December 30, 2006

Jesus Christ
How fucking stupid is this??

Grand Canyon National Park is not permitted to give an official estimate of the geologic age of its principal feature, due to pressure from Bush administration appointees. Despite promising a prompt review of its approval for a book claiming the Grand Canyon was created by Noah's flood rather than by geologic forces, more than three years later no review has ever been done and the book remains on sale at the park, according to documents released today by Public Employees for Environmental Responsibility (PEER).

"In order to avoid offending religious fundamentalists, our National Park Service is under orders to suspend its belief in geology," stated PEER Executive Director Jeff Ruch. "It is disconcerting that the official position of a national park as to the geologic age of the Grand Canyon is ‘no comment.'"
Shit, everyone knows it was created by a meatball rolling off one of the noodly appendages of the FSM.

Look, daddy, ah got 'im!
"Deranged leader, responsible for the death of countless innocent Iraqi citizens, continues vacation in Crawford." - headline on teh intarwebs.

Saddam was executed by hanging last night, as Bunnypants peacefully slept with his stuffed Moses an' sherriff's badge and dreamt that he had ordered an x-tra large ball-holster from

And violence continued to rage in Iraq. December has already surpassed October as the deadliest month for US troops this year, with the death toll reaching 108. At least 2,997 US servicemen and women have been killed since the war started, but Retard McJerkhole will strut around with an extra-large smirk on his stupid monkey phiz today 'cause th' evildooer's dead, an' he helped.

December 29, 2006

Insufferable warmongering dipshit wins 'Villian of the Year'
Il Ducebag named the "ultimate villain" of 2006. His mother must be so proud...

Asked to name the candidate that first came to mind for "biggest villain of the year", Bush won by a landslide, with 25 percent, followed by bin Laden, the al-Qa'ida leader, in second place with 8 percent.

Rounding out the top five villains were Saddam, who is awaiting execution, with 6 percent; Iranian President Mahmoud Ahmadinejad, 5 percent, and North Korean leader Kim Jong-il, 2 percent -- from the three countries Bush once designated as the "Axis of Evil."

On edit: screengrab from Crooks 'n' Liars -

Worse... than... Satan.

Why we need more troops in Iraq
By Joseph Lieberman, pandering butt-lubed mumbler/patsy

Extremists attacked us on 9/11!!

How'd I do? Numnumnumnumnums!!!!

Is our children learning?
LOL. This is the monkey-mail we found in our inbox this morning:

dude your an idiot all you do is bitch about the republicans and some fucken gay ass polar bare u seriously need to get a fucken life.
This is the list of referral search queries done for the same time:
naughty forced fuck fantasy
women love poopflingers
squirrels with sticks
Somebody's got issues, and I don't think it's me.

Now kin ah have muh ice cream??
See, we're makin' progress!

Squinty McFuckwit worked nearly three whole hours during his Christmas vacation in Texas on Thursday to design a new US policy in Iraq, then emerged to say that he and his advisers need more time to craft the plan he'll announce in the new year.
Bush made his three-minute statement on a dirt road lined with cactus, then turned away, ignoring a reporter's question about the pending execution and the one of Saddam's, heading off to the "bunkhouse" for cookies an' eggnog an' tuh play with his new Bible action figures.

December 28, 2006

Suck it, pukes
"Overnight, the spirit of Edward R. Murrow was reborn."

What a month it has been for the right wing religious conservative cabal attempting to subvert the very meaning of America. First voters overwhelmingly reject their God-anointed leader Pres. George W(orst) Bush. Then The Nativity Story is rejected not only by pagans, Jews and Muslims but most Christians. Now comes word that not only has their beloved mouthpiece of fair and balanced news reporting - Fox News - dropped out of the top ten most watched cable channels but, oh horror of horror, Keith Olbermann's nightly reminder that Bush was anointed by the Supreme Court and not God is single-handedly responsible for increasing the viewership of MSNBC 25% over this time a year ago.

[H]e has become the premier spokesman for the disenfranchised American patriot who has watched in disbelief as Americans by the millions confused supporting the eternal ideal of America with supporting a patently delusional spoiled brat rummy whose decision to send men and women to war is based on nothing more substantial that wanting to prove to mommy that he's the real man in the family.
- seen at BartCop.

Woodward: Gerald Ford criticized WH's justification for war
"Where [the fuck] does (Bush) get his advice?" the former president said in a 2004 interview. "I mean, Christ - was there ever a bigger lying sack of crap than Dick Cheney?"

A fond look back at 2006
Some use the first sentence of each month's post, others the most commented-on. I'm going with the best of the posts from the first day of each month!

January: Catapulting the propaganda: Sanctimonious hypocrite and newest whore in the CNN stable of whoredom was being paid by the Bush WH.

February: I would've gotten tanked if it weren't for Cheney's hypno-tie and all the NyQuil I was downing.

March: Corrupt scumbag Tom DeLay will speak at a Christian conference for values voters - because nothing says values like facing criminal conspiracy charges and being indicted for violating campaign finance laws.

April: Bush preps for historic third term

May: "In all due respect to my colleagues, General Hayden is really more of an intelligence person than he is an Air Force officer," McCain said. "Now if you'll excuse me, I'm out of Vaseline and mouthwash."

June: Coalition of the... hey! Get back over here!!

July: Poll: 'Good news' fails to boost Stupie McLyington's job approval

August: Pious Saint Ricky the Drooler can't win on his own, so the rethugs are spiking the race.

September: "A crowd of thousands cheered... '"This is what democracy looks like.'"

October: "No thanks, I'm a registered Republican."

November: So, US Rep. John Sweeney - when did you stop beating your wife?

December: I would pay to see one where the husband stands outside in the driveway with a big red bow tied around his d***, for once.

Also in December we said goodbye to our dear friend Jaffa. I miss him curled up next to me at night, cutting off my circulation. Rest near meeces, kitten.

December 27, 2006

Il Ducebag "moving quickly" to hire shitloads of lawyers.

President Bush is bracing for what could be an onslaught of investigations by the new Democratic-led Congress by hiring lawyers to fill key White House posts and preparing to play defense on countless document requests and possible subpoenas.
LOL. Suck it, pukes!

Well, like, better late than never, right?
Bush wants polar bears listed as endangered due to climate change he refused to do anything about or even acknowledge.

Uhhh, wrong. Idiot.

It's Christmastime in Hell!
Saddam Hussein could hang within 30 days now that his appeal has been rejected and the Bush misadministration doesn't need him around anymore.

Rest in peace
Two American giants - entertainer James Brown and actual president Gerald Ford - are dead. Ford, senselessly at 93.

During happier times...

"Hey, blackie... uhhhh, Brownie - didja bring any coke?"

December 24, 2006

Gotta finish up cooking and wrapping - Merry Christmas, everyone!!


December 23, 2006

To all our friends in blogtopia
xxxxxooooo! Thanks for everything this year!

"All I Want For Christmas Is You"

Almost Christmas cat blogging

Berry looks for more toys to play with.

OK, how f***ing cute is that?!
Why can't I find one of these hanging on my Christmas tree?!

Feeling a draft yet?
The Bush misadministration is planning a test run of America's emergency military call-up system, but denies it's bringing back the draft. I mean, it's not like the military is almost at its breaking point or anything. Goodness gracious no.

Congratulations to Mia Culpa, this year's winner of the Monkeyfister Au Peer Award!

December 22, 2006

Maybe it's the holiday stress
Boy, is God a huge crankbag these days...

I'm so sorry
"Carol of the Meows"


Friday cat blogging

Egon is verrrrrrrry comfortable.

Toe-sucking midget "leaving the country" if Clinton-Obama ticket wins
Rethug spooge-container and Fox News political anal-yst Dick Morris promises to cut-and-run if Hillary is elected -

Guest host Karen HANRETTY: So what you're proposing is a ticket of Hillary Clinton, Barack Obama. And you think that America is ready for not only the first female president of the United States, but for a black man to be president and next in line?

MORRIS: Well, first of all, I'm not proposing it. I'm leaving the country if this happens.

COLMES: Oh, come on. You promise?

HANRETTY: You're going to pull an Alec Baldwin on us, Dick?

COLMES: We've got it on tape now.

MORRIS: You guys can do this from Peru, right? I do not want Hillary Clinton controlling the FBI and the IRS and the CIA and the DEA.
She might find those pictures of me naked and blowing goats!

Sweet Jesus, what the fuck is wrong with Bill O'Reilly??
"[M]ost women who like artificial trees ... have artificial breasts."

O'REILLY: Sixty-two percent of Americans will have a Christmas tree, but most of the trees will be artificial.

E.D. HILL (radio co-host): That surprises me. Only 62 percent have Christmas --

O'REILLY: Yeah. And here -- and here's a very -- here's something that Rasmussen didn't poll but I know, that most women who like artificial trees --

HILL: Yeah?

O'REILLY: -- have artificial breasts.

HILL: What?!?

O'REILLY: Did you know that? Yeah. There's a correlation. Yeah, there was a study done --

HILL: You know --

O'REILLY: It was. It was done at UCLA in L.A. All right --

HILL: I don't believe you --

O'REILLY: -- we gotta take a break -- we gotta take a break, and we'll be back with Reverend Barry Lynn to talk about why there's so much angst about Christmas in a moment.
??!?!?!?!???? Gawd.

Cool, sad, ... tasty...
Japanese research team captures giant squid off the coast of Tokyo.

Making the pie higher
Bunnypants' "Stay the course" was named the catch phrase of the year on Thursday by the Global Language Monitor.

December 21, 2006

For the rest of us
Vanderlay Industries... uhhhh, The Wagner Company, based in Milwaukee, is bringing back its line of Festivus poles for the holiday season. Serenity Order yours now!

Fox: 'fuck this!'
Arbiter of America's moral values Fox Television argues that the FCC's profanity rules are fucking unfair in a federal appeals court hearing Wednesday.

Profiles in courage
Doing the people's business

Oh really?

Of all the nauseating tactics used by the Republican party in the 2006 midterm election campaign, one of the more galling was their continued insistence that Democrats had "no plan" for national security. To provide cover for that bogus claim, the Senate's GOP leadership made damn sure that they killed 528 pages of a national-security blueprint proposed by Democrats...

That legislation, dumped on an almost-straight party line vote, was one of many Democratic-sponsored measures to die in the Republican-controlled Senate in 2006 and part of a whopping three-quarters of Democratic initiatives squashed [like so many nubile young pages, over the two years of the 109th Rethug do-nothing Congress].

An analysis of all Senate roll call votes in 2006 shows that the GOP killed most legislation proposed by Senate Democrats. In all, Dems were able to scrape together a handful of Republican votes to pass just 28 pieces of legislation in all of 2006.
Who's laughing now, bitches.

Duhhbya: 'insurgents are meanie mcmeanersons!'
They're... they're evil an' they're poopyheads an' they stink!

"Listen, last year started off as an exciting year with the 12 million voters. And, you know, the attack on the Samarra - the Samarra mosque - was Zarqawi's successful attempt to foment this sectarian violence. And it's - it's - it's mean, it is deadly. And we've got to help the Iraqis deal with it."

Why does Bush hate America?
French special forces had Osama bin Laden in their sights twice but their US superiors never gave them permission to fire.

The report, by journalists Eric de Lavarene and Emmanuel Razavi, asserts that the French troops had bin Laden in their rifle scopes in 2003 and then again six months later in 2004.

Four French soldiers assigned to a 200-strong special forces unit in Afghanistan under US military control all confirmed -- "at different times and in different places" -- that they could have killed bin Laden but that the order to shoot was not forthcoming.

Another Bush wimps out
'I have no future,' Jeb Bush tells reporters. Thank you, Jebus.

Il Ducebag's slightly smarter brother has ruled out any plans to return to elected office.

The unpopularity and dismal job-approval ratings of his idiot asshole brother may have scuttled any plans Jeb Bush may have had for a future in politics.

"That miserable little shit has ruined everything!"

Top general in Mideast: 'fuck this shit, I'm outta here'
Gen. John Abizaid, who has opposed calls for more troops in Iraq, is leaving in March - clearing the way for a more aggressive military strategy by Awol McStupid and his powermad chickenhawk minders seeking a new way forr'd.

War preznit: 'who cares what they think?'
The Decider decides "Ah'm gonna decide! Me!"

Can you really say he's "listening to the military" when he's got his fingers in his ears going "la la la"?

"Ah'm th' Deciderer!"

December 20, 2006

Cheney to take the stand, blood of children
Defense attorneys are planning to call the vice president as a witness at Scooter Libby's trial next month, hoping he doesn't get hit by a bolt of lightning during the swearing-in.

"Was I concerned? Yes," Robert Bittman, a former deputy independent counsel, expects Cheney to say. "Was it my primary issue? No. My primary issue was making sure a nuclear weapon was not detonated in the United States."
Oh please. Then again, if it works, I may use that line of reasoning at my court date for assault and battery.


But dear, our nation is calling!
2007 will require difficult choices and additional sacrifices, says Stupie McStuperson:

"As we work with Congress in the coming year to chart a new course in Iraq and strengthen our military to meet the challenges of the 21st century, we must also work together to achieve important goals for the American people here at home. This work begins with keeping our economy growing... A recent report on retail sales shows a strong beginning to the holiday shopping season across the country -- and I encourage you all to go shopping more."
Shoes for industry! Shoes for the defense! HDTVs and miniature American flags for everyone!

Bonus: Retard McJebus wishes reporters a "happy holiday." Fox News anchors' hemorrhoids explode.

Dur de dur de dur
Awol von Bunnypants, who has long insisted we were "absolutely winning" in Iraq, decided Tuesday for the first time that we were not. He also said we weren't losing. And that we're still makin' progress.

In an interview with the WaComPo, he said he plans to increase the number of targets troops "to fight a long-term battle against terrism," which is separate from his search for a new way forward in Iraq. Which he still has not yet made a decision on yet.

Top generals have expressed concern that even temporarily shipping thousands of more troops would be largely ineffective in the absence of new political and economic steps, and that it would leave the Army and Marine Corps even thinner once the surge ended.

They also worry that it feeds a perception that the strife and chaos in Iraq is mainly a military problem; in their view it is largely political, fed by economic distress.

"Who cares what they think? Ah'll figure something out nex' month," the Decider decided. "An' ah'll come forward with a plan. We're gonna develop a strategy that helps the Iraqis sustain, govern an' defend itself. An' Santa's gonna bring me a new bicycle!"

December 19, 2006

I'm not a toomah
Pickles Stepford rids herself of useless, troublesome lump. No, the other one.

Mrrrrrrry Kitmas, Jebus!
Seen at Cute Overload -

Ehhh! Get off my lawn!
Dead deer found on the lawn of Deadeye Dick Cheney's Washington, DC home.

People passing by the vice president's residence over the weekend were shocked to see a dead deer on his lawn. "Who killed it!?" asked one horrified witness. "The deer has been there a while, because a friend e-mailed me earlier this morning to report the sad sighting. I just saw it myself. I'm crying."
Won't somebody think of the children??