Today in History: May 8, 1998: Bob Dole, on TV's Larry King Live, tells the world he participated in the Viagra impotence drug trials.
The Inept Ignoramus: Mr Popularity
"Word has it that [Chimpy the Pinhead] is displeased with the Canadian media. We chased him for comment after the four Canadian soldiers were killed by American friendly fire. When he dismissively replied to a Canadian reporter's questions that he had "already talked to the Canadian Prime Minister" -- here's guessing the name Jean Chrétien does not spring readily to his mind -- we wrote and broadcast stories about the latest snub, causing Deputy Prime Minister John Manley to obliquely suggest it would have behooved the pResident to say something, which caused the [Crayola Crackhead] to change his schedule the next day and offer what was, in effect, an apology. The pResident emphatically does not like to change his schedule, especially to apologize." - the Toronto Globe.
You have be the world's biggest bonehead if you can manage to piss off Canada, for petessake.
Crusader Bunnypants, Inept POS, Botches Yet Another ME Opportunity
Preznit Poopypants and Israeli Prime Minister Ariel Sharon failed yesterday to bridge their differences on major Middle East differences, including whether peace talks should result in a Palestinian state.
The Moron of Midland did say he would send CIA Director George Tenet back to the region to help train Palestinian terrorists build a Palestinian security force. The Simian Sockpuppet, ending an Oval Office meeting that lasted more than an hour, renewed his call for a separate state for the Palestinian people. "Is he out of his f*cking mind?" Sharon replied - "I think it's premature to discuss that issue until Palestinian leader Yasser Arafat reforms his government."
Let Clinton help!: an actual letter printed in the Florida Sun-Sentinel:
"It's time for the White House to admit that Bush is way out of his depth on foreign policy (as well as domestic issues). Nothing could be more telling than this latest disaster in Israel. The Bush administration cannot expect the volatile Middle East to fall into a neat little plan of its own choosing or install cooperative governments at will. Bush should not put his ambitions above the survival of Israel. He must allow Bill Clinton to mediate this process. Then, perhaps true leadership will triumph over ineptitude." (Linda Ribner)
...and a fake one...
"When will the incompetant nincompoops at the WH realise they just don't have the brains, respect, or the cojones to find a resolution to the Mideast debacle? For crying out loud, I haven't seen such a bloody disaster since GW Bush forced his 15-year-old girlfriend to have an abortion." (Dick Palmer)
Fat, disgusting Vile Pigboy Disses Ozzy
"The fifty-three year old heavy metal rocker attended the famous White House [Whorespondents] dinner over the weekend and it was just amazing to see Washington go gaga over the guy." (snip, pause to wash hands) "It was just a sight to behold. Here you have some of the most important people in the world going nuts over this brain-fried, maggot-infested, dope-smoking, long-haired, purple-finger nailed, multi-colored hair, FM type, who has to be laughing all the way back to California."
Poor, poor cystboy - it just drives you crazy that Ozzy Osbourne got more applause than your brain-dead, boil-infested, crack-smoking, mono-browed, hair-dyed, Nickelodeon type who laughs at his own "trifecta jokes."
Springtime for Duh-bya
"I know this woman I spoke to was just one person. But her visible fear of being heard in a public place speaking against the reckless and illegal power that is Bush II was absolutely chilling to me. She was the one who said Bush was using the 9/11 disaster as a kind of Reichstag Fire. She was the one who commented how the media seems like nothing more than an extension of the Bush II administration. She was the one who expressed a sincere fear and loathing for what Bush was doing to what was once America. She recognized the signs of not so long ago. A nations' apathy masquerading as "patriotism" fueled by a biased media, thus allowing an evil, unelected power to wage aggression, not only against the world but against its own people." - W. David Jenkins III
The Colin Powell Death Watch continues
The chaos currently governing the bush administration's foreign policy reached a new height of absurdity this week when the secretary of state, Colin Powell, announced plans for an international conference on the Middle East. Hours later, the White House said the term "conference" was "a misnomer". It was just a "meeting", one of a series of "informal chats". A 'coffee-klatsch', perhaps. Not only could the bush team not agree on policy, it seemed, they could not even agree on the vocabulary.
The mis-administration's abstention from the problems of the Middle East in its first year in office is a disaster. On his return from his Arab nation tour, even Cheney was forced to admit that only US involvement could break the cycle of violence. Yet, it is a lesson that has had to be learned more than once over the past few months, as the administration has repeatedly dipped its toe into the peacekeeping mud only to withdraw it once more in distaste. Judging by the evident unease at even the C word (remember it is a meeting, not a conference) suggests that ambiguity and indecision will remain the administration's guiding principles over Middle East policy for some time to come. (snipped from The Guardian)
U.S. Mood: "It Sucks!"
Public satisfaction with the way things are going in the U.S. is at its lowest point of Napoleon Bonehead's residency, giving Democrats an edge as they battle for control of Congress, a Bloomberg News poll shows.
The number of voting-age Americans saying they're satisfied with the country's direction was 46 percent, down from 51 percent when bush's term began and 15 points below December's peak of 61 percent. The Cow Whisperer's approval rating is at an execretory 69 percent, compared with 74 percent in March and 83 percent after the Sept. 11 terrorist attacks.
The mood six months before congressional elections reflects concerns about an uneven economic recovery, including a jump in the unemployment rate to 6 percent, as well as violence in the Middle East and the failure to capture accused terrorist leader Osama bin Laden.
Sharon to Daddy's Little Doofus: "Thanks, Dumbass!"
The Israeli prime minister, Ariel Sharon, went out of his way to embarrass the divided US administration yesterday, openly thanking the Americans for scuttling the proposed UN investigation of Palestinian deaths in the West Bank town of Jenin.
Addressing the Anti-Defamation League, Mr Sharon hinted heavily that the Crawford Cokehead administration had ultimately helped block the inquiry. "No nation in the world has the right to bring Israel to court," he said. "I would like to thank the American administration and its leadership that helped us, understood us, and supported us to get out of this trap."
The speech put the administration in an awkward situation by suggesting that the US had acted privately to thwart a mission it supported in public. LOL - can't these guys do anything right??
"Bein' preznit is hard!"
Here's a good one: Laura's Lazy Loser "took a break from Mideast peace discussions Wednesday to plug a new education law that Democrats charged could not be paid for in his budget. Though he is immersed in trying to broker peace (WTF?!?!?!) in the Israeli-Palestinian conflict," Drinky McDumbass "never mentioned the issue in two speeches or in a classroom tour. However, he spoke at length in both speeches about America's war against terrorism."
From the Yahoo message boards: "Bush should return to school. Specifically, he should take an ethics class. Without Daddy buying his way through he would flunk english, geography, history, philosophy and ethics. But that's ok, as long as he is "born again" and has jesus at his side.
Actual, Churchillian quotes from pResident Evil today on his school tour:
"The reason I mention the class getting ready to graduate is because you're the first high school class to have graduated in a long time in a time of war. You're the first high school class to have graduated with America under attack. And I want to talk a little bit about that today. You need to know, as citizens -- all of us need to know that we're in for a long struggle. We're in for a struggle to defend our freedom, and to defend our values.
"These aren't political values, these aren't the values of one political party or another, these are the values of all Americans. The values that believe that freedom is important in the central -- freedom to worship the way we want to worship; the freedom to speak your mind, except when the President is speaking -- the freedom of the press. Freedom. And our freedoms are under attack by people who hate America because of our freedoms. And we're not going to let them hurt America again. We will do everything in our power -- " - (www.whitehouse.gov/news/releases/2002/05/20020508-2.html).
LOL - from The Onion: Paul Lynde Impersonation Lost On Daughter's Friends
WAKEFIELD, MA- Sarah Ammons, 14, expressed befuddlement Monday, when, during a ride to school, her father attempted to entertain her and several friends with an impromptu impersonation of late comedian and Hollywood Squares regular Paul Lynde. "The next time I have a daughter, I hope it's a boy!" Bob Ammons, 41, bleated nasally in an imitation of the once-popular pop-culture reference. "Paul Lynde." Added Ammons: "Center square, usually sat between George Gobel and Rose Marie? Voice of Templeton the rat?" After dropping the girls off at school, Ammons stared into his car's rear-view mirror at the crow's feet developing around his eyes.
May 8, 2002
May 7, 2002
From democrats.com: The Tires On The Bush Juggernaut Go Flat - Maybe Karl Rove Isn't Such a Genius After All?
David Broder writes in the Washington Post, "Karl Rove's midterm campaign analysis isn't working -- As you may remember, President [sic] Bush's political counselor made headlines in January when he told a meeting of the Republican National Committee that the war on terrorism would be the key to GOP victories in this November's congressional elections...That was then, but it's different now. Just ask the leading candidates in the race for the seat of retiring Republican Sen. Jesse Helms. Former Clinton White House chief of staff Erskine Bowles, the front-runner in a nine-person Democratic primary field, told me that down-home issues -- education, Social Security and especially health care -- are uppermost in voters' minds. No surprise that a Democrat would want to play down Bush's strong suit, you say?" Guess What, Karl? Even Liddy Dole -- another right wing retread -- says that your analysis was dumber than a box of rocks!
- more at the Washington comPost
But first -
A friend just emailed me "The Bush Scorecard of Evil" - a handy pocket guide to Preznit Pretzal's record of infamy: click here and weep for America.
Defib Dick, repukes Stick it to the Taxpayers
Democrat or a rethuglican, it doesn't matter: if you live here your tax dollars will pay for police overtime as dick Cheney arrives to help raise money for a local repug congressional candidate. About $8,000 will come out of the South Bend Police Department's recall or overtime budget to provide security for Cheney - for a fund-raiser for repuke congressional candidate in the new 2nd District, Count Chris Chocola.
St. Joseph County Democratic Chairman Owen Morgan said the rethug party or Chocola himself should cough up the money. "In essence, taxpayers are paying for Chocola's fund-raising event," Morgan said.
"Get Your War on!" 'toons have been updated! The guy's a genius. Click here and LYAO!
I see Laura's Little Loser has asked Bill Clinton to do the diplomatic thing in East Jabibb Timor this month. Wow. What a guy. I know: let's send an experienced, bona fide, world-respected statesman to New Clamfuck for some rube parade or whatever.
But of course: WH officials say the reason Clinton was asked was not only to show "no hard feelings" toward his administration, it was to avoid sending him to a higher-profile event that might piss off the Clueless Incompetant's base. In other words, don't send him to the Mideast! He could broker a peace agreement! We'd all look like the complete and utter bunglers we really are!
Is 'dick' Cheney going also? Or will he be cowering in his undisclosed bunker? Will he have President Clinton's plane shot down in the name of national security? Or will the Big Dog tell Crusader Bunnypants to shove it up his a$$?
Gasbag Wars - or Whores, if you prefer
Matt Drudge used his radio show Sunday night to blast Bill O'Reilly as a "liar," claiming OhReally had deliberately given him false information about his own upcoming nationally syndicated radio show. Drudge with "false information" - gee, we never saw that coming.
"I've got scandalous stuff on what's happening behind the scenes in an effort to make this show a success," Drudge told his audience. "I swear I don't want to get into much more detail." Then he launched into a tirade against the radio newcomer. "By hook or crook they will present this as a battle," Sludge blatted. "When in fact it is a giant going after somebody who is just getting out of a training bra. - story's at Noozemax, if you really feel like torturing yourself.
MWO's "The Shame of the Press Corps"
"The continuing scandal over Drew Carey's appearance before the White House Correspondents' Association has taken a fresh and alarming turn with the release of transcripts of the event -- and of earlier Carey statements. Washington is abuzz about the offensive racist subtext of Carey's remarks to the WHCA, including his insults of black American workers and voters. And there is fresh evidence that the WHCA acted in bad faith by putting Carey on stage....The talk of Washington is that the WHCA allowed the bush White House to play a role in approving just who would appear on the dais as the comedian."
May 6, 2002
Warmongering Wonderchimp: Whiny Witless Weener
Squinty the Chimp said today that he shared Israel's disappointment with Yasser Arafat as he prepared for talks at the White House with Prime Minister Ariel Sharon.
"He has disappointed me," Preznit Pinhead said of the Palestinian leader as he toured another damn school in Southfield, Mich. "He must lead. He must show the world that he believes in peace." Look who's talking. Plus we all know what it means to disappoint Napoleon Bonehead. Zzzzzzzzzzzzz..
The Crayola Crackhead refused to preview his meeting with the prime minister, because his nursemaids hadn't gotten around to briefing him in words of two syllables or less. "I am going to have a private conversation with Ariel Sharon and I'd rather that my conversation, what I'm going to tell him and discuss with him ... he'll be the first to know about it," the Churchillian Choker yapped. So there!
New poll is up! See right border!
Stuff
Got 6 goldfish for the fishpond yesterday.
Better not get any more frost, because I planted dianthus and lobelia outside.
Garden center had peas!
Weeded the back slope - it was being overrun with mint, which didn't smell good enuff to use for mojitos. Next step: Round-up.
The pregnant kitten looks so funny! She was lying around the back deck yesterday like a disgusted, uncomfortable beanbag.
Bought a huge planter for the ficus tree, which is sitting in it's current pot tighter than John Ashcroft at all all-white-meat chicken dinner.
Jeeezus - I tried to read another self-serving column by David Whore-o-witz at Salon.com - I got through the second page and thought WTF is he talking about?? He's back to his tired whine about how liberal colleges 'n' universities are, yet he seems to have no trouble getting speaking engagements - so what the hell is he blabbering about? Was he upset because Aaron Mcgruder was invited before him? What a gasbag. It looks like he really had nothing to say, but he came up with some swill just to see his name in print, for petessake. It would be too pointless to even post it here - my eyes are still glazed over just thinking about it.
Lynne "That Snotty Bitch" Cheney has hissy-fit over Ozzy at DC Dinner
VP wife Lynne Cheney told associates she was "embarrassed" by the commotion surrounding Ozzy Osbourne's appearance at this weekend White House Whorespondence Dinner in Washington.
"He's hardly someone we should be applauding... not a role model, I am rather embarrassed," Cheney said after the dinner, according to sources. "Now if you'll excuse me, I have to go loosen my girdle."
Cheney has been an outspoken critic of rock and rap lyrics marketed to youth. "That kind of music turns people into complete losers - it leads to drinking, drug abuse, lying, thieving and abortion - what? Why are you kicking me, Dick?"
Will somebody please tell Jay Leno to cut the crap already? Can't he go through one f*cking night without making a joke about Bill Clinton? Get a clue, you dimbulb whore - the biggest joke you'll ever see is squatting in the WH right now. Meanwhile, here's what a real comedian sounds like:
"Arafat said it's good to be out. And at last he understands what it's like to be Frank Gifford."
"Some 25 Congressional pages have been fired for smoking pot. A Congressman said, 'We knew something was going on when we smelled something funny and it wasn't Strom Thurmond.'"
"There was a charity 'Masturbatathon' in Toronto, but no one wants to touch any of the money they raised." - Conan O'Brien
In Other News:
Bad News: Poor, Middle Class Can't Afford College
Good news: college grads can't find jobs.
American Lung Association Reports Most Americans Breathe Polluted Air
EPA advice: cut down on breathing.
Home Runs Down 19% in Major Leagues
New balls, made from shredded team financial records, may be the reason.
Bush's "Folksy" Humor Fails to Charm Sharon
Told him the one about the two Jews and the pig farmer's daughter.
WTF's up with Freeservers?? All of a sudden I'm noticing "remote linking forbidden" messages, which I'm not doing. Crap. They can delete my pics, but have no qualms about sticking a damn ad under the poll. If anyone can recommend another site for storing gif/jpeg files, please email me or leave a comment! TIA... Grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr.
Eratio's going to be a daddy - hope he doesn't pull a GW Bush and get it aborted....:
10.6695: Mated with Weirdo but conception did not take place
10.6674: Mated with ABBY-SDMB but conception did not take place
10.6641: Mated with Danki but conception did not take place
10.6606: Mated with Gremetch but conception did not take place
10.6587: Mated with BadVibes but conception did not take place
10.6570: Mated with stutts but conception did not take place
10.6553: Mated with Abby_SDMB but conception did not take place
10.6538: Mated with Commercial but conception did not take place
10.6523: Mated with Smed but conception did not take place
10.6500: Mated with PassTheFritos but conception did not take place
10.6475: Mated with george but conception did not take place
10.6455: Mated with Rocco but conception did not take place
10.6440: Got Cnis pregnant with baby Cnis
10.6381: Killed creature Nils
10.6379: Caught and fighting against Nils
10.6370: Hunting Nils
May 5, 2002
New poll will be up soon, if not already. This one's a doozy.
Here are the results of the last one, and thank you all who voted!
Reznit Dumbass was spotted wearing a jacket enbroidered with "George W. Bush, President". WTF's up with that?!
It's to remind us just who the hell he is: 12%
He wanted to wear his superhero cape, but Karl said no: 25%
In case he gets lost, someone will know where to return him: 63%
Cool Stuff: Archaeologists Unearth Base of Pyramid
Archaeologists have discovered the base of a small, 4,500-year-old pyramid believed to have been built for a Pharaonic queen in the desert outside Cairo, the head of Egypt's Supreme Antiquities Council said Sunday.
The pyramid, made of stone blocks, was thought to have been built for the wife of Djedefre, whose father Cheops built the Great Pyramid at Giza, about 10 miles south of the excavation site. .
"What is found is (the base of) the pyramid that is only maybe two or three feet high," Zahi Hawass, head of the Supreme Antiquities Council, told reporters. "This discovery is very important. It shows that this pyramid is for one of the queens of Djedefre." Djedefre is believed to have usurped the throne in Egypt by murdering his older half-brother roughly 4,500 years ago to become the third king of the fourth Pharaonic dynasty.
Update on ebay's "Haunted Painting"
Whatever your beliefs, this painting is spooky.
In February 2000, an anonymous seller started an auction for a 'Haunted Painting'. The ad included grim warnings about possible supernatural powers held by the image and told the story of how the painting had affected the sellers' lives since they bought it a year previously.
The advert also included a series of pictures of the picture 'changing form' at night - caught on film by a webcam. The last two pictures purport to show the doll coming to life and using a 'gun' held in her hand to force the boy to leave the painting.
Reports began coming in of strange reactions upon viewing the pictures. These included people being violently ill or fainting, children screaming upon seeing the painting and observers being gripped by an 'unseen entity'.
Looks like it's going to be another nice day. I've got to get to the garden center - I'm hoping they'll have pea seedlings because mine did crap this year. I also need a replacement for at least one of the 3 bird feeders the damn bear destroyed, and a flat or two of annuals, something the deer/woodchucks won't eat. I have to pick up a couple of goldfish for the fish pond, you know, something to feed the raccoons. Welcome to Maru's Wildlife World.
Compoopulant Conservatism
The White House on Friday rebuffed proposals by Democrats to add billions of extra dollars for child care to Captain Cowpat's welfare reform plan.
"The 'president' believes that we have full resources necessary to help address getting people from welfare into work, including plenty of money for, sufficient money for child care," White House spokes-tool Ari Fleischer said. "Besides, we really don't give a sh!t about poor people - they don't vote for us anyway."
The Clueless Crayolahead has called for welfare recipients to increase their work week from 30 to 40 hours, but he has not included any more day care funds in his welfare budget. "Who cares what they think?" he whined to a nursemaid. "I've got mine, so phththththththth!"
For the repukes, it's bizniz as usual: War Profiteering
According to the whore media, Americans support Crusader Bunnypants' decision to prosecute the "war on terror". But it is not immediately clear how a new gym in Texas, a harbor cleanup in California, or raising a Civil War-era ironclad in Virginia do much to advance that war. A veteran congressional aide who specializes in defense issues has written a white paper under the pen name "Spartacus" attacking projects like the Boeing deal that have been inserted in the defense- spending bills since September 11. Sen. McCain has demanded investigations of the Boeing deal. "This is clearly war profiteering," he says. "It is obscene."
The 'Boeing Deal' is the $20 billion Air Force plan to lease 100 refueling tankers from the Boeing Aircraft Co. The planes would cost $150 million apiece. The lease would run for 10 years. Then the Air Force would pay $30 million to reconfigure each of the 767s for commercial use and give the planes back to Boeing. In his 15 years in the Senate, John McCain had never seen such audacity. "This is the wrong thing to do," he intoned, leaning into the podium. "We are going to spend $20 billion plus over a 10-year period and 10 years from now are going to have nothing to show for it." Unless you're a rethug...
Honor 'n' Dignitude
The Oaf of Office treated bootlicking, brownnosed "journalists" to never-before-seen pictures of the White House on Saturday, including one in which VP Dick Cheney appears to be urinating on the door of his Oval Office. Yeah - just like they've pissed all over the entire country. Real f*cking funny.
May 4, 2002
All Lies, All the Time - good article by Richard Mynick at DU:
Here's a snip: "What happens when the press and the government function as two arms of the same creature? The same thing that was feared in the classic case of the police state: the voice of the press becomes corrupted. It assumes the tinny, inauthentic hysterical tone that we associate with the Pravda of the bad old days. ("Our Great and Wise Leader has proclaimed that our glorious factories have once again surpassed the goals of the Five-Year Plan.") The press no longer guards the public interest, but becomes an instrument of privilege and power. It blurs issues and spews propaganda. Its voice becomes shrill as it praises its master, insisting on its own rightness and glory. That is the American press of 2002 - all lies, all the time."
What is the Arbusto administration hiding??
Lawmakers leading the investigation of intelligence agencies' failures surrounding the Sept. 11 terrorist attacks are increasingly concerned that tactics by the CIA and the Justice Department are actively impeding their efforts, congressional sources said Friday. Members of the Senate and House intelligence committees are so frustrated with the tactics, sources said, that they intend to complain directly to CIA Director George Tenet and Jesus John Ashcroft.
The perceived heel-dragging has bogged down an inquiry that already was sidetracked last week by the resignation of its lead investigator. Congressional investigators are under pressure to complete their work before ranking Intelligence Committee members' terms expire at the end of the year. "There's no time to waste," one source said, adding that the targets of the inquiry seem intent on exploiting that deadline. Although the agencies have cooperated somewhat, he said, their recent tactics are a significant impediment.
The friction underscores the stakes of an investigation that could yield embarrassing details about what the nation's $30-billion intelligence community knew or didn't know leading up to the Sept. 11 attacks on the World Trade Center and the Pentagon.
Sources close to the investigation said they recently obtained documents indicating that an FBI agent in Arizona had warned headquarters concerning his suspicions about Arabs training at area aviation schools months before the attacks.
Hmmmmm...let's see...Poppy Bush's connections to the CIA, Preznit Pinhead 'n' Defib Dick's Defense contract investments, their oil connections, their closeness with the Saudis, the bush family/bin Laden business partnerships...gee, I don't see a conflict of interest here at all! Nothing to see here; move along....
Stuff:
It's early, but I couldn't wait: planted scarlet runner bean seeds.
Saw a rose-breasted grosbeak at the feeder!
Transplanted some of the cosmos and ornamental grass seedlings into bigger pots.
Put a crapload of mulch down in most of the flowerbeds.
Found another morel.
Yesterday: planted petunias and white alyssum near the fish pond.
Saw a huuuuuuge raccoon on the back deck last night, on it's way to the cat food bowl.
BUllSHit!
[Preznit Poopypants] used a rare trip to California this week to test-market a new and improved version of "compassionate conservatism." Yet the gap between bush's words and actions remains so stunning that it's time we gave this sham "governing philosophy" its proper name: Compassionate Chutzpah.
[His speech in South Central Los Angeles] was long on the (costless) promise of faith-based programs and short on funding the kind of economic development that might require him not to slash taxes for millionaires. You want a real faith-based program, Mr. President? Here's mine: Wouldn't Jesus want health coverage for everyone?
How the hell did an ad show up on the poll?? Do I get royalties?!
More tales of the Whore Media covering up for neonazi rethugs
The most senior repuke in the House of Representatives has called for Palestinians to be expelled from the West Bank, which should be annexed in its entirety by the state of Israel. But the unfortunately-named Dick Armey's views have been scarcely reported in America. The only mention was a passing reference in the deepest recesses of yesterday's New York Times and Washington comPost.
The Council on American-Islamic Relations called Mr Armey's views "beyond belief". Spokesman Jason Erb said that "even the most extreme Israelis are reluctant to publicly advocate such an insane policy". When WH spokes-tool Ari Fleischer was asked for the Squinting Squatter's view on what appeared to be an argument for ethnic cleansing, he changed the subject. Of course he did - and of course the whores in the press just let it go.
Speaking of Whores...
"Question for media tycoons: How do you land a puff piece on the front page of the New York Times business section on Sunday? Answer: Attempt to secretly stage a political coup, and then try to censor any critical news coverage of the coup. That's how a cynic might see the Times' April 28 profile of Venezuelan billionaire Gustavo Cisneros. The story included lots of info about Cisneros's business holdings and political connections, but only a passing reference to the fact that he is suspected of having masterminded the failed coup against Venezuelan president Hugo Chávez.
"Some reporters are more skeptical of billionaires who go fishing with George Bush. Newsweek places Cisneros "at the vortex of the whole mess," noting that the Senate Foreign Relations Committee is investigating contacts between U.S. officials and Venezuelans involved in the coup. Without heightened scrutiny of deals between the U.S. government and multinationals, big media will continue to erase little coups from the public record every day. The Times did not respond to a request for comment. "
I have to transplant some seedlings and have another gallon of coffee. I'll be back later.
May 3, 2002
Puh. The power finally came back on, and now I'm ready to go to bed.
Lacking leadership experience, Preznit Goober "shows his true personality": lazy-ass 'diplomacy', insulting Mexican President Vicente Fox, dressing as a rube to host a crown prince
The Inarticulate Idiot is exercising folksy, one-on-one diplomacy with world leaders. Crowded state dinners - where he'd have to make a real effort to appear even slightly intelligent - are out. Intimate talks at the Camp David retreat or his Texas pig farm, Bunnypants Bunker - where it's easier for his nursemaids to paper over the damage - are in.
Five heads of state have been invited to hang out like this with Hopalong Noodlehead, including the latest, Spanish Prime Minister Jose Maria Aznar. He goes to Camp David on Friday, hoping that this time the Unelected Idiot will remember his name. Squinty the Chimp's handlers have planned only a private meeting Friday night and a quiet breakfast Saturday morning. The rest of what he and Aznar do, according to White House aides, will be impromptu, but aides speculate Daddy's Little Doofus will show his new amigo his Pokemon trading cards and his fire engine with the lights that work.
Last month the Moron of Midland hopped in his truck and drove Saudi Arabia's Crown Prince Abdullah on a bumpy tour of the pig farm. He gleefully reported that they spotted a wild turkey. The prince could not be reached for comment, as he had fled the scene faster than Gary Bauer at a Playmates convention. Barb's Little Baboon whined like the spoiled brat he is when an aide insisted that he greet Abdullah in a business suit. "I'll be the only man in America wearing a suit on a ranch," he grumbled. "Gee whiz."
He complied with the dress code, but accessorized Tex-ass-style. The Clueless Cornpone's big silver belt buckle and cowboy boots were a stark contrast to Abdullah's flowing robes. "What a dork!" whispered one of the prince's aides. "Can you believe this guy? It looks like he's trying out for the lead in Oklahoma!"
At least he didn't tell the damn trifecta jike again
The Toxic Tinhorn marked the National Day of Prayer with hilarity. "Today, along with millions of Americans, we pray for nothing less than a spiritual awakening in America and an unprecedented unity in Congress," said Lloyd Ogilve, the chaplain in the Senate, which Democrats narrowly control and where several bush proposals have stalled. The resident's chortle could be heard above the rest of the laughter in the room. Yeah, keep laughing, dumbass. What you're doing to this country is a f*cking laugh-riot, dickwad.
One Year Ago Today: The United States lost its seat on the U.N. Human Rights Commission for the first time since the commission was formed in 1947. Thank you, pResident Evil.
You can't fight in here - this is the War Room!
Buckeroo Bonehead's hopes of building a strong insurgent group to replace Iraqi President Saddam Hussein have been set back by feuding among U.S. officials over who should lead the opposition. Administration sources say a fight between moderates in the State Department and conservatives in the White House and Pentagon has killed plans for a conference of Iraqi dissidents in Europe this summer and has prompted a cutoff of funds for a rival anti-Saddam group. That leaves the Impotent Impotentate with the option of ordering a U.S. invasion of Iraq, which U.S. allies in the Arab world strongly oppose. The administration feud is likely to further weaken Arab support for any action against Saddam, particularly at a time when concerns in the region are focused on the Israeli-Palestinian conflict.
Signs of the administration feud surfaced this week with word that the State Department has cut off funds for the Iraqi National Congress (INC), a dissident group based in London backed by conservatives in the Defense Department and Vice President Cheney's office. A spokeswoman for Defib Dick denies that his aides had a role in canceling the conference. Well, that's good enuff for me! [/sarcasm]
Quotes
'"Who lost the surplus?' is the wrong question. The right question is whether the Bush administration has any plan to return to a balanced budget, let alone to honor George W. Bush's promise to use the Social Security surplus to pay down debt. And the answer is no." - Paul Krugman in the NY Times.
"Bush offered up what has in recent months become his all-purpose escape clause: "I want to remind you what I told the American people, that if I'm the president--when I was campaigning, if I were to become the president, we would have deficits only in the case of war, a recession, or a national emergency." Bush, somewhat morbidly, plays this line for laughs in his speeches, chuckling, "Never did I realize we'd get the trifecta." But this escape clause is not only a falsehood; it's actually a revision of a previous falsehood, which itself was consciously designed to cover up the fact that the budget is in far worse shape than Bush lets on." - Jonathan Chait in the New Republic.
"It is impossible to overstate the importance of tossing George W. Bush back onto the unemployment lines in 2004. His illegitimate presidency isn't even half-over, yet Bush's disreputable cabinet of tin-pot gangsters has already succeeded in causing irreparable harm to our great nation. This inferior man, a dimwitted former cheerleader who as the do-nothing governor of Texas allotted a full 15 minutes to deciding whether or not to sign death warrants has presided over the greatest systemic dismantling of the American Dream since the disastrous reign of Herbert Hoover." - Ted Rall
"If President Bush's goal is to make the United States a safer country, he's got an odd way of doing it. In a desperate attempt to trim the budget and minimize the projected $100 billion deficit, the Bush administration has slashed by 93 percent a Department of Energy (DOE) request for $379 million to better secure America's storehouse of nuclear weapons and waste -- the number one item on every terrorist's shopping list. What makes this latest bit of budgetary bloodletting particularly confounding is that it strikes at the heart of the president's highest priority. 'Nothing,' he proclaimed, 'is more important than the national security of our country. Nothing is more important.' Well, apparently something must be." - Arianna Online
Stop it, you're killing me!: The Fraudulent Fratboy accused Senate Democrats today of "endangering the administration of justice in America" by balking at many of his judicial nominees. Well, pick ones that aren't religious right-wingnut neonazis, you idiot!
May 2, 2002
Wag the Bunnypants: Napoleon Bonehead, Sharon's Lapdog
The Moron of Midland has done a lot in very little time to undermine the macho image of Texans worldwide. Foreign leaders now see there is no apparent limit to the defiance he will endure from his friend Ariel Sharon, the Israeli prime minister. Never has the tail wagged the dog quite so energetically or humiliatingly. Foreigners tend to have longer memories than Americans, particularly in the Middle East, and outside of Israel, diplomats unfavorably contrast bush's behavior with the way his father went nose to nose with then Israeli Prime Minister Yitzhak Shamir when the latter assumed -- wrongly -- that he could defy the White House on the question of Jewish settlements in Palestinian territory.
Now, two weeks after ignoring Squinty the Chimp's demand for an end -- "without delay" -- to Israel's Operation Defensive Shield, Sharon has succeeded in rebuffing a U.N. fact-finding mission in Jenin, apparently with U.S. blessing. (Read the whole thing at SmirkingChimp.com!)
If the internet was any f*cking slower today it would be going backwards. Or something. Hmmmmmmm...maybe Der Office ov Der Fatherla Homeland Security is tapping into my computer....
The Enron Administration Dead Pool - Next to be suicided?
The Natural Resources Defense Council has issued a subpoena to Andrew Lundquist, former executive director of Vice President Cheney's energy task force, to learn who consulted with him in formulating the Arbusto administration's energy plan. Maybe if he's lucky he'll have to take an emergency leave, to 'spend some time with his family' - in the Caymans or Argentina.
Actually, the only thing better would be seeing her picture next to a chimp:
Not only are pets beginning to appear as survivors in the obituaries of human beings, but pets are beginning to get their own obits. Most pet obits have been relegated to the classifieds. But some pet obits are appearing among the obits of humans, which is hugely displeasing to some human survivors.
As St. Louis Post-Dispatch columnist Betty Cuniberti put it, "I'm trying to imagine a sorrowful son opening our newspaper to look for his mother's obituary and finding her picture next to one of a hamster."
Even worse would be the issue of the hamster's many survivors. Ms Cuniberti imagined that there would be 427 children and grandchildren, "including 154 named Fluffy."
the cable nooze wars continue:
As the underdogs, the Crossfire gang is getting attention. One way to do that, as a veteran political operative like [Paul] Begala knows, is to take shots at the powers that be. In the wake of Begala and Carville's joining the show, an item in U.S. News & World Report noted that GOP leaders were "blackballing" the show. "Sounds like [House majority whip] Tom DeLay [is responsible] . He's a classic coward," says Begala. "He won't show up [on Crossfire]. He'd rather go play patty-cake on Fox."
Speaking of Crossfire, I almost shot wine out of my nose last night with this one from Begala: "How the hell can [bush] claim to be a war leader when he's out there whoring the special interests' money?"
Chickensh1t repukes still at it:
Sen. Robert Byrd lashed out at the administration Thursday for letting Homeland Security Reichschicken Tom Ridge informally brief senators while Byrd's committee was holding a hearing at which Ridge had refused to appear.
"Instead of allowing Director Ridge to testify, the administration would rather trivialize homeland security with these made-for-television stunts," said Byrd, as his panel began hearing from four other top administration officials.
"This committee cannot be distracted from our efforts by these sophomoric political antics," Byrd said. "It that damned idiot is too scared to crawl out of his hole to explain to Americans just what the hell he's doing, then maybe he should leave to spend more time with his family, for crissakes."
Few questions were hard-edged and Ridge broke no new ground, and Sen. Debbie Stabenow, D-Mich., pointedly thanked Ridge and Hatch "for being invited to your press conference." She did not add "...Dickheads!", though it would've been within her rights to do so.
May 1, 2002
Do Drugs? Then Yer a Terrist!
Eleven teenage House pages are in hot water after getting caught using marijuana. The pages were dismissed from their duties, acording to sources familiar with the investigation. Roll Call's Ed Henry reports: "The trouble started when one female page whose family lives in the Washington, D.C., area brought several other pages to the family home unsupervised (ahhhhh: repuke family values.....). The pages involved allegedly smoked marijuana in the basement of the house."
Two Democratic sources told Roll Call Daily that all 11 pages were sponsored by Repuglican House Members!!!! So let's see....according to those rethug commercials, since the pages smoked some weed, they caused the murder of some people somewhere. Gotcha!
"Drug use hurts our families and our communities. It also finances our enemies. To fight the terror inflicted by killers, thugs, and terrorists around the world who depend on American drug purchases to fund their violence, we must stop paying for our own destruction and the destruction of others," said ONDCP Director John Walters. "As the President has said, 'When you quit using drugs, you join the fight against terror in America.'" - (as seen on drudge, and a thanks to gratuitous for the link)
Did You Know...? On this date in 1945, Joseph Goebbels poisoned his six children and had himself and wife shot by an SS orderly.
Fun Fact! Today is the 5-year anniversary of Frank Gifford being caught on videotape having sex with flight attendant Suzen Johnson at the New York Regency. The tabloid Globe paid Johnson $75,000 to tape the activities. From the transcript, "Oh, God that's so good. Oh my you're so big. I knew you would be. I just knew you would be." It just doesn't seem worth it, though.
Oi.
In Yet Another Chapter of The Party of Honor and Integritude:
Illinois' attorney general has become the most prominent repuke yet to say GOP Gov. George Ryan should consider resigning. In a statement issued Tuesday, Attorney General Jim Ryan said the governor should think about stepping aside because of an "extraordinary erosion of trust" caused by the bribery scandal among his underlings.
The governor has not been accused in the four-year scandal in which 48 individuals have been charged and 42 convicted, many of them former secretary of state's employees and campaign workers under the governor.
"The decision to step down is one only Gov. George Ryan can make. But given the extraordinary erosion of trust in his office, unfortunately, it's one he must consider," Jim Ryan said. "I mean, after all - f*cker's giving all us Ryans a bad name. And wtf will this mean on election day?? Crap!"
"I'm not concerned about all this political stuff," the governor replied. "He can kiss my ass."
One year ago today: The Nooculer Nincompoop, from his secret superhero fort, planned to commit billions of taxpayer dollars to building a shield against ballistic missile attack, thereby enriching the coffers of Poppy and Unca Dick.
Today, Defib Dick and the Smirking Simpleton will be meeting with Chinese VP Hu Jintao (I can almost hear Squinty McPretzal now: "Hu? Who? Hu?" Jeezus.) Cheney will be lunching with him privately at the vice presidential residence, and Preznit Poopypants has crayoned in this afternoon for an Oval Office photo-op.
Word of the Day: Belie - Chimpy McPretzal's red-nosed, squinty appearance belied stories that he had stopped drinking and smoking crack.
In Other News:
Nebula Alleges Hubble Pics Faked!
The Omega nebula, also known as the Horseshoe nebula or M17, filed suit today against the U.S. government and NASA claiming recently released pictures allegedly taken by the Hubble Space Telescope were faked.
"Anybody who knows me knows that those are not my star clusters," said the massive, star-forming region of the Milky Way galaxy. "Clearly, those are somebody else's clusters superimposed over my hydrogen cloud."
NASA refused to comment about the suit, although officials said they had agreed to stop referring to the Nebula as a "hotbed" of stellar activity.
Bush: "Dad Left Wallet in Iraq"
Arab leaders today said they were skeptical of George W. Bush's latest assertion regarding Iraq: that his father left his wallet in Baghdad and the United States just wants to dash in with 100,000 troops and get it. "I don't know, I've forgotten my wallet before, but I just have my secretary cancel my credit cards," said Saudi Crown Prince Abdullah. The Prince added, however, that he hoped Bush's father, former President George H.W. Bush, did not lose any money. "I know Saddam, and believe me, if there was any cash in that wallet, it's long gone."
While dubious, Egyptian President Hosni Mubarak said the lost item explanation was an improvement over last week, when Bush insisted Iraq had been chosen as the site of the 2004 Republican National Convention, and the President needed to send in a "scouting party" to check out hotels in the area.
The Top 6 Rejected Voter Registration Drive Slogans
6. 4 out of 9 Supreme Court Justices Agree: Your Vote Matters.
5. Like Bloody Coups, Only Faster.
4. You Want to Be Able to Vote for that New M&M Color, Don't You?
3. Don't *Make* Us Have to Cheat.
2. Who Knows? They Just Might Count it this Time!
and the Number 1 Rejected Voter Registration Drive Slogan...
1. If You Don't Vote, then the Supreme Court Has Already Won.
More on the Chickensh!t Pretzalchoker's "lack of support to the problem of homeland security''
The Coward of Crawford administration is preventing the public from gaining an overview of U.S. anti-terrorism strategy by barring Homeland Security Reichsmarshall Tom Ridge from testifying to Congress, the chairman of the Senate Appropriations Committee said Tuesday.
"I've made no threats, I've made no partisan statements,'' Robert Byrd said. "I simply can't understand the arrogance on the part of an administration that will not assist Congress...we need Mr. Ridge.'' Byrd argued that an appearance by Ridge would be invaluable because allegedly he has the broadest view of the government's anti-terror initiatives, including its plans for using the $38 billion the Simian Sockpuppet has requested for next year.
"The real losers are the American people whose lives this government is trying to protect,'' Byrd said. "I certainly don't want to hand over billions of dollars just so these clowns can add another color to their stupid Terra Lert Chart - I mean, for crissakes!"
Last Night on Crossfire:
Paul Begala: Linda Lay, the wife of Enron CEO Kenny Boy Lay, is opening up a second-hand store in Houston called "Just Stuff." Mrs. Lay, who memorably wept on national television at the prospect of selling one of the family's mansions, plans to sell a used lamp, made from antique street lights, a used mahogany bed, a used desk and several used members of the Bush Administration. When reached for comment, Ken Lay said I'm so proud she is continuing the family tradition of ripping off Houstonians
Paul Begala: During the election campaign of 2000, George W. Bush, then governor, attacked a proposal from House Republicans to cut student loans and other programs. At the time, candidate Bush said, "I don't think they ought to balance their budget on the backs of the poor." But in a turnabout, pResident Bush this week asked Congress to slash student loans and other programs by over $5 billion and now it's congressional republicans who are saying the cuts are unfair to the poor. When asked what middle class and lower income students are supposed to do if they're kicked off from their student loans, Bush said they can do what I did, call my dad from a bar and ask for more money from the trust fund.
Boob Novak: Scott from LaBelle, Idaho says, "Paul, although this program is certainly more entertaining than it has been in the past, I find I can't believe a word you say because of your role as a spinmeister in the Clinton White House."
Paul Begala: What did he not believe? The 24 million new jobs, the lowest crime rate in history, the lowest welfare rates in history, the greatest president in my lifetime? Scott? Here's Dano in Salone Springs, Arkansas. "I finally figured out why Novak is called the Prince of Darkness. His small mind is too closed to allow light. He and the squeaky boy tie seem to think that volume control compensate for lack of intelligence."
Southern California Says NO to Bush and Simon
More than 600 Californians came together to protest a Bush/Simon fundraiser at Century City today and let the pair know they're not welcome in our state. The crowd included kids and people of all colors and ethnic groups protesting Bush's theft of the White House, his policies and his attempt to buy the governorship for a man who is opposed to everything real Californians want.
Local unions came out in full force with signs noting Simon's disregard for workers and his similarity to Wilson (the man responsible for California's power crisis.) While many Jews and Palestinians may be on opposite sides in the Middle East, in Century City they stood side by side in opposition to Bush.
Protesters chanted: "What do we want? Bush in jail. When do we want it? Now," "4,3,2,1 Investigate Bush for 9-1-1," "1,2,3,4 Recount proves that Gore got more. 5,6,7,8. Resign right now. It's not too late," and "Hey, hey. Ho, ho. S & L Simon has to go."' A giant banner read, "G W BUSH, history will condemn you."
Weird Stuff: The Field of the Dead, Templars, and Rennes-le-Château:
In 1927, a subterranean chamber in France was discovered, accidentally, by a cow. Full of mysterious artefacts, some of them Neolithic, the find was an enigma. Was it a mediæval magician's store, a Templar treasure house or something even more mysterious?
Seventeen-year-old Emile Fradin was helping his grandfather on their family farm at Glozel, near Vichy in the heart of central France, when they stumbled - quite literally - across one of the most bitterly controversial mysteries of the century. It was 1 March 1924 when one of their grazing cattle fell suddenly through the apparently smooth and stable surface of the meadow. The ground collapsed under the poor beast, dropping it into a totally unsuspected, artificial chamber or cavity. This strange, man-made
chamber was lined with interlocking bricks, some of them glazed as though by intense heat. The room resembled a primitive glassworks, or mediæval kiln. Young Emile rescued the unlucky bovine by passing broad webbing under the cow to lift it. Descending again to explore - without the impediment of sharing the chamber with a frightened cow - he made some extremely exciting discoveries.
The chamber was full of shelves and niches containing many ancient and unusual objects. There were several carved bones and a number of antlers. There were what appeared to be statuettes of primitive deities - resembling the heavily pregnant Stone Age 'Venus' - and, most intriguing of all, there were numerous clay tablets covered with an unknown alphabet. In the years that followed, so many human remains were found in the surrounding area that locals named the place Champ des Morts (The Field of the Dead). Some orthodox archæologists were sceptical about Glozel because of the wide time-range of the discoveries. The earliest and latest specimens were separated by as much as 3000-4000 years. What individual, or group, could have collected them there and, above all, why?
