Get the eff up! Iz Caturday!
January 31, 2009
Around blogtopia: the BAD edition
It's Blogroll Amnesty weekend, where we celebrate the wonderful yet somehow rarely-heard-from voices in blogtopia (y!sctp!).
If there's a blog that you'd like to see here, please give us the link in the comments!
Posted by maru at 1/31/2009 08:29:00 AM 6 comments
January 30, 2009
Fark.com headline of the day
We have a tie!
-- actual story here.
-- story here.
Posted by maru at 1/30/2009 04:21:00 PM 2 comments
Friday Funnies
"So far so good for the Obamas. The family is settled in. There's the President and his wife and the kids and the mother-in-law. And they're settling nicely. The only problem, the only complaint -- and they don't want to make trouble -- but the only complaint is they can still hear creepy organ music coming from Dick Cheney's dungeon." --David Letterman
"This is kind of an awkward time for President Bush. He's too young to retire, yet still too old to destroy the moral and economic infrastructure of another country." --Jay Leno
"But Dick Cheney, you've got to give him credit. He's enjoying his first week as a private citizen. In fact, today, he was out hunting human prey." --David Letterman
Posted by Undeniable Liberal at 1/30/2009 04:21:00 PM 1 comments
RNC propaganda nutwork: majority of Americans hate America
A new poll by Fox News has large numbers of troop-hating Islamocommiedefeatohomofascist terrist fistbumpers giving a "teary-eyed thumbs up for Pres Obama," middle fingers to Bush.
Coincidently, most of the Fux Nooze staff were moved to tears upon reading the poll results.
Posted by maru at 1/30/2009 04:19:00 PM 0 comments
In other news...
Dad to return to Iraq to get some peace and quiet.
You already have 6 kids and you're taking fertility treatments?? WTF????
Disease just a load of balls, say physicians.
Fuck you.
Giant shoe-shaped statue built to honor the Iraqi journalist who hurled his shoes at Il DuceBag goes on display in Tikrit.
Posted by maru at 1/30/2009 04:17:00 PM 3 comments
A season of hope, reconciliation, and generosity
With all other problems solved, Faux Nooze and their dipshit freetard dittospankmonkeys have nothing else to do but obsess about their own miserable failures:
Because fuck you, you're stupid. Jeebus fucking Christ in a go-cart.
"Though the spirit of change may be in the air in Washington, some things apparently stay the same," Google software engineer Matt Curtis said. "Like the braindead asswipe circlejerks on the right. Don't these idiots have bigger issues to worry about? Fuck me."
Posted by maru at 1/30/2009 04:16:00 PM 0 comments
John Kerry: "fuck 'em!"
Sen. Kerry says Democrats should ignore republicans’ demands about the stimulus plan if they’re going to vote against it anyway.
Reacting to Wednesday night’s vote in the House — where not a single GOP member supported the stimulus package — Kerry told Politico that “if Republicans aren’t prepared to vote for it, we shouldn't be offering to give up things. Fuck that. I'm sick of this shit.”As if. He's gonna roll over like cheap date on meth.
Posted by maru at 1/30/2009 04:16:00 PM 1 comments
Because I got Nuthin'
Oh Fark.
Showing the kind of hard-hitting reporting the media is famous for, a new study concludes 28% of people cried during Obama's inauguration. Since this is from FOXNews, you know why they were crying.I too, cried during the inauguration - but I think it was mostly because of the new nipple clamps.
Posted by Undeniable Liberal at 1/30/2009 04:11:00 PM 2 comments
"The comeback starts now!"
Uhhh, ok, now!
Ok, wait ... .... ummmmmm, now!
Mike Duncan, Chimpy McFailure's hand-picked national repuke party chairman, abandoned his re-election bid Friday after his support "steadily eroded over three rounds of balloting." In fact, none of his four challengers got the required 85 votes needed.
Update: in a sure sign of desperation, the RNC, on their fourth vote, elected a black guy to head their party. A magic negro, if you will.
Posted by maru at 1/30/2009 04:08:00 PM 0 comments
January 29, 2009
Worst... escape... evar
This is hysterical. It just needs the "Benny Hill" soundtrack to make it perfect:
Posted by maru at 1/29/2009 04:32:00 PM 0 comments
Pravda and al Jazeera Would be Envious
Republican control of government required a majority of Rethuglicans on cable news; apparently Dem control of government requires mostly Rethuglicans too.
This has been yet another episode of "Yore Librul Media."
Posted by Undeniable Liberal at 1/29/2009 04:29:00 PM 0 comments
"Obama's White House is too political"
Satan's porcine handmaiden, desperately trying to stay relevant, concern-trolls the new administration.
Porculant antichrist Karl Rove, responsible for and serving with the most partisan and disastrous dipshits evar, says the new Obama administration is too political and disorganized, the staff aren't sitting where he would expect them to be sitting, and wehhhhhh, even his old office is gone!1! How can they possibly govern effectively??????
Asshat. Maybe he should have worried about that BEFORE he helped fuck everything up.
And shouldn't he be busy preparing for his deposition?
Posted by maru at 1/29/2009 04:27:00 PM 2 comments
Gallup poll: most of America doesn't support America
According to Gallup, only five states backed the gpukes in 2008: Utah, Wyoming, Idaho, Alaska, and Nebraska.
That dramatic turnaround is clearly an outgrowth of Americans' dissatisfaction with the way the Republicans (in particular, George W. Bush) governed the country.
Boy, you sure wouldn't know it from the way the repukes have been acting the past few days. But hey, if they keep it up, maybe they'll lose a few more states.
Posted by maru at 1/29/2009 04:26:00 PM 0 comments
What a Surprise
Demonstrating genuine concern for the American economy and in the spirit of true bi-partisanship, the economic stimulus bill was passed in the house with a bi-partisan total of ZERO Rethuglican votes.
Bonus fun fact: Multiple corporations announced thousands of additional layoffs today. The news comes as more Americans receive unemployment benefits than at any time since the government started keeping track in 1967.
Cunt tree First!!
Posted by Undeniable Liberal at 1/29/2009 04:23:00 PM 3 comments
More manufactured outrage from the loony right
In this season of reconciliation and hope that we can rise above the past's corrosive polarization, an unhinged yambag at the Retardlican Liberty Caucus starts pulling shit out of his ass:
The Palin Derangement Syndrome on the radical left is getting worse. A blogger on the LimeLife.com site is now attacking Gov. Palin for wearing glasses. She didn’t quite call her “four eyes,” but used the slightly more snarky “spectacled one” to describe the former vice presidential nominee and governor of America’s 50th state. Those Leftist writers are so sophisticated. What are they going to do next? Trip retarded kids who are crossing the street?
Yeah, starting with you.
You have GOT to be fucking kidding. Since when does “spectacled one” = snarky? It's rather somewhat dashing in a nerdish kind of way. Like Indiana Jones. But that's just me, a “spectacled one.” Oh, I forgot: us Leftist writers are too sophisticated to wear glasses. Merde en croute!
Jeebus, just when you thought the Demoncrap Derangement Syndrome on the retarded right -- but I repeat myself -- couldn't get any worse... Now they're actively making stuff up to get "outraged" about. Idiots.
Above: typical freetard.
Posted by maru at 1/29/2009 04:23:00 PM 2 comments
With all other problems solved...
Some twat-hole with the initials "Noel Sheppard" (at the conservatard site newsbusters.cum) has nothing else to do but obsess about this:
Gawd. Get a fucking life, jerkwad.
Oh, sorry: In this season of reconciliation and hope and in the spirit of generosity, we shall now call the Waahhhhhhhhhmbulance. Cart this whinging assclown away.
Update: one of the roommates tells me this was also a big topic today on Fux and Friends. Sigh. Let's recap...
THIS is retarded:
Notice the fuckingly doofy "durrrrrrr!" face of Der Chimpleton as he keeps tugging on the door.
This is not:
Now fuck off.
Posted by maru at 1/29/2009 04:22:00 PM 0 comments
Despair spreads amid mounting job losses
Number of Americans receiving jobless benefits hits an all-time record.
And President Obama's stimulus plan gets no GOP support in the House. None. Zip. Nada. 0. Bupkus. Zero.
In this season of hope that we can rise above the corrosive polarization of recent years, and in the spirit of generosity, not one single fucking rethuglican voted to pass the economic recovery bill.
Why do rethuglicans hate America?
Posted by maru at 1/29/2009 04:19:00 PM 1 comments
January 28, 2009
I'm Loving me some Obama....
But still.....
YOUR thoughts?
Posted by Undeniable Liberal at 1/28/2009 07:24:00 PM 7 comments
January 27, 2009
Headline of the day
"In his final New York Times column, Bill Kristol says conservatives have done a great deal of good for the American people. For instance: destroying the Republican party."-- Heh. From fark.com
Posted by maru at 1/27/2009 05:20:00 PM 0 comments
Consistently wrong douchewad gets new paying job
Kristol the Klown returns to the WaComPo, which obviously has lower standards, lubier analpucker than the NYT. Drooling, weapons-grade-stupid yamsack wHoward Kurtz, one of the biggest twats in the media, explains:
There, fixed it for you. Dickhead.
It's not that he was a wank-brained neocon spoogebucket, its that he was always wrong. About everything.
Posted by maru at 1/27/2009 04:44:00 PM 178 comments
Those targeting Bush should let their hate 'die away'
Right. Us Demoncraps with our nasty Bush Derangement Syndrome should just let it go and bask in all the flowers-and-butterflies magic-pony love that has taken over the land and turned the rest of America into sappy, happy little bluebirds. Right. Well, you know what? Either let's see you re-tards start practicing what you're whinging about, or fuck you.
Ignoring the waves of Obama/Clinton/Dem hate eminating from rightwingnut sites, hate radio gasbags, conservatard authors and Faux Nooze commentators, the USA Toady's Ross K. Baker wistfully asks
This "movement," if one could call it that, makes a mockery of the spirit of generosity and compassion to which President Obama is dedicated.
Weh weh weh 'decency and fair play.'
"Thought guilty of"?? Fuck that. There's no question about it! Fuck people like this trying to pooh-pooh the past eight disastrous years of the misadministration shitting all over the Constitution and basic human rights. Fuck them for trying to burnish the failure-in-chief's legacy of illegality and incompetence. Fuck them for trying to brush their war crimes under the rug. A commenter adds:
Indeed.
In a related story of reconciliation and hope, rethugs are actively lobbying to kill President Obama's economic stimulus plan.
Fuck 'em.
Posted by maru at 1/27/2009 04:41:00 PM 3 comments
Haggard: 'inappropriate' relationship not physical
Uhhhh, "I didn't inhale."
Disgraced evangelical pastor/knobgobbler Ted Haggard haggardly apologized Monday for his "inappropriate relationship" with a young, hot male volunteer, but said it did not involve physical contact.
In an AP interview this month, Haggard described his sexuality as complex, and something that can't be put into "stereotypical boxes."
Haggard, married to a woman with, one assumes, a stereotypical box, has five children and deep denial issues.
Posted by maru at 1/27/2009 04:41:00 PM 4 comments
Rove ordered to testify to Congress
House Judiciary chairman to Satan's porcine handmaiden: "There's a new sheriff in town, motherfucker"
Oh, this is sweet: Not only did John Conyers subpoena corpulent antichrist Karl Rove on Monday, he basically told him to cheney himself.
Bunnypants von Stupid upheld Rove's legal position, but Conyers said times have changed:
"That 'absolute immunity' position has been rejected by U.S. District Judge John Bates and President Obama has dismissed the claim as fucking bullshit and 'completely misguided,'" Conyers said in a statement.
"Change has come to Washington, and I hope Karl Rove is ready for it. After two years of stonewalling, it's time for him to talk," Conyers said.
Mwwwwwwahahahahaha.
Oh please oh please oh please oh please
Posted by maru at 1/27/2009 04:35:00 PM 2 comments
January 26, 2009
All good things come to those who wait
The NYT finally shitcans fuckfaced imbecile Bill "Always Wrong" Kristol, who defends his record to the very last:
So what the fuck are you talking about, then? Gee, my magic invisible tiger has on the whole worked to keep me safe from pterodactyls -- insofar as any magical animals can be said to "work" in the real world - but you don't see me going on about it. Douche.
That's because they're utter twats. The piece closes with the following:
Oh frabjious day!
Posted by maru at 1/26/2009 04:14:00 PM 12 comments
Mmmmmmm, cherry kool-aid...
Conservatards’ 40-minute denunciation of Drinky McDisasterMonkey: He was a ‘knowing liar’ who ‘walked all over us.'
Huh. Just kidding. They completely went down on his chimpy little dick. I feel filthy just posting about it.
In an inexplicable act of total dumbnitude Thursday, Reps. Trent Franks (R-AZ), Mike Pence (R-IN), and Steve King (R-IA) blew their loads all over the floor of the House. I must warn you, please remove all sharp objects from your area, as what happened will disgust and appall you:
But if those critics do not devour themselves in the meantime, Mr. Speaker, they may face the bared teeth of an enemy that will make us all wish the lion still walked among us.
Cuttin' brush, playin' GameBoy, takin' vacations, napping, ignoring intelligence warnings, ignoring intelligence period...
... which I am!
If by "this nation" you mean "oil executives," "rich white guys," or "Muslim extremists."
Yeah, like a crooked deli worker with his thumb on the scale.
** choke ** OMFG You have GOT to be kidding. Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!!!1!
Well, except for that whole 9/11 thing, for one. A commenter added:
Final tally: 10,100+ Americans DEAD as a DIRECT result of Bush’s incompetence.
(3,000 on 9/11. 1,600 in Katrina. 4,500 in Iraq, 1000 in Afghanistan.)
Debt: $11.3 Trillion
$4.00 gas; $147 oil.
Osama bin Laden still on the loose.
* MISSION ACCOMPLISHED *
Plus hundreds of thousands unemployed and uninsured. Heckuva jorb, asshats.
Posted by maru at 1/26/2009 04:10:00 PM 2 comments
January 24, 2009
January 23, 2009
Time wasters
Posted by maru at 1/23/2009 11:51:00 AM 0 comments
This just in: Obama does not have magic powers!!!!
The US's newest President was not able to bend matter and increase the size of the Washington DC mall, reports some drooling fuckpipe at the ironically-named "American Thinker."
OMG!!1!!1! They absolutely couldn't pack any more people into the almost 2-million-large crowd!!! Wtf is Obama's problem, anyway?!?!??!11!
Posted by maru at 1/23/2009 11:49:00 AM 2 comments
Blagojevich: Strain on him, family is like Pearl Harbor
Nation: strain of Blagojevich like Thermylodyte's seige of Parnassia during the Peloponesian War, as performed in interpretive dance by the Cirque de Soleil.
You know, I've had it with this guy.
Please. Dude, you're not any kind of heroic, patriotic figure of strength, just a crooked piece of shit that really needs to shut the fuck up and go the fuck away. Like now.
Posted by maru at 1/23/2009 11:46:00 AM 2 comments
Fux Nutwork brings on tax cheat to criticize Geithner
Toe-sucking midget just doesn't know when to shut his fucking piehole.
Morris stated, "I have a huge problem with Geithner," later adding, "How could you trust him?" However, during the broadcast, neither O'Reilly nor Morris acknowledged Morris' own history of tax delinquency. Indeed, USA Today included Morris in an April 2008 report on "big names" of tiny people who are tax delinquents.
The IRS filed a $1.5 million tax lien against him in 2003. According to the Connecticut Department of Revenue Services, Morris owed the state $443,915 as of November 1, 2007, making him the state's sixth-biggest tax delinquent at that time. He was also listed as one of Connecticut's 10 biggest tax delinquents as of October 1, 2007, and April 1, 2007.
By February of 2008 he was made grand emeritus of the delinquent list, and enshrined in their Hall of Shame, where he will remain in perpetuity.
Gee, you'd think with all the big bucks Fox pays him, he could spare enough to pay off his debt. Asshole.
Posted by maru at 1/23/2009 11:43:00 AM 2 comments
January 22, 2009
Pic of the day
I call it "Fuck the shoes!"
Photo taken from Dependable Renegade.
Posted by maru at 1/22/2009 04:48:00 PM 0 comments
Post Partisan Blowjobs for All!!!!
This summary is not available. Please click here to view the post.
Posted by Undeniable Liberal at 1/22/2009 04:43:00 PM 3 comments
Headline of the day
-- seen at fark.com
Posted by maru at 1/22/2009 04:27:00 PM 1 comments
We Interrupt Regular Programming.......
Posted by Undeniable Liberal at 1/22/2009 04:25:00 PM 0 comments
Time wasters
Posted by maru at 1/22/2009 04:22:00 PM 0 comments
Headlines from around teh intarwebs
Will start reversing presidential limo over Bush enablers next week.
Human excrement found in downed jet's passenger seats.
Patients moved to another NYC hospital ER.
Sound waves from evangelicals' heads exploding cause massive flux in the space-time continuum.
Jacques Chirac hospitalised after mauling by his "clinically depressed poodle".
Comic books, empty liquor bottles in Oval Office sofa cushions.
Posted by maru at 1/22/2009 04:19:00 PM 2 comments
Obama retakes oath of office
Out of "an abundance of caution" Roberts supplied with cue cards, teleprompter, earphones while Rahm Emannuel held a lighter under his autographed photo of Bush on the deck of the USS Codpiece.
"We decided it was so much fun..." Obama joked.
"Are you ready to take the oath?" Roberts asked, wincing as pressure grew around his shrivelling balls.
"I am, and we're going to do it very slowly," Obama replied.
Heh. US President Barack Obama. Awesome.
Posted by maru at 1/22/2009 04:16:00 PM 3 comments
Coleman packs, vows to continue Senate seat fight
A bitter Norm Coleman, mumbling incoherently under his breath, began packing his Capitol Hill office Wednesday, but said he has no intention of giving up his legal fight:
"Was it over when the Germans bombed Pearl Harbor? No! Who's with me?!" he screamed, running in circles around piled-up boxes before collapsing in sobs on the office floor.
A sympathetic intern led the former Senator to the public men's room before alerting Security.
Above: Sen. Coleman
Posted by maru at 1/22/2009 04:15:00 PM 0 comments
Kiss Me, I'm Ccccummin'
Oh the afterglow......
Things that are currently stirring my loins: The words “Ex-President George W. Bush.” It’s not as nice as “Imprisoned Former President George W. Bush” of Guantanamo death row inmate Smirky McChimpface but it's an improvement.
Oops, too late. Hold meeeeee! Was it good for YOU?
Which reminds me, the bestest evah comment about the end of the reign of thievery and terror was made by WTF commenter gallery who said: "Watching that helicopter take off was as memorable as my first orgasm."
Tru dat!
Posted by Undeniable Liberal at 1/22/2009 04:15:00 PM 0 comments
Palin to news organizations: "Look at me! Me me me me me!"
The Disasta from Alaska, pouting because she hasn't been in the news for a few days, throws another media-centric temper tantrum guaranteed to get her coverage. Why are we covering her? Well, 'cause she's like a fucking trainwreck.
[I]n recent weeks, she has personally reached out to media outlets such as People magazine, Fux Nooze and the AssPress to complain... Experts believe the first-term governor is engaged in a campaign to keep her name in the spotlight.
"I think she's exploiting and cultivating the anti-intellectual and anti-elitist side of the Republican party. But I repeat myself," said Leonard Sheldon, professor and expert on unhinged nutbars. "She's trying to salvage her reputation, so she attacks the messenger. If she would just shut the fuck up her problem would be solved."
"The media interest will wane. I think it already has," Burns said. "I have to wonder if this is something she's doing to keep her name out there."
"Christ, yeah. If there's a bigger attention whore out there right now, I'd certainly like to know about it," sighed Sheldon, pretending to stick forks in his eyes.
Posted by maru at 1/22/2009 04:10:00 PM 0 comments
January 21, 2009
Yes I Will Suck Yours Too
Clearly demonstrating that one doesn’t need to be a weatherman to know which way the wind blows, sanctimonious quisling Joe LIEberman(I-Me) is unsurprisingly leaping on to the bandwagon.
"This is truly a great day for our blessed nation! I was deeply moved and inspired by President Obama's eloquent and stirring address. Now is the time to unite as a nation behind our new president's leadership and address the challenges facing our country at home and abroad,"He also said that he would "do everything" in his power to help Obama be one of he nation's "greatest and most successful presidents."
Ground control to Drooly McCocksucker: You should have thought about that before you campaigned for McSenile, you opportunistic cum towel.
Joe, you’re not needed. You played the wrong hand.
Posted by Undeniable Liberal at 1/21/2009 04:44:00 PM 1 comments