April 30, 2003

We catch up with Ari lying about Dumbya's speech tomorrow
Q: Why is the president giving this speech now? What significance should we read into this?

Ari: Well, the president is giving the speech now because of the successful operations that have been carried out, the significant accomplishments in achieving the mission, and because he wants to explain to the American people, that them evildoers still hate us for our freedom and can attack any second having risked lives and treasure in pursuit of our goals in Iraq, what the present results are. And that's something that the president began with his speech to the country about, and he wants to, again, now bring it to a conclusion with a speech to the country. The war on terror will continue. Iraq was a phase in the war on terror. And the president wants to try to keep the American people scared shitless until election day discuss all of this with the American people.

Q: Why not just declare victory?

The Liar: Well, I would urge you to listen to the president's words tomorrow night. But the president knows that while major combat operations have ended, and while the next phase has begun with the reconstruction of Iraq, there continue to be threats to the security and the safety of the American people. And he will describe that. [Ed.: Oh, I bet he will...] There continues to be great progress in protecting the American people from those threats. But threats do indeed remain.

Q: Full victory, you've indicated before, I believe, would include all of the president's objectives having been met, including finding weapons of mass destruction and rounding up all the leadership of the previous regime. Is that --

Ari Well, I'll let you judge the president's words tomorrow for what they represent, what topics he covers. Certainly Deputy Secretary Armitage's speech this morning about weapons of mass destruction covered much of that ground.

Q: But the president's not going all the way.

Ari 'the lying heartthrob' Fleischer caught in the act
Q: And then, on the judicial nominations, where precisely in the Constitution is the Senate required to hold an up or down vote on every judicial nominee?

Ari: I said that the Constitution is clear, a majority is required to confirm judicial nominees. The Senate process has now moved to a point where it's becoming almost a matter of routine --

Q: You said that they were required to hold an up or down vote.

The Liar: I said, the Constitution is clear, a majority is required to confirm --

Q: Just prior to that, you said that they are required to hold an up or down vote.

Ari: You can check the transcript, but when I cited on the Constitution, I said just what I said verbatim on the Constitution.
Ari, in his opening comments: "The Senate has a constitutional responsibility to hold an up or down vote on all judicial nominees within a reasonable amount of time."


F*cking stupid freepers
From goPuke USA:What is the definition of coalition success in Iraq?
Finding weapons of mass destruction: 4%

Killing or capturing Saddam: 2%

Liberating the Iraqi people and establishing a democratic government: 50%

All three must take place for the coalition to be successful: 41%

Total Votes: 4559

It would be funny if it wasn't so damn pathetic.

The Dante's Inferno Test has banished you to the Fifth Level of Hell!
Here is how you matched up against all the levels:

Purgatory (Repenting Believers)Low
Level 1 - Limbo (Virtuous Non-Believers)Very Low
Level 2 (Lustful)High
Level 3 (Gluttonous)Moderate
Level 4 (Prodigal and Avaricious)Low
Level 5 (Wrathful and Gloomy)High
Level 6 - The City of Dis (Heretics)Low
Level 7 (Violent)Moderate
Level 8- the Malebolge (Fraudulent, Malicious, Panderers)High
Level 9 - Cocytus (Treacherous)High

Take the Dante's Inferno Hell Test

Mexico's Fox meets with real President
President Vicente Fox met Wednesday with Bill Clinton and reiterated his country's need for warm relations with its neighbor to the north.

"We're friends, neighbors and partners," Fox said in a statement following the 90-minute meeting at the presidential residence in Mexico City. "We are united by more than a border and we will always look toward the future" together. "But WTF is that cabron payaso Georgie's problem??"

Clinton was in the Mexico capital to participate in "21st Century Mexico" a political and economic forum. - link.

Must-see TV!
Jon Stewart hosts The Daily Show's "debate" between pResident George W Bush and Governor George W Bush, here.

U.S. soldier criticizes Napoleon Bonehead
A U.S. Army Private from Mississippi has publicly criticized pReznit Gameboy for his handling of military action in Afghanistan and Iraq, a move that could land her in hot water with her superiors.

Private Sarah Freeland, 22, said she "loathes" the president's decision to go to war against Saddam Hussein. In an interview published in her hometown newspaper, the Oxford Eagle, Freeland rebuked the president for failing to gain UN approval for the war. "The United Nations should have handled this," Freeland told the paper. "It's not our business taking it into our hands."

Private Freeland said she is worried about Smirky McStupid angering so many countries and failing to deliver on promises of assistance.

"In Afghanistan, we promised to set up something better, but these people are starving with no medical care. We promised the same thing to Iraq, but we haven't delivered in Afghanistan yet."

Despite her disagreement with misdministration policies, Freeland admitted that her political beliefs are irrelevant to her role as a soldier.

"No matter what moronic things Bush does or how much I don't agree, he's my commander-in-chief, and I'll go," she said. - link.

REMINDER: Support our troops!

Pootie-Poot pimpslaps Poodle, pReznit Pinhead
"Perhaps Saddam is hiding underground in his bunker, sitting on cases containing weapons of mass destruction, and is preparing to blow the whole thing up, bringing down the lives of thousands of people. We simply don't know," Mr Putin said at a press conference. He repeatedly asked "Where are these weapons?"

Asked whether he was making fun of claims about Saddam's weapons, Mr Putin said he was deadly serious.

"The whole operation was started by the coalition based on their conviction that they did exist."

Have we mentioned today that the Court-appointed Fraud lied?
'The war has set in motion the creation of a fundamentalist Shiite regime in Iraq, akin to the one currently in control of Iran. The Bush administration is shocked, shocked that a clear majority of Iraqis prefer this form of government to the quasi-democracy we promised them, and are working overtime to prevent it. Thus, the irony: Bush spent blood and treasure to “liberate” the Iraqi people, and now that they have a form of it, Bush is bending over backwards to deny them the most elemental aspect of liberty - the right to self-determination and self-rule.

'Never mind that the original cause for war, clarioned time and again by the administration, was the existence in Iraq of mobile chemical laboratories, drones fitted with poison sprays, 15 to 20 Scud missile launchers, 5,000 gallons of anthrax, several tons of VX nerve gas agent, 100 to 500 tons of other toxins including botulinum, mustard gas, ricin, sarin, and let’s not forget the 30,000+ illegal munitions. None of these terrors have been unearthed in Iraq after months of UN inspections, weeks of war, and more weeks filled with swarming American investigators tasked to locate the stuff.

'American forces have interrogated dozens of Iraq scientists and officials as to the location of all this, and none of those interrogated seem to be able to point the way. In fact, they are denying any of the stuff is there at all. Now that Saddam Hussein, principle motivation for any obfuscation on their part, has been removed, what reason now do they have to lie about this?' - snipped from WilliamPitt's piece, at DemoUndergound.

Obviously, Maru doesn't have a Photoshop program.

Nuclear Chickenhawks
'"What are they smoking?” asked one exasperated State Department official after last week’s abrupt and abrasive talks with North Korea. “Which alternative universe do they inhabit?” He wasn’t talking about the eccentric North Koreans and their nuclear brinkmanship. Instead the senior diplomat was frustrated by an equally tenacious foe: the conservative in-house critics of Secretary of State Colin Powell.' - from Newsweek.

Eating their young
'Republicans could easily appease the ire of gays, feminists and liberal churchgoers who vote with them by chastising Santorum and stripping him of his leadership position. One would have especially expected some reprimand from Vice President Dick Cheney, one of whose daughters is openly lesbian. But no, instead pregnant silence.' - Bonnie Erbe.

Meanwhile, the Dems are...where?!

Tom 'Isadora' Daschle performs in the only way the Dems know how.

Heads up!
Smirky McGolfcart's job approval ratings dropping:
CBS News Poll. Latest: April 26-27, 2003
Approve went from 73% to 67%

FOX News/Opinion Dynamics Poll. Latest: April 22-23, 2003
71% to 65%

- - link, via DemoUnderground.

'Wrapped in the flag and hiding behind Jesus'
"The mainstream media has, in my opinion, been so grossly negligent, so disturbingly devoid of authentic debate, and actual dissemination of information. They are, in theory, the custodians of fact, the watchdogs of government. That's the theory. At a time as important as this, they have absolutely rolled over to the conservative hawkish agenda.

"The parents of the troops who die and the parents of Iraqi civilians who die should have the right to slap a lot of these media outlets with a suit of criminal negligence. Military parents would have a legitimate case, especially against Fox and the New York Post for cheerleading this thing the whole way, for waving the flag, and using knee-jerk, sycophantic, pseudo-patriotism as a tool to galvanize public opinion." - Janeane Garofalo.

'And the children dance to the pipes of Pan...'
30 April: St Sophia's Day. She was originally the spirit of female wisdom, symbolised by the dove of Aphrodite, later transformed into the dove of the holy ghost. Sophia was God's female soul, source of its power. Her greatest shrine is Hagia Sophia in Constantinople, one of the wonders of the world. For the Celts, May Eve was Beltane, the spring festival when witches and spirits were abroad. As the sun sets, May Eve, or Walpurgisnacht, begins with the ceremonial cutting of the May bush.* Walpurgis derives its name from Walpurga or Walburga. Walburga, Abbess of Heidenheim near Eichstätt, a Catholic Saint, was known as the protectoress against witchcraft and sorcery.

*Don't get me started.

Bush cartel allows terrorist group to keep arms
The U.S. cease-fire with an Iranian exile group Washington considers a terrorist organization allows the Mujahedeen Khalq to defend itself from Iranian-sponsored attacks and keep its artillery and other weapons, U.S. military officials said Tuesday.

White House spokes-tool Ari 'the beefcake liar' Fleischer said Tuesday the U.S. goal remained an Iraq "free of all terrorist organizations." While acknowledging the Mujahedeen Khalq was listed by Washington as a terrorist group, he spun madly, saying the cease-fire deal was "part of the ongoing immediate post-combat effort to enhance security on the ground."

The Bushies, who went to war against Iraq in part to dismantle what they said were terrorist networks supported by Saddam, are now looking the other way. They are getting SLAMMED on the yahoo message boards over this one.

"This is how much credibility
we have on the terrorism thing
right now, but only with French-loving
traitors. By the way, don't I look HOT today?!"

April 29, 2003

Top Iraqi prisoners deny Saddam had WMDs
High-ranking Iraqi prisoners are uniformly denying Saddam Hussein's government had any weapons of mass destruction before the war, U.S. officials said Tuesday.

The fact that there just aren't any WMD denials are hampering U.S. forces' plans to plant search for evidence of alleged chemical, biological and nuclear weapons programs in Iraq, as the prisoners are not providing locations or other details interrogators are seeking.

Family embarrassed by way son died
SAN ANGELO, TX - 'The parents and siblings of Cris Aulter, 25, expressed deep shame and embarrassment Tuesday over his accidental death from autoerotic asphyxiation. "I cannot express how deeply mortified I am," said John Aulter, 52, the boy's father. "I mean, where in the world did Cris get the idea to suffocate himself while jerking off? How will I ever show my face around the office again?" Aulter said he plans to tell friends and coworkers that his son was hit by a car.'

I wonder if he was friends with that kid who broke his neck and died while trying to suck his own d*ck.

- - OK, OK, it's from The Onion.

Mildly amusing
The Drudge Report Headline Generator - link.

"2.6 million private sector jobs have been lost across the past two years - a record for any modern presidency." - from an editorial in the NY Times.

"What a pity that Tom Brokaw, the guy who wrote The Greatest Generation, didn't care enough to ask Bush why he was cutting their VA benefits." - via email from MikeD.

More fun with titles
...that you won't see on the drudge report:
George W Bush, misadministration: "Operation Enduring Freedom"
Joseph Goebbels: "Enduring Freedom of the Thousand-year Reich."

"Federal Reserve Chairman Alan Greenspan says he's willing to serve another term. He said, 'Where else could I get a job in this economy?'" - Conan O'Brien.

Massive deceit
'Forget truth. That is the message from our government and its apologists in the media who insist that the Iraq invasion is a great success story even though it was based on a lie.

'In the statement broadcast to the Iraqi people after the invasion was launched, president Bush stated: "The goals of our coalition are clear and limited. We will end a brutal regime, whose aggression and weapons of mass destruction make it a unique threat to the world." To which Tony Blair added: "We did not want this war. But in refusing to give up his weapons of mass destruction, Saddam gave us no choice but to act."

'That claim of urgency - requiring us to short-circuit the U.N. weapons inspectors - has proved to be a whopper of a falsehood.' - Robert Scheer.

And watch American credibility nosedive further
'Where are those Iraqi weapons of mass destruction, in the pursuit of which George W. Bush went to war and over which decade-long, American-led economic sanctions killed 1 million civilians, half of them children? Dispersed or destroyed just ahead of the American troops, as suggested by the president? Or sent to Syria, as insinuated by some American officials?

'And where is Saddam Hussein? And his entourage, besides Tariq Aziz? In the same nether land as Osama bin Laden and Mullah Mohammed Omar.

'What is it about the mighty American military machine that it can kill civilians but miss the real enemy? Or about American spy satellites that can hear culprits breathe but lose them the moment they melt away at the sound of approaching armies?' - Haroon Siddiqui, in the Toronto Star.

Baghdad Bob gets TV offer!
An Arab television network said today it wants to give a job to former Iraqi information minister Mohammed Saeed al-Sahaf. Ali al-Hadethi, supervisor of the Dubai-based al-Arabiya satellite channel, said that Sahaf was welcome to join the network immediately as a commentator and analyst.

"We want to benefit from the experience of Mr Sahaf and his analysis of the current situation and the future of Iraq," Hadethi said.

A London-based Arabic newspaper reported, meanwhile, that Sahaf, dubbed "Comical Ali" for his eccentric denials that Iraqi forces were being overrun, was now holed up with his aunt in Baghdad and wanted the Americans to arrest and protect him. - from here.

GOP media toady's panties in wad
NBC News president Neal Shapiro "bawled out" correspondent Ashleigh Banfield for what he perceived as criticisms over the war coverage of the networks.

'In a speech at KSU, Banfield said the networks had portrayed the Iraqi war as "glorious and wonderful" because they had failed to show the bloody horrors of the battles. Reporters who have returned from Iraq have defended the networks' lack of blood-and-guts video, saying it was impossible to film much of it because of logistical reasons.'
Gee, that's funny: Al-Jazeera and the other Muslim networks didn't seem to have any trouble.

I'm sorry, I thought this was planet Earth
In an insult to WWII vets everywhere, Darth Rummy likens Iraq war to liberation of Paris.

"Think of the scenes we've all witnessed - our planted stooges free Iraqis pulling down a statue of Saddam Hussein, embracing coalition forces when they weren't firing at us and telling us to get the hell out and looting museums and hospitals, rioting celebrating their newfound freedom," Rumsfeld said. "And thanks to our embedded stooges in the lapdog whore media it will certainly take its place alongside the Berlin Wall, the liberation of Paris."

Ummmm, yes, you were
"We were not lying," a Bush administration official told ABC News. "But it was just a matter of emphasis." The official was referring to the way the administration hyped the threat that Saddam Hussein posed to the United States. According to the ABC report, the real reason for the war was that the administration "wanted to make a statement."

[W]e have yet to find any weapons of mass destruction. It's hard to believe that we won't eventually find some poison gas or crude biological weapons. But those aren't true W.M.D.'s, the sort of weapons that can make a small, poor country a threat to the greatest power the world has ever known. Remember that president Bush made his case for war by warning of a "mushroom cloud." Clearly, Iraq didn't have anything like that - and Mr. Bush must have known that it didn't.

Now it's true that the war removed an evil tyrant. But a democracy's decisions, right or wrong, are supposed to take place with the informed consent of its citizens. That didn't happen this time. And we are a democracy - aren't we? - snipped from Paul Krugman's column in the NY Times.

Blah. Need sleep. Egon spent the night glued to my neck like a fuzzy remora. Must get coffee.

"Whether you're Sunni or Shia or Kurd or Chaldean or Assyrian or Turkmen or Christian or Jew or Muslim, no matter what your faith, freedom is God's gift to every person in every nation." - the eloquent Crusader Bunnypants, to Arab and Muslim immigrants Monday in Michigan.

Well, to every republican person.
"Chaldean" ?????!

Anger mounts after U.S. troops kill Iraqi protesters
"They are stealing our oil and they are slaughtering our people."

U.S. soldiers killed at least 13 Iraqi civilians who marched on a school west of Baghdad to demand the troops leave the building and get out of Iraq, doctors and witnesses said today.

Medics said 75 were also wounded in the march by more than 200 protesters on the school after Muslim prayers on Monday evening in Falluja, 30 miles from the Iraqi capital. Some witnesses put the death toll as high as 17. US officers said their men returned fire after being shot at first.

April 28, 2003

Egon came home from the vet all discombobulated and extremely pathetic, so I'm going to hang out with him for a while.

From the brother of a 9/11 victim
Actual letter to the editor, in the NY Times today:

"Since the worst terrorist attack in American history, which took the life of my brother, occurred in New York on Sept. 11, it seems appropriate that president Bush will be making his re-election bid from that city at that time in 2004.

"Perhaps the millions of unemployed Americans, veterans whose benefits have been threatened, families of dead civilians in Afghanistan and Iraq, working people who lost their pensions to corporate fraud, and 41 million Americans without health insurance can come to town and join him in celebrating the other achievements of his first term."

Oh, and by the way...
Suspicious discovery was NOT chemical weapons

A military team has tentatively concluded that there are no chemical weapons at a site where American troops said they had found chemical agents and mobile labs.

Earlier today, Lt. Col. Ted Martin of the 10th Cavalry said one of a dozen 55-gallon drums in an open field had tested positive for cyclosarin, a nerve agent, and for a blister agent that could have been mustard gas. He said his soldiers had also found two mobile labs containing equipment for mixing chemicals. The labs had been looted by the time the soldiers arrived.

But in an interview tonight, Capt. Ryan Cutchin said that after surveying the site, near the northern Iraqi town of Bayji, his team believed that the earlier reports were wrong.

Next: W's aborted fetus becomes new Sec. of Interior
The White House made a number of recess appointments last week as Congress fled for spring break. One was April H. Foley, a "homemaker," according to campaign contribution disclosure documents, from South Salem, N.Y. She was named to the board of directors of the Export-Import Bank. The appointment is good until Congress adjourns next year.

So why a homemaker for this job? She used to date George W. Bush when both were at Harvard Business School and has remained friends with him.

Honor and integrity at the WH Correspondents' Dinner
The grownups are in charge...

Comedian Al Franken: "Clinton's military did pretty well in Iraq, huh?"

Deputy Secretary of Defense Paul Wolfowitz: "Fuck you."

- - From Salon, link via Eschaton.

Oh, and don't forget racist
The Top Ten Conservative Idiots (No. 107): Gay Incest Bigamy Polygamy Adultery Edition at DemoUnderground.

Baghdad Bob negotiates surrender, movie* deal
An official of Iraq's leading opposition group, the Iraqi National Congress, said that in the past two days there have been contacts with Mohammad Said al-Sahaf, Saddam Hussein's Information Minister, regarding his surrender. According to Nabil al Musawi, the deal will be completed soon (link via Counterspin Central).

*The 'movie' part is a joke. But it could still be true.

Bush, misadministration lied to go to war
'Some things don't spin very well. Exhibit A would be Secretary of Defense Donald Rumsfeld admonishing the media when they ask about the elusive weapons of mass destruction. Before the war, the administration insisted that Iraq had hundreds of tons of chemical weapons and thousands of gallons of biological weapons. Now Rumsfeld says we must be patient, that finding easily concealed weapons takes time. Excuse me, Mr. Secretary, but isn't that just the argument the U.N. Security Council was using when you and I and many others were ridiculing their Inspectors Clouseau?

'But that is background noise to the issue I care most about: the need to hold elected officials accountable for what they say and do. It's not a Democratic or Republican or liberal or conservative proposition. If we could hold Bill Clinton accountable for fooling around with an intern and lying about it - and we did, even if the Senate wimped out at the end - surely we can hold president Bush accountable for his rationale for taking the country to war.

'Bush deliberately misled Americans to gather support for the Iraqi invasion - or unwittingly was misled himself by gung-ho advisers, none of whom wear uniforms. I don't know which of the two is worse, but either should carry a heavy political price.' - Snipped from Don Campbell's editorial in USA Today.

Brits: Saddam link bullshit
Yet MORE lies from the misadministration?

'British Intelligence officials have expressed doubt that Saddam Hussein established any working relationship with al-Qaeda despite the "discovery" of "documents" showing that an "envoy" for Osama bin Laden visited Baghdad in 1998.

'On the al-Qaeda link to Saddam's regime, Britain has taken a robust line against the Americans who insist there was a connection. Washington gave the link as one of the reasons for toppling Saddam. Britain's Secret Intelligence Service (MI6) has rejected the idea of a link.'

In other news

  • Bush: just because there are no WMDs doesn't mean they don't exist.
  • Bush Says Repeal of Dividend Tax Would Create 400,000 Jobs
    Mostly at Mercedes dealerships.
  • Ted Turner Calls Rupert Murdoch a "Warmonger"
    Turner detained by Fox Security Forces.
  • Rumsfeld: WMDs 'probably' taken by looters.
  • Top 5 Non-Fiction Best Sellers
    1. Liberals Are Lying Scum Bastards
    2. Liberals Eat Their Young
    3. The I Hate Liberals Cookbook
    4. More Liberals Are Lying Scum Bastards
    5. Conspiracy: Why Only Liberals Get Published

  • When freedom is outlawed
    ...only fretard bushmoonie sheep will be 'free'.

    The Patriot Act II or as the brave would have it, the Liberty for Security Act, was leaked to the press in February and in its present form makes for scary reading. It allows things like random arrests, secret military tribunals for presidentially designated terrorists, and concealment of presidential records.

    Perhaps you believe that if you have nothing to hide, you have nothing to fear? The Lawyers Committee for Human Rights, in New York, warns that for the first time in United States history, the act will explicitly authorise secret arrests, not to mention sneak-and-peek searches.

    That cute term means federal agents can enter your home, download your computer and internet viewing history, take your private business records and any other material, including confidential library and bookstore records - without telling you, without proof of probable cause, or without getting a court order.

    And the best part? The legislation does not restrict searches to people suspected of being involved in terrorism.

    It gets worse. The act not only increases Government power while decreasing checks on its invasive power. If passed (and that looks likely), the Government will be able to sample and catalogue genetic information, without a court order or your consent. The act also broadens the term "terrorist" to include anyone with views that differ from the Government.

    In addition if you don't like a secret decision made by a Government organisation - say, clear-felling ancient sequoia trees - you'll have no right to appeal. And even the press will be barred from publishing contentious information.

    Feeling a tingle up your spine yet? - Snipped from Barbara Sumner Burstyn's column.

    April 27, 2003

    Light blogging today as I spend time with my little cat Egon, who goes to the vet for the big snip tomorrow.

    When propagandists were prosecuted as war criminals
    'The ongoing US aggression in the Middle East raises the most serious questions about the role of the mass media in modern society. In the period leading up to the invasion, the American media uncritically advanced the Bush administration’s arguments, rooted in lies, distortions and half-truths, for an attack on Iraq. It virtually excluded all critical viewpoints, to the point of blacking out news of mass antiwar demonstrations and any other facts that contradicted the propaganda from the White House and Pentagon.

    'The obvious aim was to misinform and manipulate public opinion, and convince the tens of millions within the US who were opposed to the administration’s war policy that they constituted a small and helpless minority.

    'It long ago abandoned any sense of responsibility for educating and informing the public or carrying out the critical democratic function traditionally assigned to the “Fourth Estate,” i.e., serving as a watchdog and check on government abuses and falsifications. Instead it slavishly carries out the function assigned it by the ruling elite: to confuse, terrorize and intimidate the American public, rendering it less able to resist the reactionary program of the right-wing clique in Washington.

    'The role of propaganda and propagandists figured prominently at the Nuremberg war crimes tribunal, convened to render judgment on the Nazi leaders following World War II. In their arguments US prosecutors set forth a democratic legal principle derived from the international experience of a half-century of carnage: that planning and launching an aggressive war constituted a criminal act and that those who helped prepare such a war through their propaganda efforts were as culpable as those who drew up the battle plans or manufactured the munitions.' (via democrats.com)

    How the road to war was paved with lies
    Intelligence agencies accuse the Chimp 'n' Poodle Show of distorting and fabricating evidence in the rush to war.

    The case for invading Iraq to remove its weapons of mass destruction was based on selective use of intelligence, exaggeration, use of sources known to be discredited and outright fabrication.

    A high-level UK source said last night that intelligence agencies on both sides of the Atlantic were furious that briefings they gave political leaders were distorted in the rush to war with Iraq. "They ignored intelligence assessments which said Iraq was not a threat," the source said.

    President Bill Clinton "lied about blowjob": more than $65 million spent on years-long investigation into every aspect of President's life, impeachment proceedings.

    Court-appointed pretend president George W Bush lied to go to war with Iraq: "hey, are you French or sumthin'?"

    April 26, 2003

    As requested:
    Retarded Animal Babies (thanks to Ellen!)

    Tucker 'Clueless' Carlson: And why won't you answer the simple question, what is wrong with bestiality? Now, I'm asking it; you dismiss it as if it's a joke, but it's not a joke.

    Democratic strategist Bob Shrum: I think it is clearly a terrible thing to do to animals who absolutely have no say in this, have no free will, no volition. But if you want to do this, go ahead.

    Tucker, whose bowtie is obviously tied too tightly: Are you a vegetarian, is that what you're saying?

    My cigar shipment hasn't arrived yet.....arrrrrrrggghhhhh.......

    And one of my lava lamps broke.


    Please welcome...

    By the numbers
    President Bill Clinton "lied about blowjob": number of people killed: NONE.

    Court-appointed pretend president George W Bush lied about Saddam's ties to Al Qaida, WMD in order to go to war with Iraq:
    Number of US servicemen and -women killed so far: 133.
    Number of British troops killed: 31.
    Number of journalists killed: 12.
    Number of civilians killed: possibly as many as 2402 so far, but we'll really never know, because the Pentagon isn't releasing the figures.

    At least 495 U.S. service members have been wounded. If anyone has updates on these numbers, please send them in.

    Some disturbing yet hysterical pics of Rush 'the vile pigboy' Limbaugh at another photoshop contest.

    Great moments in television
    "I find George Bush to be an embarrassment."

    Mike Farrell bitchslaps, leaves for dead, the already decomposing Boob Novak on Crossfire:

    NOVAK: Mike Farrell, as we just mentioned the Dixie Chicks and their career was kind of in the tank and because they were attacked by the right, they are moving all the way up to the top of the charts. And some broken down actress named Janeane Garofalo, I'd never heard of, that's has been in this program...

    MIKE FARRELL: How do you know she's a broken down actress if you've never heard of her?

    NOVAK: I was told that by the staff.

    FARRELL: You were told that by some people who would like to have people think that.

    NOVAK: Mike, let me finish the question. She said that the other day, that she's almost famous. Isn't this a case of all you left-wing Hollywood types laughing all the way to the bank and all these crocodile tears about being attacked?

    FARRELL: Broken down actress and almost famous. You don't understand understatement, Bob, that's clear from the way you approach this show. Janeane was making a comment that had some humor, some ironic humor intended with it. But again, I think it escaped you. Was there a question?

    NOVAK: I happen, by accident, for the first time in my life, to watch an episode of "West Wing." That is total liberal propaganda. In fact, everything on -- isn't it?

    FARRELL: Somebody tied you to the chair, Bob?

    NOVAK: Everything on television is controlled by the left. The entertainment industry is controlled by the left. Isn't that the truth?

    FARRELL: No, of course it's not, and everybody knows it's not. Have you watched Fox television lately?

    NOVAK: That's an exemption. That's an exemption.

    NOVAK: Mike Farrell, I want to put on the screen a couple of polls that were taken by CNN/USA Today/Gallup. "Are there any celebrities whose political opinions would make you more likely to favor their views?" Yes, 11 percent. No, 78 percent. "Are there any celebrities whose political opinions would make you more likely to oppose their views?" Yes, 13 percent. No, 85 percent. You people -- nobody out there is listening to you. Why can't you do your work and shut up?

    FARRELL: Then why does it matter to you, Bob? Then why does it matter to you when celebrities exercise their right as citizens -- when celebrities exercise their right to free speech, why does it trouble so you so much, then? If nobody is listening and nobody cares?

    NOVAK: I see that you have given a contribution to Howard Dean, the former governor of the people's republic of Vermont, running for president. Why is it you people are so far out of the mainstream of Democratic candidates?

    FARRELL: I've also given a contribution to John Kerry. Is that OK? A war hero?

    NOVAK: Mike, do you think that the president of the United States ought to be ashamed of the new Dixie Chicks?

    FARRELL: Well, I'm not sure who the president of the United States is or ought to be, but the Dixie chicks are citizens of the United States, Bob. They don't check in their citizenship when they become celebrities.