Not too paranoid, are they
Fox News asks: Is there a "Democrat" plan to diminish the Fox News Channel?

Yeah, that's right. You found out - now we'll have to kill you. Dumbasses.

- m

Fox News anchors: huge doucheholes, or retarded self-abusers?
*****

Meet the presidental candidates
Today: Newt Gingrich.

As one of the more recognized members of the party of family values, morals and the sanctity of marriage, Gingrich embodies the phrase "compassionate conservative." If by "compassionate conservative" you mean "serial adulterer and sex addict."

Newt's brazen serial adultery and pathetic sexual addiction are almost beyond belief.

Newt's callousness is legendary. Like telling his first wife that he was dumping her as she lay in a hospital bed recovering from cancer surgery. It is also absolutely true. But it is only one example of Gingrich's self-centered arrogance and his rampant sexual addiction. There is a long string of stories about how he has used women over the years...

[It's also been] suggested that Gingrich resigned as Speaker when Dick Armey and Tom DeLay threatened to expose Newt's dalliances in a coup to depose him.

Geez, no wonder he wants to do away with free speech.

- m

'Civil war' doesn't even begin to describe the chaos in Iraq
Bloody insurgency; increasing sectarian violence; satanic, escalating carnage amongst factions; raging clusterfuck, yeah... just don't call it a civil war.

The reason the White House doesn't want to call the fighting in Iraq a "civil war" is no mystery. Civil war represents the total abject failure of the Bush misadministration's effort to implant a stable, pro-US democracy in Baghdad.

The sad reality is that "civil war" is too simple a term to describe what's happening inside Iraq, where the US-led invasion in 2003 had the same effect as smacking a beehive with a baseball bat.

Bush appears to have no clue of how to arrest the steady downward spiral. His assertion Tuesday that he'd leave troops in Iraq until "the mission is complete" and victory is achieved rings hollow. While our troops continue to die, Decider McFuckwit seems to be stuck repeating tired formulations, at a loss for new ideas. Fucking dumbass.

From an editorial in the USA Toady (more or less).

- m

Enabling the terrists
Iraq group calls for cutting and running

We're gonna stand down so they can stand up. But there's no timetable. Nope. Nope. That would be defeatist.

Poppy Bush's Iraq Study Group, which has spent the past eight months trying to save Idiot Boy's disastrous legacy, has finally given up... uh, reached a consensus and will call for a major withdrawal of US forces from Iraq, shifting the US role from combat to support, according to a source.

Under intensifying political pressure at home and thinking he was being offered a breakfast treat, Bush agreed to a "speedy turnover." But first he's gonna stay the course by sending more troops. 'Cause he'd really look like a failure if we withdraw before the "mission is accom complete."

Bonus: After dissing the prime minister as an ineffectual patsy yesterday, today Bunnypants proclaimed al-Maliki "the right guy for Iraq."

"He's doin' a heckuva job," Bush added.

- m

The most secretive president evar plans his preznental library
Maybe it'll be invisible.

Bush hopes "wealthy heiresses, Arab nations, and captains of industry" will contribute to the mighty waste of space that will be the Airhead McBubbleboy peznental lieberry, Arianna reports.

Comedy writers and lovers of the absurd all across America have a bounce in their step today, buoyed by news that President Bush is looking to raise half-a-billion dollars to build his legacy-burnishing presidential library. The idea of Uncurious George building a $500 million shrine to his disastrous presidency is the political equivalent of a whoopee cushion; a veritable laff riot. The punchlines write themselves...

From the proposed catalog:

My Pet Goat Where's Waldo? Vols 1-3 ColorForms Spaceman Set My Big Book of Unicorn Stickers Spiderman comics, issues 145-162 Walter the Farting Dog Batman, issues 117-124 My Little Pony's Merry Christmas Superman, issues 298-315 That old Playboy he found under poppy's couch
- m

Bush: Iraq violence, missing strawberries an al-Qaida plot
Bush said Tuesday that the midterm ele an al-Qaida plot is to blame for the escalating Iraqi bloodshed, not the fact that the country has fallen into civil war. 'Cause it hasn't. Has not has not has not.

"No question it's tough, no question about it," Dumbass McStupidson said at a news conference Tuesday. "There's a lot of sectarian violence taking place, fomented in my opinion because of the attacks by al-Qaida causing people to seek reprisal. Mmmmmm, fome... beer foam....."

Bush went on to say an uptick in violence does not represent a new era in Iraq, just a comma "phase." Yes, an 'uptick'. That's what the AP is calling total outright carnage these days. Maybe they meant 'upchuck' ?

"We've been in this phase for a while," Awol McBlunder said, blithely picking his nose while trying to stay between the lines in his new Winnie-the-Pooh coloring book.

Bonus: Three generals testified just two weeks ago that al-Qaida is having little influence in Iraq.

- m

Pelosi: president a pathetic, prevaricating prat
Speaker-elect is saddened and aggrieved that Bush is such a brainless, lying, opportunistic little twit -

House Speaker-designate Nancy Pelosi said Tuesday she feels "sad" Preznit Lyie McPoopington blamed insurgent violence on al Qaeda while he dismissed notions Iraq is in a civil war.

"My thoughts on the president's representations are well-known," Pelosi told reporters. "The 9/11 Commission dismissed that notion a long time ago and I feel sad that the president is resorting to it again."

- m

Hell
Gah. The Mac's capacitors and logicboard went and fried on me, and I have a 3-month wait before the new parts are available. I've gotten hold of an ancient piece of crap I can borrow for a while, so please bear with me.

- m

Petulant prick comes thisclose to a major bitchslapping
Senator-elect almost beans the Pissant-in-Chief for being such a fucking tool.

At a private reception held at the White House with newly elected lawmakers, Bush asked Jim Webb how his son, a Marine lance corporal serving in Iraq, was doing.

Webb responded that he really wanted to see his son brought back home, said a person who heard about the exchange from Webb.

“I didn’t ask you that, I asked how he’s doing,” Bush retorted, according to the source.

"What the fuck do you care? He's in constant danger of death, thanks to you. How are your drunken bitch-whore daughters, you worthless chickenshit AWOL little fuckturd?" Webb should have replied.

Webb confessed that he was so angered by Bush's pissy attitude that he was tempted to slug the fucking little retard.

"That's between me and my boy, Mr. President," Webb said coldly.

- m

Leaked White House memo trashes prez
Clueless, impotent patsy is ruining everything!

"His intentions seem good when he talks with Americans, and sensitive reporting suggests he is trying to stand up and force positive change,” the memo said. “But the reality on the streets suggests [he] is either ignorant of what is going on, misrepresenting his intentions, or that his capabilities are not sufficient to turn his intentions into action.”

Or all three! OK, they're not talking about Captain Underpants. They're trying to win hearts and mi shift the blame of the Iraq debacle to the new PM, Nouri al-Scapegoati. Classy move, btw. Assholes.

Update: Il Ducebag's summit with al-Maliki was put off Wednesday after the White House was caught dissing their designated fall-guy's ability to control the bloody Iraqi clusterfuck. The White House said the two leaders would meet on Thursday, as if a day later would magically erase both Maliki's memory and the ongoing carnage.

- m

Breaking: sanctimonious nutbar won't run
Outgoing Senate majority leader/douchebag Bill Frist flip-flops, says that he has decided not to run for president.

"In the Bible, God tells us for everything there is a season. He also mentioned I've been quite an asshat. So, at this point a return to private life will allow me to return to my professional roots as a healer, watch lots of video, and to refocus my creative energies on innovative solutions to seemingly insurmountable challenges Americans face," the prune-balled kitten-killer said.

- m

Presidental candidate hates America and all it stands for
Well, it's 1, 2, 3
What're we fightin' for?

Why does Newt hate our freedoms? Maybe he's a terrist...

At a banquet to award those that stand up for freedom of speech, master of timing Newt Gingrich said the country will be forced to reexamine that freedom "to meet the threat of terrorism." Gingrich said a "different set of rules" may be needed to "reduce terrorists' ability to use the internet and free speech to recruit and get out their message."

We have met the enema and it is us. Or at the very least it's people like Newt Gingrich.

- m

IOKIYAR*
Another "anti-" gay republican pedophile --

The Orange County District Attorney’s Office claims that sex-crime prosecutions are a top priority. So why is one accused serial child molester still free and awaiting trial after nearly four years?

One answer might be connections. Jeffrey Ray Nielsen is not merely a former intern in the DA’s office. He’s a prominent Republican activist in a county controlled by the Republican Party, a man with close ties to the former and current heads of that party - such as Congressman/loudmouth asshole Dana Rohrabacher, who personally vouched for him.

The 36-year-old isn’t just free from a potential prison cell — he still works at a prestigious Irvine law firm, drives a late-model BMW, lives comfortably in a Ladera Ranch townhouse and maintains a MySpace.com account where he lists numerous teenage boys as online friends.

Bonus: Nielsen was arrested in 2003 for allegedly molesting a high school freshman boy and "possessing a huge, illegal cache of man-boy pornography."


*It's OK, if you're a republican.
*****

We don't torture
We give 'em "freedom showers."

Outgoing Defense Secretary Donald Rumsfeld authorized the mistreatment of detainees at Abu Ghraib prison in Iraq, the prison's former U.S. commander said in an interview on Saturday.

Former U.S. Army Brigadier General Janis Karpinski told Spain's El Pais newspaper she saw a memorandum signed by Rumsfeld detailing the use of harsh interrogation methods.

"The handwritten signature was above his printed name and in the same handwriting in the margin was written: "Make sure this is accomplished,"" she told Saturday's El Pais.

Vroooom! Lookit me!!
While Iraq "desperately deteriorates, rapidly" our Dear Leader, the War President, is off happily riding his bicycle.

MICHAEL WARE, CNN CORRESPONDENT: Well, firstly, let me say, perhaps it's easier to deny that this is a civil war, when essentially you live in the most heavily fortified place in the country within the Green Zone, which is true of both the prime minister, the national security adviser for Iraq and, of course, the top U.S. military commanders. However, for the people living on the streets, for Iraqis in their homes, if this is not civil war, or a form of it, then they do not want to see what one really looks like.

This is what we're talking about. We're talking about Sunni neighborhoods shelling Shia neighborhoods, and Shia neighborhoods shelling back.

We're having Sunni communities dig fighting positions to protect their streets. We're seeing Sunni extremists plunging car bombs into heavily-populated Shia marketplaces. We're seeing institutionalized Shia death squads in legitimate police and national police commando uniforms going in, systematically, to Sunni homes in the middle of the night and dragging them out, never to be seen again.

I mean, if this is not civil war, where there is, on average, 40 to 50 tortured, mutilated, executed bodies showing up on the capital streets each morning, where we have thousands of unaccounted for dead bodies mounting up every month, and where the list of those who have simply disappeared for the sake of the fact that they have the wrong name, a name that is either Sunni or Shia, so much so that we have people getting dual identity cards, where parents cannot send their children to school, because they have to cross a sectarian line, then, goodness, me, I don't want to see what a civil war looks like either if this isn't one.

Just how much worse Iraq is today than yesterday? John in DC at AmericaBlog:

1. They're now burning each other alive.

2. The Iraqi Army isn't worth squat, after all these years of training we gave them, and after all of these promises from Bush and the generals (and Condi, and Cheney, and Rummy) that the Iraqi Army was almost all ready to take over.

3. The Iraqi president, however, sounds quite ready to take over - he sounds just like any other third world despot, denying carnage that's taking place right under his nose (Vladimir Putin, anyone?).

4. You'll notice that Al Qaeda isn't mentioned even once amid all the carnage. This is all about Iraq and Iraqis hating each other, and killing each other. Iraq never had anything to do with the war on terror, and it sure as hell doesn't now. America is a full partner in a brutal religious and ethnic civil war. All because our president is an idiot, and 51% of our fellow Americans voted for that idiot a second time.

Congratulations, Republican America.

Is our children learning?
Bush's Education secretary Margaret Spellings loses badly on Celebrity Jeopardy - to David St. Hubbins of Spinal Tap. She should have gone to 11.


Smell the glove, bitch!
****

Headline of the day
'Leaked big pharma memo: Santorum “leaves a big hole”


:: giggle ::
*****

Oh man...
Those are gonna hurt. Some really cutting toons up at Bob Geiger's.

- m

Today's "World's Smallest Violin" award goes to ...
Poor, poor Denny Hastert.

Sources close to Mr. Hastert say the speaker, who has said little publicly since the Republicans lost the House, is dejected and embarrassed by the rebuke. The defeat had a strong personal element, because of Mr. Hastert’s role in the Mark Foley gay pedophile scandal.

It will also be a major change for Mr. Hastert. Since Sept. 11 he has rarely if ever flown on commercial planes because of security concerns, and he has been surrounded by a staff of 60 or so, including Congressional and political workers.

Fuckwit. Maybe if he had felt some embarrassment before the elections instead of happily wallowing in his own power, greed and filth, he wouldn't be faced with the spectre of trying to wedge his fat Minority ass into fucking steerage now.

- m

Ozzy and Jaffa


Republican'ts: just what the fuck is their problem?
'Whenever I hear a Republican refer to the “Democrat Party,” rather than “Democratic Party,” it’s a signal to me that the speaker is an asshole' ... how Bush can change the tone with just one syllable.

No, it's not "bye!"

- m

I can't believe I'm still thinking about food
OK, it looks like a lot, but it's for 25 people

Antipasto


Proscuitto, pears and figs


Turrrrkeeeeeee


Let's eat!

It's not too early yet, is it?

Stuff to drink coffee by
Hope everyone had a good day yesterday! I'm still half asleep.

The Boner Agenda.

Just do it already!

Heard at the photo op.

"We're here in the Rose Garden. This is a place where Barney likes to
hang out. Barney is my dog. And he likes to chase a soccer ball here."

- m

Milo.
*****

Things you can only really get away with saying on Thanksgiving
1. Talk about huge breasts!
2. Tying the legs together keeps the inside moist.
3. It’s Cool Whip time!
4. If I don’t undo my pants, I’ll burst!
5. Whew, that’s one terrific spread!
6. I’m in the mood for a little dark meat.
7. Are you ready for seconds yet?
8. It’s a little dry; do you still want to eat it?
10. Don’t play with your meat.
11. Just spread the legs open and stuff it in.
12. Do you think you’ll be able to handle all these people at once?
13. I didn’t expect everyone to come at once!
14. You still have a little bit on your chin.
15. How long will it take after you stick it in?
16. You’ll know it’s ready when it pops up.
17. Wow, I didn’t think I could handle all of that!
18. That’s the biggest one I’ve ever seen!
19. How long do I beat it before it’s ready?
20. Your mother has the greatest yams!

(from all around teh intarwebs)
- m

Happy Thanksgiving, everybody !!

Pathetic
But that's just my diagnosis from watching him on video footage.

Senator/douchebag Bill Frist is building his dream house - and it looks just like the one at Washington DC's 1600 Pennsylvania Avenue.

- m

"Mmmmmm.... cat brains....."
******

Makin' progress
Our manly war president will meet to discuss Iraq security with Iraqi prime minister Maliki. In the relatively safe Jordanian capital of Amman.

- m

Hannity a drooling, autofellating halfwit: op-ed
Hate-spewing gasbag and clueless partisan douchenozzle still doesn't get it.

Sean's constant demonizing of Democrats, repeated ad infinitum, was an attempt to brainwash his listeners. Instead, it made them painfully aware that Sean didn't seem to connect the actual failures, many of them deadly (Iraq, Katrina, unaffordable healthcare, cutting veteran's benefits), to those responsible.

Nothing turns off a working brain more than being insulted with obvious bullshit. For some brains it might take more time than others for the smell to register, but it seemed to click for enough to make Sean's water-carrying efforts a real detriment to the GOP this past election.

Well, yeah - the key being you need some kind of "working brain" to start with.

Bonus: Salon asks... given that the gpuke's hate merchants - Limbaugh, Hannity, O'Reilly, Coulter, Beck, et. al. - have been proven so wrong and so bloody incompentent, why are they given such a platform by the media?

- m

Bushies could bomb Iran nuclear sites in 2007: analysts
Because who has time for diplomacy when the 2008 elections are right around the corner.

The imbecilic assbrains in the White House could choose military action over diplomacy and bomb Iran's nuclear facilities next year, political analysts in Washington agree.

"I think he is going to do it," John Pike, director of a military issues think tank, told AFP. "They are going to bomb WMD facilities next summer," he added.

US journalist Seymour Hersh also said that White House hawks led by short-circuiting cyborg Dick 'dick' Cheney were intent on attacking Iran with or without the approval of the US Congress.

Joseph Cirincione, senior vp for the National Security and International Policy at the Center for American Progress, also believes the US government could decide to attack Iran.

"If you look at what the administration is doing, it seems that it is going to inevitably lead us to a military conflict," he said, adding that no alternative solution was being sought.

Gee. What a surprise.

- m

Bunnypants' wimp dad wimps out again
At an Arab leadership conference in the UAE, Poppy tearfully faced a shitstorm of criticism aimed at his son, dimwitted warmongering asshole Stupie McPoopypants:

"My son is an honest man," Mr. Bush bleated to members of the audience, who let fly with derisive hoots, catcalls, and farty noises.

"We do not respect your son. We do not respect what he's doing all over the world," a woman in the audience bluntly told the former president.

The 82-year-old Bush, who's obviously been living in a bubble just like his idiot son, appeared stunned as others in the audience whooped and whistled in approval.

The hostile comments came during a quesion-and-answer session after Bush finished a folksy address on leadership by telling the audience how deeply hurt he feels when his "presidential" son is criticized. "This son is not going to back away," Bush said, his voice quivering.

Gawd. You and your battleaxe harpy wife happily raised a privileged, moronic incompetent - a stupid, spoiled, smirking, powerhungry brat who never had to face any kind of consequences for his actions, who lied his way into a war that killed tens of thousands of innocent people, who avoids meeting anyone who isn't a rich, cocksucking sycophant, and you wonder why he's not loved or respected. Well boofuckinghoo, you clueless zit.

- m

Total duhnitude. The both of them.
*****

Ummm, how's that 'bipartisan' thing working out again, Dems?
The party of personal responsibility and accountability are cutting and running, handing their almost half-a-trillion-dollar spending bill to Democrats, hoping it will gum up their agenda like Rush Limbaugh's stanky ass-cheese.

"Other stuff may get pushed off the table," said GOP lobbyist Hazen Marshall. "It kills (Democrats') message."

The bulging workload that a Republican-led Congress was supposed to complete this year promises to consume time and energy that Democrats had hoped to devote to their own agenda, one that includes raising the minimum wage, negotiating lower drug prices for Medicare beneficiaries, cutting interest rates on college loans and repealing some tax breaks for oil companies.

Well, good riddance, you do-nothing assclowns. Shitbags to the last.

- m

Lame duck chickenhawk turkey chokes fowl before giving it turkee.
*****

So how's that 'bipartisan' thing working out so far, Dems?
Il Ducebag, gleefully waving his tiny little dick at the Democrats, renominates no-talent assclown John Bolton and a bunch of "too conservative and unqualified" judges, and appoints a misogynist wingnut as the new head of family-planning programs at the DHHS.

Preznit Uniter's political fortunes have changed for the worst, but he himself is announcing that he hasn't changed a bit.

He still hates not getting his own way on everything.

His immediate actions after proclaiming his deep desire to work with Democrats in a fresh mood of bipartisanship were to reinforce his preference for right-wing religious goals. This is the new civility in the nation's capital?

Where's the good will and cooperation that Bush promised? It's the same old provocative, bossy attitude of the past six years. But it's not the same old rubber-stamp Republican terrain. If he wants partisan warfare, he'll get it. He's started it and now he's going to be stuck with it.

Yeah, as long as the Dems don't go back to donning their little pink tutus and knee pads. We'll see. I'm not holding my breath.

-m

Who would Jesus vote for?
Fundie republicans review the GOP front-runners for the 2008 Presidential nomination, and guess what - they're all morally unacceptable.

Rudy Giuliani
Pro-choice
Lived with a couple of gay guys
Dresses in drag
Talks with a lisp
Conclusion: Gay, or a gay symp

John McCain
The McCain-Feingold bill
Supports amnesty and a guest worker plan for illegal immigrants
Publically supported a Mexican for the national GOP chair
Opposes the federal Marriage Protection amendment
Conclusion: kissed Bush's ass so many times that he must be gay

Newt Gingrich
He considers FDR the greatest president of the 20th century. Not Reagan - FDR
Waffled on abortion, gay rights and traditional marriage
Fails to stress pro-life, marriage, or religious liberty issues
A noted adulterer, he has been married and divorced twice, and is currently on his 3rd wife
Conclusion: may not be gay. Unless it's for FDR.

Mitt Romney
Pro-choice
Supports the gayification of the Boy Scouts
He has been endorsed - twice! - by the homosexual "Log Cabin Republicans"
He endorses Ted Kennedy's federal "gay rights" legislation!!
Conclusion: gay. Gay gay gay.

This is gonna be good.
- m

Bipartisanship is for pussies Democra pussies
Republicans plot to bring down Pelosi, and Clinton with her

Senior rethug reichsmarshals said Sunday that they are already coordinating plans to attack Nancy Pelosi, and to associate her in voters' minds with Hillary Clinton.

"Two years of Pelosi gives a good idea of what four years of Hillary will be like," said Tom DeLay, the disgraced, corrupt and indicted scumbag who was involved in the Abramoff corruption scandal. "They are both committed liberals and we will make that clear to the American people."

Because even corrupt, indicted money launderers/wife beaters/closeted gay adulterers/ mistress-stranglers/gay pedophiles/neocon warmongers/illegal spying vote-fixing Bill of Rights ass-swabbing incompetent powermad torture-loving intolerant - did we mention corrupt? - assclowns have to be better at doing the people's business than some ::shudder:: liberals. Right.

Which brings us to...

Screw bipartisanship; it’s time for revenge
"No negotiation. No compromise. Leave them broken and gasping in a puddle of their own urine."

Damn straight. It's a long article, but worth it. I only cut 'n' pasted some of it here.

CNN tells us there’s “little public support” for impeachment. This is a lie. Current polling on public support is conspicuously absent, but polls from earlier this year showed support for impeachment at over 50%, and those polls were only on single issues—impeachment over wiretapping or the war lies only, not Bush’s entire oeuvre of wrongdoing. It’s not a fringe issue, despite the fact that no TV network will give a single impeachment supporter face time. But rather than ride this wave of outrage, exciting a base much broader than the loud minority that the GOP has relied on, the Democrats are adopting a policy of appeasement, assuaging people who will never, ever vote for them.

Impeachment proceedings would drag all of [Bush's] myriad scandals into the light. The TV pundits would have no choice but to acknowledge and discuss them. This, Democrats seem to instinctively fear, would rally the GOP. But they’re wrong. One the main reasons for the loyalty of Republican voters is that they perceive themselves as winners. They are conformists above all. Make losers out of them, and watch how many jump to the winning team, and how quickly.

When the Republicans took over congress, their leadership threw civility in the trash. They ruled ruthlessly and disregarded the impotent complaints of Democrats. The message to Democrats was clear and consistent: we don’t care what you, or the half of the country you represent, do, say, or think. They didn’t negotiate; they didn’t compromise; they wouldn’t even let the Democrats have a room for their mock hearings. They ignored or changed any rules that obstructed their total dominion. It’s imperative that they feel the consequence of those choices now, if we don’t want it to happen again. Instead, like a battered wife, the Democrats can’t wait to make nice again, tripping over each other to take impeachment “off the table.” It’s pitiful.

Bush needs to be impeached because Bush worshippers just plain deserve it. It was they that were giddy with self-righteous rage, so desperate to take Clinton down that they didn’t care how pathetic their excuse was. They need to be paid back, and to know they asked for it. They need to be demoralized and dismissed before they take the government back and damage it further. They need, after all, to know their reign was a colossal failure, a blight on the record. They need to know that now and forever, George W. Bush will be to presidents what OJ Simpson is to all-star running backs. These people understand things in terms of winning and losing, and they need to know that, in the end, they lost.

Bush needs to be impeached because the only language these people understand is power. Their hearts will not be touched by forgiveness. Any mercy is a sign of weakness to them. If you want to earn a thug’s respect, you’ve got to kick his ass up and down the block. No negotiation. No compromise. Slash and burn. Teach these assholes a lesson. Leave them broken and gasping in a puddle of their own urine. Don’t ever let them forget the humiliation and the shame of it.
- Allan Uthman

God damn yeah.

- m

I suppose you're wondering why I called you all here today...


Pic from here.
- m

Murderous attention whore's Fox special to go straight to dvd
No, not mAnn Coulter's. But shouldn't he be under arrest for voter fraud right now??

"Gee, the family values network figured promoting a snuff book might finally be a bad idea." - John in DC.

After a bloodbath of criticism, Fox News said Monday that it has severed its connection with the O.J. Simpson book and killed the TV special “If I Did It.”

“I and senior management agree with the American public that this was an ill-considered project,” said bloated, repugnant scumhole Rupert Murdoch. “We are sorry for any pain that this has caused the families of Ron Goldman and Nicole Brown Simpson.” Christless jerkoff.

A dozen Fox affiliates had already said they would not air the two-part sweeps month special. “I have my own moral compass and this was easy,” said Bill Lamb, general manager of WDRB in Louisville.

What would have been next, a reality program on OJ finding the real killers?

- m

Time-waster
iPod, marquee, and other assorted sign generators.

- m

Click to embiggen.
******

Here we go again
The White House has dismissed a CIA report that found no evidence of an Iranian nuclear weapons program.

The article by investigative journalist Seymour Hersh said the CIA's analysis was based on technical intelligence collected by overhead satellites and on other evidence like measurements of the radioactivity of water samples.
"The CIA found no conclusive evidence, as yet, of a secret Iranian nuclear weapons program running parallel to the civilian operations that Iran has declared to the International Atomic Energy Agency," according to the article.

"A current senior intelligence official confirmed the existence of the CIA analysis, and told me that the White House had been hostile to it," it said.

- m

That's your opinion, shithead
Drooly McSimpleton in Indonesia (where they're rioting in protest of his visit): "I applaud a society where people are free to express their opinion" - apparently forgetting the whole "you're either with us or against us" thing, the "watch what you say" controversy, the "cut-and-run defeatocrats" crappola, the "disagreeing with me means you're enabling the terrorists" bullshit, the "critics of our illegal wiretapping policy are a grave threat" thing...

- m

"Ah wuz talkin' 'bout me 'spressin' a napinion!"
*****

So funny I forgot to laugh
Fox News, not content with being a parody of the news, creates its own parody of the news.

- m

OSHA - that stands for Oh Shit, Haul Ass, right?
A misadministration hack threatens scientist over asbestos warning -

It took six years to get safety officials to issue warnings to auto mechanics that the brakes they're working on could contain lethal asbestos fibers. But it took only three weeks after the warnings were posted before a former top federal official with ties to the auto industry reportedly pushed to have them removed.

John Henshaw, a former head of the Occupational Safety and Health Administration, called Aug. 15 for the agency to make changes to its warnings.

But Ira Wainless, an OSHA scientist who wrote the advisory bulletin about asbestos in brakes, refused. Wainless cited dozens of studies, including work at his own agency, to show that his presentation of the medical risk to mechanics was solid.

Last week, David Ippolito, an official with OSHA's Directorate of Science, Technology and Medicine, told Wainless that he would be suspended without pay for 10 days if the changes weren't made, according to documents.

Keepin' us safer!

- m

Duhhhhhhhhhhhhhh
Three and a half years later and Awol McStupid still doesn't know what the fuck is going on or what the fuck he's going to do about the violent bloodbath that is Iraq:

Bush was asked about proposals by some members of Congress - including ballless asskisser John McCain - to send more troops to Iraq in an effort to stabilize the country.

"I haven't made any decisions about troop increases or troop decreases, and won't until I hear from a variety of sources," the Decider replied.

Like the little voices in his head. Because listening to the actual troops, the 'generals on the ground,' the think-tank recommendations, Poppy's Iraq Study Group, and the Pentagon just won't do it.

- m

WTF CW: Newsweek takes it up the ass
Newsweek's "conventional wisdom" on Nancy Pelosi:

Old CW: First woman Speaker will be Rayburn redux.
New CW: Botox bumbler blows first play.

Classy. And so professional. As Digby asks, do you really want to go there?


- m
******

US-wide wave of revulsion
Falafel-abusing phone-sex aficionado and creepy pornstar-mustached blowhard: "appalling." World: "umm... yeah..."

A wave of revulsion and open criticism reached a climax this weekend in the wake of revelations that murderer/attention whore OJ Simpson intends to capitalize on the murders of Nicole Brown and Ron Goldman with a book and TV 'confession' in a deal brokered by bloated, classless, pus-filled shit-heap Rupert Murdoch. So widespread is the condemnation that even some of the top names on Murdoch's Fox News Channel have urged viewers not to buy the book or watch the interview.

And if anyone knows about disgusting, it's Bill O'Reilly and Geraldo Rivera.

- m

Scumbags Who Don't Respect the Geneva Conventions: a former Air Force linguist weighs in on torture and our military

This is a must-read over at Talking Points Memo:

Our trainers were careful to instruct us on the Geneva Conventions and which interrogation techniques were covered and which were illegal. I have a very clear memory of what they said about waterboarding. As I recall, water boarding was classified as torture and was a violation of the Geneva Conventions.

They told us about the technique for the simple reason that the North Vietnamese used it on American Forces. They wanted us to know about that technique in case we were ever captured by "scumbags who didn't respect the Geneva Conventions."

The military trainers at our Survival School had nothing but contempt for techniques like this, and we were taught that they were international criminal offenses.

So thanks, Bush, Cheney, Gonzales, and Rummy, for helping us join the international scumbag community. We have become the people we despised, and we're exposing our troops to the same treatment that we used to hold up as an example of utter moral depravity.

--dg

Much-needed *snortlaugh* on a Monday

Wonkette has the most hilarious gallery of pics from Dear Loser's Vietnam visit. Go there now!

--dg




















"Cool! The Sorting Hat put me in Beer Bong House, too!"

Nigga, pleeze...
GOP to Michael Steele: stay out of our club, black man

[The Decider]'s political advisers are urging Maryland Lt. Gov. Michael Steele neither to seek nor accept a Cabinet post but instead find a national platform on television or radio. Bush political strategists have told Steele a high-ranking post in the administration's last two years would curb his independence and cramp his style. Instead, they advised, he could be "a black Rush Limbaugh." Steele was interested in heading the Republican National Committee, but his independence displayed during the 2006 campaign was not what the White House wanted there.

- incontinent crank Boob Novak.

Morning in blogtopia
Though the Weblog Awards are refusing to take any more nominations for Jesus's General in the Best Conservative Blog category, it hasn't stopped fans from posting some rather hysterical comments.

The Sideshow, on the perfidy and repug butt-humping of the press corpse.

Bob Geiger has the Saturday toons up!

History's got lots of stuff to it! Or, how our idiot president is embarrassing us today.

Our partisan, misogynist media and a new drinking game.

"The Democrats are the sideshow. Bush self-destructing is the big story in town."

Forgive and forget? Forget it!

A few Bushite pundits even had the enduring gall to issue threats while still scuttling like roaches at the light. Henry Waxman was advised to keep his subpoenas under the bed, and John Conyers to forget his articles of impeachment, because vindictive investigations of the White House would not be in the national interest.

Though the post-victory haze, I perceived a final pathetic spin, based in the fiction that the people still respond to Bush’s supposed charisma: that to lay a Democrat glove-of-impeachment on the president would alienate the electorate big-time. We were being urged to forgive, forget, and all get along. As in forget the lies and the spies, the Constitution and Geneva Conventions, the war profiteering and the body count. Forget that New Orleans’s 9th Ward is still in ruins, forget the inflated homophobia, the decimated middle class, for-profit health care, reproductive rights and embryonic stem cells, and all the small-time insanity, like the Terri Schiavo debacle. Forget My Pet Goat and the War on Christmas? And the accusations of everything from treason to dementia leveled at most of my friends?

Believe me, I have no inclination to forget any single damned thing, or to make any attempt to get along. I want to see every dirty secret dragged out and exposed, until George W. Bush is doing the Nixon perp-walk to the helicopter.

- Mick Farren

What he said!

- m

Turdblossom headed for crapper?
"Anyone who needs new office furniture, raise their hands... not so fast, Karl!"

US News and WR reports that Bush may give Rove the ol' heave-ho:

The rumors that [nasty, election-losing slimeball] Karl Rove will leave sometime next year are being bolstered with new insider reports that his partisan style is a hurdle to [Preznit LameDuck Uniter]'s new push for bipartisanship. A key Bush advisor tells the US News Political Bulletin, "Karl represents the old style and he's got to go if the Democrats are going to believe Bush's talk of getting along." The advisor said a departure might come in "weeks, not months."

I can't believe Jebus McLoyalty would do such a thing to his beloved brain. But it would be pretty cool.

- m

Karl Rove busted after removing the 'W's from White House keyboards in a fit of pique.
*****

The failed Pelosi speakership
Dems in disarray as Nancy Shrew has first flop

Sigh... our liberal media at work:

As new Congress organizes, Pelosi backslides on ethics - USA Toady

Crowning majority leader, Democrats are all smiles and bile - the WaComPo

Her own worst enemy: Pelosi loses big on Hoyer-Murtha race - whore and longtime Bush rump swab wHoward Fineman, Newsweak

Murtha-Hoyer debate has raised real questions about Pelosi's judgment - CBS Evening News

US House Democrats split in leadership feud - AFP

Speaker Pelosi tempts disaster - the NY Times

Nancy Pelosi suffers an embarrassing defeat - Rooters

Pelosi rebuffed over her choice for House post - the NY Times again

Meanwhile, it's all bluebirds and butterflies on the other side of the aisle...

Lott gets a second chance - USA Toady

Lott's return to leadership shows party independence from Bush - Bloomberg

GOP set to elevate leadership team - the AP

It's a great morning as House republicans wake up with Boehner - Close enough

House repubs welcome rising Boehner - Kidding

Boehner firmly embraced by GOP - Now I'm just being silly

More here and here.

- m

Pretzelnit McMoran appoints anti-contraception troglodyte as deputy assistant secretary for population affairs

Wow, the Trent Lott Method (see previous post) might actually be considered real "family planning" by the Misadministration's newest appointee to the Department of Health and Human Services:

The Bush administration has appointed a new chief of family-planning programs at the Department of Health and Human Services who worked at a Christian pregnancy-counseling organization that regards the distribution of contraceptives as "demeaning to women."

Um, since this post oversees the distribution of contraceptives, especially to low-income women, I see a slight conflict of interest here, don't you?

(Fave comment on this from FARK.com: Has he nominated an Amish Secretary of Energy yet?)

--dg

(link via TPM)

Get. Me. The. Brain. Bleach. NOW.

Doughy pantload Jonah Goldberg on Trent Lott's election as Senate Minority Whip:

He was elected precisely because he has the skills a minority whip needs: an intimate knowledge of the institution, and the ability to shake down colleagues for votes. Lott is detail oriented, collegial with an Old World gentility — as well as a certain sexual confidence befitting a former cheerleader at Ole Miss.

Huh? First of all, is he talking about Lott's Southernness when referring to "Old World gentility?" (More code words!) I suspect he means "antebellum world view" instead. And as far as "sexual confidence" relating to male cheerleading at Ole Miss goes. . . well, that's just baffling. Except for maybe Jonah Goldberg, I suggest that associating Trent Lott with sex of any kind would be very effective birth control/STD prevention. Ewww. See? Now you need the brain bleach, too. SORRY.

--dg

Asshat of the week

Rethug Roy Blunt (R-MO), on being elected Minority Whip in the House today:

One-hundred-forty-nine Democrats demonstrated yesterday that they are willing to buck Nancy Pelosi. We’ll work each day to give those Democrats a viable alternative to her liberal, San Francisco agenda.

Okay, all of y'all in the heartland, get out those decoder rings. Lessee. . . "liberal, San Francisco" = gay. But the gay-baiting f*cked y'all over in the election, didn't it?

And what would Blunt's alternative be? The conservative, wife-beating, closeted man-whoring agenda? No, thanks.

--dg

(link via TPM)

Changin' the course
As things continue to go remarkably well in Iraq, four US soldiers were killed in Iraq today, with 10 killed total in past 2 days.

With the insurgents in Iraq increasing their attacks in order to influence the US elections, the Iraq minister says some of the hostages taken during Tuesday's massive kidnapping have been tortured and killed.

As we adapt to win, Awol McJebus wants to send 20,000 more troops to Iraq for "a last big push."

Keepin' us safer bonus: reinvigorated al Qaeda in South Asia.

- m

Rudy! Rudy! Rudy!
Nice hooters!

America's Mayor© and republican presidental contender has his boobies greeted by pal Donald Trump.

- m

Sorry, I'm washing my hair that night
Newly elected Congressman tells Bush to bag it.

While his fellow incoming freshman were attending a private White House reception with [Doofie McIdiot] Monday night, Rep.-elect Keith Ellison had what he considered a more important appointment to keep.

"I went to the AFL-CIO reception, because I wanted to meet and greet leaders of labor, and get to know them," Ellison, D-Minn., said Tuesday. "Those are the people who I came here to support."

"It wasn't even a close call," added Ellison.

In a related story, maybe CNN's Glenn Beck - who is white and of German descent - should prove to us all that he's not a fucking Nazi: Beck to Keith Ellison, the first Muslim elected to Congress: "What I feel like saying is, 'Sir, prove to me that you are not working with our enemies.'" Disgraceful.

- m

Fair und balanced
Leaked Fox News internal memo, written by the network's vice president: “Be on the lookout for any statements from the Iraqi insurgents thrilled at the prospect of a Dem-controlled Congress."

- m

Time for a major bitchslapping
From the WTF were they thinking?? files, Time magazine asks nasty, corrupt, indicted criminal scumbag Tom DeLay - who is so like six months ago - to help pick their person of the year.

Time magazine goofed -- badly -- on Tuesday when it included former congressman Tom DeLay on a panel to discuss the candidates for its annual Time Person of the Year designation.

Time's Person of the Year award is by far the most prestigious and widely discussed year-end prize -- and that's exactly why DeLay shouldn't have been a part of the process.

Tom DeLay? Tom DeLay? What a terrible choice. Think about it. Time couldn't find anyone more suitable than DeLay, a disgraced ex-congressman? Time Managing Editor Richard Stengel introduced DeLay by saying that he'd had "some legal problems in Texas" {Some...legal...problems. He was indicted for criminal charges, not for forgetting to pay a parking ticket. - Ed.} and noted that DeLay personified the power figures in Washington who had been voted out of office.

I don't know, I think a drunken, ex-closeted gay wife-beater would've been a little closer to the mark.

Next in Newsweek: Time editor found in compromising position with Rupert Murdoch's wallet...

- m

Pudgy, impotent gasbag pwns self
How bleating, limpdicked Rush Limbaugh got his comeuppance

In trying to make Michael J Fox look as bad as possible, the hateful, bile-spewing junkie sealed his own doom -

The stem-cell issue had become a pivotal part of Claire McCaskill's campaign in Missouri (and the initiative ultimately passed).

Here is the irony. If Republican Jim Talent had defeated McCaskill, the Republicans would have held on to control of the US Senate. Not only did Limbaugh hurt Talent, he ended up screwing the whole Republican Party.

Heh. Suck it, shitbag.

- m

Rethug values: pressing charges for assault=whining

Grover Norquist is a beacon of morality, as usual:

"Bob Sherwood’s seat [in Pennsylvania] would have been overwhelmingly ours, if his mistress hadn’t whined about being throttled,” said Mr Norquist. Any lessons from the campaign? “Yes. The lesson should be, don’t throttle mistresses.”

Um, I can think of a few different lessons here.

--dg










Kitty can too.

A must-read

The Columbia Journalism Review has posted "Into The Abyss," an oral history of journalists covering the Iraq conflict from the beginning to the present. Some of the reading/listening is completely riveting:

And I went in there thinking that this is probably going to be something like what I saw in Afghanistan, which was cheering crowds and people throwing their turbans off, and everybody happy to see the American forces. And that wasn’t the case at all. To me, it looked like we’d pried the doors off a mental institution, and there were a bunch of people standing around with their jaws hanging open. Some people were absolutely horrified, people were crying, some people were cheering, some people were — you could tell how afraid they were. Some people, you could sense that there was emotion that they didn’t want to express, so they didn’t. There was a lot of uncertainty.

There's much more, and I highly recommend it, especially as an antidote to all the simplistic crap we've been fed about the war by The Decider and the rest of his ilk. They're the ones who really need to read it.

--dg

(thanks to Lex for the link)

Future RNC chair Martinez distributed Schiavo memo

Mel Martinez admits memo detailing political advantages of supporting legislation in the Schiavo case originated from his office.

This is an important moral issue, and the pro-life base will be excited that the Senate is debating this moral issue. . . . this is a tough issue for Democrats.

I sense a theme here with the Rethugs and their memos. Keep being stupid, y'all!

--dg

CIA says memos linking White House and Justice Dept. to interrogation methods exist

Oh, yeah. And as Andrew says, these will be slightly useful as evidence in the war crimes trials. Someday. I wanna see them, too, don't you?

--dg

From the Department of "Duh! But it's nice to have (still more) proof."

Leaked Fox "News" memo shows plan to spin post-election news in support of Rethug talking points, proves (once again) that Fox is an organ of the Central Committee. . . er, a Rethug mouthpiece:

The elections and Rumsfeld's resignation were a major event, but not the end of the world. The war on terror goes on without interruption.

"Yup, good thing we'uns still got that war on terror, otherwise we'd have nuthin' to scare people with." Asshats.

--dg

Senate votes to reinstate Iraq corruption watchdog
The same one the party of integrity and accountability tried to kill just last week or so.

The Senate voted on Tuesday not to shitcan the federal agency responsible for tracking waste and fraud in Iraq reconstruction projects. The office has focused on problems involving companies such as Dick Cheney's "former" company Halliburton, which routinely hid information about its work in Iraq from the public by lying about it.

- m

"Stupid fucking Senate..."
*****

Hmmmm... they're not using the name "Santorum" to describe anyth... d'oh!
Democrat Rep. James Moran of Virginia once declared that if the Dems ever regained control of Congress while he was still a member, he would introduce legislation to remove the name "Ronald Reagan" from the Saint Ronnie of Reagan National Airport.

Developing...

Or not. Predictably, the freetards used this blurboid to drag Bill Clinton's name through the mud again, then had the mosquito-nads to say "and the hate from the left continues." Yeah, whatever, assholes.

- m

Values and principles!
One of RimJob's asscheesy chronic masturbators has endorsed America's Mayor® for President:

They are beginning....the lies and the smears and the awful things that the fools think will turn good conservatives away from Rudy, but I tell you, and I am conservative, Rudy is the guy.....the Man....a leader for America who will hold our values and our heads up and not be scared away by liberals, the media or any tin horn dictator anywhere in the world

We need a man with values and principles and that man is Rudy G.....

they are going to karp about his re marriage, (so what) or the fact that he actually does not agree with every conservative position, but I say this election, the office of the president, it too important to be held hostage to "every stinking" ideal we all hold true....

"Stinking ideal"? Like the sanctity of marriage? The Constitution? The Bill of Rights? Habeus corpus? What?

- m

"You said it, honey! Meet you at the Copa!"
****

Fox News aided terrorist organization
... can be charged under recent legislation signed by... shit.

Palestinian terror groups received $2 million in exchange for the release of two kidnapped Fox News employees, and the money was used to purchase weapons - including rockets - which would be utilized "to hit the Zionists."

A Fox News channel source said "many parties were involved," including the US government.

Look, Nancy Pelosi's wearing aqua!

- m

B... b... but... Pelosi!
Troop-hating Islamofascist-loving defeatocan't Bill Frist tells Sean Hannity "We are not winning in Iraq."

- m

"What? You didn't call me a terrorist-enabler, did you, Sean? Didn't think so."
*****

Traditional moral values and the sanctity of marriage
Minn. state Rep. Mark Olson (R-Obviously) was being held in jail after being arrested for an alleged domestic assault on his wife Sunday.

Olson is a extremely conservative member of the Republican party. He has been one of the foremost proponents of plans to “protect marriage” by banning gay marriages and has been deeply involved in similar social conservative wedge issues.

Beating your wife on the Lord's Day - how fucking ghey is that, dude?

- m

Segregationalist fanboy elected to leadership position
The party of integrity and values has elected Trent Lott as minority whip. Squidgy, doughlike milquetoast Mitch McConnell has been elected Senate republican leader.

- m

"I'm number two! I'm number two!"
*****

The top 5 election headlines
As spun by republicans:

5. Republicans Retain Control of Executive, Judicial Branches

4. True to Values, GOP Pols Opt to Spend More Time With Families

3. Dems Admit No Exit Strategy for Invasion of Congress, Senate

2. Mr. Pelosi's Wife to Run House

and Topfive.com's Number 1 Spun Election Headline:

1. Bush Brings Democracy to Formerly Oppressed Country

Trent "I used to be somebody!" Lott wants to be somebody again
The bigoted funnyman is - ironically - running for minority whip.

Lott was forced to step down as Senate majority leader in 2002 after comments he made at former Sen. Strom Thurmond’s birthday party touched off a racially charged controversy and the White House threw its backing to now-Majority Leader Bill Frist (R-Douchebag).

Lamar Alexander (R), has already declared his whip bid and continues to make calls lining up support before Wednesday’s leadership elections.

- m

Ready for his close-up




America's Mayor™, the flamboyant and fabulous Rudy Giuliani, made it official on Monday, filing the paperwork needed to launch a 2008 Presidential campaign.

The thrice-married, adulterous former mayor and showgirl is a supporter of gun control, gay marriage and abortion rights, and is sure to give the major bleeding trots to the GOP's conservative base.

This ought to be good.

- m

Pic from here.

A 'national catastrophe'
As things continue to go remarkably well in Iraq, universities have been ordered closed after 20 people were killed and up to 150 people were kidnapped from a research institute at Baghdad's education ministry.

In other spreadin' democracy news, Baghdad's morgues are overflowing with freedom.

- m

Changin' the course
As things continue to go remarkably well in Iraq, violence in Baghdad has reached "civil war proportions."

Turning another corner, morgues across a wide sweep of the center of the country are full as Shiite militiamen and death squads range through the region killing Sunnis.

As insurgents in Iraq increase their attacks in order to influence the US mid-term elections, 20 are killed in a bus bombing in Baghdad, and violence across the country claims at least 159.

With the insurgency in its last throes, a suicide bomber blew himself up outside a police recruiting center in Baghdad early Sunday, killing at least 35 men waiting to join Iraq's police force, and wounding 56, police said.

Adapting to win, three US troops were reported killed, as were four British service members.

Meanwhile, in Afghanistan, things continue to go swimmingly as insurgent activity increases: "militants now launch more than 600 attacks a month, a rising wave of violence that has resulted in 3,700 deaths in 2006, a bleak new report released Sunday found."

- m

Anthrax hoaxer may be a freetard
The man arrested Saturday for mailing white powder to Keith Olbermann, Chuck Schumer, Nancy Pelosi, Jon Stewart and David Letterman may be one of RimJob's moral values, Godfearing, freedom-lovi autofellating shitbags, Duh! Daily reports.

- m

Something something Joe Lieberman something something something
Sanctimonius whiny-ass titty-baby leaves GOP door, rectum open.

"I'm not ruling it out," the egomaniacal twirp said Sunday, on whether there's a chance he will officially switch to the party of integrity and values. "But I hope I don't get to that point."

Translation: give me what I want, Reid, and I won't go over to them.

- m

Traditional moral values
In Nevada, "metro police have subpoenaed telephone records of Republican Gov.-elect Jim Gibbons, political strategist Sig Rogich and other witnesses in the investigation into allegations that Gibbons assaulted a woman and tried to force himself on her sexually."

- m

Bob Novak: "change my colostomy bag before I shit myself"
Senile, incontinent Douchebag of Liberty cranks off:

The House members blame their leadership for tasting the bitter dregs of defeat. Yet, the consensus so far is that they will re-elect some or all of those leaders. In private conversation - which I'm blabbing about here - Republican members of Congress blame Majority Leader John Boehner and Majority Whip Roy Blunt in no small part for their midterm election debacle. Yet, either Boehner, Blunt or both are expected to be returned to office to continue their failed policies, shady deals with lobbyists, and midnight parties with gay male prostitu... what? Oh look, there's my pants.

- m

Thumpin'
In another blow to Smirky McStupidson, his wax chimpnitudeness took major slappage at Madame Tussaud's in Las Vegas, suffering about $25,000 in head damages when a pissed-off visitor bludgeoned it the day before the elections.

-m

Analysis of Iraq's future: God, it sucks. Real bad.
The Iraq Study Group, led by longtime Bush family repairman James "aw shit, not again" Baker, will be meeting with Retard McMoron Monday to discuss the situation in Iraq - which is "even worse than we thought.''

Private assessments by government officials are much more grim than what is said in public, group member Leon Panetta said, "and we left some of those sessions shaking our heads over how bad it is in Iraq.''

US forces can't control sectarian violence and powerful militias. One of the most disturbing findings, Panetta said, is that many Shiite religious leaders who are a big part of the government have no interest in deals or compromises with Sunnis and other groups.

"How do you maintain a low-level civil war so it doesn't blow up into a full-scale civil war?''

Constantly change tactics to achieve a strategic goal? Adapt to win? Continue to win hearts and minds? Make the pie higher?

- m

Repukes rip Rove new rectum
Repubs point to "massive Rove bunging" - oh, sorry, that's "massive Rove bungling": conservative asswiper the New York comPost declares "Rove genius no more."

No one's calling Karl Rove "Boy Genius" anymore. After last week's election debacle, some Republicans wonder aloud if it's time for [Bush's grublike, pastry-crumb-covered 'brain'] to follow Don Rumsfeld and walk the plank.

The final blow for many Republicans was [the Decider]'s decision to fire Rumsfeld right after the election - instead of a few months before, when it might have helped save the House and Senate.

"Everyone knew the election was about Iraq except them," says a disgusted GOP strategist, noting that it was Rove's job to make sure Bush knew.

You can see why some Republicans are recalling [Thumpie McStupid]'s other nickname for Rove: Pompous, Asshatted Slimebag "Turd Blossom."

- m

Bush faces GOP ire over Rumsfeld timing
Reboobs who were for Rumsfeld before they were against him are now howling because he wasn't shitcanned before election day.

The White House is "trying to soothe" whiny-ass losers who say the party might have done better on election day if the popular war president hadn't waited until afterwards when they all lost lost lost! to oust fellow incompetent Donald Rumsfeld. Wehhhhhhhhhhh.

- m

Funnay
The 2006 election… a comedic roundup:

Accountabilitude
Karl Rove, Boy Genius, Bush's Brain, the Architect, oversized bag of ... ahem... ego: "it wasn't my fault."

Virginia GOP left in despair, macaca after defeat of George Allen
Stunned repukes, at a loss after Reagan-like wonder-boy had ass handed to him, look to a dismal future -

Some Republicans, particularly in the House, believe that their majorities will be saved by redistricting -- the GOP drew dozens of safe seats -- and an emphasis on local issues.

But pollster Pete Brodnitz said demographic and partisan shifts, particularly in the suburbs, could erode the Republican advantage from redistricting.

"If they think they can hide behind their lines, they're kidding themselves ," said Brodnitz.

LOL

Welcome to America and the real world
Macaca? You're soaking in it!

The macaca incident had resonance beyond Virginia not just because it was a hit on YouTube. It came to stand for 2006 as a whole because it was synergistic with a national Republican campaign that made a fetish of warning that a Congress run by Democrats would have committee chairmen who are black (Charles Rangel) or gay (Barney Frank), and a middle-aged woman not in the Stepford mold of Laura Bush as speaker. In this context, Mr. Allen’s defeat was poetic justice: the perfect epitaph for an era in which Mr. Rove systematically exploited the narrowest prejudices of the Republican base, pitting Americans of differing identities in cockfights for power and profit, all in the name of “faith.”

Perhaps the most interesting finding in the exit polls Tuesday was that the base did turn out for Mr. Rove: white evangelicals voted in roughly the same numbers as in 2004, and 71 percent of them voted Republican, hardly a mass desertion from the 78 percent of last time. But his party was routed anyway. It was the end of the road for the boy genius and his can’t-miss strategy that Washington sycophants predicted could lead to a permanent Republican majority.

What a week this was! Here’s to the voters of both parties who drove a stake into the heart of our political darkness. If you’ll forgive me for paraphrasing George Allen: Welcome back, everyone, to the world of real America.

- Frank Rich.

The Bush legacy
Headed for toilet-town... In yet another well-deserved blow to the Unitin' Decider, his country-destroying enablers, and the mouthbreathing autofellating troglodytes of the Keyboard Kommandos, Snippy the Chimp's job approval rating has fallen to just 31 percent . Worst of all, according to the new Newsweek poll , "most Americans are writing off the rest of Bush’s presidency."

Fun fact: Bill Clinton’s lowest rating during his presidency was 36 percent.

Fun fact 2: polls show "massive support" for the Democratic Congress’s agenda.

Veterans' Day
Just go read...

Can we add James Carville?*
A list of people who must now officially shut the fuck up.

*Here's why.

Breaking news, from Duh! Daily
"ANALYSIS: Things aren't going Bush's way."


Karma sucks, doesn't it, dude?
****

Henry Waxman: "where do I start??!"
Sweet!

The Democratic congressman who will investigate the Bush misadministration's running of the government [into the ground] says there are so many areas of possible wrongdoing, his biggest problem will be deciding which ones to pursue...

Subpoenas would be used only as a last result, Mr. Waxman said, taking a jab at a previous committee chairman, GOP Rep. Dan Burton of Indiana, who led the committee during part of the Clinton administration.

“He issued a subpoena like most people write a letter,” Mr. Waxman said.

On the list? For starters, the response to Hurricane Katrina
Government contracting in Iraq and on homeland security
Domestic spying/wiretapping
Political interference in regulatory decisions by the EPA and FDA
Allegations of war profiteering
Dick 'dick' Cheney's energy task force
The Abu Ghraib prisoner abuse scandal
The leak of CIA operative Valerie Plame's name
Pre-Iraq war use of intelligence

Reminder
'Bipartisanship' doesn't mean 'continuing to take it up the ass.'

- m

German lawsuit seeks to punish Rumsfeld, others, for war crimes

Whoo, things happen fast sometimes. Iraqis held at Abu Ghraib and Guantánamo want a criminal investigation of Rumsfeld, Gonzales, and others responsible for conditions and interrogation techniques in the two prisons:

Lawyers for the plaintiffs say that one of the witnesses who will testify on their behalf is former Brig. Gen. Janis Karpinski, the one-time commander of all U.S. military prisons in Iraq. Karpinski — who the lawyers say will be in Germany next week to publicly address her accusations in the case — has issued a written statement to accompany the legal filing, which says, in part: "It was clear the knowledge and responsibility [for what happened at Abu Ghraib] goes all the way to the top of the chain of command to the Secretary of Defense Donald Rumsfeld ."

'Spose this is another reason why Chimpbreath McWedgie gave Rummy the heave-ho at this particular time?

--dg

Dobson quits Haggard "restoration" team, citing lack of time

Since making Haggard "ungay" isn't going to happen no matter how much time Dobson et al. spend on the "deprogramming," I'd say this could almost be construed as an intelligent decision. But since it's Dobson, it's just lame.

--dg

Wanna buy some cubicles cheap?

Rick Santorum's campaign office furniture is for sale on craigslist. Oh, the schadenfreude!














--dg

(link via Wonkette)

Changin' the course

As insurgents in Iraq increase their attacks in order to influence the US mid-term elections, relentless killing has left 3 more US soldiers and dozens of civilians dead in the past 24 hours. The US death toll for November so far is 23.

Turning another corner, the Iraqi health minister's 'stunning' new death count is 150,000 civilians dead in the war.

As we adapt to win, reports show that the new Pentagon head has limited strategic and tactical options in Iraq.

Paper slams Coulter and so-called probe into her 'alleged' voting fraud
The Palm Beach Post is calling for a Florida election official to get all over harpy skank trAnn Coulter's syphilitic ass:

"Coulter, who specializes in tirades against Democrats and others whom she considers unpatriotic, voted in the wrong Palm Beach precinct during the town's February election," the editorial stated. "As a result, Supervisor of Elections Arthur Anderson had a chance to show the public that even celebrities aren't above the law. Instead, he has made a halfhearted attempt to turn the matter over to the state attorney's office...

Dr. Anderson last week sent the state attorney a letter citing his 'exhaustive efforts to bring closure to the allegation,' and the conclusion that his office is not suited to 'undertake this investigatory challenge.' To his request for guidance, State Attorney Barry Krischer suggests that he call the police -- and, this time, turn in names of witnesses to the alleged crime."

C*nt.

Friction already evident as Democratic leaders refuse to lube up, bend over
"President Bush suffered a fresh blow..."

One day after he pledged to work in a bipartisan manner, Spanky McAsshat renominated no-talent assclown John Bolton to UN ambassador - angering Dems, who accused the White House of trying to "jam this nomination through during a lame duck session" of Congress.

"I see no point in considering Mr. Bolton's nomination again," said Democratic Senator Joe Biden. "Fuck that."

Update: Bolton is essentially dead in the water, thanks to not only Democrats, but Republican Lincoln Chafee:

"The American people have spoken out against the president's agenda on a number of fronts, and presumably one of those is on foreign policy," Chafee said. "And at this late stage in my term, I'm not going to endorse something the American people have spoke out against."

- m

"B... b...but ah'm the Decider!"
*****

President's outright lying raises questions of columnist's choice of lubricant
Oh, for the love of crap, Howie, you whore.

Did the president of the United States make a rare admission on national television that he had told an untruth? Or had he merely engaged in a dodge of the sort that is common in politics? Journalists by nature shy from pinning the "liar" label on any political leader, {Unless that leader's name is "Bill Clinton." - Ed.} but President Bush's acknowledgments that he had not been forthcoming about his plans to dump Defense Secretary Donald Rumsfeld have kicked up a fuss at the White House and sparked a debate about the limits of presidential evasion.

Blah blah blah. Is there a bigger, more pathetic douchenozzle than the WaComPo's wHoward Kurtz? He goes thru a lot of evasion and purty words, but when you come right down to it, Bush stood in front of the nation and lied. Again.

Six days before the election, Bush told reporters in an interview that Rumsfeld was doing a "fantastic" job.

"You see [him] staying with you until the end?" asked Terence Hunt of the Associated Press.

"I do," Bush replied.

"So you're expecting Rumsfeld, Secretary Rumsfeld, to stay on the rest of your time here?" asked Steve Holland of Reuters.

"Yes, I am," the president said.

The rest, like Howie's clean new white underpants, is history.

Fun fact: Jebus McLiar has been planning to fire Rumsfeld since late summer, the NY Times reports.

- m

Awwwwwwww
A nice thank you letter to America's voters, from the UK Guardian.

[T]he 2006 midterms bring to an end the 12 intensely divisive years of Republican House rule that began under Newt Gingrich in 1994. These have been years of zealously and confrontational conservative politics that have shocked the world and, under Mr Bush, have sent America's global standing plummeting. That long political hurricane has now at last blown itself out for a while, but not before leaving America with a terrible legacy...

Maybe the more pragmatic Republican old guard can come to the rescue of this disastrous presidency in its most catastrophic adventure. But it has been the American voters who have at last made this possible. For that alone the entire world owes them its deep gratitude today.

Our pleasure, dudes.
- m

And take your drapes with you
RNC headgay Ken Mehlman, whose party spectacularly lost both chambers of Congress, will not be returning to his post when his term ends in January. According to CNN's John King, Kenny's "been on the gerbil wheel, as one of his close friends put it, for well in excess of six years now and he's tired." Okie-dokie.

Fun fact: The most trusted name in news has censored the video and the actual transcript of the Larry King segment that outed Kenny as a hypocritical fudge-seeking pantsmissile, had YouTube pull the video, and sent cease-and-desist letters to bloggers using the unedited footage.

Bonus: the Moonie Times reported this morning that the chairmanship has been offered to Maryland Lt. Gov. Michael Steele. It is rumored that Kenny will join the campaign to elect America's Mayor© for president in 2008.

- m

"Fabulous!"
***

This week in science
Neanderthals in gene pool, study suggests.

Cheney on the outs
"George, in desperation, brings in Daddy's boys to rescue him from the failure of his own making" - BuzzFlash.

Powermad cyborg left on the sidelines like so much dogshit as Poppy's little helpers are called in to bail out Junior.

Now [James Baker and Robert Gates] are in charge, having been handed one of the biggest military, diplomatic and public-relations messes in recent American history. Gates and Baker - and other pragmatists such as Brent Scowcroft - have been called in over the objections of Vice President Cheney. He knew what the arrival of Gates and the Old Boys means. It means that the pragmatists have won the battle for the president's attention.

Go fuck yourself.

- m

Kenny's traditional republican val...



Bill Maher outs Republican party head Ken Mehlman as gay gay gay on Larry King Live.

- m
*****

World welcomes complete and total assdrubbing of Bush, gpukes
Citizens and politicians across much of the world welcomed the political humiliation of Awol McStupemonkey, the rubberstamping assclowns of the Republican Party, and clueless warlord Darth Rummy.

Finally winning over Muslim hearts and minds -

Iraqis on Thursday cheered the resignation of Donald Rumsfeld, blaming him for policy failures and scandals they say helped spawn the daily sectarian carnage wracking their nation. "Rumsfeld's resignation shows the scale of the mess the U.S. has made in Iraq," said Ibrahim Ali, 44, who works at the Oil Ministry. "The efforts by American politicians to hide their failure are no longer working."

The politics of failure have failed!

- m

Blogs toast mother-of-lesbian's lesbian bodice-ripper
Snarling harpy Lynne Cheney has been 'the toast of the blogs' since she vehemently denied to a pummelled and bleeding Wolf Blitzer "I never wrote about her having sex with that woman, Lesba McLesbian."

Really? Let's go to an excerpt...

"The women who embraced in the wagon were Adam and Eve crossing a dark cathedral stage -- no, Eve and Eve, loving one another as they would not be able to once they ate of the fruit and knew themselves as they truly were."

As you can imagine, gay and lesbian web sites have been having a field day with this...

Hee hee... wonder if the whip part from "Rawhide" was running through her head as she wrote that passage.

-m

Talk radio hosts lick election wounds, ass
Conservative hate radio gasbags, hit with a big fat stick o'mandate, snivelled into their penile-like mics (called 'Bushies') as they tried to console their "outraged and dismayed" callers. Who actually turned out to be more outraged and dismayed at petulant asscracks Rush Limbaugh et al for not 'unequivocally supporting the Republican Party' than at the undeniable fact that they're all now pathetic, humbled, scumsucking losers.

- m

Jerkoff
Now that he has no choice in the matter, Retard McJebus pledges to work with the Osama-hugging terrist-enabling Demon uhhhh... the Taxocr ummmm errrrrrrr... Democrats.

Hamstrung by the collapse of his republican majority in Congress, Snippy the Chimp faced the humbling task on Thursday of reaching across party lines to top Democrats swept to power by voter anger over his Iraq policy. Trying to salvage the rest of his [pathetic, divisive] presidency, Bush promised to strike a new tone of bipartisanship after years of partisan rancor.

"Ah've decided - ah'm the Decider, see - to be a uniter, not a divider. Don't hurt me."

- m

Dems sweep in election triumph
The Demos win the Senate! The Demos win the Senate! The Demos win the Senate!

Democrats wrested control of the Senate from Republicans Wednesday with an upset victory in Virginia, giving the party complete domination of Capitol Hill for the first time since 1994. The Senate had teetered at 50 Democrats, 49 Republicans for most of Wednesday, with Virginia hanging in the balance. Webb's victory ended any Republican hopes of a 50-50 split, with Dick "dick" Cheney wielding tie-breaking authority.

Hah! A huuuuuge heartfelt "go fuck yourself!" goes out to Snarly McNastypants. Eat it, aishhole. With lots and lots of butter.

In the House, without losing any seats of their own, Democrats captured 28 GOP-held seats. The party won in every region of the country.

Overall, according to exit polls, Republicans lost ground with voters such as Catholics, the middle class, independents, soccer moms, security moms, Hispanics and suburbanites, women, African-Americans, agnostics, Serbo-Croat-Americans, Zoastrians, younger voters, older voters, senior citizens, Asian-Americans, men, sheep-herders, sheep-fuckers, cow-tippers, kegtappers, teetotalers, teachers, firefighters, carmakers, nurses, physicians, dentists, flight attendants, dental-floss harvesters, dog trainers, clerks, carpenters, cantelope inspectors,

- m

Payback's an even bigger bitch when you're such a dumbass, part 1

Pretzelnit McFascist, 26 October:

They're [Democrats are] going over to the Capitol and saying well, 'My new office looks beautiful; I think I'm going to have this size drape there or this color'. But the American people are going to decide, and they're going to decide this race based upon who is best to protect the American people.

Damn straight we did.

From his press conference today:

And in my first act of bipartisan outreach since the election, I shared with [Nancy Pelosi] the names of some Republican interior decorators who can help her pick out the new drapes in her new offices.

Thanks for nothing, asshat.


--dg














Boo-fucking-hoo!

Can you say "subpoena power," boys and girls?



















I knew you could.

--dg

Well, some things haven't changed
With the election over, oil prices rose again Wednesday.

The market is also mulling the possibility that the Organization of Petroleum Exporting Countries would implement additional production cuts in December following a plan to reduce oil output by 1.2 million barrels a day.

Sigh...

- m

A loud message for Bush
"The voters want change." Oh, sorry, that should be "THE VOTERS WANT CHANGE. SHITHEAD."

How's this for a mandate, motherfucker.

Nearly 4 in 10 voters said they saw their ballot as a vote against [the lying Smirkmonkey], about twice as many as those who said they had cast their ballots for him. It was a remarkable turnaround for a president who just two years ago emerged triumphant from his re-election campaign, declaring that he had earned political capital and intended to spend it.

- the NY Times. Not so remarkable when you consider he squandered everything that was handed to him. But pretty damn remarkable that the voters finally woke the fuck up out of their sheeplike stupor. Whatever - it's time for a martini!

- m

Hmmm... what's that sound?
Oh, that's right - it's you, sucking. Today's "World's Smallest Violin" award goes to RimJob's freetards, who came close to committing mass seppuku:

This is a truly disgusting night. Outside of 9-11, I cannot think of a worse day. I really want to hurt somebody.

The Jihadi’s have won. They have proven they have a stronger will than America. They are now emboldened.

Yes, and once the illegals flood in, the rats have a whole new army of ignorant rat voters.

This could have ALL been prevented, with a simple fence.

Mark Foley should have quietly disappeared many years a go. A gay Republican??? That is like an oxymoron.

Another factor is the relentless MSM message that Republicans are corrupt and that the WOT and Iraq are separate wars!

OBL has won, who would have imagined that the MSM/DNC would succeed in giving Saddam and Sons, OBL, Bill Maher, Keith Olberman, and John Kerry a victory. We have no choice now, the commie vampire media must be destroyed.

Now, we're going to suffer. The people voted for the party endorsed by terrorists. And you all know what happens when one appeases the enemy.

I am disgusted with the outcome. Rove...you stupid bastard!

OBL and Ho Chi Minh won yesterday

We can expect Articles of Impeachment to appear any day soon.

I have not felt this bad since we elected a pot smoking draft dodger President. {Yeah, a crack smoking drunk-driving war deserter is such an improvement. - Ed.}

I was thinking the same thing this morning. I don't thik I have been this depressed since the Toon won. The next two years will be just awful.

Yes... yes it will! Sucks to be you! LOL

- m

Rummy 'resigns'
My goodness gracious: Defense Secretary Don Rumsfeld is cutting-and-running from his post after a massive republican defeat in an election that was seen as a dickens of a referendum on the fucked-up bloody fiasco in Iraq. Without even waiting for the body to cool, Bush nominated former CIA chief and old Texas crony Robert Gates to replace him.

- m

"I believe what I said yesterday. I don't know what I said, but I know what I think, and, well, I assume it's what I said."
*****

Angry electorate flips Bush off
"Lame duck Bush is left crippled by a crushing vote of no confidence," screams John "pud" Podhoretz of the NY comPost. "The presidency of George W. Bush ended last night. The Democratic Party turned this election into a referendum on the president - and the president lost."

Damn tootin', asswipe! Hee hee!

- m

World sees Dems' win as a Bush rejection
Many watching the election around the globe said the results were a significant blow to Stupie McLiar's presidency.

The seismic shift that midterm elections brought to Washington's political landscape was welcomed by many Wednesday in a world sharply opposed to the war in Iraq and outraged over the harsh methods the Bush administration has employed in fighting terrorism. From Paris to Pakistan, politicians, analysts and ordinary citizens said they hoped the Democratic takeover would teach a president many see as a "cowboy" a lesson in humility.

[G]lobal giddiness that Bush was finally handed a political black-eye was almost palpable throughout Europe, the Middle East and Asia.

In an extraordinary joint statement, more than 200 members of the European Parliament hailed the American election results as "the beginning of the end of a six-year nightmare for the world" and gloated that they left the Bush administration "seriously weakened."

"The American people now realize that Bush is a big fat fucking liar," said Cardinal Pizzioli at the Vatican.

- m

And take your extreme, bigoted ideas with you

In a triple setback for conservatives, South Dakotans rejected a law that would have banned virtually all abortions, Arizona became the first state to defeat an amendment to ban gay marriage and Missouri approved a measure backing stem cell research.

- m

30 seats, bitches!
A massive voter rebuke for the incompetent liar, the war, and the corrupt, ethically bankrupt right

Democrats won control of the House early Wednesday after a dozen years of Republican rule in a resounding repudiation of a failed war, a lying moron president, and a scandal-scarred criminal Congress.

Gone: corrupt scumbag Tom DeLay's seat in Texas.
Gone: the Ohio seat once held by indicted criminal Bob Ney.
Gone: the Florida district of gay pederast Mark Foley.
Gone: the crusty La-Z-Boy of putrid a-hole J.D. Hayworth in Arizona.

Other losers include sleazoid Curt Weldon and mistress-strangler Don Sherwood in PA; the foamy, cretinous Senator/douchenozzle Rick Santorum; Mike DeWine and crooked scumbag Ken Blackwell of Ohio; and insane humanoid paintball Katherine Harris in Florida.

Bush and smarmy slimemeister Karl Rove tried to keep the election from becoming a referendum on the president's 'leadership' and instead make it a choice between two parties with different governing philosophies. Nice try.

"One thing that's true is this will have been a referendum election," said Gary Jacobson, a political science professor at the University of California at San Diego.

- m

Plus... Dems take the Senate, as Jon Tester wins in Montana, and unofficially, Jim Webb beats Macacawitz in Virginia!

What a day this has been - What a rare mood I'm in
Why, it's almost like being in love
There's a smile on my face for the whole human race
Why, it's almost like being in love
All the music of life seems to be like a bell that is ringing for me -
And from the way that I feel when that bell starts to peal,
I could swear I was falling, I would swear I was falling,
It's almost like being in love.
- Lerner and Loewe

- m

Phththththth....
There once was a dork from Nantucket...

"'Nought man could do, have I left undone.' The line from Robert Browning's poem The Patriot springs to mind as Pennsylvania's Senator Rick Santorum talks quietly but passionately during a last swing through the heart of Pennsylvania," gushes well-lubricated touchhole Jeffrey Lord of the Spectator.

Really. Which lines of poetry run through your mind when you think of Santorum?

- m

Bwaaaaa!
They report, you decide how much they reek of partisanship and desperation. Fucking losers -

Last week: Fox News labels corrupt repug politicians as "Democrats."

Yesterday: Fox News puts a republican candidate who was down by eight points in the lead.

Today: Fox News just can't bring themselves to say the Dems are leading --

FBI's criminal division cranks up capability to catch crooks in Congress
Fourth corruption task force created in effort to clean up the Crap-itol.

Remember when the Bushies promised to restore honor and integrity to Washington? Good times... 'So much evidence of wrongdoing is surfacing in the nation's capital that a fourth corruption squad was added to the FBI's Washington field office.

Though Randy "Duke" Cunningham and Bob Ney are goners, 'FBI agents are investigating about a dozen other members of Congress, including as many as three senators. The Justice Department also is expected to begin seeking indictments soon after an FBI investigation of the Alaska Legislature.'

Fun fact: the GOP is making hundreds of harrassing, possibly illegal robo-calls to remind you to vote for the party of values and integrity.

- m
************

'Twas the night before something

As the Rude Pundit says, it's been a "savage season." I feel as though it's the night before Christmas, and there must still be something on my to-do list, but I can't remember what it is, and anyway, all the stores are closed. Now it's time to stay put and let things happen.

So the Rovo-calls will stop soon, just because it'll be Wednesday, and the network exit polls are quarantined. I voted at lunchtime, and the Diebold machines were so new I could smell fresh hardware. (Yeah, I'm a geek.)

It's going to be a long afternoon before the polls close. Tonight it'd be nice to get drunk, we hope with joy and relief, and Wonkette is here to help us out with the boozing part. In the meantime you can have fun with the Ted Haggard Excuse-O-Meter, look at some sour-faced felines, play with some cool interactive art, and make sure you've got enough Cuervo in the house.

Oh, yeah, and surf the web for exit poll leaks. *jones* *jones*

--dg
















"No, kitty, don't start drinking yet!"

Heh. Pic from here.

Even Pat Buchanan has given up
Repug rag the American troop-hatin' islamofacist-enablin' Conservative says a vote for the GOP is a vote for incompetence, stupidity, asshattery and disaster.

[Awol McStupid] rushed America into a war against Iraq, a war we are now losing and cannot win, one that has done far more to strengthen Islamist terrorists than anything they could possibly have done for themselves. Bush’s decision to seize Iraq will almost surely leave behind a broken state divided into warring ethnic enclaves, with hundreds of thousands killed and maimed and thousands more thirsting for revenge against the country that crossed the ocean to attack them. The invasion failed at every level...

The war will continue as long as Bush is in office, for no other reason than the feckless president can’t face the embarrassment of admitting defeat...

- m

Adaptin' to win
As things continue to go remarkably well in Iraq, a helicopter crash north of Baghdad kills 2 US soldiers.

Constantly changin' tactics to achieve a strategic goal, 16 US troops have been killed in Iraq so far this month. Ummm, make that 18.

Turning another corner in Iraq, bombs rattle Baghdad despite the curfew.

And in that other war that's going swimmingly, the CIA tells Bush Afghanistan is "near collapse."

- m

White House annoyed with Crist's snub of popular war president, possible gayitude
The wahhhhhmbulance had to be called today when the White House had a freakin' hissyhit over Florida GOP gubernatorial candidate Charlie Crist cutting and running from Awol McJellobrains at a campaign rally. Smarmy jackbooted shitbag Karl Rove mockingly questioned 'what kind of alternate rally Crist could put together that would rival the crowd that Bush was expected to draw at the Pensacola Civic Center.'

Crist said he considered the Pensacola area so firmly in his camp that it made more sense to campaign elsewhere. Like Key West.

- m

PSM
DU's top ten reasons why people should vote Republican this Tuesday.

11. Otherwise, we'll all be turned gay, gay, gay. 12. And the terrists will win. Oh, wait...

- m

Repooplicans' worst year evar, says verminous, toe-sucking weasel
Fox News shill and Bush rump swab Dick Morris predicts a 'GOP massacre':

"The latest polls portend disaster for the Republican Party tomorrow. The House appears to be gone; the Senate is teetering on the brink."

- m

New post-Saddam poll verdict: suck it, 'pukes
CNN reports that not only was there was no help from the Saddam verdict for Retard McLiar and the GOP, but that voters said 'they would be sending them another message when they vote' on Tuesday.

In another poll, only 8% of Americans support the misadministration's 'strategy' in Iraq.

And in a Fox News poll, 49 percent plan to vote Democratic over 36 percent republican for the House, while ratings 'continue to stay in negative territory,' for Squinty McStupid, helped by yet another drop of two points.

- m

Party of 'values'
Effing Blogger...

At today's press con with WH spokes-tool Tony Snow:

Q: Is the President going to be able to work with a speaker Nancy Pelosi if one comes to be, given some of the back-and-forth that's happened so far between the parties this midterm?

SNOW: Nice try.

Q: It's a legitimate question.

"Nice try"??? I'm so glad the grownups are in charge.

- m

Editorial note

Y'all, Blogger is also celebrating Blow-vember by totally sucking today. I've only been able to post in the 5 minutes per hour when it's actually been working, and I expect Maru is having the same problem. Just so y'all know.

--dg

National Review: out, well-adjusted, happy gay people worse than Haggard. ('Cause you know everything is their fault.)

David Klinghoffer:

This is why gay marriage threatens heterosexual marriage. When the awe in which people once held matrimony is diluted, by treating it as a man-made and thus amendable institution rather than a divinely determined one, heterosexuals find sexual sins of all sorts harder to resist.

Get a clue, Toolhead McTheocrat: marriage always was a man-made institution in the West, until the Catholic Church decided to co-opt it in the 13th century. And the laws that govern it are still civil, not religious, since we don't live in a theocracy. If you want to find out what it's like to live in one of those, vote Republican, or go visit Iran. Oh, and please go fuck yourself. Thanks.

--dg

(link via Andrew Sullivan)

Fox "News": Waterboarding less fun than it looks like

Fox "News" discovers that waterboarding is different from "getting a swirly." Now someone tell Dick "Dick" Cheney.

--dg




(pic via Kulturedrome)

If you're against the Rethugs, you're for the quail

Evil Unca Dickie is going hunting again--on Election Day. Guess that gettin' drunk and blowin' the ass off little animals helps him relieve his stress.

Jon Stewart had better alert his Senior Vice-Presidental Firearms Mishap Analyst in case the combo of bourbon and quail gets volatile again.

--dg

(link via The Blondes)

It's Blow-vember! signs and words of wisdom

Wonkette has posted some last-moment campaign signs. They're all great, but this is my personal fave:
















Also I have found some good advice for Ted Haggard and other married preacher closet-case tweakers in a comment thread at the same site:

I can't stress how important it is to get your meth from one source and your ass-pounding from another.

Definitely a principle to live by.

--dg

Saddam Hussein "verdict" announced before actual verdict was ready

He's guilty, but they didn't tell him yet of what exactly, or how they arrived at that conclusion. The real verdict will be ready Thursday.

Some people believe that the timing of the Verdict Lite was rushed to benefit the Rethugs. Well, knock me down with a feather! Who'd have thought it?

--dg

(link via Talking Points Memo)

---

GOP plays dirty tricks to distract voters while they (Rethugs) crap their pants from fear

In at least 53 competitive Congressional races, the GOP has paid for robocalls to potential Democratic voters and independents. The calls are deliberately designed to make the recipient think that it originates from the Democratic candidate. If the voter hangs up, the robot calls back on the order of 7 or 8 times. If she stays on the line, she hears negative information about the Democratic candidate. People in some districts are returning home to find their answering machine or voice mail completely stuffed with recorded messages.

Of course this is as illegal as hell in various ways, but the Rethugs are desperate. Anybody with half a brain can smell them behind this (especially when they all have a pantload), but it's got to be immensely irritating. (Of course, in Mississippi, where voting Democratic is like farting in the wind, I haven't had any calls. Boo hoo!)

Here is a list of some of the districts where this has been happening. The tactic is beginning to get play in the MSM, but if you are in one of these districts, you should get the word out.

--dg

Actually, I would have preferred to see it in real time
"How The Lord of the Rings SHOULD have ended":

Bush: vote for us, we're the party of values!
Shihhhhhhhht...

President [Dopey McFuckwit] encouraged voters to select candidates who will lower taxes and defend "traditional values" as he kicked off the final campaign weekend in a state where gay marriage dominates the political debate.

Ah yes, the traditional republican values of lying, hypocrisy, adultery, wife-beating, mistress-strangling, fraud, tax evasion, conspiracy, money laundering, corruption, bigotry, race-baiting, gay-baiting, warmongering, fearmongering and finger-pointing.

Did we mention lying and adultery?

- m

We're talking to you, douchehole
What has to be one of the quotes of the day:

"In Pennsylvania, Rick Santorum is gone."

Mwaaaaaaa!
(Via John in DC)

m

Repugs poised to be flushed away like so much bullshit
New poll: See ya!

As [Preznit Character Counts oozes his way] across Red State America this weekend, Republican candidates are falling further behind Democratic rivals, according to the new Newsweek poll. While the GOP has lagged behind Democrats throughout the campaign season, the trend in the past month—when Newsweek conducted four polls in five weeks—had suggested the Republicans were building momentum in the homestretch.

No more. The new poll finds support for Republicans (and for [Stupie McDumbass]) receding.

- m

Compassionate conservatives
Disgraced gay meth user Ted Haggard's brother-in-Christ, Pastor Mark Driscoll, blames Haggard's downfall on his fat, lazy wife.

Driscoll, in an unfortunately ironic and amusing turn of phrase, says "I will lean over the plate and take one for the team on this..."

"It is not uncommon to meet pastors' wives who really let themselves go; they sometimes feel that because their husband is a pastor, he is therefore trapped into fidelity, which gives them cause for laziness. A wife who lets herself go and is not sexually available to her husband in the ways that the Song of Songs is so frank about is not responsible for her husband's sin, but she may not be helping him either."

Christ, what a wad.

- m

Church board agrees: Haggard a homo
Preznit Jebus McValues' "spiritual consigliere" has been righteously thrown out on his well-used ass by an independent oversight board after they determined 'the influential evangelist had committed "sexually immoral conduct."' Not that there's anything wrong with that, unless you're also a hypocrite, a liar, and married.

"Our investigation and Pastor Haggard's public statements have proven without a doubt that he has committed sexually immoral conduct," the board said in a statement.


"Verdict's in - your buddy's a rump-ranger."
*****

Saddam Hussein has been sentenced to death for the 1982 killings of 148 people in the city of Dujail. Saddam's attorneys have 30 days to appeal.

Warmongering neocons: it's all Bush's fault
Former Bush misadministration advisers: the Iraq war ws ruined by Retard McAwol's incompetence

"Theunfolding catastrophe has a central cause: devastating dysfunction within the administration of President George W. Bush."

As Iraq slips further into chaos, the war's neoconservative boosters have turned sharply on the Bush administration, charging that their grand designs have been undermined by White House incompetence. In a series of exclusive interviews, Richard Perle, Kenneth Adelman, David Frum, and others play the blame game with shocking frankness. Target No. 1: the president himself.

PSM
Who cares what you think?, a new ad over at the General's.

Changin' the course? Here's a map!
On Monday, the day before the midterm elections, editorials will run in the most influential military newspapers calling on Awol McStupidson to fire Don Rumsfeld.

As the Iraq war continues to go "remarkably well," the Military Times newspapers are calling for Rumsfeld to go.

The Military Times, Marines Corps Times, Army Times, Air Force Times, Navy Times: they speak for the troops, they speak for the families, they speak for the commanders.

This is the beginning of the end for the Republican policy of failure, arrogance, corruption, dishonesty and war partisanship.

The voice of commanders, the troops and their families will speak. This madness must end. This policy must change. Rumsfeld must go. Enough is enough.

The pre-election timing of this statement is extraordinary; that the voice of our military and families would speak so powerfully for change, in the hours before the nation votes, is a breathtaking and decisive statement of how strongly they feel that this madness must end...

Why doesn't the White House support our troops?

Expert: GOP plays politics with intel
"On the three-year anniversary of the catastrophic decision to invade and occupy Iraq, Congressional Republicans, terrified that their comprehensive failures would come back to haunt them in the November midterms, cajoled the White House into publishing incredibly sensitive information in a rhetorically empty attempt to cover their backsides." - William Rivers Pitt

"In their zeal to promote the idea Saddam Hussein in fact did have (WMD), congressional proponents of the war ... have put up documents on the internet that could give terrorists and states hostile to the United States the very instructions they need to build nuclear, chemical or biological weapons," said Joe Cirincione senior vice president for national security and international policy at the Center for American Progress in Washington.

"If Democrats had done that there would be mobs carrying torches in the streets tonight. The Democrats would be accused of treason and there would be calls for resignation," Cirincione told reporters Friday.

Changin' the course!
As the Iraq war continues to go "remarkably well," November is off to a damn bloody start...

Adapting to win, 5 more US troops have been killed in Iraq. Whoops, make that 8. Don't the troops want us to win?

A few dead-enders have tortured and murdered 57 people in Baghdad in the past 24 hours, the highest daily figure since the end of Ramadan.

US intelligence chief on unannounced visit to Iraq amid deteriorating security.

While Awol McStupid continues to be "pleased with the progress," a US officer describes the disarray in the Iraqi army.

The Moron-in-Chief abandons missing US soldier. Where's the outrage? Why does Bush hate our troops?

- m

Bush asks Dems for Iraq plan, since he certainly doesn't seem to have one
Gee, you incredible fucking moron, what the fuck are you blathering about? The Democrats have several. Maybe you should just read a goddamn newspaper. Here's one. And here. And another. And one more. Geez, dude, at least try using the Google for something other than goat porn, OK?

- m

Pwn3d
Republican Congressional candidate's assertion that Bush has a strategy for success in Iraq greeted with laughter by Veterans group.

Republican Vern Buchanan was interrupted by laughter during a debate before a group of veterans Thursday when he insisted that the White House has a strategy for the war in Iraq.

He was reduced to pathetically spouting well-worn repug talking points, such as "The (Democratic) Party, I believe, want this cut-and-run mentality" and "The war in Iraq is part of a larger war on terra. We can't forget that 3,000 people were murdered on 9/11." Asshole.

- m

Integrity and accountability
Congressional repubs fire auditor who uncovered corruption in Iraq.

This is unbelievable:

Investigations led by Stuart Bowen Jr. in Iraq have sent American occupation officials to jail on bribery and conspiracy charges, exposed disastrously poor construction work by well-connected companies like Halliburton, and discovered that the military did not properly track hundreds of thousands of weapons it shipped to Iraqi security forces.

And tucked away in a huge military authorization bill that [Preznit Integritude] signed two weeks ago is what some of Mr. Bowen’s supporters believe is his reward for repeatedly embarrassing the administration: a pink slip.

The order comes from the Republican side of the House Armed Services Committee over the objections of Democratic counterparts during a closed-door conference, and it has generated surprise and some outrage among lawmakers who say they had no idea it was in the final legislation.

- m

Catapulting the propaganda
To help keep republicans in power, Fox News will repeatedly air a documentary prior to the elections to remind the public that Democr Islamofascists want to kill us.

- m

Syphilitic stank all over CNN
The most trusted name in news rolls like a dog when harpy skank trAnn Coulter threatens to not appear if forced to debate with a liberal.

CNN reportedly canceled a scheduled appearance by Air America's Sam Seder, who claimed that he was to debate Ann Coulter on The Situation Room - but that Coulter "refused to appear with me," because, Seder said, "she was afraid I might mention her reported refusal to cooperate in a [felony] investigation into whether she voted in the wrong precinct." Co-host/twit Paula Zahn did not ask Coulter about the report. Instead, Zahn hosted Slate.com contributor and Kerry-hater Mickey Kaus, to discuss Sen. John Kerry's "botched joke."

- m

Heh
"Why is it the war on terrorism seems to be fought between September and November every even-numbered year?" Sen. Barack Obama, at a campaign rally for Jim Webb.

- m

Why do you hate America?
Well, the new gpuke talking point isn't exactly phrased that way, but it might as well be.

All over the dial this past week, you could hear one rethug after another slavishly parrot the latest soundbite, "clearly aimed at challenging the patriotism of critics of the war in Iraq": do you want us to win? Maybe they should be asking the same question of themselves:

Gpukes commit major security breach
Are Republicans working directly with the terrists?

AmericaBlog reports that GOP leaders and the Bush misadministration put incredibly sensitive and dangerous information about how to build a nooculer bomb on the internets.

So when does the talk radio outrage start? What about the investigations? Where the hey is Senator/douchehole Rick Santorum?

- m

Huh - maybe Bush really IS thinking about new ways to harm our country and our people.
*****
FUBAR fact: from today's AP: "working a southwest Missouri campaign crowd like a yell leader, Bush blasted Democrats on Friday, saying they have no plan to keep Americans safe from terrorists." Uh-huh.
*****

God bless America
Vote and vaccs program shitcanned because the GOP was afraid that too many minorities would be tempted to vote when they showed up for the free flu shots. The decision "followed two days of criticism from some conservative bloggers and talk radio shows hosts after officials announced the program Monday."

- m

Lauer: shame on Dems, and shame on you
Matt Lauer coldcocks former Bush chief of staff Andy Card on this morning's 'Today':

"He made a joke and he said he blew it. Look me in the eye and tell me with even a fraction of your heart you think John Kerry meant to question the intelligence of U.S. troops in Iraq?"

He added, "I think a lot of Democrats should have shame on their shoulders this morning because they ran away from this guy as opposed to standing up and saying it was just a mistake."

Word.

- m

Married, family-values republican resigns, admits to that hot, dirty, gay manlovin'
Oh, and snorting methamphetamine before sex to "heighten his experience."

Married, prominent conservative evangelical Ted Haggard, after vehemently denying it, now admits to frequent and vigorous gay sex with a male prostitute. That he met on Rentboy.com. What? Oh, sorry. He admits to buying meth - which he "never inhaled" - and to getting "a massage."

Facing shocking allegations that he paid a gay prostitute for sex, prominent Colorado Springs pastor Ted Haggard placed himself on administrative leave Thursday from his church position and resigned as president of the National Association of Evangelicals, a platform that made him a rising star in conservative politics.

In interviews over the past two days with the Denver Post, Michael Forest Jones alleges he had sex on a monthly basis with Haggard over three years. Jones claimed Haggard used the name "Art," admitted he was married and used meth before the two had sex.

Jones told the Post that Haggard contacted him about three years ago through an ad Jones placed in a gay newspaper or on the website Rentboy.com.

Fun fact: F Haggie has been called Pres. Smirky McJebus's "spiritual consigliore,” and "is closer to the president than James Dobson, head of the anti-gay Focus on the Family."

Fun fact 2: there are phone tapes.

Fun fact 3: CNN keeps calling the story a "bombshell."

- m

Repug adulterer paid mistress to shut up until after the election
Integrity! It's the gift that keeps on giving! A Republican congressman accused of strangling his mistress agreed to pay her $500,000 if she kept quiet until after Election Day.

Rep. Don "sure wood" Sherwood - a 65-year-old married father of three who is considered a family-values conservative - acknowledged the woman was his mistress, but denied abusing her and said that he had settled her $5.5 million lawsuit on confidential terms. She has received less than half the money so far, and will not get the rest until after the Nov. 7 election.

Fun fact: Preznit CharacterCounts campaigned for this decent, moral bozo just last week.
- m

Don't say we didn't warn you
Seen over at RimJob's this morning: Fox 'n' Friends is reporting that sanctimonious quisling Joe "me!" Lieberman will caucus with the GOP if he wins re-election to the Senate, the miserable little fuck.

-m

This just in
The Saddam verdict is expected on Sunday - but his defence team today asked for a delay in sentencing, saying Saddam "believed Sunday's expected verdict was timed to boost President Bush before the U.S. mid-term elections." Developing...

-m

Friday fun

I love the webcomic XKCD.

Hugh Laurie before he was House, singing "Mystery." (Don't drink anything while watching, or it will go up your nose.)

From the makers of the Bass-O-Matic, it's WillItBlend.com. Mmm, that's great chicken 'n' cola! (Ew.)

Cats train for post-election fracas:





Erma pretends the camera strap is Rethug brownshirt 'nads. Sic 'em, girl.











--dg

Comment of the week

From AMERICAblog:

Can someone help me out here- I'm a red state hick homophobe and think the Republicans are in power thanks to the baby Jesus. How should I vote next Tuesday?

• Democrats are 'straight' but support gay rights.
• Republicans are all being exposed as 'gay' but are against gay rights.
• Can someone tell me if I can still go to heaven by supporting gay rights or by supporting someone that's gay?
• Come to think of it--if I've heard a sermon against homosexuality by a gay preacher, does that make my religion gay too?

As Scott Adams once said, "Hear that popping sound? It's a paradigm shifting without a clutch."

--dg

Changin' the course!
Makin' progr... At least 119 Iraqi policemen were killed in shootings, abductions and bomb attacks last month.

As the Iraq war continues to go "remarkably well," two civilians were kidnapped and at least 17 people were killed "in car bombings, mortar attacks and roadside explosions in Baghdad on Wednesday, as the sounds of gunfights and explosions reverberated through the capital for much of the day."

Adapting to win, Iraq president Talabani said Thursday that US troops should stay longer in Iraq, like at least three more years.

Supportin' the troops: the US soldier who was abducted in Baghdad and left behind on Bush's obeying of the Sadr militia's orders is still being held by his captors.

Adjustin' our tactics, the US toll for October was 105 dead and 700 wounded. Bush is "pleased with the progress," blames Democrats.

- m

Bus driver who flipped Bush the finger fights back
The bus driver who got fired after some tattle-taling little repuke douchenozzle squealed on her may be reinstated.

A bus driver fired for flipping off President Bush claims she was wrongfully terminated. The 43-year-old bus driver's union has filed a grievance on her behalf. The complaint came from Congressman Dave Reichert (R-Pindick), who was traveling with Bush in June to a fundraiser.

"Our dear leader was having fun until I pointed out what this - person - was doing," Reichert later whined.

- m

Osama isn't running, boneheads
Republicans are reeking of desperation, sez an editorial -

GOP reliance on fear-mongering and terrorist finger-pointing as a campaign tactic is growing old.

Part of the Republican playbook consists once again of conveniently confusing the war in Iraq with the post-9/11 war on terror. The disingenuous formulation remains: Criticize the war in Iraq and you're a Bin Laden sympathizer. Voters seem to be growing tired of such manipulation. Who knows, they may even notice that Al Qaeda's leader, in fact, has not been captured — except in the video montages of Republican campaign ads.

- Oh, snap!! From an LA Times editorial.

- m