Dems sweep in election triumph
The Demos win the Senate! The Demos win the Senate! The Demos win the Senate!

Democrats wrested control of the Senate from Republicans Wednesday with an upset victory in Virginia, giving the party complete domination of Capitol Hill for the first time since 1994. The Senate had teetered at 50 Democrats, 49 Republicans for most of Wednesday, with Virginia hanging in the balance. Webb's victory ended any Republican hopes of a 50-50 split, with Dick "dick" Cheney wielding tie-breaking authority.

Hah! A huuuuuge heartfelt "go fuck yourself!" goes out to Snarly McNastypants. Eat it, aishhole. With lots and lots of butter.

In the House, without losing any seats of their own, Democrats captured 28 GOP-held seats. The party won in every region of the country.

Overall, according to exit polls, Republicans lost ground with voters such as Catholics, the middle class, independents, soccer moms, security moms, Hispanics and suburbanites, women, African-Americans, agnostics, Serbo-Croat-Americans, Zoastrians, younger voters, older voters, senior citizens, Asian-Americans, men, sheep-herders, sheep-fuckers, cow-tippers, kegtappers, teetotalers, teachers, firefighters, carmakers, nurses, physicians, dentists, flight attendants, dental-floss harvesters, dog trainers, clerks, carpenters, cantelope inspectors,

- m

Payback's an even bigger bitch when you're such a dumbass, part 1

Pretzelnit McFascist, 26 October:

They're [Democrats are] going over to the Capitol and saying well, 'My new office looks beautiful; I think I'm going to have this size drape there or this color'. But the American people are going to decide, and they're going to decide this race based upon who is best to protect the American people.

Damn straight we did.

From his press conference today:

And in my first act of bipartisan outreach since the election, I shared with [Nancy Pelosi] the names of some Republican interior decorators who can help her pick out the new drapes in her new offices.

Thanks for nothing, asshat.


--dg














Boo-fucking-hoo!

Can you say "subpoena power," boys and girls?



















I knew you could.

--dg

Well, some things haven't changed
With the election over, oil prices rose again Wednesday.

The market is also mulling the possibility that the Organization of Petroleum Exporting Countries would implement additional production cuts in December following a plan to reduce oil output by 1.2 million barrels a day.

Sigh...

- m

A loud message for Bush
"The voters want change." Oh, sorry, that should be "THE VOTERS WANT CHANGE. SHITHEAD."

How's this for a mandate, motherfucker.

Nearly 4 in 10 voters said they saw their ballot as a vote against [the lying Smirkmonkey], about twice as many as those who said they had cast their ballots for him. It was a remarkable turnaround for a president who just two years ago emerged triumphant from his re-election campaign, declaring that he had earned political capital and intended to spend it.

- the NY Times. Not so remarkable when you consider he squandered everything that was handed to him. But pretty damn remarkable that the voters finally woke the fuck up out of their sheeplike stupor. Whatever - it's time for a martini!

- m

Hmmm... what's that sound?
Oh, that's right - it's you, sucking. Today's "World's Smallest Violin" award goes to RimJob's freetards, who came close to committing mass seppuku:

This is a truly disgusting night. Outside of 9-11, I cannot think of a worse day. I really want to hurt somebody.

The Jihadi’s have won. They have proven they have a stronger will than America. They are now emboldened.

Yes, and once the illegals flood in, the rats have a whole new army of ignorant rat voters.

This could have ALL been prevented, with a simple fence.

Mark Foley should have quietly disappeared many years a go. A gay Republican??? That is like an oxymoron.

Another factor is the relentless MSM message that Republicans are corrupt and that the WOT and Iraq are separate wars!

OBL has won, who would have imagined that the MSM/DNC would succeed in giving Saddam and Sons, OBL, Bill Maher, Keith Olberman, and John Kerry a victory. We have no choice now, the commie vampire media must be destroyed.

Now, we're going to suffer. The people voted for the party endorsed by terrorists. And you all know what happens when one appeases the enemy.

I am disgusted with the outcome. Rove...you stupid bastard!

OBL and Ho Chi Minh won yesterday

We can expect Articles of Impeachment to appear any day soon.

I have not felt this bad since we elected a pot smoking draft dodger President. {Yeah, a crack smoking drunk-driving war deserter is such an improvement. - Ed.}

I was thinking the same thing this morning. I don't thik I have been this depressed since the Toon won. The next two years will be just awful.

Yes... yes it will! Sucks to be you! LOL

- m

Rummy 'resigns'
My goodness gracious: Defense Secretary Don Rumsfeld is cutting-and-running from his post after a massive republican defeat in an election that was seen as a dickens of a referendum on the fucked-up bloody fiasco in Iraq. Without even waiting for the body to cool, Bush nominated former CIA chief and old Texas crony Robert Gates to replace him.

- m

"I believe what I said yesterday. I don't know what I said, but I know what I think, and, well, I assume it's what I said."
*****

Angry electorate flips Bush off
"Lame duck Bush is left crippled by a crushing vote of no confidence," screams John "pud" Podhoretz of the NY comPost. "The presidency of George W. Bush ended last night. The Democratic Party turned this election into a referendum on the president - and the president lost."

Damn tootin', asswipe! Hee hee!

- m

World sees Dems' win as a Bush rejection
Many watching the election around the globe said the results were a significant blow to Stupie McLiar's presidency.

The seismic shift that midterm elections brought to Washington's political landscape was welcomed by many Wednesday in a world sharply opposed to the war in Iraq and outraged over the harsh methods the Bush administration has employed in fighting terrorism. From Paris to Pakistan, politicians, analysts and ordinary citizens said they hoped the Democratic takeover would teach a president many see as a "cowboy" a lesson in humility.

[G]lobal giddiness that Bush was finally handed a political black-eye was almost palpable throughout Europe, the Middle East and Asia.

In an extraordinary joint statement, more than 200 members of the European Parliament hailed the American election results as "the beginning of the end of a six-year nightmare for the world" and gloated that they left the Bush administration "seriously weakened."

"The American people now realize that Bush is a big fat fucking liar," said Cardinal Pizzioli at the Vatican.

- m

And take your extreme, bigoted ideas with you

In a triple setback for conservatives, South Dakotans rejected a law that would have banned virtually all abortions, Arizona became the first state to defeat an amendment to ban gay marriage and Missouri approved a measure backing stem cell research.

- m

30 seats, bitches!
A massive voter rebuke for the incompetent liar, the war, and the corrupt, ethically bankrupt right

Democrats won control of the House early Wednesday after a dozen years of Republican rule in a resounding repudiation of a failed war, a lying moron president, and a scandal-scarred criminal Congress.

Gone: corrupt scumbag Tom DeLay's seat in Texas.
Gone: the Ohio seat once held by indicted criminal Bob Ney.
Gone: the Florida district of gay pederast Mark Foley.
Gone: the crusty La-Z-Boy of putrid a-hole J.D. Hayworth in Arizona.

Other losers include sleazoid Curt Weldon and mistress-strangler Don Sherwood in PA; the foamy, cretinous Senator/douchenozzle Rick Santorum; Mike DeWine and crooked scumbag Ken Blackwell of Ohio; and insane humanoid paintball Katherine Harris in Florida.

Bush and smarmy slimemeister Karl Rove tried to keep the election from becoming a referendum on the president's 'leadership' and instead make it a choice between two parties with different governing philosophies. Nice try.

"One thing that's true is this will have been a referendum election," said Gary Jacobson, a political science professor at the University of California at San Diego.

- m

Plus... Dems take the Senate, as Jon Tester wins in Montana, and unofficially, Jim Webb beats Macacawitz in Virginia!

What a day this has been - What a rare mood I'm in
Why, it's almost like being in love
There's a smile on my face for the whole human race
Why, it's almost like being in love
All the music of life seems to be like a bell that is ringing for me -
And from the way that I feel when that bell starts to peal,
I could swear I was falling, I would swear I was falling,
It's almost like being in love.
- Lerner and Loewe

- m

Phththththth....
There once was a dork from Nantucket...

"'Nought man could do, have I left undone.' The line from Robert Browning's poem The Patriot springs to mind as Pennsylvania's Senator Rick Santorum talks quietly but passionately during a last swing through the heart of Pennsylvania," gushes well-lubricated touchhole Jeffrey Lord of the Spectator.

Really. Which lines of poetry run through your mind when you think of Santorum?

- m

Bwaaaaa!
They report, you decide how much they reek of partisanship and desperation. Fucking losers -

Last week: Fox News labels corrupt repug politicians as "Democrats."

Yesterday: Fox News puts a republican candidate who was down by eight points in the lead.

Today: Fox News just can't bring themselves to say the Dems are leading --

FBI's criminal division cranks up capability to catch crooks in Congress
Fourth corruption task force created in effort to clean up the Crap-itol.

Remember when the Bushies promised to restore honor and integrity to Washington? Good times... 'So much evidence of wrongdoing is surfacing in the nation's capital that a fourth corruption squad was added to the FBI's Washington field office.

Though Randy "Duke" Cunningham and Bob Ney are goners, 'FBI agents are investigating about a dozen other members of Congress, including as many as three senators. The Justice Department also is expected to begin seeking indictments soon after an FBI investigation of the Alaska Legislature.'

Fun fact: the GOP is making hundreds of harrassing, possibly illegal robo-calls to remind you to vote for the party of values and integrity.

- m
************

'Twas the night before something

As the Rude Pundit says, it's been a "savage season." I feel as though it's the night before Christmas, and there must still be something on my to-do list, but I can't remember what it is, and anyway, all the stores are closed. Now it's time to stay put and let things happen.

So the Rovo-calls will stop soon, just because it'll be Wednesday, and the network exit polls are quarantined. I voted at lunchtime, and the Diebold machines were so new I could smell fresh hardware. (Yeah, I'm a geek.)

It's going to be a long afternoon before the polls close. Tonight it'd be nice to get drunk, we hope with joy and relief, and Wonkette is here to help us out with the boozing part. In the meantime you can have fun with the Ted Haggard Excuse-O-Meter, look at some sour-faced felines, play with some cool interactive art, and make sure you've got enough Cuervo in the house.

Oh, yeah, and surf the web for exit poll leaks. *jones* *jones*

--dg
















"No, kitty, don't start drinking yet!"

Heh. Pic from here.

Even Pat Buchanan has given up
Repug rag the American troop-hatin' islamofacist-enablin' Conservative says a vote for the GOP is a vote for incompetence, stupidity, asshattery and disaster.

[Awol McStupid] rushed America into a war against Iraq, a war we are now losing and cannot win, one that has done far more to strengthen Islamist terrorists than anything they could possibly have done for themselves. Bush’s decision to seize Iraq will almost surely leave behind a broken state divided into warring ethnic enclaves, with hundreds of thousands killed and maimed and thousands more thirsting for revenge against the country that crossed the ocean to attack them. The invasion failed at every level...

The war will continue as long as Bush is in office, for no other reason than the feckless president can’t face the embarrassment of admitting defeat...

- m

Adaptin' to win
As things continue to go remarkably well in Iraq, a helicopter crash north of Baghdad kills 2 US soldiers.

Constantly changin' tactics to achieve a strategic goal, 16 US troops have been killed in Iraq so far this month. Ummm, make that 18.

Turning another corner in Iraq, bombs rattle Baghdad despite the curfew.

And in that other war that's going swimmingly, the CIA tells Bush Afghanistan is "near collapse."

- m

White House annoyed with Crist's snub of popular war president, possible gayitude
The wahhhhhmbulance had to be called today when the White House had a freakin' hissyhit over Florida GOP gubernatorial candidate Charlie Crist cutting and running from Awol McJellobrains at a campaign rally. Smarmy jackbooted shitbag Karl Rove mockingly questioned 'what kind of alternate rally Crist could put together that would rival the crowd that Bush was expected to draw at the Pensacola Civic Center.'

Crist said he considered the Pensacola area so firmly in his camp that it made more sense to campaign elsewhere. Like Key West.

- m

PSM
DU's top ten reasons why people should vote Republican this Tuesday.

11. Otherwise, we'll all be turned gay, gay, gay. 12. And the terrists will win. Oh, wait...

- m

Repooplicans' worst year evar, says verminous, toe-sucking weasel
Fox News shill and Bush rump swab Dick Morris predicts a 'GOP massacre':

"The latest polls portend disaster for the Republican Party tomorrow. The House appears to be gone; the Senate is teetering on the brink."

- m

New post-Saddam poll verdict: suck it, 'pukes
CNN reports that not only was there was no help from the Saddam verdict for Retard McLiar and the GOP, but that voters said 'they would be sending them another message when they vote' on Tuesday.

In another poll, only 8% of Americans support the misadministration's 'strategy' in Iraq.

And in a Fox News poll, 49 percent plan to vote Democratic over 36 percent republican for the House, while ratings 'continue to stay in negative territory,' for Squinty McStupid, helped by yet another drop of two points.

- m

Party of 'values'
Effing Blogger...

At today's press con with WH spokes-tool Tony Snow:

Q: Is the President going to be able to work with a speaker Nancy Pelosi if one comes to be, given some of the back-and-forth that's happened so far between the parties this midterm?

SNOW: Nice try.

Q: It's a legitimate question.

"Nice try"??? I'm so glad the grownups are in charge.

- m

Editorial note

Y'all, Blogger is also celebrating Blow-vember by totally sucking today. I've only been able to post in the 5 minutes per hour when it's actually been working, and I expect Maru is having the same problem. Just so y'all know.

--dg

National Review: out, well-adjusted, happy gay people worse than Haggard. ('Cause you know everything is their fault.)

David Klinghoffer:

This is why gay marriage threatens heterosexual marriage. When the awe in which people once held matrimony is diluted, by treating it as a man-made and thus amendable institution rather than a divinely determined one, heterosexuals find sexual sins of all sorts harder to resist.

Get a clue, Toolhead McTheocrat: marriage always was a man-made institution in the West, until the Catholic Church decided to co-opt it in the 13th century. And the laws that govern it are still civil, not religious, since we don't live in a theocracy. If you want to find out what it's like to live in one of those, vote Republican, or go visit Iran. Oh, and please go fuck yourself. Thanks.

--dg

(link via Andrew Sullivan)

Fox "News": Waterboarding less fun than it looks like

Fox "News" discovers that waterboarding is different from "getting a swirly." Now someone tell Dick "Dick" Cheney.

--dg




(pic via Kulturedrome)

If you're against the Rethugs, you're for the quail

Evil Unca Dickie is going hunting again--on Election Day. Guess that gettin' drunk and blowin' the ass off little animals helps him relieve his stress.

Jon Stewart had better alert his Senior Vice-Presidental Firearms Mishap Analyst in case the combo of bourbon and quail gets volatile again.

--dg

(link via The Blondes)

It's Blow-vember! signs and words of wisdom

Wonkette has posted some last-moment campaign signs. They're all great, but this is my personal fave:
















Also I have found some good advice for Ted Haggard and other married preacher closet-case tweakers in a comment thread at the same site:

I can't stress how important it is to get your meth from one source and your ass-pounding from another.

Definitely a principle to live by.

--dg

Saddam Hussein "verdict" announced before actual verdict was ready

He's guilty, but they didn't tell him yet of what exactly, or how they arrived at that conclusion. The real verdict will be ready Thursday.

Some people believe that the timing of the Verdict Lite was rushed to benefit the Rethugs. Well, knock me down with a feather! Who'd have thought it?

--dg

(link via Talking Points Memo)

---

GOP plays dirty tricks to distract voters while they (Rethugs) crap their pants from fear

In at least 53 competitive Congressional races, the GOP has paid for robocalls to potential Democratic voters and independents. The calls are deliberately designed to make the recipient think that it originates from the Democratic candidate. If the voter hangs up, the robot calls back on the order of 7 or 8 times. If she stays on the line, she hears negative information about the Democratic candidate. People in some districts are returning home to find their answering machine or voice mail completely stuffed with recorded messages.

Of course this is as illegal as hell in various ways, but the Rethugs are desperate. Anybody with half a brain can smell them behind this (especially when they all have a pantload), but it's got to be immensely irritating. (Of course, in Mississippi, where voting Democratic is like farting in the wind, I haven't had any calls. Boo hoo!)

Here is a list of some of the districts where this has been happening. The tactic is beginning to get play in the MSM, but if you are in one of these districts, you should get the word out.

--dg

Actually, I would have preferred to see it in real time
"How The Lord of the Rings SHOULD have ended":

Bush: vote for us, we're the party of values!
Shihhhhhhhht...

President [Dopey McFuckwit] encouraged voters to select candidates who will lower taxes and defend "traditional values" as he kicked off the final campaign weekend in a state where gay marriage dominates the political debate.

Ah yes, the traditional republican values of lying, hypocrisy, adultery, wife-beating, mistress-strangling, fraud, tax evasion, conspiracy, money laundering, corruption, bigotry, race-baiting, gay-baiting, warmongering, fearmongering and finger-pointing.

Did we mention lying and adultery?

- m

We're talking to you, douchehole
What has to be one of the quotes of the day:

"In Pennsylvania, Rick Santorum is gone."

Mwaaaaaaa!
(Via John in DC)

m

Repugs poised to be flushed away like so much bullshit
New poll: See ya!

As [Preznit Character Counts oozes his way] across Red State America this weekend, Republican candidates are falling further behind Democratic rivals, according to the new Newsweek poll. While the GOP has lagged behind Democrats throughout the campaign season, the trend in the past month—when Newsweek conducted four polls in five weeks—had suggested the Republicans were building momentum in the homestretch.

No more. The new poll finds support for Republicans (and for [Stupie McDumbass]) receding.

- m

Compassionate conservatives
Disgraced gay meth user Ted Haggard's brother-in-Christ, Pastor Mark Driscoll, blames Haggard's downfall on his fat, lazy wife.

Driscoll, in an unfortunately ironic and amusing turn of phrase, says "I will lean over the plate and take one for the team on this..."

"It is not uncommon to meet pastors' wives who really let themselves go; they sometimes feel that because their husband is a pastor, he is therefore trapped into fidelity, which gives them cause for laziness. A wife who lets herself go and is not sexually available to her husband in the ways that the Song of Songs is so frank about is not responsible for her husband's sin, but she may not be helping him either."

Christ, what a wad.

- m

Church board agrees: Haggard a homo
Preznit Jebus McValues' "spiritual consigliere" has been righteously thrown out on his well-used ass by an independent oversight board after they determined 'the influential evangelist had committed "sexually immoral conduct."' Not that there's anything wrong with that, unless you're also a hypocrite, a liar, and married.

"Our investigation and Pastor Haggard's public statements have proven without a doubt that he has committed sexually immoral conduct," the board said in a statement.


"Verdict's in - your buddy's a rump-ranger."
*****

Saddam Hussein has been sentenced to death for the 1982 killings of 148 people in the city of Dujail. Saddam's attorneys have 30 days to appeal.

Warmongering neocons: it's all Bush's fault
Former Bush misadministration advisers: the Iraq war ws ruined by Retard McAwol's incompetence

"Theunfolding catastrophe has a central cause: devastating dysfunction within the administration of President George W. Bush."

As Iraq slips further into chaos, the war's neoconservative boosters have turned sharply on the Bush administration, charging that their grand designs have been undermined by White House incompetence. In a series of exclusive interviews, Richard Perle, Kenneth Adelman, David Frum, and others play the blame game with shocking frankness. Target No. 1: the president himself.

PSM
Who cares what you think?, a new ad over at the General's.

Changin' the course? Here's a map!
On Monday, the day before the midterm elections, editorials will run in the most influential military newspapers calling on Awol McStupidson to fire Don Rumsfeld.

As the Iraq war continues to go "remarkably well," the Military Times newspapers are calling for Rumsfeld to go.

The Military Times, Marines Corps Times, Army Times, Air Force Times, Navy Times: they speak for the troops, they speak for the families, they speak for the commanders.

This is the beginning of the end for the Republican policy of failure, arrogance, corruption, dishonesty and war partisanship.

The voice of commanders, the troops and their families will speak. This madness must end. This policy must change. Rumsfeld must go. Enough is enough.

The pre-election timing of this statement is extraordinary; that the voice of our military and families would speak so powerfully for change, in the hours before the nation votes, is a breathtaking and decisive statement of how strongly they feel that this madness must end...

Why doesn't the White House support our troops?

Expert: GOP plays politics with intel
"On the three-year anniversary of the catastrophic decision to invade and occupy Iraq, Congressional Republicans, terrified that their comprehensive failures would come back to haunt them in the November midterms, cajoled the White House into publishing incredibly sensitive information in a rhetorically empty attempt to cover their backsides." - William Rivers Pitt

"In their zeal to promote the idea Saddam Hussein in fact did have (WMD), congressional proponents of the war ... have put up documents on the internet that could give terrorists and states hostile to the United States the very instructions they need to build nuclear, chemical or biological weapons," said Joe Cirincione senior vice president for national security and international policy at the Center for American Progress in Washington.

"If Democrats had done that there would be mobs carrying torches in the streets tonight. The Democrats would be accused of treason and there would be calls for resignation," Cirincione told reporters Friday.

Changin' the course!
As the Iraq war continues to go "remarkably well," November is off to a damn bloody start...

Adapting to win, 5 more US troops have been killed in Iraq. Whoops, make that 8. Don't the troops want us to win?

A few dead-enders have tortured and murdered 57 people in Baghdad in the past 24 hours, the highest daily figure since the end of Ramadan.

US intelligence chief on unannounced visit to Iraq amid deteriorating security.

While Awol McStupid continues to be "pleased with the progress," a US officer describes the disarray in the Iraqi army.

The Moron-in-Chief abandons missing US soldier. Where's the outrage? Why does Bush hate our troops?

- m

Bush asks Dems for Iraq plan, since he certainly doesn't seem to have one
Gee, you incredible fucking moron, what the fuck are you blathering about? The Democrats have several. Maybe you should just read a goddamn newspaper. Here's one. And here. And another. And one more. Geez, dude, at least try using the Google for something other than goat porn, OK?

- m