...THUD...
The State Department will hold a conference next week on the spread of anti-American attitudes around the world, officials say.

Richard Boucher, the State Department spokesman, said the conference would be held on Sept. 5 and Sept. 6. Mr. Boucher did not say where the conference would be held; however, he said it would be closed to the press.

"The purpose of this conference is to explore various manifestations and roots of anti-Americanism around the world, what it means for the United States and how the United States may address it," Mr. Boucher said Wednesday, with a straight face.

Looks like Blogger is playing games with my template again.


I've been getting more nickname suggestions for pReznit Poopypants!

MIMS (Monkey In a Man Suit)
Drinky McDumbass
the Asshole from El Paso
Resident Weasel
Roboclod
the Court-Appointed Asswipe
- thanks to snabby, publiusmaximus, Gort, pancho v, and some nice person who wrote a couple of weeks ago (the message board deleted our posts!)

VP gives press a curt "no comment!" when told of new movie from Blah3.com.


Morning-coffee reading! "A Heaping Helping of Hypocrisy," by Molly Ivins, here, and some good stuff at HeadBlast.

HOT and HIGHLY RECOMMENDED
New flash movie from the '? Campaign' at Blah3: Money Talks - Question Mark #12: Who makes money here?
Who benefits from a war with Iraq? You got it!

NEW LINKS!
MikeHersh.com and Counterspin - "An Unofficial First Amendment Zone" for political commentary and analysis!




Thanks to my buddies at AMCGLTD.COM for this: links to the new De-motivational Posters! A sample:




MORE ON MICHAEL
"There is no such honor," MTV's Joe D'Angelo reported on MTV.com, noting that Jackson was very confused. On the morning after, a Jackson source fumed: "Britney handed him the award! It was silver with a red bow...what do they mean, there is 'no such award'...what was the award then? This is no way to treat the artist which put MTV on the map!" (from the drudgereport.com).

'Put MTV on the map'?? I don't think so.

LOOK! ELVIS!
Bunker-Boy and Crusader Bunnypants Fabricate War Talk to Change Subject from Growing Scrutiny into their Unethical, Possibly Illegal Practices.

Snipped from Chris Floyd's column in the Moscow Times:

"During the past several months, this column has featured a number of items on the "debate" over the Bush administration's plans for military action against Iraq. Therein lies the fraud: The "debate" is a sham, a cynical con game, and we were suckered in, like the gawking country bumpkins we undeniably are. However, we can take some small comfort in that were not alone in this classic yanking of chains; the world's media have been increasingly absorbed by the "debate," which has relegated almost every other topic to the shadows.

"But the entire "debate" - especially the "Oedipal drama between father and son" - is, of course, nothing more than the odoriferous end product of a horse's digestive tract. It's a ruse, an elaborate bafflement, carefully scripted - why do you think all the cautious courtiers speak "with one voice"? Doubtless they had the same ghostwriter - probably the same hack who provided Cheney and Rumsfeld with their warmongering words. The goal - entirely successful so far - is to divert public attention from the common criminality of the corrupt corporate hucksters in the White House.

"The book-cooking, insider-trading, handjobbing hijinks at Harken and Halliburton were just beginning to nose their way into the mainstream press (after lying around in plain sight for years) when the great Iraq "debate" was suddenly ratcheted up to new levels. Who could be bothered with boardroom larceny when the awesome question of war or peace hung in the balance? And why dredge through arcane financial records to expose humdrum malfeasance when you could have a nice chinwag about family soap operas of the high and mighty?"

NOW WATCH ME PULL A RABBIT OUT MY HAT...
Cheney and Chimp, Hoping to Distract Country from Their Illegal* Activities, Join Siegfried and Roy for Cross-Country Tour

LITTLE ROCK, Ark. (Reuters) - Smirky McGolfcart yesterday brought out his tired, senseless rhetoric on Iraq during yet another campaign cash fundraiser.

"I'm a patient man - but for the sake of our children we're going to deal with the problems now presented," he said. "For the sake of freedom, we will not allow these tyrants to hold the United States or our friends and allies to blackmail with weapons of mass destruction." Yeah, yeah, blah blah, evildoers patriotism blah.

While Napoleon Bonehead was on the campaign trail using his trademark code, unindicted Halliburton exec Dick 'dick' Cheney publicly and forcefully reiterated a detailed "rationale" for the administration's position in a speech in San Antonio, Texas.

"There is no doubt that Saddam Hussein now has weapons of mass destruction," Cheney said for the second time this week. "There is no doubt that he is amassing them to use them against our friends, against our allies and against us. And there is no doubt that his aggressive regional ambitions will lead him into future confrontations with his neighbors."

Oh really? Where's the proof? Can we see? How about our servicemen and women who'll be dying for you? And who's going to pay for your war, anyway? Yes, by all means, think of the children!

*alleged

NO BLOOD FOR OILDICK
Or, 'dick' Cheney Attempts To Distract Nation from Halliburton, Harken, Enron *

Dick 'Chickenhawk' Cheney mentioned that Saddam "has already shown his willingness to use" weapons of mass destruction. But he didn't note, for obvious reasons, that the United States was giving Saddam material intelligence and advice at the same time he was using chemical weapons against the Iranians in the 1980s.

Iraq is no "mortal threat" to the United States, and I doubt Saddam Hussein is amassing weapons of mass destruction to use in a first strike against us, as Cheney suggested. Saddam Hussein knows full well that if he attacked the United States, he would be wiped out.

He has already proven that he is not suicidal. Back in 1991, during the first Gulf War, the United States warned him that if he used his chemical and biological weapons, which he had on hand, he would face annihilation. And so he didn't use them. There's no reason to believe he's more suicidal now than he was then. He is barbaric, yes; but he's a power monger.

*See also Distraction and Misdirection, a BuzzFlash reader commentary.




UMMMMMM, DICK?
'"Millions of dollars of US oil business with Iraq are being channeled discreetly through European and other companies, in a practice that has highlighted the double standards now dominating relations between Baghdad and Washington after a decade of crippling sanctions. Though legal, leading US oil service companies such as Halliburton, Baker Hughes, Schlumberger, Flowserve, Fisher-Rosemount and others, have used subsidiaries and joint venture companies for this lucrative business, so as to avoid straining relations with Washington and jeopardising their ties with President Saddam Hussein's government in Baghdad." Guess it's cheaper just to go in and seize the oilfields at taxpayer expense, eh Dick?' - Truthout.org, with thanks to Democrats.com.

YET ANOTHER REASON TO HATE MTV
Another chapter in The Decline of Civilization.

WTF were they thinking??? Driving into work this morning I heard Michael Jackson was awarded 'Artist of the Millenniun' at the MTV Music Awards last night. My first thoughts, after picking my jaw up off the floor, was 'oh, I'm sorry, when did he buy MTV? Did I miss that? What's next, giving Comedian of the Century honors to Andrew Dice Clay??' Thank God it was all a mistake - the wacked-out little egotripper misunderstood the equally wacky Britney Spears' gushing intro for his little birthday-cake celebration. Whew.

My headline still stands, BTW!



MOMENTS IN CHURCHILLIANA
"President Musharraf, he's still tight with us on the war against terror, and that's what I appreciate. He's a - he understands that we've got to keep al-Qaida on the run, and that by keeping him on the run, it's more likely we will bring him to justice." - the Oaf of Office, Ruch, Ore., Aug. 22, 2002





CHENEY PLAYS WAR DRUMS TO DIVERT ATTENTION FROM HALLIBURTON QUESTIONS
Or, 'How dare you probe into my illegal* schemes and accounts in the Caymans! Don't you know we're going to war?!'

Dick "Chicanery" Cheney on Thursday hammered home the case for pre-emptive action against Iraq, brushing off a groundswell of unease among European allies, Muslim states and broader world public opinion, the US military, concerned citizens, former Iraq weapons inspectors, actual war veterans...

Cheney used a gathering of Korean War veterans to repeat an earlier indictment of Saddam Hussein, charging the Iraqi leader with acquiring weapons of mass destruction and posing a "mortal threat'' to the United States.

"What is important is that we have an agreement, an essential agreement among the American people, through their elected representatives in Congress, that the country is behind this effort in its own self defense against terrorist acts,'' House Democratic Leader Dick "Fluffy" Gephardt told CNN. "Now if you'll excuse me, I have to sew some more sequins on my pink tutu."

*alleged

W = NUMBER TWO
JOHANNESBURG (Reuters) - A popular lapel sticker at the Earth Summit shows the Toxic Tinhorn alongside Dr. Evil, the maniac who plots world domination in the "Austin Powers" spy comedies.

His shunning of the U.N. talks on what are life and death problems for poor nations may end up hurting his efforts to win backing for his "war on terrorism," critics add.

"International relations are a two-way street," said George Miller, a Democratic Congressman from California visiting the conference to support efforts to fight global warming. "When the U.S. is asking the countries of the world to line up behind it on terrorism we have to understand that many agenda items here are life and death issues for those countries."


'DEMON-RATS WANT TO RAISE TAXES!'
Or, White House Assures Conservatives That Bush Tax Threat That Would Further Cripple The Economy Is Being Done For Political, Not Economical, Purposes.*

The White House plans to push forward with a package of tax cuts for investors, but administration officials have made it clear to concerned conservative economists that the measures are designed more to help Republicans in the fall elections than to pass Congress this year, says a Washington comPost article.

Worsening federal deficit forecasts released Tuesday by the Congressional Budget Office have made lawmakers in both parties skeptical about more tax cuts. Treasury and White House tax experts met yesterday to hash out the package, but progress stalled over the cost.

Lawrence B. Lindsey, Bunnypants' chief economic adviser, indicated he had no illusions that the tax cuts would pass in the limited time Congress has left before the midterm elections. Instead, participants said, the White House would be giving GOP candidates an answer to Democrats who blame the president's party for this summer's dramatic stock slide.

"This will be an investor-class-oriented tax cut designed to boost the value of stocks, but it is also being crafted as a political document," said Stephen Moore, president of a conservative political action committee. "Republicans need something to run on, and they need the president's leadership [sic]. This will be precisely for that purpose."

Tom "Isadora" Daschle and Dick "Fluffy" Gebhardt, crying in the ladies' room, could not be reached for comment.

*Thanks to BushWatch.com.




'SCOTT RITTER CALLS DICK CHENEY A LIAR' *

Testify!* has the audio and the transcript links to the PBS interview with Scott Ritter and David Kay, two former weapons inspectors who worked in Iraq.

MARGARET WARNER: But you heard Vice President Cheney say that, in fact, he didn't believe inspections did really work and that Saddam Hussein was able to continue working on his programs even during inspections.

SCOTT RITTER: That’s absolutely absurd. Look, I ran the concealment investigation program from 1993 to 1998. And I can tell you right now that while Iraqi cooperation wasn't perfect and while they did conceal, what Vice President Cheney said to the American people is tantamount to a lie. The CIA knows that, Hussein Kamal, the son-in-law of Saddam Hussein when he defected clearly stated that under his instructions all weapons programs were eliminated. This is fact. He didn't lead us to a document. The Iraqi government did. The bottom line is inspection worked. That's the fact. No matter what Dick Cheney says in terms of rewriting history, inspections worked and if given a chance could work again.

Two new excellent flash movies in the Question Mark Campaign series at Blah3: Money Part 3, posted 8/19, and Money Part 4 today. Feel the outrage, be the outrage, then go out and kick some pink tutu'd Dems in the ass!

Ruh-roh: 'WTF' had a visit from the US Gov'mint today! Just fyi, I am not planning on taking any 'vacation' for the rest of the year.



'WE ARE NOT THE ENEMY'
Snipped from Alan Bisbort's column, here

George W. Bush has declared war, but it is not on the enemy you may have been led to believe it is. The enemy, in fact, may be you. That's right. If you believe in freedom of assembly, presumption of innocence until guilt is proven, the right to clean air, clean water, decent health care and privacy, then there is a distinct possibility that you may qualify for Bush's enemies list.

Just pick up any daily newspaper published in the United States. Though the stories all read the same -- a "popular," duly-elected president tirelessly pursues terror and malfeasance on the golf courses of Maine and ranches of Texas -- the headlines tell a different tale: "Bush Rolls Back Rules on Privacy of Medical Data," "Bush Gives Public Lands to Loggers," "Cheney Spotted in Public: Sees Shadow, Predicts Six More Weeks of Nuclear Winter," etc.

On and on, day after day, these items pile up. From the first day in office, the Bush administration has set its hard-line course and has refused to budge. Now, they have declared war on the American people.

This was never more obvious than on Aug. 22, when, as part of his "working vacation," Bush showed up in Portland, Ore. to raise a million bucks for a Republican senatorial candidate. He used Air Force One to make this fund-raising trip. Nothing could be more essential to national security than to pump up the Republican Party's war chest.

Though Bush has tried hiding out on his Texas ranch, and Dick Cheney continues to inhabit an underground bunker in an "undisclosed location" (presumably offshore, near where Halliburton's profits are shielded from taxes), this administration will sooner or later have to face the American people.

But so far, in every situation where they can't cordon off the unwashed citizenry who have the temerity to disagree with their policies, protesters have shown up. That's why the Portland event was a watershed for anti-Bush sentiment the way the Seattle protests in Nov. 1999 galvanized the anti-globalization movement.

Not only did the size of the crowds force the mainstream media to cover the protest, but the violent overreaction of the police conveyed an unmistakable message about the lengths this administration will go to to shield itself from democracy. In Portland, a peaceful assemblage only began chanting, "We are not the enemy!" when the riot police began to move against them. What kind of a democracy has riot police already in place for a fund-raising political event? These hair-trigger police shot pepper spray, water jets, and rubber bullets at protesters. What kind of democracy does this to its own citizens?

To sum up, American citizens, exercising their freedom of assembly, were pepper-sprayed, beaten with batons, hosed down, and shot with rubber bullets all for the convenience of those who coughed up a million bucks to have dinner with a never-elected president. More firsthand accounts are available at www.indymedia.org.

QUOTE
"I do think the threat of biological weapons is a fear, especially since our own intelligence agencies can't even catch the guy right here in America who is unleashing the United States' biological weapons in the form of Anthrax." - BuzzFlash reader, on Dick 'Chicanery' Cheney's war shpiel.


BUNNYPANTS LEAVES GOLF COURSE FOR YET ANOTHER FUNDRAISING JUNKET
Preznit Clueless winds down his summer drive for campaign cash today, traveling to Oklahoma and Arkansas to help fellow rethugs republicans in tough Senate and gubernatorial races on Nov. 5, a yahoo nooze story reports. The White House plan is to meet all of pRezdint Stoopid's fund-raising obligations by early next month so he can focus on his party's record - ummmmm, that would be what, continuous fundraising, corporate thievery, trampling over the environment and pissing on the Constitution?

He will also be photo-opping at a back-to-school event in Arkansas at which he will discuss the importance of closing the achievement gap. According to the article, this little break in the fundraising action will allow the White House to defray part of the trip's cost with taxpayer money instead of the Republican Party bearing it all.


QUOTE
"Al Gore jockeys for position. Amazingly, he is the frontrunner, despite the fiasco of a campaign he ran in 2000 that let Bush in. He is hardly ever heard from, sidling away from confrontation and weighing up whether the polls will let him run. A handful of senatorial possibles - John Kerry, Joe Lieberman, John Edwards - circle around, daring to say almost nothing, propelled, it seems, by terror of the Bush hard right more than the fury these incumbents deserve from any Democrat." - Hugo Young, in the Guardian.

Don't get me started.


Tuesday's BuzzFlash Mailbag had an excellent letter by Nancy Lynn Nagy, and one from Chris, an Australian, who makes a good point about Squinty McSquirtypants' addictive behavior. Some wellspoken people in the mailbag - I wish I could be so articulate. Unfortunately, being banned from the internet at work means I actually have to focus on the damn job, which means by the time I get home I'm bloody well fried. Especially since the screaming pregnant woman in the cube next to me has not been forbidden from using the telephone, and is yelping into it constantly, updating everyone she knows at the top of her voice about her condition.

They were shopping for a crib this weekend, she feels pretty good, and 'Barry' says she looks like she's packing a whole litter in there.



MOMMY, WHY IS THAT MAN SO STUPID?
"I'm thrilled to be here in the bread basket of America because it gives me a chance to remind our fellow citizens that we have an advantage here in America - we can feed ourselves." - the Oaf of Office, Stockton, Calif., Aug. 23, 2002.

"There's no bigger task than protecting the homeland of our country." - ditto

"The federal government and the state government must not fear programs who change lives, but must welcome those faith-based programs for the embetterment of mankind." - sigh.

"I'm a patient man. And when I say I'm a patient man, I mean I'm a patient man." - the Oaf of Office, rather impatiently, Crawford, Texas, Aug. 21, 2002

"Nothing he [Saddam Hussein] has done has convinced me - I'm confident the Secretary of Defense - that he is the kind of fellow that is willing to forgo weapons of mass destruction, is willing to be a peaceful neighbor, that is - will honor the people - the Iraqi people of all stripes, will - values human life. He hasn't convinced me, nor has he convinced my administration." - oh my God.



AY CARAMBA...
Rumsfeld: We Don't Need No Stinkin' Allies!

He obviously feels he doesn't have to answer the very people who'll be fighting his war for him, either. Yahoo News brought us this amazing piece of arrogant bullshit on Wednesday:

"Leadership in the right direction finds followers and supporters," Darth Rummy said to the 1st Marine Division at Camp Pendleton, who were more than a little concerned about going to war against Iraq.

When a Marine asked whether Rumsfeld thought victory in Iraq would take long to achieve, he refused to answer directly. "The frenzy on this subject, it seems to me, is not useful," he said.

Meanwhile, in a related story, Iraq said today there was still room for a diplomatic solution to avert war with the United States, but that Baghdad had to prepare for conflict because Washington did not want a peaceful solution.



QUOTE
"If you strike at the Iraqi people because of one or two individuals and leave the Palestinian issue (unsolved), not a single (Arab) ruler will be able to curb the (rising) popular sentiments." - Egyptian President Hosni Mubarak, in Cairo. It's funny, when I first read this I thought the 'individuals' he was talking about were Generalissimo Georgie and Pussy Poppy Bush.



EEEEWWWWW....
Headline at the Drudge Report today: "Hannity Hits NY Times Bestseller List at No. 3, GOP Officials Urge Run for Political Office." 'Developing...'

HATED, OVERUSED PHRASE-OF-THE-DAY
"...make sure we're all on the same page." - various coworkers, the screaming beagle in the adjoining cube.


AND YET HE WASN'T INVITED TO W's ECONOMIC FORUM
Robert Moisescu, sentenced to seven years in prison for robbing a Plattsburgh, NY, bank, told the judge in a letter that his time should be reduced to four years because his loot was worth only 62 percent in Canadian dollars. - Edmonton Journal-AP, 5-10-02, via News of the Weird (email).

It's only Wednesday.

I'm hoping to post some new stuff eventually today - I had part of it done at work, and when we closed I emailed it here. That was 2 hours ago and it still hasn't shown up. So I'm sitting here with a glass of scotch in one hand, Egon latched on to my neck, my other hand hitting the damn 'receive' icon on my mailbox, and my eyes crossing as I get more and more pissed off.

BREAKING NEWS
A suspicious white powder spilled from an envelope opened today at Al Gore's Nashville office, AP/Yahoo News is reporting. Gore spokesman Jano Cabrera said the envelope was postmarked from Tennessee and was stamped on the back with, "This letter has not been inspected by the corrections department." So I guess Joe Lieberman is off the hook for now.

TODAY IN HISTORY
1883: The island volcano Krakatoa blew up; the resulting tidal waves in Indonesia's Sunda Strait claimed some 36,000 lives in Java and Sumatra.
1928: The Kellogg-Briand Pact was signed in Paris, outlawing war and providing for the peaceful settlement of disputes, George.
1952: Paul "Pee-Wee Herman" Reubens born.
1990: Stevie Ray Vaughan killed in a helicopter crash, East Troy, Wisconsin.

IN OTHER NEWS

Bush "Can't Attend" Earth Summit
Has "more important matters" to attend to.

Secret Court Says Unnamed FBI Agents Lied to Covert Commission
Nobody knows who's telling what to whom, says anonymous source, speaking off the record.

President Outlines His "Common Sense" Policy on Forest Fires
If there are no trees, there can be no forest fires, he explains.

Bush Gives Simon Big Boost in California
Promises to pardon him.

KIDZ' KORNER
Help Dick Cheney get from his bunker to a meeting with his lawyers at the White House while avoiding the Washington Post, the New York Times, the Wall Street Journal, and CNN!


- - IronicTimes.com.

NOW IF HE ONLY HAD CHENEY'S FACE!
Punch the Pillsbury Doughboy till he pukes! Good stress-reliever for work, here. Thanks to The Ultimate Insult for the link!


DON'T BLAME ME - I VOTED FOR KODOS
The Springfield Shopper picks their Top 30 Best Simpsons episodes - and the worst - ever. Puh - where's the 101 greyhounds show?! Mr Burns singing "See My Vest" was a showstopper!

QUOTES
"Wouldn't it be nice if just once, on some issue, the Bush administration came up with a plan that didn't involve weakened environmental protection, financial breaks for wealthy individuals and corporations and reduced public oversight?" - Paul Krugman, of course, in the NY Times.

"Bush Makes No Comments on the Economy on Monday and the Market Closes Up" - headline at BuzzFlash.com.

"There are few more sickening sights than George W. Bush wearing a lapel pin bearing an image of the American flag. Bush and his creepy henchmen can wrap themselves in nationalistic symbolism all they want, but these right-wing thugs aren't patriots. They may pledge allegiance to the flag, but they despise the republic for which it stands." - Ted Rall, via email.

"On one panel, Mr. Bush could be found in mutual fawning with his campaign contributor "Chuck" Schwab - Charles to us - no doubt oblivious to the fact that Chuck had just placed a nose behind Enron's Ken Lay and Global Crossing's Gary Winnick on Fortune's "Greedy Bunch" list of those executives who cashed out the most stock before their companies' shares tanked by 75 percent or more. Yet even this touching tableau, on a day when Schwab was laying off nearly 400 employees, did not stop CNN, MSNBC and Fox News from switching to such alternative programming as a picturesque natural gas explosion in a suburban California house." - Frank Rich in the NY Times.

"The American public's access to the White House has been severely restricted. So you may have an increased perception problem if, in fact, large contributors are getting access to the White House." - Larry Noble, executive director of the Center for Responsive Politics, on the BFEE donors' and, ummmm, large contributors' White House sleepovers.

"It's pretty interesting that all the generals see it the same way, and all the others who have never fired a shot and are hot to go to war see it another way." - Bush Administration's special Mideast envoy, retired Marine General Anthony Zinni, on the Bombing for Poll Numbers campaign (Note: see here for the Chickenhawk Database).

TRAVELS IN BLOGTOPIA
Added two new links: BeerMary's Rant-o-Rama, "flipping the bird to the judgemental since 1968." Don't miss the 'adopt a MLB player' program, and 'The Allure of Online Friendships.'

Les Dabney's TESTIFY! - 'Polar covalent opinions from the left.' Excellent site, with news, commentary, and a pic of Sean Hannity "after 2 rounds with me in the ring." He also had a link to this story, which I had never seen before:

The miners "hesitated before joining the audience on its feet at Bush's entrance and, at times, neglected to join in the applause. Whether it was because they were unaccustomed to presidential appearances or uncomfortable with his politics was impossible to know. White House employees kept the miners away from reporters, saying that the TV movie deal they signed last week with The Walt Disney Co., for $150,000 apiece, forbids them from speaking to the news media." Uh-huh.

And this:

"Blair’s former junior foreign office minister Tony Lloyd condemned [Condi] Rice’s comments as "very much like the kind of rhetoric we sometimes do hear from fairly tin pot regimes around the world where the agenda isn't to convince the outside world but to make sure the public at home believe the regime."

Good stuff.

Back at work today, deleting porno-spam and viagra ads from my email. I had over 400 of the damn things - can't these parasites find normal jobs?? How the hey do they explain to their parents what they do for a living?? "Yeah, mom, spam...no, not the meat stuff in a can - I send links to people's email boxes. No, not sausage...computer links, for barnyard-rape sites, free blowjobs, and teenage hookers...No, I will not wash my own mouth out with soap." Somewhere in all that mess were a few actual work-related messages. Which I also deleted. I mean, WTF, what am I, your secretary? Use the little brains God gave you and try fixing your own damn problems, you idiots. You'll be expecting me to wipe your asses next.


Speaking of idiots, the Toxic Tinhorn's answer on how to reduce the danger of wildfires shouldn't suprise anyone. It mirrors what looks to be his strategery for fightin' terra: by ripping up the Constitution and Bill of Rights and running this country like a police state, the evildoers - who "hate us for our freedoms" - will have no reason to "attack" us anymore. Unless we invade a sovereign country for no other reason than it made daddy look like a pussy.


Fun facts from my trip to Scotland:
Their national dish, haggis, was actually quite delicious. I ordered it every chance I got. So I'm pretty bummed right now - I was looking at websites, hoping to order some, when I saw this warning: "The US government has determined that sheep lungs are unfit for human consumption. It is therefore illegal to import most haggisses into the U.S." Son of a bitch!
I don't know who their first choice was to play William Wallace, but it wasn't Mel Gibson.
The country is facing a major problem with grey squirrels, which were introduced as pets and then escaped. I saw maybe three of them. Little buggers are so tame they run up to you looking for handouts.
The duty-free shop in Glasgow sucks, even though they did have a scotch-tasting.
A true Scot will get pretty damn offended if you jokingly call the 'Rabbie Burns' pub in Edinburgh the 'Rabbi Burns, home of kosher haggis.'
Several of the ladies' rooms I visited had machines stocked with "MacCondoms."

Happy belated Birthday to Ellen at AMCGLTD.com!!

NEWS YOU WON'T SEE ON TV
Bunnypants Evaded $3 MILLION in Income Taxes When He Sold His Share in the Texas Rangers for $15 Million, at Make Them Accountable.com.

One of Generalissimo Georgie's biggest lies about 9/11 is that "no one in the US government ever expected a hijacker to crash a plane into a building." Oh really? CIA Conducted a Drill for an Airplane Hitting a Building, at Yahoo News.

Only 41% of Americans Want to 'Re-elect' George of the Bungle, here.

Did the Bush Admin shoot down Flight 93? A UK paper says there is evidence from a federal flight controller that an F-16 had been "in hot pursuit" of the hijacked United jet and "must have seen the whole thing" - Independent News.

QUOTES
"It's interesting that my times have become faster right after the war began. They were pretty fast all along, but since the war began I've been running with a little more intensity. It helps me to clear my mind. It's sad that I can't run longer. It's one of the saddest things about the presidency." - the Oaf of Office, 8/02.

"Another one of the saddest things about this presidency is that it has no voice. The greatest president of the last century could not even walk, but he recognized that he had to talk — that if the people did not understand the reasons for his actions, they could not become his partners in history. About the grave crises facing us today, there is a deafening silence at the top. Mr. Bush's policies on the economy, the Middle East, North Korea and Iraq are obscure and even opaque, but his policy on physical fitness policy is crystal clear: 'I expect the White House staff to be on time and sharp and to exercise.'" - Maureen Dowd, in the NY Times.


DON'T THEY HAVE ANYTHING BETTER TO DO??
The FBI has stepped up a probe of a Sept. 11-related classified intelligence leak, asking 17 senators to turn over phone records and schedules that might reveal contact with reporters. In an Aug. 7 memo sent through the Senate general counsel's office, the FBI asked all members of the Senate Select Committee on Intelligence to hand over records from June 18 and 19, 2002.

The information requests come at a time when some members of Congress are already disgruntled that an executive branch agency is probing the actions of legislators whose job is to oversee FBI and intelligence agencies.

BLATANT DISTORTION AND OUTRIGHT LIES
'Never let facts stand in the way of a good partisan screed': Salon has an article today called "The Blowhard Next Door," about Sean Handjob Hannity and his new book, the nauseatingly-titled Let Freedom Ring, "a poorly researched effort full of blatant falsehoods and highly distorted versions of the truth."

'Distortions and lies are par for the course throughout "Let Freedom Ring" because, without them, Hannity wouldn't be able to make the continual stream of over-the-top accusations against liberals: They "loathe and ravage so many of our core values and traditions"; they "told us global warming and gays in the military were top priorities, well above securing our nation"; and "after we defeat our last foreign enemy, we will still face threats to our freedom, largely from left-wing extremists in our own country."

'On "Hannity and Colmes," Hannity often seems to roll over the timid Colmes with his bluster. When his words are frozen on the page, though, there is no disguising what they are: poorly argued propaganda.'

Hannity's screed, released just last week, has already made its way to the top of Amazon.com's nonfiction bestseller list. Interestingly, as of this post, there are no bushmoonie reviews relating how this book made them wet their pants. Did 'Mr' Scaife buy in bulk again?



Via email: Bypassing the Ted Williamsickle procedure, scientists have recently managed to clone Albert Einstein.

At a party, Albert Einstein introduces himself to the first person he sees and immediately asks, "What is your IQ?"

"241," the man replies.

"Wonderful!" Albert says. "We will talk about the Grand Unification Theory and the mysteries of the universe. We will have much to discuss!"

Albert then introduces himself to a woman nearby, asking, "And what is your IQ?"

The lady answers, "144."

"Great!" says Albert. "We can discuss politics and current affairs. We will have much to discuss!"

Moving around the room, Albert pulls aside another man and asks, "What is your IQ?" to which the man answers, "51."

Albert lets go of his arm and takes his hand to shake it, saying, "Hello Mr. President!"




QUOTE
"The current President Bush interrupted his monthlong vacation so he could demonstrate at the Waco economic meeting that he was not following in his father's economic footsteps. The Democrats unfairly labeled the event an infomercial. Unfair because it was an insult to infomercials, which at least have some content, unlike the Potemkin political theater of Waco." - Dennis Jett, in the LA Times.

"The president's opinion is the press looks silly." - Ari "the Liar" Fleischer.




We are back home, jetlagged, catching up with the news and our blogpals in Blogtopia. I'd say it's good to be back, but I always get sick to my stomach whenever I arrive in the hellhole that is Newark International Airport - which doesn't bode well for me, since I hear it'll be renamed 'Liberty International Airport' in honor of the September 11th victims. Excuse me, but barf. Who's running the NY/NJ Port Authority, republicans?? I'm sorry, but that's just too much. I lost a friend in the Twin Towers attack, but I am not going to wallow in this pseudopatriotic victimhood bullshit. The mayor of Newark is fighting the name change, but he doesn't stand a chance, the poor shlub. Has he been vilified as a insensitive traitorous commie in the press yet?

Brit TV is interesting. The commercials are the best thing about it, except for a show on streakers that even showed the 'floppy bits'. OK, we did see a good sitcom called 'Half a Pint and a Bag of Crisps', but most of the programming just seemed to cover boat racing, horse racing, more boat racing, cricket, and rugby. Love those hotpants, guys! The big news while we were in Scotland was the kidnapping and murder of two little girls in the UK, and of the captain of the Irish soccer team quitting due to death threats. There was no CNN to be found anywhere, but our hotel in Edinburgh carried pMSNBC, which had a short bit on Kopper from Enron spilling the beans on Andy Fastow - does this mean Kenny-Boy Lay gets off? Our vote is yes.

We did join in the 'No War with Iraq' protest in Edinburgh during the Fringe Festival, but unfortunately did not see any cool signs of Tony Blair as poodle to the Smirking Squatter's dominatrix-chimp.

NEW LINKS IN BLOGTOPIA
We finally got our act together and added Eric Alterman's Altercation and gcabot's MyDaddy'sBlog. Enjoy!

Image by riggs2002 from the BC Forum!

UNFORTUNATELY, THE MEDIA = KNEEPADDED LAPDOGS FOR THE BFEE
"The Republicans are terrified that the media will look into Bush's past and present. If they did so in 2000, Al Gore would have won in a landslide. If voters heard about Bush's flunked drug test while he was serving in the Texas Air National Guard - as much as, say President Clinton's infamous 'I didn't inhale' - Bush would have been toast, rather than installed as President.

"The American people will know all about Bush's AWOL oath breaking - which anyone can see proven clearly at www.awolbush.com - if the media examines the yet unanswered AWOL questions 1/100 as much as they did Clinton's 'draft dodging.' The Bush Occupation fears the revelations about his drug abuse and other DWIs will come out along with the AWOL facts.

"There's more. What if the media investigates Funeralgate? That's the largely ignored scandal in which Bush fired a Texas State official, and may have lied under oath to protect a political crony named Waltrip - the funeral home magnate who allegedly ripped off mourners. The woman won her lawsuit against Bush, who then made Texas taxpayers foot the bill for what some might call hush money payments. See http://www.bushwatch.com for details.

"Why should voters care about Bush's decades old drug abuse, his oath breaking and going AWOL during time of war, and possibly lying under oath to protect an accused corporate criminal? Because Bush continued these tactics by doing questionable favors for Enron's "Kenny Boy" Lay, and such misconduct marks his term of office in the White House as well as in Texas.

"If the media expends a tiny fraction of the time and effort looking into Bush as they spent hounding Clinton on Whitewater and Monica Lewinsky, all this will come out. Bush's 'honor and dignity' charade will come crashing down. Bush's popularity bubble will pop. This phony administration will fall along with its sanctimonious facade. This terrifies them. As well it should." - Read more of Mike Hersh here.


The media...those buttsniffing, asskissing, leghumping lapdogs for the Bush Family Evil Empire? Mike, I agree with you, but don't hold your breath, my friend. We're goning to have a loooooooong wait. Especially when there are still nut-holes saying they hate Al Gore because they think he thinks he's better than they are.



MORE QUOTES:
"The Waco event needs to be understood mainly as theater. The same cynical producers who recruited African-American tokens to integrate the 2000 Republican National Convention unearthed a handful of 'ordinary' Americans to come to Waco mainly for their value as props. But, for the most part, Bush's summiteers are the usual suspects who have brought the economy to its current pass. Serious critics of corporate corruption were not welcome." - Robert Kuttner in the Boston Globe.


"Among the adoring Cabinet officers and supportive business executives invited to the president's economic forum in Waco, Tex., there was a range of opinion: Some people thought Mr. Bush is doing a magnificent job, while others insisted that he is doing an extremely magnificent job." -Editorial in the Washington Post.



"WTF" will be taking a short vacation starting tomorrow night and should be back on 8/25 - earlier, if I can find an internet cafe that won't rip me off. To all my visitors and blogpals, please don't forget about me!

'LACKING IN REALITY'
"The Waco forum was about as authentically significant for economic policy as the President's 'ranch' in nearby Crawford is for his credentials as a cowhand.

"George W. Bush has learned from experience that if he emphasizes his Texas drawl, slaps on his cowboy hat and talks as if he'd never set foot in Andover, Yale and Harvard (let alone Kennebunkport and Greenwich), most people will buy the down-home shtick. The ranch is a perfect backdrop for this political persona, as a New York Times reporter observed last weekend in comparing the uses of the Bush ranch with the L.B.J. ranch (although the author neglected to note that Mr. Bush only bought his place in 1999, the year he decided to run for President). Surely George W. loves that Crawford spread, but his appearances there also help everyone forget that his favorite steed is neither a horse nor a pickup. It's a golf cart." - Read more of Joe Conason here.

PROBE FINDS ENRON RIPPED OFF CALIFORNIA
Bush Admin Remains Silent on Kenny-Boy Lay, Army Sec. Thomas White.

Investigators found evidence of price manipulation and deceit by Enron as the energy trader aggressively sought to profit from California's volatile power markets, a Federal Energy Regulatory Commission report said Tuesday. The staff recommended the commission pursue "possible misconduct" charges against three Enron affiliate companies and two investor-owned utilities that did business with Enron.

But California Gov. Gray Davis called the preliminary report "a whitewash pure and simple" and said he was puzzled that FERC has taken two years to finally launch a formal investigation into misconduct that he and other state officials have long complained about.

FERC still "hasn't sanctioned anybody, it hasn't issued any refunds to us, it's done nothing to stop the manipulation which everyone agrees occurred here in California," said Davis.

Meanwhile, in a related story, several former Enron Corp. insiders who earned a combined $25 million in the year before the company crashed are asking for millions more in severance pay.



"In San Francisco Dick Cheney vowed he'd fight corporate fraud, and to prove it he punched himself in the face." - Leno

"President Bush says he smokes a cigar on rare occasions 'to help him think.' That is a rare occasion." - Leno again.

MOMENTS IN CHURCHILLIANA
"Here's the way I put it: If somebody wants to work and can't find a job, we have a problem. And we need to do something about it here in America." - the Oaf of Office, Waco, 8/13/02.

"I think one of the things you'll hear is that even though times are kind of tough right now, that we're America." - ditto.

"I say as plainly as I can to CEOs - if you break the law, we will hunt you down. We will arrest you, and we'll prosecute you." - sigh.

"Oh, there may be some tough times here in America. But this country has gone through tough times before, and we're going to do it again."

"This is -- it's really a fine seminar because the quality of the people are great. Wait until you see who's here when you go to lunch. It's really impressed. And this is a topic that is a vital topic for the country, and that's trust. You know, how do we make sure people can trust what they see, can believe what they hear, can understand -- understand that they're being told the truth when it comes to numbers and make sure the fine print, you know, is fully exposed."

"I think this is a very important day. It's important for all of us here, but more importantly, or as importantly, it's important for people who are paying attention to what is said here."

"Listen, thank you all for coming. I promise you I will listen to what has been said here, even though I wasn't here." - See http://www.whitehouse.gov for transcript. Sounds like it went well.

WELL, THAT'S CERTAINLY HELPFUL
"Under this administration, we've lost nearly 2 million jobs, $7 trillion in the market and more than $5 trillion of the surplus," said Senate Majority Leader Tom 'Isadora' Daschle. "A made-for-TV economic forum isn't going to solve our problems, or ease families' concerns."

Karl Rove, Bunnypants' top nursemaid/propaganda minister, called the Democratic charges "a political cheap shot". - Link here.




'YOU WOKE ME UP FOR THIS???!'
Subtitled "Compassionate Conservative Pokes Dog With Stick Until It Wakes Up."

While the Golfing Goober addressed top executives, academics and shop owners at his bogus 'economics summit' on Tuesday, one aide curled up under a desk and took a nap. Labrador retriever QuintEssential, a helper dog for wheelchair-bound participant Lucinda Harman, had to be roused from a deep slumber during a panel on health care security so Bush could greet him. Nice.

BETWEEN GOLF GAMES, pREZNIT PRIVILEGE ASSURES NATION ON ECONOMY
The Corporate Cowpie , speaking with a 'noticeably heavy Texas folksiness,' * replied that 'what caught my attention was all this business about confidence.' ?? He said one way to give investors confidence is to show them the government is serious about corporate fraud by putting criminal CEOs in handcuffs. Unless they work for Enron. Or Halliburton. Or the Carlyle Group.

But, he added, 'Confidence is more than just government enforcing the law. Confidence is an industry policing itself.' Uh huh - that might work.

'I can assure that even though I won't be sitting through every single moment of the seminars - nor will the vice president - we will look at the summaries,' Bush told one working group. 'Well, once Aunt Condo puts 'em in comic-book format for me, anyway.'

Cheney sat mostly in silence during his visits to sessions on trade, technology, small business and education. 'I don't propose to make any remarks,' he said at one point. 'That would mean I'd actually have to be awake and paying attention to you idiots.' - From here, more or less.


"Have you noticed how the backdrops get larger and more prominent and Jr seems to be slowly shrinking in relation to the background? Hopefully, he'll disappear altogether one day." - wellhungchad2000 at the yahoo message boards.

"Our 'Blithering Idiot' in chief spoke and the market tumbled over 200 points. One woman has the nerve to question his handling of medicare and is told to "take it easy Grandma". Dumbya has never run a successful business, How did anyone think he would be able to run the U.S. Govt? Kinda Tough? This boy has never had a tough day in his well fed little life." - by: maru657 (a totally different maru, BTW) at the yahoo message boards.

*I guess he thinks it'll make him appear like 'one of the people,' instead of like the rich, elite, lazy advantaged do-nothing he actually is.


BONUS QUOTES:
"The whole forum looks as if it was put together solely and exclusively by his political advisers." - Bruce Bartlett, conservative economist at the National Center for Policy Analysis.

""Yes, well," a visibly relieved Mr. Bush said, jumping up after an exhausting 18 minutes in 'Economic Recovery and Job Creation,' "that's the life of the president. Always has to go." He thanked all the 'good folks' for 'putting on a great show.' Like his dad, W. reads his stage directions. It was a 'Message, I care'P.R. pageant, so why not just say so?" - Maureen Dowd, in the NY Times.

"President Bush said today that he was optimistic about the long-term health of the beleaguered American economy as he heard from a selection of 240 carefully chosen guests who praised his policies at an economic forum created to showcase his concerns." - Reprinted from the NY Times.

"Karl Rove, the president's chief political adviser, said after the forum that he was 'not aware' that the White House had supplied the participants talking points, but "that's not to say there weren't any." - ditto

I was attacked by the vampire-cat again last night, and do I feel like one of the undead today...
My neck looks like ground beef.


MEANWHILE, ON WALL STREET.....
(Doesn't look too good on Main Street either)

"[A]t the President’s Economic Forum in Waco, Texas, President Bush and Vice President Cheney sat side by side on the stage of a packed auditorium for more than an hour. That’s the first time they’ve been that close together for that long in public since Sept. 11. Evidently they’re no longer afraid of terrorists. What they’re afraid of is Americans."

So starts William Saletan's column on "Bush's Fake Forum". I was at work, so I thankfully missed the bullshit and peptalks (while the stock market tanked again), but it turns out - surprise! - that all of Karl Rove's handpicked guests agreed with the administration. And not just on Smirky McGolfcart's new economic guidelines (whatever they are, if they really exist), but on his faith-based love-thy-neighbor-and-maybe-he-won't-rip-you-off/kill-you shtick.

"They opened with standard Bush administration talking points: Some people are suffering, but the economy is sound; Bush’s tax cuts helped cure the recession; and what we need now is more tax cuts and less regulation. Then they threw it open to the participants, who suggested that Bush should rethink … nothing.
Corporate malfeasance? Faith-based initiatives would help turn that around, said a business school dean. They repeated familiar Bush sound bites (“What we’re suffering today, I believe, is an economic hangover,” said one CEO) and implicitly traced the recession and weak business ethics to the Clinton years.

"Bush’s policy on corporate corruption basically consists of moral condemnation, conspicuous punishment of fraud, and minimal regulation of bad systemic incentives. The participants in Evans’ group agreed on every point, arguing that the solution was “moral responsibility” rather than more “laws,” “regulation,” and “bureaucracy.” One CEO suggested teaching business leaders that “when you do something good, it feels good.”* Another proposed that simplifying the tax code would nurture “good governance in the private sector.”"

*Like ripping off your stockholders and employees, and setting up accounts in the Caymans? I bet it does!

BONUS QUOTE:
(From above story) "Like plantation owners, the employers on hand spoke for their employees. 'They are so happy to have jobs,' one CEO told Bush."

We are so fucked.

LOLOL
It was a bizarre case of jawdropping irony. Here pReznit Bonehead was 'assuring Americans that his administration has a steady hand on the economy,' meanwhile one of the special, handpicked guests at his little 'economic forum,' broker Charles Schwab, announced Charles Schwab Corp would lay off 375 employees, or about 2 percent of its staff, and close its Austin, Texas, center, to slash costs in the prolonged stock market downturn.

Schwab, which earlier this month put out a memo forecasting more job cuts from its staff of 19,100, had axed 25 percent of its work force last year in a restructuring. Schwab also shed about 490 jobs in the first half of 2002. Schwab Chief Financial Officer Christopher Dodds last month told Reuters the company would likely end the year with about 18,000 employees.

Shuttering the Austin center would eliminate about 300 jobs. In addition, Schwab said it is cutting about 75 support and administrative jobs at four other client telephone service centers located in Denver, Indianapolis, Orlando and Phoenix. Over the next 30 to 60 days, Schwab said it executive committee will consider further actions -- including more job cuts and cuts in discretionary spending.

In a related story, the Dow closed down 206.43 points.

THE NECRONOMICON NEVER SAID ANYTHING ABOUT THIS!
I found this via AMCGLTD.COM the other day, and it's so sick and cute at the same time I just had to post it here: Tales of the Plush Cthulhu. Be very afraid...





REAL BUNNIES WORK WHILE BUNNYPANTS TAKES MONTH-LONG VACATION
LONDON (Reuters) - An intrepid bunch of rabbits have emulated Indiana Jones, turning into archaeologists to unearth a rare and ancient glass window in central England.

State body English Heritage said on Tuesday that the bunnies uncovered shards of the window, which belonged to a 14th century manor house, while burrowing into an unremarkable grassy hump.

"Over the years, as the rabbits have done their own home improvement work, the glass, shards of pottery and fragments of animal bone have been kicked out of their burrow," said Dr. Paul Stamper, English Heritage Ancient Monuments Inspector in the West Midlands. Now they face a race against time to preserve the window before its designs are corroded by the open air, which it hasn't been exposed to for centuries.

The house, complete with moat, was demolished in the 15th century when its owners built a bigger home nearby and found the first one blocked their view. And the bunnies, finders of the trove, may now become part of the problem. Further research will need to be done before English Heritage decides how to minimize "future rabbit damage," the body said. - From Yahoo News.

THE DECLINE OF CIVILIZATION
NILES, Ohio (AP) - Fans who go to the Mahoning Valley Scrappers minor-league baseball game on Wednesday should ditch the glove and take a toupee. The Class-A affiliate of the Cleveland Indians has made August 14 "Jim Traficant Night," and hairpiece wearers and sons of truck drivers get in free. The disgraced DINO rep, serving an eight-year prison sentence for bribery and racketeering, often calls himself "the son of a truck driver."

The baseball event also features a Traficant impersonator, Traficant trading cards and a mock election. - Yahoo News.





EMPEROR SNIPPY TO WORLD: WHO CARES WHAT YOU THINK?
'And quit buggin' me when I'm on my month-long vacation, dammit!'

When the United States' delegation heads to the Johannesburg Earth Summit this month the Toxic Tinhorn will still be hitting golf balls while on his month-long vacation at his bogus ranch, Compound W.

The U.S. delegation faces international anger over Bunnypants' rejection of the Kyoto treaty to combat global warming and other moves seen as isolationist and out of step with world concerns. Delegates to the August 26 - September 4 meeting will debate ways to raise living standards in the developing world without destroying what is left of the planet's resources. The US delegation has not been announced, although Secretary of State Colin Powell is planning to attend.

"If the president takes a vacation while the rest of the world works on the environment and sustainable development, it will be a pretty clear signal," of disinterest, said Kalee Kreider, global warming program director for the National Environmental Trust in Washington. "But I guess the clueless little f*cker is pretty sure he has the next election already in the bag, so what difference does it make to him?"


Bunnypants, defiling a majestic tree during photo-op earlier this year.

I missed the meteor showers last night because it was too damn cloudy to see anything. I also missed a good night's sleep - Jaffa, who can instantly increase his size and weight on demand, used his magic powers last night to control most of the bed, the covers, and my legs. Then there was Egon, who as soon as I'd fall back to sleep would make a beeline for my neck, latching on like a miniature cat-vampire with his teeth and at the same time shredding my flesh with his little needle-claws.

At least the dog wasn't farting.





VOTE FOR ME! I'M A WEENIE!
Florida governor and state hankie mascot Jeb Bush choked up on the campaign trail Monday as he thanked members of a Pentecostal church for their prayers for his daughter, Noelle, who is in a drug treatment program.

"Every time I think about my daughter, it's very hard. I appreciate the fact that thousands of people are praying for her and praying for our family. I know there are others out there who are going through similar things," Jebbie blubbered. "But thank God I'm a Bush and my kid gets preferential treatment - at least we don't have to visit her in prison. I'd really have something to cry about then."

M.E. TO GW: BS!
Or is it FU?

"It's true we don't like Saddam, the whole world doesn't like him, but how haughty and conceited can Bush be by threatening Iraq?" - Nasser Ali al-Suleiman, Saudi civil servant.

"Everybody knows that George W. Bush holds a personal grudge against Saddam Hussein and wants to take revenge. Both men don't care about the people of this region, and it is the people will be the first to suffer in any conflict." - Hussein al-Ahmad, Saudi businessman.

"Striking Iraq on the pretext that it jeopardizes stability in the Gulf does not wash. No one is buying this any more." - editorial in Qatar's Asharq newspaper. - From Yahoo News.





MESSAGE BOARD PLUG!
It looks like WTF had some visitors from Finland, Australia, Denmark, and Pakistan this past week. Were they here for the news, or were they just looking for bald Traficant photos? I hate not knowing. À votre prochaine visite, écrivez une message, s'il vous plait! That's about as close as I can get to being bilingual today, and I probably just called some nice reader a prostitute. Merde alors.

GOOD STUFF
Don't forget to read DU's Top 10 Conservative Idiots! This week: the Now Watch My Drive Edition.



AT LEAST SOMEONE'S THINKING
Eleven alleged members of San Francisco's Big Block street gang claimed in a court filing in June that they have a constitutional right to carry guns, pointing to a declaration last year by U.S. Attorney General John Ashcroft that changed the law. Previously, the Justice Department had thought that Second Amendment rights applied only to state militias, but Ashcroft declared in May 2001 that henceforth, the Second Amendment would be regarded as giving fundamental gun-toting rights to individuals. Nonetheless, in July 2002, the federal judge trying the Big Block gang declined to dismiss the gun charges. - San Francisco Chronicle, 7-4-02, via
News of the Weird.




THE DECLINE OF CIVILIZATION
From time to time News of the Weird has reported on the fluctuating value of the late Italian artist Piero Manzoni's personal feces, which he canned in 1961, 30 grams at a time in 90 tins, as art objects (though, over the years, 45 have reportedly exploded). Their price to collectors has varied from about $28,000 for a tin in 1998 to $75,000 in 1993. In June 2002, the Tate Gallery in London excitedly announced it had purchased tin No. 004 for about $38,000. (The price of 30 grams of gold at press time was a little over $300.) - Sydney Morning Herald, 7-1-02.

CASH ENERGY OIL
"Confidence Men - Why the myth of Republican competence persists, despite all the evidence to the contrary.

"We now know that as CEO, Cheney got snookered into a disastrous merger that has since sent Halliburton's stock price plummeting, while signing off on dubious balance sheets that have sparked a Securities and Exchange Commission investigation. His mastery of the Beltway is similarly in question. Last year's Cheney-led energy task force produced an all-drilling-no-conservation energy bill that went nowhere. The task force's real legacy was to mire the administration in a thicket of congressional investigations and private lawsuits, all springing from Cheney's insistence on Nixonian secrecy. His major foreign policy gambit - last spring's shuttle-diplomacy mission to the Middle East to secure support for an invasion of Iraq - was a debacle. The tough-talking VP went to the region to line up the Arab states behind the United States against Saddam; days after Cheney's return they were lining up behind Saddam against the United States." - Joshua Micah Marshall.





CHENEY'S AXIS OF (TAX-FREE) PROFITS
Under Dick "Chicanery" Cheney, superpatriot, the number of Halliburton subsidiaries registered in tax-friendly locations ballooned from nine in 1995 to 44 in 1999. The result? A dramatic drop in Halliburton's federal taxes, which fell from $302 million in 1998 to less than zero - to wit, an $85 million rebate - in 1999. At the same time they were hard at work stiffing U.S. taxpayers, Cheney and Halliburton were happily feasting at the public trough - the company received $2.3 billion in government contracts and another $1.5 billion in government financing and loan guarantees. Cheney's reluctance to talk to reporters is understandable, given the questionable accounting, the offshore subsidiaries, and the revelation that the company did business with Iran, Libya, and - despite Cheney's denials - Iraq. - Arianna Huffington, via democrats.com.

Hazy, hot, humid, Monday.
The Perseid meteor showers are tonight! Which means we'll probably get some rain.



BUNNYPANTS: BLAME BILL CLINTON FOR ECONOMIC WOES
pReznit Clueless will use an economic forum on Tuesday to project concern about the plight of ordinary citizens rather than simply stressing the economy's underlying strength, an emphasis that illustrates the political dangers of the tepid U.S. recovery. Bunnypants also wants to shift blame amid "new evidence" that the economy was already in recession when he stole took office last year.

With no major new policy expected to emerge, critics suggest the meeting amounts to a public relations exercise with carefully screened participants. The White House argues that George of the Bungle will hear from ordinary citizens, including some prominent Democrats (Fannie Mae Chief Executive Franklin Raines, and Penny Pritzker, whose family founded Hyatt hotels), about their ideas to revive growth. A CBS News Poll released last week showed Bush's approval rating on the economy was 45 percent. - From yahoo news.

'"Project concern" - PERFECT word choice. With Bush and Rove, EVERYTHING is about creating a certain appearance. And with a compliant, corporate media in their back pocket, it's proving to be stunningly easy. The US is being played for suckers by this administration on a daily basis. Trust me, 'projecting concern' is the goal, not 'having concern'" - by bvaljalo, at the yahoo message boards.

FOR HER PLEASURE
A 21-foot long condom has been placed on the Cerne Abbas Giant, a giant fertility symbol cut into a hillside in southern England.

In a publicity stunt carried out by the Family Planning Association to raise sexual health awareness, the 197-foot (60-metre) tall figure famous for its erect phallus was adorned with the huge sheath in the eary hours of Monday.

The image, etched into the chalk rock of a Dorset hillside, is believed to date from the second millennium BC. At least one couple claim to have cured their infertility by making love in its one-foot-wide trenches.

"It does get used rather by people doing stunts...we just hope it doesn't do any damage," said a spokesman for the National Trust, which owns the chalk man. He added, however, "We've got a sense of humour too." - Thanks to Ellen at AMCGLTD.com for the link!

YES, HERR DOKTOR?
I have to admit I have a strange fascination with the bizarre, as long as it isn't too gory or involves animals. With that in mind, here's a true-life Dorian Gray treatment of Michael Jackson's face, from here.

Jaffa and his Mini-Me.



'WHO CARES WHAT YOU THINK?'*
Emperor Snippy, stung by criticism that his photo-op of a bogus "economic forum' is just a Karl-Rove staged propaganda effort, went on the defensive during yet another round of golf while on his month-long vacation. "Karl invited a waitress and a truck driver!" he whined to reporters from the 7th hole. "Now watch this drive!"

Democrats upbraided the White House over the roster of people invited to the conference, calling to top heavy with corporate executives and providers of political largesse.

"There is no seat at the table for average Americans," said party chairman Terry McAuliffe. "There is no seat at the table for Democrats. There is no seat at the table for any member of Congress. Every seat at their table has a sign that says 'reserved for special interests only.'" - From here, more or less.


"The blind leading the Republicans. When Reagan screwed up the economy he at least had the excuse that he was running the country with advanced Alzheimer's. What I want to know is, what's Bush's excuse?" - by the_antichump, at the yahoo message boards.

*Actual quote by GW Bush.

It's too quiet.
Where is everybody?


PINK TUTU'D DEMS GET BITCH-SLAPPED
"The spokes starting coming off the wheels for George W Bush [when Paul Krugman reported] the now-infamous Harken Energy stock sale. Many elected Democrats had never even heard of it until the Krugman piece, but that didn't stop them from moving quickly to seize the moment... Ever since, a lot of the same people who spent eight years trying to pin everything up to homicide on the Clintons have been bawling about the unfairness of it all... While it's satisfying to see Democrats playing some offense now, it's a fact that, over the past nine months, the party has been afraid of its own shadow. Let's put it as bluntly as possible: Never in modern American history has a party so failed its core constituents as the Democratic Party has during this period." - Michael Tomasky.




CAPTION THIS PHOTO OF REICHSMARSHALL ASHCROFT

EVA, SOME SCHNAPPS FOR OUR GUESTS...
Cap'n Cowpie's nursemaids are touchy about suggestions he is loafing during a nearly monthlong stay at the Lazy W, so they agreed to allow a reporter to spend the morning with Bunnypants.

Poor stupid kneepadder had to get up before dawn to go jogging with Hopalong Noodlehead. Bunnypants does not like chitchat when he jogs. Spotting a herd of cattle, he says simply, "bovine." Minutes pass before he says another word.

WARNING! PROPAGANDA ALERT! At 6:30, as he rounds a corner and turns directly into the sunrise, God's Little Goober makes a statement that speaks volumes about his passion for this place. Without stopping, he spreads his arms wide toward the sky, beholding the blazing horizon for a few moments.

"Thanks to the good Lord," he says. - From an AP (Asskissing Press?) story by Scott Lindlaw, reprinted here.

BLOGSURFING
Slow news day, so I've been noodling around Blogtopia. So far it's been more like Blah-gtopia. I DID find the 'What Muppet Are You?' quiz, and was very disappointed to find out I'm Kermit - I thought for sure I was going to be one of those crabby old f*cks that used to sit up in the balcony and insult everyone. Crap, how embarrassing.

CRAWFORD, Texas (UP): Small critter hangs on for dear life during destructive brush-clearing operation.



It's pretty cool when the first thing you see when you log on is a link to The American Shithead Awards from Rack Jite.com.

WRITTEN BY THE BUSH TWINS?
The Lush Lexicon, at Modern Drunkard Magazine.

A sampler: New Words for Drunk: jagged up, boiled as an owl, mothered, curried and mashed, de-ossified, full tight, skinned, pie-eyed, gibbled, in the paint, pile-axed, rat-assed, stinko, torn off the frame, torqued, troll-eyed, wired to the tits, banjoed, chateaued, one over the eight, pixelated, swipey, wankered, zigzag, slaughtered, juice-looped, 12 gauged, Boris Yelstinned, cop-sluggin’ drunk, five winos gone, jackassed, liver-lubed, monkey assed, mullocked, paralytic, stolichnyed, ten feet tall and bulletproof, tore up from the floor up, Kennedied, wearing a big hat, shined up, wingdinged, off the leash, drunk uncled, picassoed, and finally, locked out of your mind.

They forgot pissed as a w.

HALFWAY TO PARADISE
The White House has ordered up a new statewide poll in California to determine if Bill Simon's candidacy is "still viable," according to a staffer quoted in The Moonie Times. - via Tapped.

MORE NEWS FROM THE GOP HEARTLAND
In the biggest upset of the primary election, Al Hanson, who served time in a Minnesota prison, beat the hand-picked candidate of the Missouri Republican Party for state auditor, lawyer Jay Kanzler of University City.

Hanson, 72, of Concordia, won the Republican nod Tuesday to challenge State Auditor Claire McCaskill. With nearly three-quarters percent of the vote counted, Hanson had run up nearly twice the votes that Kanzler had. Hanson spent less than $500 on the race while Kanzler spent $68,411.

Hanson was convicted of felony fraud and felony larceny in Minnesota in 1978 and served nine months in prison. He has refused to discuss his criminal record. He said he is a financial consultant who travels internationally, in Asia and South America, to advise clients. - From the Post-Dispatch.





QUOTES
"What Mr. Bush doesn't seem to understand are these two things. 1) Defending oil reserves and oil profits is not the same thing as defending one's country and 2) Saddam Hussein is most likely just as serious about defending his country. Not that that matters to Cowboy George." - Ron Jacobs.

"[S]urely the Iraqi regime was equally odious in 1989, when George Bush I signed an executive order mandating closer U.S ties with Saddam -- including the sale of WMD technology -- just months after Saddam had been accused of gassing his own people." - Chris Floyd.