March 20, 2011

March 10, 2011

Another Shitty Deal

Seems like somebody is full of shit:

Senator Rand Paul’s toilets don’t work, and he blames the Department of Energy.

At a hearing of the Senate Committee on Energy and Natural Resources on Thursday, Mr. Paul lambasted Kathleen Hogan, deputy assistant secretary for energy efficiency at the Energy Department, telling her that the department’s “hypocrisy” and “busybody nature” has “restricted choices” for consumers rather than made life better for them.

“You don’t care about the consumer really,” Mr. Paul said. “Frankly, my toilets don’t work in my house, and I blame you.”

The reason Congressman Paul's toilet is backed up is due to the fact that he and his fellow Republicans have been trying to flush the entire country down the toilet.
Call Joe the Plumber, already.
And go fuck yourself.

No More Mosques!!!!

It's not terrorism if you are white and right

An ex soldier with ties to the white supremacist movement has been taken into custody in connection with the planting of a backpack bomb along the planned route of the Martin Luther King Jr. March in downtown Spokane, authorities have confirmed.
Fox will continue to call it an isolated incident - no big deal.
If it was a fundamental Muslim extremist, Fox would label it as the latest in a long line of threats to Life, Liberty, Apple Pie, Freedom, Democracy, and puppies...
But this rascist fuck is white so nothing to see here, comrade, move along.....


Some Reich-wingnut explained his problem with young voters at a recent Tea Party event:

"They go into these general elections, they'll have 900 same day registrations, which are the kids coming out of the schools and basically doing what I did when I was a kid, which is vote liberal," he said. "They don't have life experience and they don't have life experience and they just vote their feelings and they're taking away the town's ability to govern themselves, it's not fair."
Don't you understand that college students carry the evil of youth within them and must be stopped? I look at my 22-year-old daughter and see unbridled emotions that push her toward evil progressive ideas. Emotions come from Satan, unless those emotions lead you to hate Muslims, to oppose women having control of their own bodies and to favor tax cuts for the rich at the expense of the middle class.

BTW, has anyone seen any legislation introduced that might actually create jobs ?

March 7, 2011

Republican Plan to Address Global Warming

From a great new site I just found, Dirty Hippies

The Republican Party today announced a comprehensive plan to address global warming. As the Party never believed global warming exists, it came as a surprise even to themselves.

“Unlike Democrat tax and regulate plans, this is simple, comprehensive, and handles the problem immediately, once and for all”, said House Speaker, John Boehner, a-glowing. “Instead of stopping global warming it reverses it. And, we know this is a good bill because it is only one-page long.”

The bill, authored by freshman Tea Party Member Ben Quayle—whose Vice-President father, Dan, was said to have promoted a manned-mission to the sun, proposing to avoid the extreme heat by going at night–is called the “Reverse [Non-Existent] Global Warming With a Stroke of the Pen” Act. It outlaws Fahrenheit, substituting Celsius for all temperature readings, reports and thermometers, and thereby instantaneously reduces all temperatures.
Great site, more seriousness than snark, but great site. Check it guys, I think you'll like it.

Michael Moore is Fat

The screeching from the corporate-deluded Reich-wingnuts should be starting any time now

400 obscenely rich people, most of whom benefited in some way from the multi-trillion dollar taxpayer "bailout" of 2008, now have more loot, stock and property than the assets of 155 million Americans combined. If you can't bring yourself to call that a financial coup d'├ętat, then you are simply not being honest about what you know in your heart to be true.
The nation is not broke, my friends. Wisconsin is not broke. It's part of the Big Lie. It's one of the three biggest lies of the decade: America/Wisconsin is broke, Iraq has WMD, the Packers can't win the Super Bowl without Brett Favre.
So now we have a few hundred winners and 200 million losers. Some are born smart and lucky like me. Others deserve the punishment of being dumb, stupid, lazy and fat. American capitalism reflects this reality. That's the way God wanted it.
Keep your money grubbing hands and intentions off the money of those of us who have succeeded.
America the Beautiful.

Wanking Walking With The Lord

Having a history of putting up stiff resistance to gay rights, Rev. Grant Storms, a homophobic Christian fundamentalist whack job preacher , was arrested this week, caught masturbating in his van near a New Orleans playground.

How about that! The old pastor, polishing the bishop's hat. This 'man of God' needs to GET A GRIP.
But seriously, idle hands are the devil's plaything.

Fairly Imbalanced

The Crux of the Biscuit

If it weren't so true, this would be hilarious

A CEO, a tea party member, and a union worker are all sitting at a table when a plate with a dozen cookies arrives. Before anyone else can make a move, the CEO reaches out to rake in eleven of the cookies. When the other two look at him in surprise, the CEO locks eyes with the tea party member. "You better watch him," the executive says with a nod toward the union worker. "He wants a piece of your cookie."
"What?!?! There were 12 cookies and the CEO only got 11 of them?!??!" Those tasty crumbs dribbling from the CEO's mouth should be plenty to help the rest.

March 5, 2011

Smile, iz Caturday!

/unfortunately, not mine.

Hitler reacts to the Democratic State Senators leaving Wisconsin

Who's got tiger blood?

Just in time for Caturday, kittens quoting Charlie Sheen (a slideshow).


Via If you commit a felony, using the "I didn't know it was against the law" defense won't work. Unless you are a Supreme Court Justice. Then it works great.

Clarence Thomas, a fucking Supreme Court Justice, breaks a federal law that got Bill Clinton and Martha Stewart in deep hoohah and would get any other person in this country thrown in the fucking slammer. But he'll get off scot-free because he's Clarence Fucking Thomas.

Thomas' behavior raises three obvious questions, the answers to which are all inter-related: Why is it likely that no consequences will be visited on a Supreme Court justice who has committed a series of criminal offenses? Why is this story not a full-blown scandal?
And why is Thomas such an insufferable prick and still has yet to be shown his fucking ass on a platter?

March 4, 2011

Rethuglicans hate our troops

Orange-hued crybaby John Boehner is blocking a resolution to allow WWI vet Frank Buckles to lie in state at the Capitol.

The honor requires a congressional resolution or the approval of congressional leaders, according to the office of the architect of the Capitol.

The bodies of prominent citizens have been displayed in the Rotunda on 30 occasions, starting in 1852 with Henry Clay, a Kentucky senator and congressman. Others include President Abraham Lincoln and senile former actor Ronald Reagan, unknown soldiers from America's wars and civil rights hero Rosa Parks.

In his final years, Buckles had campaigned for greater recognition for the 4.7 million Americans who joined the military in 1917 and 1918 during World War I. Among his goals was a national memorial in Washington for those who served in that conflict.

Buckles enlisted at age of 16 after lying about his age. After the war ended, he helped repatriate German prisoners of war, returning to the U.S. in January 1920.

Above: Mr Boehner.

Please welcome...

Peace, etc. and Mikeb302000 to the blogroll!


Regulators reject proposal to bring Fox "News" to Canada:

Fox News will not be moving into Canada after all! The reason: Canada regulators announced last week they would reject efforts by Canada's right wing Prime Minister, Stephen Harper, to repeal a law that forbids lying on broadcast news.
Oh, my sides... Lots more good stuff here.

Why not make it a law to have the doctor call her an immoral slut, too?

Because the GOP doesn't like the government getting between you and your doctor or unnecessary medical procedures, the Texas GOP is trying to pass a bill to put the government between you and your doctor for an unnecessary medical procedure:

House Bill 15, sponsored by state Rep. Sid Miller, R-Stephenville, requires a doctor performing an abortion to conduct a sonogram at least 24 hours before the procedure was to take place. The doctor also is required to show the woman the sonogram image, play the sound of the fetal heartbeat for her and describe in some detail the image that appears on the sonogram. The woman does not have to view the sonogram or hear the heartbeat, although she still would have to hear the doctor's description.

Paying them what they're worth

Faux News: those fat-cat teachers are way more greedy than the billionaire bankers who wrecked the economy.


Hillary: "Viewership of Al Jazeera is going up in the US because it's real news," unlike the pathetic screaming, lying, biased commentary our own media provides.

“In fact viewership of al Jazeera is going up in the United States because it’s real news. You may not agree with it, but you feel like you’re getting real news around the clock instead of a million commercials and, you know, arguments between talking heads and the kind of stuff that we do on our news which, you know, is not particularly informative to us, let alone foreigners,” she added.
Absofuckinglutely. Maybe CNN will let us vote on this? ; )


Fux News blames Obama for oil subsidies, even though he proposed to end those subsidies last month.

Even Fuxier: afterwards, the GOP unanimously voted to protect them.

Let he who is without sin...

Attacking other people and their families has become de rigeur for noted hypocrite Mike "Yuck"abee. Maybe he should remove that Mt Rushmore-sized mote from his own eye first:

The Pensito Review:

HUCKABEE: “…I do think [Pres. Obama] has a different worldview and I think it’s, in part, molded out of a very different experience. Most of us grew up going to Boy Scout meetings and, you know, our communities were filled with Rotary Clubs, not madrassas.”
Oh really...
Huckabee’s son David had been fired by the Boy Scouts as a camp counselor after he and another counselor captured a stray dog, hanged him by the neck, slit his throat and stoned him to death.

The elder Huckabee, who was governor of Arkansas at the time, later fired a local prosecutor who had investigated the matter with the aim of filing animal cruelty charges against David Huckabee and the other boy.

But since Mike Huckabee has chosen to criticize the president’s upbringing and the way it shaped his worldview, someone should ask him who warped his own son into the kind of person who would commit such a heinous and gruesome act — was it David Huckabee’s bigoted Southern Baptist preacher father, the Boy Scouts of America — or both?

Update: the Kenyan madrassa-going Obama's boyhood home of Indonesia has the largest membership of Scouts in the world.

The world, "Fuck"abee.

Amen to that

Judge not, that ye be not judged.

Two words: Bristol Palin -

In a radio appearance on Monday, [holier-than-thou hypocrite] Mike Huckabee attacked actress Natalie Portman for having a child "out of wedlock." Huckabee said that it's "troubling" to see people like "Natalie Portman or some other Hollywood starlet who boasts of, 'Hey look, you know, we're having children, we're not married, but we're having these children, and they're doing just fine.'" Huckabee added that "it's unfortunate that we glorify and glamorize the idea of out of children wedlock."
-- Fixer at Alternate Brain.

March 1, 2011

GOP pork? No way!

Michele Bachmann is against earmarks, unless it is for a $700 million bridge in her district that violates federal law:

U.S. Rep Bachmann, R-Hypocriticalnutcase, introduced a bill Tuesday that would exempt the St. Croix River Crossing Project from the federal Wild and Scenic Rivers Act. Last October, the National Park Service ruled the bridge planned by the Minnesota Department of Transportation did not comply with the law, and was a detriment to the river.
Quelle surprise. Fuckhead.

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Sh*t like this is why I now watch the Weather Channel for my daily updates.

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Hi guys

I'm still here. My mom is in pretty bad shape, so we've been spending a lot of time with her. She told me today that she could see "the tunnel", but she also said she shot a man in Reno just to watch him die, so I prayed with her after bopping her one upside the head.

Kidding about the bopping part.

Many thanks to Undie Lib for posting!! xxxooo

I Love My Spawn, But......

I Don't Need any Shit From You......

or shopping carts!

Researchers from the University of Arizona swabbed shopping cart handles in four states looking for bacterial contamination. Of the 85 carts examined, 72 percent turned out to have a marker for fecal bacteria.
Fox "News" to soon pick up this story and label it as an Islamocommienazijihadifascist plot funded by public sector unions.
As for me, I'm buying stock in anti-bacterial wipes.

Run, Newtie,Run!!

Thrice married aldulterer and ultimate hypocrite considers providing us with unlimited blog fodder

Former House Speaker Newt Gingrich will launch a presidential 'exploratory' campaign this week, becoming the first big-name GOP candidate to make a formal step towards the White House.
One could only hope that he runs on the good old "Family Values" platform.