July 31, 2009

So you think you can douche

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The Kuroshio Sea: Japan’s spectacular 2-million gallon aquarium tank:

Go here to view the big-screen version.

Of Marxists, meteors and Muslims

Some idiot at the ironically-named conservatard site newsrealblog makes shit up:

While the rest of the left wing media has gotten bored with the topic and has long since returned to its favorite subject – namely, the cult-like hero-worship directed toward Barack Obama...
What! Why, just this morning they were still discussing the latest bad poll numbers of our racist, old-people-killing President!

Where do they get this shit? And why are they being paid to do it?

What's the point?

Sorry, boss, I'm not coming in today. The universe is expanding.

I thought it was hysterical when Woody Allen freaked out over this in one of his old movies, but it turns out ol' Woody was a piker. One of the stupidest men on the planet has boldly gone a step further.... into uber-tardness. From the moist darkness of his mom's basement, hopelessly clutching a half-eaten bag of Cheetos, the doughy pantload, jowls aquiver, asks 'why spend money fighting global warming when we’re just gonna get squished by meteors?'

The year is 2109. Celebrations continue as mankind’s heroic, century-long, quintillion-dollar effort to lower the global mean temperature by 1 degree has paid off: July 2109 is just as hot as July 2009. Few can contain their jubilation. But even as the carbon-neutral champagne corks fly, the sky darkens. A projectile of a different kind is coming our way...

So horrendous is the calamity that some even wonder if the enormous investment in fending off climate change might not have been better spent.
Jeebus. And who needs health care? What about if we get attacked by giant beetles?? Has anyone thought of THAT??? Goldbaggery at Whiskey Fire:
Jonah Goldberg citing "science writer Gregg Easterbrook" (I wish I were dead) is not merely to square stupid, nor to cube stupid, but to enter entirely new dimensions of stupid, the quantum-moronoverse, the stupidularity, or something.
Space rocks are coming to kill us! Why isn't anyone doing anything about it!!! This is impo... But, whew, like a bad fart in a windstorm, or a meteor, it passed. The whole we're all gonna die a fiery death!! thing, not the stupidity. Here's today's POS he got paid for at towndump.com -- you can almost picture him typing this, dressed in his Kirk pjs, imaging himself scoring some hot space-babes who don't yet realize he's a stupid fucking no-talent sweatstain with a negligible dick:
In one of my favorite episodes of "Star Trek," Captain Kirk is mistaken for a god by inhabitants of a planet of Native Americans (it's a long story). The illusion works for Kirk until a jealous shaman cuts Kirk's hand, revealing that the divine being is just a man after all. "Behold! A god who bleeds!" the shaman mocks, exposing Kirk as a fraud to the rest of the tribe. It may sound like a stretch -- and, let's be fair, it is -- but I keep thinking of that episode when I look Barack Obama's poll numbers these days....

All presidents go through rough patches, and Obama's no exception. Odds are his poll numbers will get better -- and worse -- in the years to come. All of this is typical.

But this misses a crucial point: Obama isn't supposed to be a typical politician. He was supposed to be The One. He was supposed to change Washington. Transcend race. Fix souls. Bake 12-minute brownies in seven minutes.
I love 7-minute brownies, but no matter. What a fucking moron. 'The Obama presidency is over' because its become obvious he's not A GOD. Hurrrrrrrrrrr. Crucial point my ass. For a human being, President Obama has done pretty goddamn well in starting to put this country back together after the disastrous Bush/Cheney fail-meteor, you idiot.

Next stupid Doughy Pantload column: "Belly-button lint: collectible or curse?"

July 30, 2009

Because everything should taste like bacon!

Bacon... flavored... lip balm. Lip balm that tastes like bacon. Also available from amazon.com.

F*cked fact: someone bought it thinking it was a dog product. Who the fuck puts lip balm on their dog? Especially one that tastes... like... bacon??

Yeah, they're still at it

Plus they're eating each other alive if they don't toe the company line of complete and utter stupidity.

After the denizens at freetardrepublic spent a good part of yesterday discussing Prez Obama's eligibility by questioning Hawaii's statehood (insert face-plant here!), someone named Frank F at pajamasmedia wrote a satirical piece called "Birthers Have a Point: Is Hawaii Really a State?"

"Also, it’s well established that the Hawaiians are serial liars, and they could be lying about Obama now just like when they set off bombs at Pearl Harbor and blamed it on the Japanese....."
Today he got smeared, along with fellow conservaturd and anti-birfer Hugh Hewitt, as "dumbass" and "turncoat Republican." Awesome.

Adulterous moron castigates moderates as 'wishy-washy' on values

Sen. David 'diapers' Vitter, with a straight face: "I'm on the side of conservatives getting back to core conservative values." Ahem.

Vitter is an unusual standard-bearer for the “conservative values” wing of the Republican party. As Steve Benen writes, “[E]very time Vitter mentions the word ‘values,’ it elicits the same response: ‘Aren’t you that ‘family-values’ guy who got caught with prostitutes?’”
Maybe I missed something: did he say core values or whore values? Though I guess its the same thing IYAR.

Colin Powell to the GOP: Nut up and take on Limbaugh already, you pussies

Powell and CNN geezer Larry King discuss the spineless butthorns of the repuglican party --

POWELL: I can handle Rush's criticism. But the problem I'm having with the party right now is when he says things that I consider to be completely outrageous, I respond to it, but other members of the party quiver in their sagging dress-socks and continue to take it up the ass.

KING: Do you think they're afraid to take him on?

POWELL: Duh! Jeebus, King, you fucking senile? I know a number of instances where sitting members in Congress or elsewhere in positions of responsibility in the party, made light criticism of Rush and within 24 hours they were backing away because of the dittomonkey support for the gasbag. Fucking retards.
(Slightly paraphrased)

Demonization of RINO Powell by Limbaugh, freetards in 3... 2... 1....

July 29, 2009

Bill 'always wrong' Kristol defends his record

Bill Kristol: Government-run health care is bad.
Jon Stewart: Why do we give our troops government-run health care then?
Kristol: Because the troops deserve the best health care in the world.

Another gpuke cuts and runs

Tennessee rebooblican State Senator Paul Stanley palin'd out on Tuesday to spend more time with his family. His actual, wronged family:

"Due to recent events, I have decided to focus my full attention on my family and resign my Senate seat effective August 10," Republican Paul Stanley wrote in his resignation letter.
The "recent events"? Getting caught adulterously boning an intern, and then getting blackmailed over the sex tapes.
Court records show that Stanley, 47, told agents investigating a blackmail case that he had a sexual relationship with intern McKensie Morrison. Her boyfriend, Joel Watts, is charged with trying to extort $10,000 from Stanley in April in return for explicit photos of Morrison that Stanley had taken.
Fun fact: Stanley "sponsored failed measures to ban gay couples from adopting children. He also spoke out against funding for Planned Parenthood because he said unmarried people should not have sex." *snicker *

Ah, those repuglicans & their moral values -- an inspiration to us all.

Once-proud paper continues descent into ignominy

Marking yet another milestone in its shameful decline, the WaComPo defends its coverage of the loony-tune birther movement. The BM, as it were.

Yesterday during an online chat, Washington Poo reporter Ben Pershing was asked why “birthers” and other idiotic conspiracy theorists such as those claiming that former top Clinton White House aide Vince Foster was murdered “get play on the real media” while others such as the “9/11 Truthers” don’t. Pershing:
"Perhaps because there is an actual videotape of the planes hitting the World Trade Center that billions of people around the world have seen, while there is no videotape of Obama being born in Hawaii or Vince Foster committing suicide."
There's no videotape of Jeebus being born either, idiot.
Wait, you know what I mean.

Lowering the bar

The ironically-named American Thinker continues to give Americans, thinkers a bad name. Here, some deluded bint (who seems to be masquerading as "printboy" at fark) one-handedly pecks out a paean to slackjawed dodo Caribou Barbie:

Sarah Palin's Farewell Address as Governor of Alaska Sunday was no farewell address at all. It was just the beginning; it was a commencement address. Her speech embodied what a great American sounds like, and what a President ought to sound like.
The fuck? And weren't she and her hubby members of the Alaska Secessionist Party?
First and foremost, she thanked our brave men and women defending this great nation and ripped the media, warning: "You represent what could and should be a respected, honest profession that could and should be a cornerstone of our democracy. Democracy depends on you, and that is why, that's why our troops are willing to die for you. So, how about, in honor of the American soldier, you quit makin' things up?"
How fucking articulate. Oh, and when exactly did anyone make up shit about her again? How about, in honor of the American soldier, you quit makin' things up, you imbecilic bumpkin. The both of you.
There was no way she could stay on as Governor, as she was unable to fulfill her duties while the leftists in America had her tied up in bogus lawsuits (all of which she won).
What "leftists"? It was the repugs in her own state. And with that record, or if she had done nothing wrong, why quit as governor?
The left is calling her a "quitter." She is just the opposite, my friends. Sarah Palin is a fighter, a winner. And she is getting into the fight.
Earth to asshole: she quit. How does quitting = fighting?
Sarah Palin is a Great American.
Oooooh, in caps! Unfortunately, she spelled 'grate' wrong.
She is the leader Americans need. She is the leader the tea parties need. In closing, Palin said, "G-d bless America." Have you ever heard Obama utter those words?
*cough choke* Oh good God. It amazes me that people take idiots like these so seriously. Is this rag actually written by and for elementary-school kids? Maybe they should get some professional help. From the editors of Tiger Beat.

Shrill whiner all turd, no bird

Maureen Dowd: Lipsticked barracuda is in reality a whinging, pissy, Nixon-like diva.

Sarah Palin has now morphed into what the Republicans always caricatured Hillary Clinton as: preachy, screechy and angry.

Sarah, who was once a blazingly confident media darling, came across as aggrieved, paranoid and press-loathing in her new role as bizarre babe-at-large, a Nixon with hair extensions ranting about “American apologetics,” which sounds like a cross between apologists and Dianetics.

Sarah once criticized Hillary for being a whiny presidential contender, arguing that women who want “to progress this country” should not complain about being under a “sharper microscope,” but instead should just work harder to prove themselves capable. Now Sarah is a whiny presidential contender, complaining about the sharper microscope that women wanting to progress this country are under and rejecting advice to work harder to prove herself capable.

In her cuckoo speech in Fairbanks, Sarah warned Alaskans to “be wary of accepting government largess. It doesn’t come free.” Funny coming from a woman who charged the Alaskan taxpayers every time she worked from Wasilla.

July 28, 2009

The 'Soap Bubble Nebula', a newly discovered planetary nebula.


Shatner turns Palin pablumination to poetry

Two finger-snaps!

Creepy old asshole to retire, blames his own party

Senile crank and noted douchebag Jim Bunning announced on Monday he would not seek re-election, turnips, handsome young fellas to come over an' mow his lawn.

"Some of the leaders of the Republican Party in the Senate have done everything in their power to dry up my fund-raising," said the incontinent curmudgeon, 77. "The simple fact is that I have not raised the blueberries necessary to rooter an doogadget flummery for the U.S. whatsit."
Good riddance, asswipe.

Bonus: Bunning was rated as one of "America's five worst Senators" in 2006 by Time magazine, his fellow Senators, and his own staff, and the same in 2009 by Supreme Court Justice Ruth Bader Ginsburg and his own Minority Leader, Mitch McConnell.

Well, sort of.

Our long months of despair and uncertainty are finally over

With nothing else pressing going on at the moment, politicians decide to take 'stupid' to the next level:

The House resolution to celebrate the 50th anniversary of Hawaiian statehood -- which included language recognizing the state as President Obama's birthplace, in a none-too-subtle jab at the Birthers -- passed this evening by a 378-0 vote.

Among the Yes votes: Rep. Bill Posey (R-Hurrrrrr), the lead sponsor of the infamous "Birther Bill" to require presidential candidates to present their birth certificates, and who had previously said he wouldn't "swear on a stack of Bibles" that Obama is a natural-born American citizen.
That they even had to THINK about doing this still astounds me. I want to smack the living shit out of all of them. But that's just me.

July 27, 2009

So, what's up today? Besides the AW from AK?

What a Conundrum

Amusing wingnut-mania coming to a mature, rational, deliberative legislative body representing you soon.

The measure Abercrombie will introduce commemorates the 50th anniversary of Hawaii’s statehood. But here’s the rub, his spokesman tells me: It describes Hawaii as Barack Obama’s birthplace.

“In the language of the resolution, there is a statement that Hawaii is the birthplace of the 44th President of the United States,” Abercrombie spokesman Dave Helfert confirms.

That confronts House GOPers with a choice: They can vote for the measure, and endorse the idea that Obama was born in Hawaii, which could earn the wrath of birthers. Or they can vote against commemorating the 50th state’s joining of our blessed Union. Or GOPers can skip the vote, but that could look nutty.

Normally, this should piss me off, but after years of watching the rethugs play this childish posturing, procedural bullshit, it's nice to see one of ours do the same.
Call the fucking waaaaahmbulance already.
Stay tuned, this should be funny shit.

Sorry about the lack of posts, but the drama gods have decided to inflict their wrath upon me lately and why, I don't know. Regular programming to resume soon as possible.
I miss you guys.
Hugs and awkward gropes,
U.L. aka Undielib

July 25, 2009

Look What the Clenis Started!!!!11!!!!

Sunday school teacher and hypocrite-at-large makes amateur porn with young intern.
Another day, another conservative, family-values Rethuglibot scandal demonstrating his superior morality and impeccable family values

In a sworn affidavit, a Tennessee state investigator has said that Stanley admitted to having a "sexual relationship" with a 22-year-old female intern working in his office, and to taking nude pictures of her in "provocative poses" in his apartment.
Just another chapter in the the never-ending parade of hypocrisy that is known as the Republican party. Look for Fox "News" to briefly mention the transgressions of Paul Stanley (D).

Fun Fact: Stanley was the sponsor of a bill last session to ban gay adoptions. Because after all, you don't want children in a home without firm, Christian family values.

July 24, 2009

Pic from BuzzFlash. He's so fucked up even his tinfoil hat is wearing a tinfoil hat.

The WTF diet

Last night on Twitter we imagined Rush Limbaugh pounding away like an enraged walrus as he tried to get off. No, don't ask. Today, instead of an asshole, we bring you a facehole:

Michael Jackson's fake nose missing, reports fake news organization.

Michael Jackson wore a prosthetic nose, according a report -- and it was missing from his surgically mangled face as he lay in an LA morgue.
Left behind was a small, dark hole surrounded by bits of cartilage, said witnesses who saw the King of Pop's body on the autopsy table.
-- brrrrrrrrrr. From the NY comPost.

Poll: dip's favorability dips to 40%

A new ABC News-WaComPo poll finds that 53 percent of 'Merica-hatin' 'Mericans view Sarah Palin as an attention-whoring dimwit who doesn't have what it takes to lead or breathe without post-it note reminders stuck to her clothes.

Alaska's soon-to-be-ex-governor loses ground among Republicans, white evangelicals.

A majority of Americans, including some republicans, hold a negative view of the imbecilic bumpkin, and there is broad public doubt about her leadership skills and understanding of complex issues, presenting problems for her political future.
Suck it, pukes.

Party before country

Rethug: 'Our opposition to health care is just pure politics.'

Half the Party of No's opposition to health care comes not from policy differences with the Democrats but purely from a desire to score political points against President Barack Obama, the News of the Duh reports.

George Voinovich (R-OH) said on Wednesday that a desire to prevent the Democratic president from scoring a historical victory with a public health plan accounts for at least 50 percent of the Morally Bankrupt Party's opposition to the plan.
Why do republitards hate America?

Obama's 'rock star' persona boosts US

President Obama's soaring popularity has significantly boosted attitudes toward the United States in Europe, Latin America, Africa, Asia, Antartica, Australia and almost some of Arabia.

Across much of the world, the first five months of Obama's presidency essentially erased the battering the USA's image took during eight nightmarish years of the Bush misadministration, according to the study by Pew's Global Attitudes Project released Thursday.
"People were just really happy to see Bush gone," former secretary of State Madeleine Albright almost said. "Christ, did that asshole suck wads."

If God wanted black people to... uhhh, OK, wait a sec....

Pat 'pride and prejudice' Buchanan points out that white men -- by 100% -- were the ones who signed the Declaration of Independence. Hmmmm. Wonder what all them black and brown folk were doing back then that could've possibly prevented them from participating…

Equal time

A functional artificial human brain can be built within the next 10 years, which is great news for the 'Palin 2020' campaign.

'Birthers’ won't let go of their idiocy

And neither will "news" orgs who should know better. This is what greeted me when I logged into YahooNews this morning, complete with photo of this snarling, obese grublike creature.

"Six months after Barack Obama's inauguration, a persistent and noisy legion of doubters won't let go of an already debunked claim — that he is actually a foreign-born, illegal president."

This is particularly rich, coming from pMSNBC. Last night I had to turn the TV off in disgust when Chris Matthews brought out felon and noted gpuke crackpot G Gordon Liddy to comment on this nonsense. Liddy! In one of the most shameful cases of spineless pandering evar -- like its not bad enough that they're even talking about this -- they invite the frothing posterchild of depraved rightwingnut conspiracy-morons. This is what passes for journalism these days. Good gravy.

Liddy, of course, lied, like the true rethug he is. Thank God there are a few who aren't completely retarded:
"I've stopped laughing," New York Daily News columnist Errol Louis wrote Thursday. "Too many political and media leaders are deliberately fanning the flames of ignorance and fear, and they should be ashamed."
GOP consultant John Feehery suggested that [CNN's rabid fuckwit Lou] Dobbs and other broadcast figures were seeking to capitalize on the controversy to boost ratings.

"It says more about the media culture we're entering and the decline of responsible journalism, and less about the political realm," Feehery said.

July 23, 2009

Hikin' the ol' Appalachian Trail takes a lot out of a man

Exhausted from his tight schedule of dodging minions, furtive overseas travelling and mistress-wrangling, repug Gov. Mark Sanford has decided that a two-week European vacation is exactly what he needs to unwind. Never mind the fact that he and his wife, ol' whasshername, just returned from a five-day out-of-state trip Monday night.

[The European] trip also is the fourth time Sanford has left the state on personal travel in the last six weeks, including his mid-June trip to Buenos Aires to bop the bejeebus out of his busty boofykins.
Bonus: he pins the latest fiasco on his kids:
Sanford said he considered canceling the trip, but that his children had raised money to help pay for the excursion by selling lemonade.
Good fucking gravy. Under a huge American flag, no doubt. While "My Country Tis of Thee" played from loudspeakers on the front porch. Next to th' spittoons. And how much fucking lemonade do you have to sell to pay for a 2-wk family trip to Monaco, for crying out loud? If I could sell lemonade like that I'd quit my day job. Honestly.

And you thought the Pope was a Nazi!

Jon Stewart to CNN's conspiracy kkkook Lou Dobbs: 'do you even watch your own fucking network?'

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Quote of the day

"Moderate Republicans aren't like moderate Democrats - well, they are in one way, they both vote with the Republicans. They differ in that moderate Democrats have backbone, and they'll screw their own party every chance they can get."
-- John at AmericaBlog.

Taco Belle dead : (

For a hairless, rodent-like critter with scary-ass teeth and a deep voice, she was pretty cool --

Gidget the Chihuahua, the bug-eyed, big-eared star of Taco Bell commercials, has died. She was 15. Gidget suffered a massive stroke late Tuesday night at her trainer's home in Santa Clarita and had to be euthanized. Although she was hard of hearing, Gidget was otherwise in good health up to the day of her death, eating well and playing with her favorite squeaky toys.
Awwww. Godspeed, little creature. And say hi to Jaffa for me.


Supportin' the terrists:

In February, CQ Politics reported that Rep. Peter Hoekstra, R-Cretin, broke a national security embargo when he tweeted the details of a secret congressional trip to Iraq: "Just landed in Baghdad. Lindsey farted."

Not only did Hoekstra reveal the existence of the lawmakers’ trip, but included details about their itinerary in updates posted every few hours on his Twitter page.

Did we mention that Hoesktra is a ranking member of the House Intelligence Committee?
** Snort ** There are so many things wrong in that sentence I could be here all goddamn day. Bonus:
Hoekstra's breach also happened to occur just months after the U.S. Army issued a report warning that Twitter was a "potential terrorist tool."
Why does repug Rep. Hoekstra hate our troops?

Profiles in doucheness

Party before sanity: shrill harpy Liz Cheney defends the birthers --

When asked about the [cretinous turds] and their Obama Derangement Syndrome, rather than take the adult stance of saying that it's a shame that this fringe group isn't willing to accept the reality that the President was born in the US, Cheney gleefully pounces on the chance to slam Obama for being "anti-American" and "refusing to stand up for what the US believes in."
She's fucking insane. And she's thinking about running for office??

And wtf is it with Larry King and CNN to even have this garbage on?? No wonder Jon Stewart is the most trusted newsman in America. Seriously. More here.

July 22, 2009

People walk on Duomo Square under stormy skies in Milan.(AFP/Giuseppe Cacace)


Mount Everest -- from even HIGHER up.

The most alien landscapes on Earth.

Repuke family va...

An alleged extortion attempt has exposed a possible sexual relationship between a prominent state senator and a young legislative intern.
That senator is Republican Paul Stanley from Memphis, chairman of the Senate Commerce Committee, and KISS front ma... what? Oh, too bad, that would have explained a lot. No matter....
Authorities said he was the victim in the alleged extortion, but the case is certain to raise plenty of questions about Stanley and his family-values agenda.
Stanley is married with two children.
Of course he is.


21 office supplies that really should exist.


A reader informed me that he like hates the colored blocks we use because it makes it hard for him to read the teeny font. I have no problem increasing the font size or doing away with the colors, but I do get cranky at people who come across sounding we exist solely for their amusement. Crank crank crank.

There, I'm done!

Chris Matthews grows a brain cell

Maybe to try to make up for all the gpukes that have completely lost theirs.

Palin... nonethical... blah blah blah...

Sarah Palin faces ethics questions over her legal defense fund which was set up to fight ethics questions.

"I can only apply the Ethics Act as currently written," Personnel Board investigator Thomas Daniel told News of the Duh. "And as currently written, it does not allow a state official to use her position to solicit funds to pay for a private attorney or any other personal expense."
Even duhmer: have the taxpayers pay for it.

Headline of the day

"Stephen Baldwin files for bankruptcy. Let's see Jesus get him out of THIS one." -- poster at fark. Actual story here.

Judge restores Rather's fraud claim vs. CBasSholes

A NYC judge has OKd a claim that had been denied in Dan Rather's lawsuit over former pResident Doofy McDiaperrash's AWOLality.

Rather's lawyer Martin Gold said Tuesday the fraud stems from the pussy-assed, Rove-gargling dipshits at CBS' failure to keep promises they made to Rather before firing him over the story about Bush's Vietnam-era military non-service.

July 20, 2009


Posted without comment.....

Soldier Should Be Killed by Captors


The Borowitz Report:

In what some on Wall Street are calling the biggest blockbuster deal in the history of the financial sector, Goldman Sachs confirmed today that it was in talks to acquire the U.S. Department of the Treasury.

According to Goldman spokesperson Jonathan Hestron, the merger between Goldman and the Treasury Department is "a good fit" because "they're in the business of printing money and so are we."

The Goldman spokesman said that the merger would create efficiencies for both entities: "We already have so many employees and so much money flowing back and forth, this would just streamline things."

Mr. Hestron said the only challenge facing Goldman in completing the merger "is trying to figure out which parts of the Treasury Dept. we don't already own."

Goldman recently celebrated record earnings by roasting a suckling pig over a bonfire of hundred-dollar bills.

Elsewhere, conspiracy theorists celebrated the 40th anniversary of NASA faking the moon landing.

And in South Carolina, Gov. Mark Sanford gave his wife a new diamond ring, while his wife gave him an electronic ankle bracelet.

July 17, 2009

It must be Stupid Day today...

Stupid stupid stupid stupid stupid

'Trig Palin has divided America,' say rocket scientists Gary Bauer & Daniel Allott. That's just retarded.

Reactions to Sarah Palin’s decision to resign the governorship of Alaska have been a reminder of her unmatched ability to elicit strong emotions from friend and foe alike. We know some of the reasons why. It’s her evangelical Christianity and her folksy manner. It’s her small-town roots and her “new feminism.” But there is something more. A year ago, Palin gave birth to her youngest son, Trig, who has Down syndrome. Since then, mother and son have become objects of the left’s unrelenting scorn and the right’s unflinching fidelity…

For the love of Jeebus. Isn't it a sin to tell a lie, Gary? You altar-boy-fucking parasite?*



There are so many varieties of dumbass here that my eyes are crossing. Some brainless twat actually gets a moronic, fact-free op piece published:

Looking just as stunning dressing a moose as giving a speech,

Gak. Oh please. And that voice.

... "Sarah the Barracuda" has had her life turned into a caricature by an elite media terrified by her brand of populism.

Umm, she sort of IS a caricature. By her own mouth. And why do these idiots keep writing that we're scared? On the contrary, its like watching a trainful of clowns derail. You know somehow its just wrong , but its so goddamn funny you just can't look away. The wreck is spectacular. Almost karmic. You could watch it forever.

She's on a roll. Her recent resignation as governor of her beloved Alaska has pretty much succeeded in baffling talk-show carnival barkers as well as the rest of the jellyfish {???? - Ed.} in Washington.

Baffling, yes, in that SHE QUIT, she CUT AND RAN from HER JOB in politics. While promising to stay in politics. Maybe people could have figured out WHY if she had actually made any kind of SENSE.

As a proud conservative woman who has no problem standing up for what she believes, even if it means being hounded by liberals and isolated by her own party, she's...

Nobody "hounded" her. For crying out loud. Get your fucking facts straight before opening your damn piehole.

Well, you get the gist of it. Someone on Twitter the other day wrote "would republicans be making such a big deal over her if she looked like Susan Boyle?" and you gotta wonder if the answer would be no. The woman's a fucking moron.

Legendary halfwit Bill "always wrong" Kristol retains his record

You thought I was kidding about it being Stupid Day, didn't you? Boy, its been one thing after another. Here, Kristol the Klown sits down for an interview with Australian Broadcasting Corporation to talk about the state of US conservatardism and neocon pin-up Sarah Palin:

LEIGH SALES: We heard part of her press conference in that story, and the reporter said it had been described as rambling. What did you think of it?

KRISTOL: You know, I rather liked it. I mean, she wrote her own statement. It wasn't the most beautifully crafted, elegant, speechwriter-produced, professionally-marketed statement, but it seems to me, frankly, if a liberal had made a statement like that, people would have said, "You know, it's great - it's refreshing to have someone right [sic] her own stuff and be honest and straightforward and not be totally packaged."

Oh good gravy. Get a fucking grip. And rethugs would be blathering about needing teleprompters and wearing earth tones or something. Jeebus Christ.

KRISTOL: The liberal media here …

Oh fuck me.

KRISTOL: The liberal media here are so hostile to Governor Palin, that she has a kind of - she speaks her mind and it's described as rambling.

Kristol then went into a huuuuge rambling whargarbll about Palin rambling, and I nodded off.

GOP senators in tears after Sotomayor hearing

"We're damned if we do, damned if we don't," weeps republican spokesman "Whitey" McWhitersons.

Sonia Sotomayor's success at her Supreme Court confirmation hearing has some Republicans in a tight spot, with conservative senators forced to weigh the political calculus of voting on the court's first beaner, who also is the first liberal nominee in 15 years.

The underlying politics are dicey for Republicans. They must be careful to keep faith with their bigoted constituents like the Sons of the Confederacy, the Rushbots, and the National Rifle Association who oppose her, yet avoid offending the Hispanic voters who represent the fastest-growing segment of the electorate.

Attn: scanning electron microscope needed to detect the violin playing for poor, suffering rethuglicans...

AP investigation: 'frugal' GOP SC gov flew in style

South Carolina deadbeat republican Mark Sanford shed his fiscal conservatism on several taxpayer-funded international poontrips, choosing first-class seating and expensive hotels, restaurants, nightclubs and naughty silk banana-hammocks shaped like little elephants.

Sanford, who once criticized other state officials for costly travel, charged the state more than $37,600 for one first-class and four business-class flights overseas since November 2005, expense records show. Other state employees flew in steerage at a fraction of the price.

The sanctimonious dipshit charged taxpayers $12,172 for travel to China in 2007, which included business-class accommodations, complete with upgraded food, drinks and an oversized reclining chair.

The Republican hypocrite, who balked at taking federal stimulus money after arguing it was an unwise use of taxpayer funds, charged the state $8,687 for a trip to Brazil last year that included a leg in business class. State expense records show the leg belonged to Taiwanese pole dancer Misty Muffinstuf.

That trip ended with the governor's now well-publicized visit to his Argentine mistress.

That trip should have ended his political career. But IOKIYAR.

Secessionist Gov. Perry now seeking federal stimulus funds

Pay him in Confederate dollars, suggests one wag.

Texas is expected to request $650 million, roughly $100 million more than Perry initially rejected.

President Obama is expected to laugh in Rick Perry's face, grab his crotch, and say "I got your stimulus right here, white boy!"

At a “tea party protest” in April, Perry trumpeted his decision to reject stimulus dollars from the Obama administration.

“I believe the federal government has become oppressive,” he said, adding that he might even consider seceding from the Union.

Guess HE won't be invited to any more teabagging parties now, hmmm?

Rethug family values and the sanctity of marriage

How inspiring! Us Godless homo babykilling libs are truly going to Hell for being amoral spoogebandits. Action filed July 14, 2009:

Former Congressman and C-Street resident Chip Pickering's estranged wife has filed a lawsuit against Pickering's mistress. Leisha Pickering is suing Elizabeth Creekmore-Byrd for alienation of affection.

Rep. Pickering, a Republican from Mississippi, allegedly continued seeing his college sweetheart while they were both married.

According to the suit, some of the "wrongful conduct" occurred at the C-Street facility for Christian congressmen.

The mansion, at 133 C Street in Washington, D.C, is owned by the Christian political organization known as the Family, whose motto is "leadership led by God." Its mission? "To develop and maintain an association of people banded together as 'ambassadors of reconciliation,' modeling the principles of Jesus, based on loving God and loving others. "

The latter part of which they seem to do on a regular basis. **snort **

The suit says Rep. Pickering and Creekmore-Byrd rekindled their relationship while he was a congressman, before and while living at the C-Street facility, and are still together.

Sinning in a house of the Lord!!! OMFG!!!! Double values bonus: "the congressman would return home to his wife and five children only on weekends." Awesome.