November 30, 2002

A History of Thanksgiving
1620 - Pilgrim men invent sport of football to avoid helping clean up after Thanksgiving dinner.

1671 - First embarrassing drunken relatives at Thanksgiving dinner, as Captain John Smith's parents tell Pocahontas the "hilarious" old "I got lost in the maize" joke for the hundredth time.

1860 - At a Senate Thanksgiving dinner, the seven-year-old son of Alabama's Senator Richard Applebee insults the Senators from Massachusetts, New York, and Pennsylvania, sparking the Civil War. The tradition of the "children's table" is instituted in 1861.

1991 - When Dan Quayle takes ill on Thanksgiving; a turkey is sworn as Vice President for three days. No change is noticed.

2002 - America is on a terrorist alert. It is now against the law to stuff a turkey since anyone is suspicious of hiding explosives. George W. signs this law into Congress, during a patriotic speech he defends this decision claiming "the evil doers are just looking for any opportunity to show up at your dinner table." This Thanksgiving take a real good look at your relatives...and report any suspicious behavior to the CIA, FBI or your local police...who cares if it's's your duty as an American. - via email from MikeD.

War Criminal Joins Secret Clubhouse
'Why should the selection of Henry Kissinger to head a new blue-ribbon commission investigating the Sept. 11 attacks provoke cynicism? The former secretary of State is not exactly an apostle of openness in government. Kissinger's name is synonymous with the Secret War in Cambodia and, as Richard Nixon's national security adviser, he authorized wiretaps on his own staff. It is hard to imagine a commission chairman more likely to be sympathetic to White House requests that certain information be kept from the public, not on national-security grounds but to prevent embarrassment. [Considering the facts involved, and that] the White House steadfastly opposed legislation calling for an independent commission...the facts lead to the conclusion that the White House not only acceded reluctantly to the commission but also handpicked a chairman who knows how to keep secrets.' - Walter Shapiro.

" is tempting to wonder if the choice of Mr. Kissinger is not a clever maneuver by the White House to contain an investigation it long opposed." - NY Times editorial.

Payback, Not Patriotism
'In Texas, the home of the blunt, we call legislators who sell out the people in order to kiss the butts of their campaign contributors "whores."

'OK, Republicans, justify this. I want to hear your explanations for why the Republican leadership went against the will of 318 members to grant an unconscionable gift to corporations that set up offshore tax shelters to avoid paying their U.S. taxes. Come on, Rush, I really want to hear this one - and do, please, include the word "patriotism."

'Citizens for Tax Justice says the offshore tax-shelter dodge costs this country as much as $50 billion annually. This amendment was not to shut down the loophole - though Lord knows that needs to be done. It was to prevent rewarding these financial traitors with government contracts.

'The House leadership - that would be your speaker, Dennis Hastert, and your majority leader, Dick Armey - going against the will of both the House and the Senate, took out the "Wellstone Amendment," sponsored by the late populist senator. It would have prevented runaway companies, those that set up mailboxes in Bermuda in order to avoid paying their taxes, from getting government contracts related to homeland security.' - Molly Ivins.

Hope everyone had a nice Thanksgiving! I don't know about you, but there never seems to be enough leftover turkey.

Jeffords Blasts Bush on Environment
The chairman of the Senate environment panel criticized The Yellow Puddle of Texas today for moving backward on the environment, saying he is putting GOP donors and pals of the Cheney/BFEE Oil Cartel special interests above clean air, clean water and public health.

Vermont independent Sen. Jim Jeffords, who will give up the gavel of the Senate Environment and Public Works Committee when Republicans take over the Senate in January, said Bush is rolling back protections for clean air and water, cutting Superfund site cleanups and clearing new oil and gas drilling on national lands.

Jeffords said the environment had not always been a partisan issue, and he noted that he had worked with Bush's father, the former and slightly-smarter President George Bush, to toughen clean air legislation. - link.

November 27, 2002

Whoa! Blah3 does it again, with "Take Back the Media #6: What is CNN afraid of?"- link here. Good stuff!

Check out the Chickenhawk Billboards at Testify! LOL

Snow Day!
It's also Holy Ham Day. Last month we picked up a pigbutt from the butcher and started our own prosciutto. This morning it was pulled from its salt bed in the fridge, wrapped in cheesecloth, and hung in the garage, where it'll stay all winter. In the spring it'll go back in the fridge to finish curing, and it should be ready to eat in the fall. Mmmmmmmmm, prosciutto....

Please welcome Two Tears in a Bucket, and our friends from Canada!

Bit of a wanker, eh whot?
LONDON (AP) - A British advertising watchdog said Wednesday it was banning a commercial for an animated comedy series because it pokes fun at serial moron pResident Bush.

The Broadcast Advertising Clearance Center said the ad, which depicts a cartoon Bush inserting a DVD into a toaster, could only be shown if the makers sought the president's permission first.

The offending ad shows Bush opening a copy of the video and saying, "My favorite - just pop it in the video player." He then sticks it into a toaster and burns it. -

OK, he's an evil moron
The debate over whether George W. Bush is a moron continues to rage. Morons are outraged at being lumped in with the U.S. president. Americans, meanwhile, are mildly amused that it has taken Canadians so long to discover the obvious.

The controversy exploded last week when Francoise Ducros, an adviser to Prime Minister Jean Chrétien, was overheard at a NATO meeting in Prague saying, "What a moron," apparently in relation to Bush.

Morons say this is an outlandish slur. "We're nice people," explained one. "We don't threaten other countries or use the courts to steal elections. George W. Bush may be a dangerous lunatic. But he's no moron."

Some disagree: "Since the president's inauguration, he's only been left unsupervised once - to watch a football game on television," recalled one expert. "And look what happened. He fell off the couch, choked on a pretzel and hurt his head." - The Toronto Star.

November 26, 2002

Just in time for Christmas!
The new Demotivators collection for 2003: calendars, notecards, prints, stickypads and more at Despair, Inc.

Hey, it was a typo! Yeahhhhh!
A media adviser to the Alberta government has apologized for referring to George W. Bush as "that idiot" in an internal memo commenting on the controversy over a senior federal aide who called the Cretin of Crawford "a moron."

The memo, sent by e-mail to Premier Ralph Klein's communications staff, referred - in capital letters - to "that idiot George Bush".

An update issued at 1 p.m. Friday read: "New! Chrétien refuses resignation of his communications director and says there is no evidence Françoise Ducros used the word 'moron' to describe THAT IDIOT (my caps) George Bush." - link.

In a related story, Francoise Ducros, the aide who first called the Moron of Midland a "moron," has resigned. Ironically, the Idiot remains in office.

Honor, Integritude, and Family Values
At the request of Gov. Jeb Bush's office, the inspector general of the Health and Human Services Department ordered delays in a federal audit of Florida's pension fund that ensured the review wouldn't be completed before Bush won re-election, officials say.

The delays by Janet Rehnquist, daughter of Chief Justice William Rehnquist, are now being investigated by Congress. The General Accounting Office, the investigative arm of Congress, and the FBI-led Integrity Committee of the President's Council on Integrity and Efficiency are investigating aspects of Rehnquist's conduct. The PCIE monitors the conduct of inspectors general. - link.

And speaking of Jeb,
Remember Bill McBride's campaign ad that showed hanky mascot and deadbeat dad Jeb! Bush calling McBride "one of the great Floridians of our time"?

Well, guess what's surfaced! Outtakes from the 1999 video show Jeb Bush, 'doubled over in apparent pain, unleashing a loud gagging sound as he pretends to choke: "The striking image of our state's highest elected official booming, ''Uuugggghhhhhh,'' and then following it up with an exasperated, ''It's like - God,' seems to... illustrate exactly how the governor really felt about his Democratic rival, Bill McBride."

WTF are they drinking in Florida??

"Laura! You got two minutes to haul yore ass back to Texas! Haw!"

Please welcome new blogpals High Water, trr ('The Lighter Side of The Rittenhouse Review'), The People's Republic of Seabrook, Amish Tech Support, South Knox Bubba, and the folks at Mauisun, who can't seem to get enough pics of George of the Bungle looking like a complete idiot (how'd you find us?)! Plus we had two visits from Altercation yesterday! I think we scared him.

Yeah, yeah.
I've been hearing from dittospank bushmoonies all morning about how Al Gore's new book is doing 'so poorly'. Oh, gee, sorry, but the Dems don't have a rich, slimy pudhead to brainlessly buy their books in bulk to run up the numbers. And I bet if it had mentioned Bill Clinton's penis, you monkeys would be pulling it off the shelves to whack off by.

Now get the f*ck off and get back to work.

November 25, 2002

Singing 'Winter Wonderland' and drinking 28-year-old Barbados rum, aged in the cask. Pure nectar.

Stolen from Bartcop!

Bush may be a moron, say stupidity experts
"Much has been said recently about Bush arriving at a point where he looks presidential," said Albert Nerenberg, a Toronto-based film director. "What's intriguing about morons is that they can pass as just about anyone, but inside they're still morons." - link.

Quote of the Day
"The Democrat attack dogs that were supposed to be baying for the political blood of George Bush are back at the kennel sniffing each other's assholes instead." - Peter Lee.

Welcome to Monday. Senators call for a probe into Saudi - 9/11 terrorist ties, MIMS will sign the Republican Donor Pork Payoff Homeland Security Bill, and the Bush twins turn 21. Par-tay.

Protesters criticize CNN coverage of Iraq
ATLANTA, Georgia (CNN) - More than 80 demonstrators picketed outside CNN's world headquarters in Atlanta Sunday afternoon, saying the network lacks anti-war perspectives in its coverage of the U.S. confrontation with Iraq.

Demonstrators carried signs reading "Corporate Nonsense Network" and "For Sale: Free Press," among others, and chanted "Half the story, all the time" and "Not in our name." The protest was organized by a group of Georgia State University students and anti-war activists.

CNN spokesman Matt Furman said the network "reports from the region and around the world, from all sides," but respected the demonstrators' right to protest. "Shoot, what the hell - Ashcroft'll be rounding them up soon anyway."

It was a dark and stormy tryst...
There hasn't been a sex scene this bad since George W Bush forced his 15-year-old girlfriend to have an abortion.

Days after Hari Kunzru’s latest novel was shortlisted for the Whitbread Book Award, he has suffered the indignity of being a contender for Britain’s most dreaded literary honour: the annual prize for rotten erotic writing .

The Impressionist, a story set in India at the turn of the century, is up for the Bad Sex in Fiction Award, founded by the Literary Review to recognise the worst, most embarrassing description of the sexual act in the modern novel.

Passages chosen from The Impressionist by the Literary Review include: “His head has been pushed down into the dusty bedclothes, so he cannot see the purple face of the man toiling behind him. He is aware, however, that the pounding is punctuated by buttock-slaps and regular full-throated hunting cries. As the major’s excitement mounts, ‘Tally-ho!’ gives way to ‘On! On! On!’, and the bed groans with the effort of maintaining its structural integrity.”

The winner will be announced on December 3 at the In & Out (Naval & Military) Club in St James’s Square. The prize is a semi-abstract statue representing 'Sex in the 1950s,' as well as a bottle of champagne if the winning author turns up to receive it (link).

November 23, 2002

Just in time for the holidays! Neuticals opens their gift shop. For the person - or pet - who has everything but testicles, the Neuticals Merchandise Mart. Featuring special prices for Democrats!


Image from Free Pie

Good morning! Gonna go make some coffee, but first, Bryan Zepp Jamieson defends Tom Daschle in "A Rush to Judgment", here.

Oh, and thank you, Chapel Perilous, for the link to the cool Personality Test. Very funny! :)

Congrats to ph8 for making Blogger's Blogs of Note list!

November 22, 2002

9-11 Video Challenges Myth of Bush's Heroism
This just came in from, via email. I haven't tried it yet (I'm at work).

"Documentary filmmaker Sterling Rainbolt has produced as excellent 30-minute video about 9-11 that exposes the lie that Bush responded heroically on Sept 11. As the terrifying events unfold, we see a split screen with Bush sitting in the Florida classroom, while firefighters in the lobby of the WTC plan their efforts to evacuate the towers. The film is called Wat Tyler's Revenge, named after a 14th Century English commoner who led a rebellion challenging Richard II. Click on the video screen to start the film. Note: the video file is enormous, so do something else while you wait for it to download." link.

This Just In
The Bush administration will ease clean air rules, allowing power plants and refineries to avoid new pollution controls when expanding operations, administration sources said today.

The rule changes, which have been a top priority of the BFEE Oil Cartel running the White House, are aimed at making it easier for GOP donors utilities and refinery operators to change operations and expand production without installing new controls to capture the additional pollution.

The rule changes will "increase energy efficiency and encourage emissions reductions," the Environmental 'Protection' Agency said, rubbing their little oil-stained paws together gleefully.

Quotes of the Morning
"According to Saddam's T-shirt, moustache rides are still only five cents." - Bill Muse, from's The Top 8 Things Inspectors Have Already Uncovered in Iraq.

"It was because of our coverage that it all happened. We've become so influential now that people watch us and they take their electoral cues from us. No one should doubt the influence of Fox News in these matters." - the humble, nonpartisan Britt Hume, on fair 'n' balanced Fox News and the big repug wins this past November (thanks to Joe Conason).

"Mr Hume, I'd like to talk to you for a minute, please. Privately." - God.

So's your ol' man!
Defence Minister John McCallum bluntly told George W. Bush yesterday to stop lecturing Canada about increased defence spending after the U.S. president urged the federal government and the NATO allies to boost their military budgets to confront new international threats from terrorism and rogue states.

A senior Canadian official, who asked not to be identified, called Mr. Bush "a moron" because of his efforts to push the war against Iraq to the top of NATO's agenda. The summit was to focus on expansion and moderation of the alliance, but Mr. Bush has used his clout to make Iraq the dominant issue at the meeting. (link).

Later: Canada has declined to comment on reports a senior Canadian official at the NATO summit in Prague has referred to US President George W Bush as a moron.

Newspaper The National Post says a top Canadian official has expressed frustration President Bush seems more keen on building up moral support for a possible assault on Iraq, rather than concentrating on NATO expansion - the official focus of the summit. (link).

And later still, The National Post and newspapers from the nationwide Sun chain said the official had expressed frustration that Bush seemed more keen on building up moral support for a possible assault on Iraq rather than focusing on NATO expansion.

"What a moron," the papers quoted Chretien's communications director Francoise Ducros as telling reporters on Wednesday evening in Prague.

"He (Bush) is a friend of mine, he is not a moron at all," said Chretien. "But a dumbass? Mais oui!" (link).

November 21, 2002

Travels in Blogtopia
Congratulations to The Ultimate Insult for making pMSNBC's Best of Blogs list! Some good stuff today, including a link to the map of Springfield. I never realized the trout hatchery was so close to the nuclear power plant.

IssuesGuy is trying to get more people involved and informed about today's issues: see "An E-mail I'm Sending Out" at Seeing the Forest.

Howie Kurtz is such a whore (link).

Ellen! Clifford's Cat Hats!

Caption This Picture!

No longer content with looking into the souls of foreign leaders, GW Bush moves on to looking into their pants.

"During the two months prior to the election, the president, instead of directing the war against terror, crisscrossed the nation campaigning against Saddam Hussein. Now Osama's back and we've lost a considerable amount of valuable time and effort. They've [the Republicans] won both houses of Congress, but the country has lost." - Al Gore.

"Ask yourself just who is being served when the media allow Bush to lie, repeatedly, with impunity, in order to take the nation into war." - Eric Alterman.

"No wonder the White House tried to kill the independent [9/11] commission. Now they'll be trying to control it." - Joe Conason, on what the bushies knew before 9/11.

"Donald Rumsfeld? Could it be that there are some women in this country who find a smirky 70 year-old man who smells of Brylcreem, scotch, and bloodlust, sexy? I mean, besides Lynne Cheney and Howard Fineman?" - TBOGG, on Darth Rummy showing up on People's Sexiest Man Alive list.

Speaking of Leghumping....
Bunnypants, Bin Laden, Saddam, and Eminem are all on the "short list" for Time Magazine's 2002 Person of the Year.

The list also includes Yasser Arafat, Ariel Sharon, Dick Cheney, Donald Rumsfeld, Condoleezza Rice, Colin Powell, FBI whistle-blower Colleen Rowley, Palestinian suicide bombers, Martha Stewart, corporate crooks, Afghanistan President Hamid Karzai, and General Pervez Musharraf of Pakistan. The issue hits newsstands on Dec. 23 (link).

Ameristan uber alles
Let me make my prediction now...

What Would Jesus Report?
In a public discussion about their editorial process, The New York Times' top propaganda ministers decision-makers answered critics about the paper's coverage of the Middle East and the war against Iraq.

Conservatives have accused the paper of running an anti-war campaign. Howell Raines, the Times' executive editor, said the paper is 'merely reporting on the political process.'

Liberals, on the other hand, complain the paper too often leghumps parrots the misadministration's line, says Mark Danner, a journalism professor and staff writer for the New Yorker. Raines dismissed this as naive. "Hey, we're just as fair and balanced as Fox!"

"If there's an absence of debate in the country, if Congress is not standing up to the administration in an adversarial way, that's a news story," Raines said. Yes, but we'd never know by reading the NY Times.

If the Bush administration puts out false information, the Times will report it, but the paper has an obligation to follow through with more stories analyzing the information, Raines explained. "Now if you'll excuse me, I have to go shave my ass before I meet with Karl Rove." (Link).

Rinse Cycle
Maryland Rightwing Governor-Elect's Free Ride in Fox TV's Luxury Helicopter

It has now been revealed that Governor-Elect Bob Ehrlich received use of a luxury helicopter during and after his campaign, courtesy of a company closely linked to Fox TV. The free ride is now being spun away as a campaign "donation" - one that is likely both illegal as well as blatantly unethical. "If you're an entity that owns a news outlet that is supposed to provide fair and balanced coverage of the campaign, and yet at the same time are providing aid to one of the candidates in the campaign, that puts them in a severe position of conflict," said Christopher Hanson, who teaches journalism ethics at the U of MD's Philip Merrill College of Journalism. "I don't see any way around that." "It is ludicrous to suggest a connection between Fox 45 news coverage and the support from one of the owners of the corporation that owns Fox 45. There's just no connection there," said Ehrlich campaign spokesman Paul E. Schurick. LOL! 'Course not! - Link here. Thanks to

No-Spin Zone reports: "The revelation that Roger Ailes, the chairman of Fox News, the self-proclaimed fair and balanced news channel, secretly gave advice to the White House after the 9/11 attacks was less shocking than it was liberating. Ever since Mr. Ailes changed jobs from Republican strategist to news executive, he has demanded to be treated as an unbiased journalist, not a conservative spokesman. But the cable channel he controls has an undisguised ideological agenda, which has made his protestations a bit puzzling. By tirelessly insisting that all other cable or network news organizations are driven by a liberal bias, Mr. Ailes casts his own network as the centrist voice of reason. In some ways, his tactics worked: last year, CNN was so worried about its own image and defecting viewers that it tried to hire the conservative commentator Rush Limbaugh." - NY Times, via

When do things start getting better again?

If you're reading this, you're probably already on John Ashcroft's 'list'
"The legal system itself is being rigged to condone whatever foregone conclusion the Bush administration desires."

The subjects of searches don't have to be terrorists, or even foreigners. To secure a warrant, the government only has to make the case - to a secret court - that individuals may be tied to terrorist activity and, therefore, should be subject to surveillance. Virtually no American is safe from undue prying.

Prosecutors will now be able to manufacture a case against an individual out of circumstantial evidence that would normally not be admissible, such as wiretaps and secret searches. Probable cause for arrest becomes whatever prosecutors want it to be. - Daytona News-Journal.

November 20, 2002

Weird Stuff
Sylvain at Chapel Perilous has a link to a creepy story about a couple of guys who had some very strange experiences exploring a local cave. ‘One thing bothers me: 5/19/01 is the last update.’ Link here. Very spooky story.

2nd Century Artifacts Found in Cave
A cave survey in Israel's Judean Desert has found papyrus scrolls, coins and arrow heads from the time of the Jewish rebellion against the Romans in the second century, archaeologists said. The scrolls, while believed to be less significant than the Dead Sea Scrolls found in the region in 1947, will shed light on the time of the revolt led by Simon Bar Kochba, said Zvika Tzuk, an archaeologist for the National Parks Authority. Link here.

Why I Will Go to Hell
"You write awful slash fanfiction and bring shame upon your family. (Or you read it and have thought about writing your own, and that's bad enough.)
The shadow of your evil will remain on this earth for as long as the Web lasts.
You should be hanged in front of angry villagers on Christmas Day, you sick fiend!"

Why Will You Go To Hell?

brought to you by Quizilla

November 19, 2002

Quote of the Day
"President Bush, a scion of great wealth who has never had to earn an honest living, has abruptly wiped out the job and retirement security of 850,000 blue- and white-collar federal workers. Always bailed out of losing business ventures by his daddy or a family friend, Bush apparently finds it easy to play games with the livelihood of ordinary Americans as a way of punishing unions that opposed him at election time." - Robert Scheer.

Silflay Hraka predicts the Date of Invasion.

Ampersand of Alas, a Blog explores kite (aerial) photography!

Dammit, 'WTF' does not carry pictures of Katie Couric showing her panties! Get a life, will you?! Don't you know there's a war on?

Today's poll - for our military personnel only:
During the Vietnam War, George W. Bush was AWOL during his National Guard Service. In your mind, does this make him
a) commander-in-chief - of dogturds!
b) a complete waste of airspace
c) a total disgrace as a human being, or
d) a f*cktard
Thank you. As always, your vote will remain confidential unless the mgmt deems it pretty damn funny.

GOP Wins Senate Homeland Bill Fight
Of course they do!

The Senate voted 52-47 to reject an amendment that would have removed from the bill seven provisions that Democrats said were favors to friends of Republicans.

Three Democrats voted with the president to defeat the amendment, including Sen. Mary Landrieu of Loser Louisiana, who faces a tough run-off election next month in her bid for a second term, Ben Nelson of Neutered Nebraska and of course DINO Zell Miller of Georgia.

John McCain of Arizona was the only Republican to side with the Democrats. The two independents spit their vote, with Vermont's James Jeffords voting with the Democrats and Minnesota's Dean Barkley with the Republicans.

Sen. Edward Kennedy, D-Areyoufuckingcrazy, was in Paris for a fashion tribute to Jacqueline Kennedy, and missed the vote. Merde.

Maine's two moderate Republican senators, Susan Collins and Olympia Snowe, and Sen. Lincoln Chafee, R-R.I., said they voted against the amendment only after receiving assurances from Trent Lott that he would work next year to remove three of the provisions, including one that gives protections to pharmaceutical companies that have already been sued over health problems allegedly caused by vaccines. Link. [Pukebag].

Going ballistic
"Saddam is already defying the UN!" bleats the White House.
The warmongering chickenhawks in the misadministration last night began to build its case that Saddam was already defying the United Nations - that Iraq's repeated attempts to fire on American and British aircraft in the no-fly zones amounted to a "material breach" of the latest Security Council resolution.

Officials in London weren't buying it, though, and expressed concern that America could seize on Iraq's behaviour in the no-fly zones as a possible casus belli. Dick 'Chicanery' Cheney and Darth Rummy are confident that a case for war can be presented to the UN within weeks. Link here.

Hello, I must be going
Bob 'bushbobber' Woodward responds to Mr Ego: "What he's saying is a classic non-denial denial. Why would Rove take Ailes's personal message down to the president? Just to say that 'Roger Ailes is expressing his outrage'? Obviously, if it was significant enough for Rove to carry it to the Oval Office, it had some recommendations for policy. Why else is Roger being so furtive about it?" Link from the Washingtoon comPost.

Missed the meteor shower last night - it was too damn cloudy.

Computer illiteracy. I finally figured out what the problem is with the links. Unfortunately, I have no idea how to fix it! Linking to this 2002_11_01_maruthecrankpot_archive.html#84707428">10:02 AM would take a person to that post on the page, and it doesn't. OK. But how do I rewrite the template so it does - and so it doesn't screw up the archives? I've looked at a few Blogger source codes, but I'm still in the dark. Can anyone help?!

Tuesday Morning Tidbits
"An invasion of personal privacy on a massive scale" - brought to you by Iran-Contra Criminal John Poindexter. Stories from the NY Times, the Guardian, the Observer, and the Roanoke Times.

A secretive appeals court Monday ruled the U.S. government has the right to use expanded powers to wiretap "terrorism suspects". The ruling also made it easier for John Ashcroft, annointed by Jesus, to monitor e-mail. - Links here and here.

"Stay tuned" - will Senators John McCain, R-Ariz., and Lincoln Chaffee, R-R.I., bolt? Link here.

Roger Ailes of Faux Nooze, sent "an important-looking confidential communication" in which Fatboy offered a "back-channel message" to Bunnypants right after 9/11. Story here. This would usually rate a yawn on the Scale o' Cynicism, except that Fox continues to bleat that it's Fair-and-Balanced. Well, they are right-wing and far-right-wing.

November 18, 2002

"That speaks volumes to me, Mr. President. May I call you Vladimir?" - The Ignorant Impotentate, to Russian President Vladimir Putin.

Monday Morning Wake-up
The Washington comPost actually printed letters criticizing the paper and the bushies, here. Will the guy responsible get fired?

New Top 10 Conservative Idiots at Demo Underground, here! Should Shawn Steel get the quote of the day?

The NJ Giants beat the Redskins! Eat it, Spurrier!

American winners of Nobel Prizes will be greeted today by pReznit Stupid. An actual president, Jimmy Carter, will be one of poor unfortunates forced to sit with that blathering idiot (link here). I wonder if he'll get a nickname.

Drudge is drooling over bushbuddy book brou-ha-ha: 'Catcalls from the rafters after the Washington Post runs a page one news story on assistant managing editor Bob Woodward's new book -- a news story researched and filed by a man Woodward praises and calls a 'true friend' in the book!'

Speaking of which, I love this part:
During the interview Bush was joined by first lady Laura Bush, who said she had been nervous and anxious after the terrorist attacks on Sept. 11, 2001. "I woke up in the middle of the night," the first lady said, gesturing toward her husband. "I know you did. I mean, I'd wake up in the middle of the night and know he was awake."

"I don't remember that. Was I some?" Bush asked, looking at her.

Woodward recounts that she nodded a strong affirmative.

"Yes," the president conceded. "Yes. Right after the attacks, I mean, I was emotional."

Bush said security fears forced him to cancel two White House poker games with friends from East Texas.
Awwwwwww. Terrism is so - inconvenient (link here). God, I'm such a bitch today!! Sorry about that.

November 17, 2002

Dr C sent us some random excerpts from the Federalist Papers:
The Federalist #6

"The causes of hostility among nations are innumerable. There are some which have a general and almost constant operation upon the collective bodies of society. Of this description are the love of power or the desire of preeminence and dominion........"

"And there are others.........which take their origin entirely in private passions; in the attachments, emnities, interests, hopes and fears of leading individuals in the communities of which they are members. Men of this class, whether the favorites of a king or of a people have in too many instances abused the confidence they possessed; and assuming the pretext of some public motive, have not scrupled to sacrifice the national tranquillity to personal advantage or personal gratification."

"Pericles.... was the primitive author of that famous and fatal war, distinguished in the Grecian annals by the name of Peloponnesian war; which, after various vicissitudes, intermissions, and renewals, terminated in the ruin of the Athenian commonwealth."
(after detailing the personal political reasons why Pericles started the Peloponnesian War)

The Federalist #4
"It is too true, however disgraceful it may be to human nature, that nations in general will make war whenever they have a prospect of getting any thing by it; nay, absolute monarchs will often make war when their nations are to get nothing by it, but for purposes and objects merely personal, such as a thirst for military glory, revenge for personal affronts, ambition, or private compacts to aggrandize or support their particular families or partisans. These and a variety of other motives, which affect only the mind of the sovereign, often lead him to engage in wars not sanctified by justice or the voice and interests of his people."

Why couldn't Peggy Noonan and Bob 'bobbing for Bush' Woodward have picked these guys to channel???

Back by popular demand:

Full moon coming up!
Today's strange google searches:

Morning in Blogtopia*
Thank you to TBOGG and Seeing the Forest for the mentions! gives us the real poop on Iran-Contra Criminal ** John Poindexter, chosen by Chimpy and his nursemaids to be the director of the Pentagon's Information Awareness Office. So what, you’re saying? Just think: his little department will provide intelligence analysts and law enforcement officials with instant access to information from Internet mail and calling records to credit card and banking transactions and travel documents, without a search warrant. Only in GW Bush’s ‘America’. What did you think you were voting for?

Added Blue Streak to the links list.

Check out the accurate and dependable Dick Cheney Terror Index, at Body and Soul!

New quiz going around! Take The Gender Test! Fun facts:
So Far, The Gender Test Has Learned --
Men prefer falling over drowning to death.
Women really hate the word "used".
Women are more likely to realize that clams are alive (89%) than men (only 86%).

Testify! Has a great billboard pic, here.

*coined by skippy!
**John Poindexter lost his job as National Security Adviser under Ronald Reagan, and was convicted of conspiracy, lying to Congress, defrauding the government, and destroying evidence in the Iran Contra scandal.

Woke up to 2 good articles, via BuzzFlash:

"What did Dubya do in the war, daddy?" in the Toronto Star: 'Certainly the media showed its soft side last week. As George W. Bush piously observed Veterans Day, media pundits somehow restrained themselves from pointing to the irony that the U.S. Commander-in-Chief, who's sometimes referred to as a "former fighter pilot," has an embarrassing military past. His records show that for months at a time during the Vietnam War, Bush could be classified as, at best, "absent without leave" (AWOL) or, at worst, as an army deserter.

And "Media Bites Election - What Really Happened on Election Day" in The Manis Report: 'that the media seems to prefer the same old dog bites man. The Republican sponsored riot in Florida 2000, the Enron murder coverup are just the first two things that come to mind.

'It is time to be very clear that the mainstream media is setting a biased agenda -- Even the Washington Post which failed to cover the anti-war debate, and the New York Times which failed for five days (until readers protested) to report the largest anti-war rallies in thirty years. Even CBS News, which failed to follow up its own Enron “suicide” expose after the block-printed and probably forged “suicide note” was produced.

'Even all the networks – in failing to question the misrepresentations and outright lies promoted by the current Administration in promoting the Iraq war.

'And what’s up with the Fox News Network getting away with calling itself “fair and balanced”, and Bill Reilly’s “no spin zone”?

'It should also be very clear that democracy is being endangered by this biased an agenda.'

November 15, 2002

From the NY Times's profile of Tom DeLay:
CAREER HIGHLIGHTS: Pest control business; Texas House of Representatives, 1979-84.

For a second there it just looked funny.

In other news...
Bill Press's 'Nancy Pelosi is just what Democrats need' - one of the many good articles at

Bushmoonies will be celebrating National Ammo Day November 19. No, really. Link here. But I'd take my word for it - you don't really want to go over there.

Speaking of vomiting, the NY Times brings us this: 'Democrats Vote No, but Allow Judicial Nominee to Advance (link here). The Democrats on the Senate Judiciary Committee today engaged in an unusual voting maneuver that signaled their disapproval of one of President Bush's judicial nominees even as they cleared the way for his confirmation. They first allowed the nominee, Judge Dennis Shedd, to be approved by a voice vote. Then, one by one, each of the Democrats present asked to be recorded as having voted against him.' Swell. HAVE YOU F*CKING IDIOTS LEARNED NOTHING???????? Good God.

I'm not sure what's going on with my links. They're working all right for me. On the page, underlined text = link to a source. The underlined text is also colored in blue or green.

The stuff in fine print, like
"posted by maru soze
2002_11_01_maruthecrankpot_archive.html#84470742">8:45 AM
" will link to the appropriate archives section.

If anyone can narrow down what problems they're having, please email me!

Thank you, John McCain!
The White House and key members of Congress agreed Thursday to create an independent commission to investigate the Sept. 11 terrorist attacks. Supporters expect it to be approved before Congress adjourns for the year.

The compromise came days after it appeared that the White House had blocked action on a commission, whose findings could embarrass pResident Bush on the eve of the 2004 election. Under the compromise, Bush would get to name the chairman; Democratic leaders in Congress would pick the vice chairman. The panel will have five Democrats and five Republicans. Victims' families claimed a partial victory by getting the White House to allow McCain, a maverick who often disagrees with Bush, to have input on the appointment of one Republican member. Link here.

Quote of the Day
...again goes to TBogg, for this gem:
"With Woodward mounted on one leg, Kelly, grunting and huffing on the other, and Howard Fineman's face buried in Bush's crotch, looks like President Cartman has hit the media trifecta."

'What did you think you were voting for?'*
"If the Homeland Security Act is not amended before passage, here is what will happen to you: Every purchase you make with a credit card, every magazine subscription you buy and medical prescription you fill, every Web site you visit and e-mail you send or receive, every academic grade you receive, every bank deposit you make, every trip you book and every event you attend - all these transactions and communications will go into what the Defense Department describes as 'a virtual, centralized grand database.' To this computerized dossier on your private life from commercial sources, add every piece of information that government has about you - passport application, driver's license and bridge toll records, judicial and divorce records, complaints from nosy neighbors to the F.B.I., your lifetime paper trail plus the latest hidden camera surveillance - and you have the supersnoop's dream: a 'Total Information Awareness' about every U.S. citizen." - William Safire, in the NY Times.

*Jon Stewart, on The Daily Show

And in a related story: "With the pretext of protecting citizens against terrorism, US legislators are happily throwing personal freedoms out the window. The Cyber Security Enhancement Act slipped into the Homeland Security bill at the last moment allows police to conduct Internet or telephone eavesdropping willy-nilly with no requirement to ask a court's permission first. The Act demands life sentences for hackers that 'recklessly' endanger lives...and allows Net surveillance to gather telephone numbers, IP addresses, and URLs or e-mail information, where an 'immediate threat to a national security interest' is suspected.* ISPs will also be permitted to hand users' records over to law enforcement authorities, overturning current legislation that outlaws such behaviour." - The Inquirer, with thanks to

*Suspected by John 'Crisco' Ashcroft, who thinks calico cats bear the marks of Satan.

The good, the bad, and the ugly
Two more Republicans get 18,181 votes??!! has the poop here. Gee, there hasn't been much in the mainstream media about this, has there?! Nothing to see here.....

Yuck! Drudge is already getting his panties wet over Bob 'bushbobber' Woodward's new puff-piece, Bush at War. Funny, it doesn't seem to cover The AWOL Years, or How My Dad Got Me into the National Guard, or even Minesweeper: It's Much Harder than Pac-Man!.

Thanks to Skippy for reminding us all of the upcoming Leonid meteor shower! It's supposed to be better than last year's!

Oh sure - Fox gets all the good seats
Recently, WH spokes-tool Ari 'the Liar' Fleischer reshuffled the seating chart in the briefing room. The changes included moving all the news-magazine reporters a few rows back.

The little leghumping lapdogs press corpse made such a fuss that Conan O’Brien couldn't resist - as he put it: “The good seats were given to reporters from President Bush’s favorite magazines, Highlights and Ranger Rick.” link.

Oh, and speaking of humping, happy honeymoon, Ari!

LONDON (AP): The Cretin of Crawford appears in a new book of quotations released Thursday.

"Bushisms" in the second edition of the Oxford Dictionary of Phrase, Saying and Quotation, include: "We are ready for any unforeseen event which may or may not happen" and his words of wisdom at the 2001 Yale University commencement: "To those of you who received honors, awards and distinctions, I say well done. And to the 'C' students, I say you, too, can be president of the United States."

Did the Feds 'Fix' Florida Again?
Whistleblowers raise suspicion that the delay of a federal audit of the state plan was tied to Gov. Jeb! Bush's re-election campaign.

Sen. Charles Grassley, the top Republican on the Senate Finance Committee, has asked for an investigation into whether Health and Human Services inspector general Janet Rehnquist delayed the audit to avoid possible embarrassment to Bush.

Grassley said Tuesday the audit delay is just one part of a federal inquiry into whether Rehnquist, daughter of U.S. Supreme Court Chief Justice William Rehnquist, like her old man, put the fix in for the bushies.

Grassley asked the General Accounting Office to look into Rehnquist's operation in October after learning that she made 19 senior-level staff changes at HHS. Grassley called that number "exceptionally high."

In talking with the whistleblowers from HHS, Grassley learned of suspicions that Rehnquist had delayed the Florida audit to avoid the possibility of damaging Jebbie's re-election campaign.

Oh, I'm sure there'll be nothing to see here. Move along.

L'aria di castrati
MONTPELIER, Vt. (AP): Sen. Patrick Leahy's criticism of the U.S. Senate campaign in Georgia, in which a Republican upset a Democratic incumbent, is itself drawing a sharp response.
Leahy appeared on call-in show on WVMT-AM earlier this week and dismissed the winner of the Georgia race, Rep. Saxby Chambliss, as ''a draft dodger'' who had been supported by the AWOL Wonderboob.

''(Bush) supported a man, for example, in Georgia who was, well, the best way to put it, was a draft dodger who attacked Senator (Max) Cleland on his patriotism,'' Leahy said. ''And the president joined in that.''

Leahy's press secretary, David Carle, said the senator stood by his radio comments. ''(Leahy) is one of scores of Americans who were sickened and angered by the squalid attacks on the patriotism of Senator Cleland, a war hero who lost three limbs in Vietnam, and his comments reflect his strong feelings,'' Carle said. "But like most Democrats, I wish the ol' coot would've said something a few weeks ago, when it really mattered. Jeezus!"

November 14, 2002

IssuesGuy has all sorts of issues with the the economy, or lack thereof - see 'Stock Market Idiocy' and 'It Isn't Working, So Do it More' at Seeing the Forest.

Poetry Corner
Whence September dusk grows crisper still
With leaves all crimson conquered
I yearn to shout and dance about
And stick pickles in my honker.
- - Emily Dickinson, interpreted by Opus

'One party, one leader, one miserable failure'
"As it stands, we the people didn't get the government we deserve. We inherited your miserable failure." - Alan Bisbort writes An open letter to Deadbeat Dems, here.

"Maybe the Democrats have learned that they brought about their own debacle by saying "me too" and rolling over for Bush on so many issues during the campaign. Maybe now they will stiffen their rubbery spines and fight back." - Helen Thomas.

"No one can admire Democrats for having the courage of their convictions because they have neither courage nor convictions. They are Republican wannabes who can’t find their sorry butts with both hands and a map." - George E. Curry.

This just in!
House Democrats voted 177-29 today to make Rep. Nancy Pelosi the first woman ever to head a political party's caucus in Congress, and the only Dem in DC with - what was the term? Oh yeah, nutsacks..

Twenty-nine Democrats voted for Rep. Harold Ford of Tennessee, who had decided last Friday to challenge Pelosi for the job. Rep. Nancy Kaptur, an Ohio Democrat who got into the race only this week, pulled out before the vote.

Quotes of the Morning:
"The Democrats have been told they're too liberal for American voters and should move to the right. They're also told they need to distinguish themselves from the Republicans and move to the left. I think they just need - nut sack." - Jon Stewart, honest newsguy.

"Let's say he's alive. How much should we care at this point?" - that total waste of skin Howard Kurtz, on Osama bin Laden (link here).

Song of the Day:
Patti Smith's Gloria. Just because.

Great Moments in Hypocrisy
White House Wages Stealth War on Condoms -
The Hypocritical Holier than Thou Harken Halfwit George W. Bush has begun appointing critics of condoms to a presidential advisory panel on AIDS. They include social conservatives who question the international scientific consensus that condoms are highly effective in AIDS prevention. Instead, they emphasize failure rates from slippage, breakage and not using condoms every time.

"The only 100 percent effective way to avoid nonmarital pregnancy and STD infection is to avoid sexual activity outside a mutually faithful, lifelong relationship - marriage," says the Texas-based Medical Institute for Sexual Health. The group's founder, Dr. McIlhaney, Jr., now sits on the presidential AIDS panel.

Abstinence-only programs, which promote sexual abstinence and do not provide information on contraception or AIDS prevention, are the administration's pet projects, slated for more and more funding every year. So far, studies on their effectiveness are incomplete or inconclusive. Story here.

There used to be a site floating around out there listing all the repug national figures who got divorced and/or cheated on their wives...if anyone has it, please send it in! Here's a start.

you have an ominosity quotient of


you are pretty damn ominous for someone who isn't a republican.

find out your ominosity quotient

The Editor of is interviewed! See "The Question Mark Campaign: The Flash Movies of 'Stranger'" here!

Last night on Crossfire
CARLSON: But the bottom line here is, Paul, is that the president, whatever you think of him -- and I know you don't think much of him -- has achieved what Bill Clinton refused to do...

BEGALA: A fully incoherent foreign policy.

and to G Gordon Liddy:
BEGALA: Let me see if you've got the courage of your convictions to cross party lines. Now let me read you a quote from General William Turnipseed, retired commander of the Alabama National Guard, unit to which George W. Bush, lieutenant, was assigned as a Guardsman.

Here's what General Turnipseed said about Bush. "Had Bush reported in, I would have some recall, and I do not. I had been in Texas, done my flight training there. If we had a first lieutenant from Texas, I would have remembered."

Bush never showed up for an enter year of his Guard duty, and Dick Cheney, of course, famously told the Washington Post in 1989 and I quote, "I had other priorities in the '60s than military service."

He got five draft deferments. Why not a word? Why do you slam Bill Clinton, who clearly did not serve, and not a word about Bush and Cheney?

LIDDY: Well, what you say is correct, but Bush was a fighter jock.

BEGALA: And he was AWOL for a year.

The Top 10 Kids' Books for Conservative Crackpots
10. Rush Limbaugh Ate My Baby Brother!
9. Jesse’s a Funny Name for a Boy, Isn’t It?
8. The Lyin', The Bitch and the Wardrobe: The Ann Coulter Story
7. Yertle the Unlawful Combatant Turtle
6. Heather Has Two Mommies Who Are Going to Hell
5. Horton Hears a Who (And Turns Him in to the Authorities Like a Good Citizen Should), by John Ashcroft
4. Belittle Women, by Phyllis Schlafly
3. Jerry Falwell's Big Book of Things You'll Burn in Hell For
2. How the Grinch Stole Christmas Back from Those Money-Grubbing Welfare Moms
1. Where Babies Come From Is None of Your Business

and some of the runners-up:
i. The Fat Cat in the Hat Gets a Tax Cut
ii. Green Eggs and Uninspected Ham
iii. One Fish, Two Fish, Red Fish, Glowing Green Fish, Because Trent Lott Doesn't Care Who Dumps Toxic Waste into Our Lakes and Rivers
iv. If I Ran the Zoo, Those Lazy Animals Would Have to Work for Their Food and Lodging
v. The Little Female Engine That Couldn't Because It Would Make the Boys Think She's a Bitch
vi. The Little Engine That Could... Burn All the Oil in the Alaskan Wildlife Reserve
vii. Dubya Potter and the Star Chamber of Secrets
viii. Harry Potter and the Cross of Fire
- - from

November 13, 2002

Oh, Dubya, please call me Howeeeeena....
"What if there was a columnist for one of the prestige news weeklies and suddenly he completely lost his mind and started penning column after column about how he had taken command of a ragtag army of snails and lemurs who were running through the neighborhood stealing from the rich and giving to the poor?

"Would there be an intervention? Would he lose his column? Or would things just keep going on as per usual with maybe a few people chiming in about his edgy new style and crackerjack reporting?" - Josh Marshall bitch-slaps bush boy-toy Howard 'whoreward' Fineman here!

Fun with freepers 2
'Safire Predicts Hillary/Condoleezza match-up for 2008!,' screams Drudge. Condo will defeat Hillary Clinton for the presidency, repub lackey Safire says. So what else are you gonna pull out of your ass?
You have to check out The Onion's take on the midterm elections (thanks to dedalus at the BC forum for posting the link)!

Read about The Commonweal Institute - "the Heritage Foundation of the Left" - at Seeing the Forest. Their goal: 'to move people’s underlying attitudes away from the right wing’s agenda and back to a moderate/progressive perspective.'

Another flash movie at Blah3! Media #3: 'Things the Media want you to think,' or "You are free to do what we tell you." With musical guest Pitchshifter.

Quote of the day at
Counterspin Central: scroll down to 'PARLIAMENT OF WHORES.'

Quote of the day, #2: "The fact is he [Dumbya] is wrestling with problems as tough as any president has wrestled with since Lincoln." - Former President George Bush, with a straight face evidently.

Gee, could the WH have been blowing smoke up our @ss again?
Turkey says there no Iraq order for nerve gas antidote.

ANKARA, Nov 13 (Reuters) - Turkish health and pharmaceutical officials today denied knowledge of any Iraqi orders for large doses of a drug that can be used as an antidote to nerve gas, the state-run Anatolian news agency said.

A senior official at the Turkish Health Ministry, which would normally approve such sales, said authorities knew nothing of any such order.

Wolf Blitzer was heard to reply "%@#*% !" from his stall in the Breaking Nooze Network mens' room.


Congratulations, you're Seattle, the Emerald City.
What US city are you? Take the quiz by Girlwithagun.

Loss of water pressure in DC as chickenhawks simultaneously flush
Iraq, facing a Friday deadline and the threat of war, has accepted the new U.N. resolution that will return weapons inspectors to the country after nearly four years. "We are prepared to receive the inspectors within the assigned timetable," Ambassador Al-Douri said. "We are eager to see them perform their duties in accordance with international law as soon as possible."

In the letter, Iraq reiterates that it has no weapons of mass destruction. "We explained in the letter the whole Iraqi position saying that Iraq ... has not and will not have any mass destruction weapons, so we are not worried about the inspectors when they will be back."

Fun with freepers
President Bill Clinton is to accept an award for his peace efforts in Northern Ireland during the St Patrick's celebration in New York next year.

"Squee! Squee! Squee!" - Democrats continue to bend over, take it up the @ss.

Having learned nothing, Dems plan to fold on judicial nominees
Thank you sir, may I have another?

One Democratic aide said the Thursday vote on the two nominees was a gesture of good will . Senator Pat Leahy, the Vermont Democrat who will relinquish the chairman's seat in several weeks to Orrin Hatch, scheduled the session and Democratic aides said they expected the two candidates to be approved.

"Once the election returns were in, this became the obvious way to go," one Democratic aide said. "We really are a bunch of spineless pussies!"

Republicans said today that they recognized the agreement to vote less as a gesture of good will than as an appeal to Senator Hatch to be kind as he allocates committee and staff resources. And in a related story:

Tom 'Isadora' Daschle Caves on Homeland Security, 9/11 Commission
The White House and congressional leaders agreed Tuesday to begin pushing a bill through Congress this week to create a Homeland Security Department, moving toward a major legislative victory for pRresident Bush.

Congressional officials said they expected the Republican-run House to approve the bill today while the Democratic-controlled Senate will begin debating it the same day.

Passage also would represent a reversal by Senate Democrats who before the election opposed the bill because they said it would undermine civil service protections at the new agency.

The bill would drop Senate language that would have established an independent commission to investigate why U.S. authorities failed to prevent the Sept. 11 attacks, congressional aides said.

Yes, folks, the new pink tutus have been delivered, along with shiny new pink kneepads. Have a nice day.

November 12, 2002

Bartcop replies to Reznit Evil
"I have no greater responsibility than protecting the American people." -- President Pinhead on Veterans day

Hey, Smirk!
Just like in Texas, you hold the record for "most dead" on your watch.
If your job is protecting America, you're the worst president in history.

OK, which is the actual quote?
Dr. C. writes us asking 'Isn't this ironic?" Oh yes!

U.S. Rejects Iraq Demand for Changes
"I don't think there's anybody who believes the Iraqi parliament has a serious voice in what does or doesn't happen in Iraq," McCormack said. "There is only one voice that matters in this despotic regime and that is from Saddam Hussein. This is really, I think, pure political theater."


Iraq Rejects U.S. Demand for Changes
"I don't think there's anybody who believes the United States Congress has a serious voice in what does or doesn't happen in America," Odai Saddam Hussein said. "There is only one voice that matters in this despotic regime and that is from Dick Cheney. This is really, I think, pure political theater."

November 11, 2002 (ENS) - Members of the international nongovernmental coalition Species Survival Network were shocked to hear the United States offer a plan that would allow for a renewed international commercial trade in stockpiled elephant ivory within the next three years.

The U.S. amendment language came without warning at the 12th conference of Parties to the Convention on International Trade in Endangered Species (CITES) during debate over a proposal from Botswana to allow the trade in 20 metric tons of ivory and also allow for an annual quota for ivory sales.

The U.S. language was announced moments before the European Union announced its opposition to the ivory trade at this time.

In a related story, the Bush misadministration plans to allow more snowmobiles in Yellowstone and Grand Teton national parks. The decision reverses one taken during the Clinton presidency that would have banned them by next winter.

There would be no limits on snowmobiles for the winter season beginning next month and running until mid-March, Interior Department officials said.

Arm-twisting the leg-humpers
Oooooooooooh, a new taxpayer-funded backdrop for another taxpayer-funded Napoleon Bonehead propaganda tour! Photoshoppers, start your engines.

Even God's pissed
SUNSPOT, N.M. (AP) - Scientists say they have made the unprecedented discovery of solar flares erupting almost simultaneously on opposite sides of the sun.

Scientists at the observatory are trying to determine whether the eruptions were linked or a coincidence, said solar physicist Don Neidig. Experts said the discovery could have far-reaching consequences if more cases are observed.

By Ashcroft's goons?

How Will You Die?