mr Vecchio.



    Netroots livid with Lieberman holding on to his key committee chairmanship

    You fucking better believe it. The netroots are also majorly fucking pissed off with the impotent Senate fuckwits for allowing him to keep it and for not dyeing the banks of the Potomac red with his waste of blood. Glenn Greenwald:

    Senate Democrats believe it's important to reward someone with a powerful Chairmanship who has been a vehement supporter of George Bush, the war in Iraq, the full panoply of anti-constitutional abuses, and an amplifier of the most toxic right-wing toxic points. At the same time, they consider it a good thing to scorn their supporters on what they consider to be "the Left." For anyone willing to hear it, they've made as clear and resounding a statement -- again -- about who they are and who they do and don't listen to.

    A neocon and longtime Bush rump-swab, once shortlisted as the rethug VP candidate, is awarded a powerful chairmanship instead of a deserving Democrat. Disgusting.

    What next, reaching across the aisle to give Lindsey Graham a hand job? Don’t [you] have any principles?

    -- That would be no, commentmitter.