January 31, 2005

Or, as they say ad infinitum on the SCLM, yearrrrrgghhhhhhh!
That's if the drooling whores at CNN cover anything but the Bush blowjob-o-rama over the Iraq elections. Oh, and Hillary Clinton's penis fainting today.

Hero/patriot Howard Dean gets support of state party leaders for DNC chairman.

This year's State Of The Union address drinking game.

Iraqi election results slowed by suicide bombers' absentee ballots*
Makin' progress:

  • Bush says world is hearing voice of freedom from the center of the Middle East, if they listen really, really hard during the brief moments of quiet between all the explosions and gunfire.

  • Iraqi kid with Down's Syndrome used as suicide bomber in election attacks.

  • Preznit Putzhead calls Iraqi elections catas "resounding success." After the outcome of the last 2 US presidential elections, apparently standards aren't all that high anymore.

  • Iraq vote a success, if your goal happens to be civil war.

  • Four more Marines progress to Heaven after they are killed in Iraq.

    OK, fretards, you may now continue jerking off.

    * link.

  • The most trusted name in news
    CNN: Can Rodney Dangerfield share his comments with us about Johnny Carson passing away?

    Dangerfield's publicist: Not without a seance...

    St. Basil Cathedral, Red Square.

    Still here. I've gotten emails saying some of the yahoo links don't work, and that the site is still taking a long time to load up. Crap. Blogger #ucks up a lot of links on a regular basis. Usually I can catch it during the posting process, but sometimes it doesn't warn me that it's cut off the ends. As far as it taking so long, ???? I don't know what else to do but cut back on the pics. If anyone has any other ideas, let me know. In very basic terms, please!

    Nine billion dollars of taxpayer money missing in Iraq
    The Coalition Provisional Authority - formerly run by Paul Bremer, who received a Presidential Medal of Freedom last month - has lost $9,000,000,000 in funds due to "frauds, corruption and other misbehavior."

    Fun fact: one of the main benefactors of Iraq funds was VP Dick Cheney's "former" company Halliburton, which was paid about $1.7 billion dollars.
    Fun fact 2: your new secretary of state, Condoliar Rice, was supposedly in charge of the CPA.
    Fun fact 3: The voting Sunday did not degenerate into a violent bloodbath, so it was all worth it.

    January 28, 2005

    Friday cat blogging 2

    "Hey - this isn't scotch!" Egon wets his whistle at the fountain.

    Bush: US will pull out if new Iraqi leaders request it
    An' if Unca Dick sez it's OK...

    US troops will be pulled out of wartorn hellhole, to be replaced by "freedom helpers."

    I want that guy's job
    Headline of the day:

    Study Finds Most Bone Growth Occurs at Night

    Friday cat blogging

    The puddinglike meat-puddle that is Berry.

    Bush doesn't see ghosts, reason, why 2+2 =4
    Slow news day - part of an interview Preznit Driveway Gravel gave to C-Span:

    Brian Lamb: "The longer you're in this White House, with all those that have gone before you, do you see ghosts of past presidents?"

    Bush: "Well, I quit drinking in '86. ... It's just really hard to project back into somebody else's shoes. So, no, I guess I don't see ghosts."

    Pic thanks to Spade Hammer.

    The nine circles of Hell...

    Joe Lieberman, Alan 'Corpse' Colmes
    Circle I: Limbo, Drenched in Snot.

    The DNC
    Circle II Whirling in a Dark & Stormy Wind

    George W Bush
    Circle III Mud, Rain, Cold, Hail & Snow. Without Cowboy Boots.

    Circle IV Ballroom Dancing with Lepers

    Jerry Falwell
    Circle V Stuck in Mud with Tranny, Mangled

    River Styx

    Zell Miller
    Circle VI Buried for Eternity in Diarrhea

    River Phlegyas

    Sean Hannity
    Circle VII Burning Sands, Pineapple Up the Rectum

    mAnn Coulter
    Circle IIX Immersed in Excrement

    Tom Bugsy DeLay
    Circle IX Frozen in Ice, Balls Ripped Off by Rabid Skunks

    Design your own hell

    Gah. Last night around 2 AM the heat went out. We've been feeding the fireplace and wood stove ever since. The oil guy got here a few minutes ago, and now that it's starting to warm up I may go take a nap!

    Dick dresses like homeless, drunken stevedore for death-camp liberation ceremonies

    Vice president Dick Cheney has raised eyebrows for wearing an olive-drab parka, hiking boots and knit ski cap to represent the United States at a solemn ceremony remembering the liberation of Auschwitz.

    Other leaders at the event in Poland on Thursday marking the 60th anniversary of the death camp's liberation, such as French President Jacques Chirac and Russian President Vladimir Putin, wore dark, formal overcoats and dress shoes or boots.

    "The vice president, however, was dressed in the kind of attire one typically wears to operate a snow blower," the Washington Post's fashion writer wrote.

    Class. Dignitude. Fucktard.

    January 27, 2005

    Nadler taken aback by revelations about SpongeBob’s insidious pro-homosexual agenda

    "I couldn’t agree more," Congressman Jerrold Nadler (D-NY) said. "We’ve seen this before with Tinky Winky, the allegedly gay Teletubby. Simply put, kids’ cartoons are no longer safe for kids – at least if we want them to develop into bigoted, narrow-minded adults."

    Thanks to Jared for the story!

    Congressional Hispanic caucus has just given the UFIA to Gonzales

    On Wednesday, the Congressional Hispanic Caucus informed the Senate that the CHC has opted not to endorse Alberto Gonzales, President Bush’s nominee to replace [Crisco-annointed flake] John Ashcroft as the next Attorney General of the United States.

    During the past four years, the CHC has proudly endorsed many judicial and executive branch nominees selected by [the smirking a-hole]. Unfortunately, Mr. Gonzales proved unwilling to discuss important issues facing the Latino community and refused to meet with the CHC, despite the fact that he initially indicated that he would welcome the chance to gain the approval of the 21 member CHC.

    We feel we have no choice but to tell him to fuck off.

    OK, that last part was mine, but you get the drift.

    (Thanks to Spade Hammer for the pic! )

    Bush orders an end to hiring propagandists columnists
    President Lawn Ornament ordered his Cabinet secretaries Wednesday not to pay media commentators to promote his legislative agenda, saying Fox News does it for free.

    Here - try mine out now!
    Headline of the day:

    Curry's groin responds well in practice


    Vice President Cheney remembers Holocaust
    "Jews. #uck 'em."
    - link.

    January 26, 2005

    The decline of civil-ization
    The Parents Television Council, a crackpot watchdog group with nothing better to do than frequently complain to the FCC, recently filed an objection with them saying that during the tv show The Simpsons, "Don't cut off my pianissimo" was uttered (the FCC, to their credit, found that the phrase was "not indecent").

  • The religious right are now questioning Bush's faith, because during his inauguration speech he mentioned the Koran “in the same breath with the Old and the New Testaments."

  • Bush makes fun of seniors at press con

    Q: I seem to remember a time in Texas on another problem, taxes, where you tried to get out in front and tell people it's not a crisis now, it's going to be a crisis down the line - you went down in flames on that one. Why...

    The boy king: Actually, I - if I might. (Laughter.) I don't think a billion-dollar tax relief that permanently reduced property taxes on senior citizens was "flames," but since you weren't a senior citizen, perhaps that's your definition of "flames."

    Q: I never got my billion --

    Preznit Stupid: Yes. Because you're not a senior citizen yet. Acting like one, however. Go ahead. (Laughter.)

    I can hear it now: oh, his homespun, folksy humor is so refreshing!

    Balls. That was either an Alzheimer's joke or a senility joke. F*cking dumbass.

    Poodle bites master
    Bunnypants' little lapdog discovers he can lick his own balls.

    Switzerland -- British Prime Minister Tony Blair called on the United States Wednesday to take the world's needs into account when it seeks global support for its actions, and cited climate change as an issue all nations must address together.

    "If America wants the rest of the world to be part of the agenda it has set, it must be part of their agenda, too," Blair told the World Economic Forum meeting in Davos.

    Pic of the huuuuge solar flare from Saturday - our radios have been extremely crappy since Tuesday morning, maybe this explains why:

    The largest emission of radiation by the sun in 15 years could disrupt mobile telephone communications as well as television and radio reception, scientists said.
    Maybe we'll get to see an aurora, if the sky ever clears up.

    Free Image Hosting at www.ImageShack.us
    Click to embiggen.

    Ethics complaint hits AG nominee
    Bush pick for nation's top law enforcement official may have committed a federal crime.

    Ethics watchdog organization CREW has filed a complaint against Attorney General-designate Abuto Ghraibzales with the state bar of Texas over his account to the Senate Judiciary Committee of his role in getting President Privilege excused from jury duty a decade ago.

    Then there's this. And this.

    It's a new record!
    Budget deficit expected to be $427 billion for 2005.

    The figure, provided by a chickenshit senior Bush misadministration official on condition of anonymity, was among a flood of numbers released Tuesday that underscored a gloomy budget picture.

    The nonpartisan Congressional Budget Office said projected deficits for the decade ending in 2014 had grown $503 billion worse than it calculated in September, excluding war costs. The deterioration was chiefly due to >tax cuts and hurricane aid enacted since then.

    Yet another paid Bush mouthpiece comes to light

    In 2002, syndicated columnist Maggie Gallagher repeatedly defended President Bush's push for a $300 million initiative encouraging marriage as a way of strengthening families. But Gallagher failed to mention that she had a $21,500 contract with the Department of Health and Human Services to help promote the president's proposal.

    "Did I violate journalistic ethics by not disclosing it?" Gallagher, channelling Donald Rumsfeld, said yesterday. "I don't know. You tell me."

    She said she would have "been happy to tell anyone who called me" about the contract but that "frankly, it never occurred to me" to disclose it.

    Oh - well, that makes it OK then.

    Senate confirms Rice as secretary of state, McCain as pathetic douchebag
    Liar gets the most "no" votes since World War II.

    Twelve Democrats and independent James Jeffords of Vermont voted against the confirmation of Condoliar Rice today, saying she lied in the run-up to the war in Iraq.

    In the spirit of partisan bootlicking, gpuke towelboy and formerly respected senator John McCain called the Dems sore losers who were still "bitter over the outcome of the election."

    Well, fuck you too.

    Senator/meat puppet McCain mentally prepares himself
    for another reach-around by smirking monkey.

    View from upstairs window, sunset, 1/21/05.

    one dare call it 'coffee'
    It's only Wednesday. Wednesday morning.
    The entire computer system at work is "currently unavailable."
    I have to work on my goals and development plan for the year.

    Feh - we're now on-line. But it's still only Wednesday morning.

    January 25, 2005

    Bunnypants get Razzies nod
    "Worst... president... ever."

    The fake Christian, fake cowboy, fake soldier and fake preznit gets nominated for the Golden Raspberry awards, announced today:

    Worst Actor: George W Bush – Fahrenheit 911
    Worst Screen Couple: George W Bush and either Condoleeza Rice or his pet goat – Fahrenheit 911

    Bush been at the Jebus Juice again?

    "I'm also mindful that man should never try to put words in God's mouth. I mean, we should never ascribe natural disasters or anything else to God. We are in no way, shape, or form should a human being play God."
    - Too Stupid to be President, Jan. 14, 2005.

    Moral values
    Seventeen priests in NY have been disciplined by the church for filling altar boys with the holy spirit.

    You can't fight in here! This is the War Room!
    23 at Guantanamo attempted suicide in 2003.

    The Pentagon confirms that there have been 350 "self-harm" incidents at Gitmo, but says in its defense that most of the untried and indefinitely imprisoned subjects are being drama queens.

    Why promote failure?’

    In another futile, too-little-too-late moment, Democratic Senators today will debate Emperor Snippy's nomination of Condoliar Rice as secretary of state, and "rake his Iraq war policy over the coals."

    Fun fact: the testicles, which Dems bought by the case from Costco especially for today, have already expired.

    Fun fact 2: "the White House had been confident that Rice would be approved last week, and State Department officials were alerted to show up Friday morning to greet her with smiles and applause." Puke.


    You're either with us or against us, Poutine!*
    Statesman and uniter George Dumbass Bush wasn't trying to strong-arm Canadians on missile defence in a meeting last month with their Prime Minister, US officials had to explain on Monday.

    In the meeting, Bush "waved off attempts to explain how contentious the issue is" and "leaned across the table and said: 'I'm not taking this position, but some future president is going to say: Why are we paying to defend Canada.'"

    Meanwhile, some future prime minister is wondering if he's going to have to defend Canada from the US.

    The WH toadies were already spinning. "The prime minister needs to look like he's not caving to Bush on this and they need Bush to look like a jerk," said a 'US lobbyist.'

    Well, THAT part ought to be easy enough.

    *A past example of Bush building relationships with our northern neighbor.

    Bush's 300 billion-dollar boondoggle
    "A record amount that shatters initial estimates."

    The Bushies have asked for another $80 billion in new funding for their Iraqi fiasco, on top of the $25 billion in emergency spending already approved.

    Defense analyst John Pike said the Pentagon might need even more money later this year "because everything is so very, very fucked up we just don't know the rate at which the insurgency will grow or subside."

    Oh, and the misadministration is also considering including $1 billion to $2 billion to construct a new US embassy complex in Baghdad, presumably to protect against thrown flowers.

    In a related story, the boy king, after saying he would honor an Iraqi request to withdraw, now says the US will keep 120,000 troops in Iraq for next 2 years.

    "It's yore money!"
    - Preznit Privilege.

    January 24, 2005

    US dollar in deep doodoo

    Central banks are shifting reserves away from the US and towards the euro in a move that looks set to deepen the Bush [mis]administration's difficulties in financing its ballooning current account deficit. In actions likely to undermine the dollar's value on currency markets, 70 per cent of central bank reserve managers said they had increased their exposure to the euro over the past two years.

    So, red-staters... what has Bunnypants done for you today?

    Oh please oh please oh please...
    '60 Minutes' is allegedly prepping a segment on ethically-challenged House majority leader/scumbag Tom DeLay. That's according to drudge, and we all know how reliable he's been.

    Pic from Yahoo News.

    12 inches of snow.
    Minus 12 degrees.
    I'm stuck at work, listening to my coworkers in the adjoining cubes cackling and shrieking during their upteenth coffee break of the day, and waiting for the computer to load up already, dammit. I think it must be frozen. Plus in a few minutes I have to go back outside to walk over to a meeting in another building.
    It's going to be a long day.

    Things that make you go hmmmmmm

    Senate Democrats put off a vote on White House counsel Alberto Gonzales's nomination to be attorney general, complaining he had provided evasive answers to questions about torture and the mistreatment of prisoners. But Gonzales's most surprising answer may have come on a different subject: his role in helping [President AWOL] escape jury duty in a drunken-driving case involving a dancer at an Austin strip club in 1996.

    So what, you say? Well...

    [B]y getting excused from jury duty [Bush] was able to avoid questions that would have required him to disclose his own 1976 arrest and conviction for driving under the influence of alcohol (DUI) in Kennebunkport, Maine.

    January 22, 2005

    It has begun.

    In the news today
    Even if you are the president, you are never too old to ask for money from your dad to add to the church collection plate.

    America’s day of shame

    At one point, while Bush was reaffirming his dedication to the cause of liberty, a policeman could be seen demanding that a banner be taken down. Toward the end of speech the television cameras showed protesters, who had apparently dared to boo Bush’s remarks, being taken into custody. {...}

    After all that has happened in the past four years, the spectacle of George W. Bush taking the oath of office for a second time was a deeply shameful event in US history. A stench of criminality hangs about this administration—and the entire US political and media establishment. Those cheering Bush did so for a reason: he appeals to the most reactionary and ignorant sections of the population.

    Evil monkey-boy.

    Winter storm warning!
    From the Weather Channel:

    Today: Snow will become heavy at times this afternoon. Bloody #ucking cold. Feels like -14. High near 20F if you're lucky, but it'll be during the damn blizzard, so what the hell. Winds NE at 5 to 10 mph. 8 to 12 inches of snow expected. Hope you stocked up on soup, milk and candles, you poor bastards!

    Tonight: Snow, snow, snow. Winds will increase late. Low 17F. NNE winds at 10 to 20 mph, increasing to 25 to 35 mph. 4 to 7 more inches of snow expected.

    Tomorrow: Snow showers and flurries becoming less frequent late in the day. Cold. High 19F. N winds at 25 to 40 mph, diminishing to 15 to 25 mph. Chance of more snow 50%. Drifts expected to reach two to three feet.

    The emperor of vulgarity

    What an absolutely bitchy article. I love it -

    George Bush's second inaugural extravaganza was every bit as repugnant as I had expected, a vulgar orgy of triumphalism probably unmatched since Napoleon crowned himself emperor of the French in Notre Dame in 1804.

    The little Corsican corporal had a few decent victories to his escutcheon. Lodi, Marengo, that sort of thing. Not so this strutting Texan mountebank, with his chimpanzee smirk and his born-again banalities delivered in that constipated syntax that sounds the way cold cheeseburgers look, and his grinning plastic wife, and his scheming junta of neo-con spivs, shamans, flatterers and armchair warmongers, and his sinuous evasions and his brazen lies, and his sleight of hand theft from the American poor, and his rape of the environment, and his lethal conviction that the world must submit to his Pax Americana or be bombed into charcoal.

    Difficult to know what was more repellent: the estimated $US40 million cost of this jamboree (most of it stumped up by Republican fat-cats buying future presidential favours), or the sheer crassness of its excess when American boys are dying in the quagmire of Bush's very own Iraq war...