Grate moments in Fox News
Pathetic, autofellating douchebag with a face like a bad bowel movement rips off Keith Olbermann's "Worst Person" segment.

[I]t's now been completely upstaged by a new Sunday contest on Fox: Sean Hannity's "Enemy of the Stupe State" award.

[This past week, pudgy dipshit Sean] Hannity's new Sunday night program ["No Questions: Taking It Up the Ass for the RNC"] aired for the first time, and from here on he'll award his "Enemy of the State" prize on whatever abortionist, anti-war activist, or run-of-the-mill Democrat has attracted [his] ire that week.

Because he is the state. LOL What... a... tool.


Gah!
*****

Attention whore wants 15 more minutes
Egregious whiner calls out respected and talented journalist Keith Olbermann, who could probably kick his ass without breaking a sweat, fingernail.

Apparently Geraldo was bombed out of his gourd visiting with 104.1 FM's Monsters when they asked him about the time he made international headlines for disclosing too much information about troops in Iraq. Geraldo claimed the incident was blown out of proportion, largely by NBC - and specifically Olbermann. Geraldo then began mumbling semi-audible names, seemingly meant to describe Olbermann: "midget … punk … slimeball." But then Geraldo went a step further, leaving no doubt about what he was saying. He called Olbermann a coward - specifically. He then said he was ready to fight him, saying: "I would make a pizza out of him."

Wehhhhhhhh!!! Yeah, right. Loser.

Total dumbass joins think-tank
Gawd... Sanctimonious drooler Rick Santorum has joined the Ethics and Public Policy Center, a Washington think-tank.

“I want to contribute to the world of ideas,” he said. "Maybe this will give me some."

After 16 years of being a vapid douchetard in Congress, Santorum, who lost his bid for reelection in November, will become director of the EPPC’s brand-new America’s Enemies program, which will focus on - dum dum dum! - America's enemies: Islamofascism, Venezuela {Snort! Wonder what they're doing in there! - Ed.}, North Korea, and Democrats.

Not so fast, Chimpboy...
Senator Ted Kennedy has introduced a bill requiring Congressional approval for Awol's Iraq escalation. In summary -

The legislation requires the Congress to vote before [that little fuckwit] escalates troop levels in Iraq.

The legislation claims the people’s right to a full voice in [Retard McJesus]'s plan to send more troops into the Iraq civil war. It says that no funds can be spent to send additional troops to Iraq unless Congress approves the President’s proposed escalation of American forces.

The Iraq War Resolution of 2002 authorized a war against the regime of Saddam Hussein because he was believed to have weapons of mass destruction and an operational relationship with Al Qaeda, and was in defiance of U.N. Security Council Resolutions.

The mission of our armed forces today in Iraq no longer bears any resemblance to the mission authorized by Congress.

President Bush should not be permitted to increase the number of United States troops in harm’s way in the civil war without a specific new authorization from Congress.

"This is one of the pics they didn't want you to see"
Photo shows Preznit Integritude with disgraced, convicted lobbyist/BFF Jack "we've never met!" Abramoff at a campaign fundraiser in December 2003:

Former 'straightshooter' signs up swiftboaters
Bush bumwiper and patsy John McCain (R-AZzhole) hires more scumbags to help run his presidental campaign. Turd.

Poodle receives neuticals, licks them
Yo, Blair!

Erstwhile prezinental nut-sniffer Tony Blair will make clear this week that Britain is not going to send more troops to Iraq even if the Boy King pushes ahead with his "surge" of 20,000 extra soldiers.

The Prime Minister will insist that the UK will stick to its own strategy of gradually handing over to the Iraqi army, as it has been doing with success in Basra and the south, thank you very much.

"Ah can't buhleive Tone won't come 'n' play with me..."
****

Duck and cover
Incontinent menace Dick Cheney will be hunting at the private Rolling Rock Club in Pennsylvania today. Guest/target list was unavailable at press time.

Joe Biden will seek the Democratic presidential nomination in 2008
"I am running for president," Joe Biden told Meet the Press blowhole Tim Russert. "I'm going to be Joe Biden, and I'm going to be the best Joe Biden I can be." Because being Hillary would mean he'd have to shave his legs and douche an' stuff.

Pelosi hints at denying dipshit dinero
House Speaker Nancy Pelosi said Democrats will not give Spanky McCodpiece a blank check to wage war in Iraq, hinting they could deny funding if he seeks additional troops.

"[I]f the president wants to add to this mission, he is going to have to justify it. This'll be new for him because up until now the Republican Congress has given him a blank check with no oversight, no standards, and no conditions," she said on Sunday. "If that little fucker thinks he can escalate the war in his budget request, he's got another thing coming. Twerp."


"Ah can't hear th' ocean!"
*****

Insecticide exposure leaves man insane
Democrats declare martial law! screams corrupt scumbag Tom DeLay in "his blog," Persistant Rectal Itch and Me.

"This is one of the worst abuses of power I have ever witnessed," says the thug who once sicced Homeland Security on Democratic reps. Puh-leeze...

Black man may be terrist, porking white women
"So there you have it: Barack Hussein Osama bin Laden dresses like Mahmoud Ahmadinejad and worships Allah. Tune in next week when we find out that in his spare time he enjoys burning bibles, golfing with Kim Jong-Il, and clubbing baby seals to death with his huge black penis." - from this week's top 10 conservative idiots, at DemoUndergound.


: )

Hell
If the Middle East turns one more corner, I'm building a bomb shelter.

This can only end well
Not.

Why put an admiral in charge of the Middle East? Because his skills will come in handy when we bomb Iran.

Quote of the day
Sigh...

"George Bush. The only man incompetent enough to make Saddam Hussein a martyr."

- Watertiger.

Hot rumor of the day
John Negroponte is becoming deputy secretary of state as preparation to replace Condi Rice when she leaves her job - to replace an ailing, short-circuiting Dick Cheney as vice president.


"Ack! Zzzzzpt! Nggggg!"
*****

Dueling editorials from the NY Times
You guys are giving me a headache.

The Imperial Presidency

Observing President Bush in action lately, we have to wonder if he actually watched the election returns in November, or if he was just rerunning the 2002 vote on his TiVo...

In 2006, the voters sent Mr. Bush a powerful message that it was time to rein in his imperial ambitions. But we have yet to see any sign that Mr. Bush understands that — or even realizes that the Democrats are now in control of the Congress. Indeed, he seems to have interpreted his party’s drubbing as a mandate to keep pursuing his fantasy of victory in Iraq and to press ahead undaunted with his assault on civil liberties and the judicial system.

We would lend such efforts our enthusiastic backing and hope Mr. Leahy, Mr. Durbin and other Democratic leaders are not swayed by the absurd notion circulating in Washington that the Democrats should now “look ahead” rather than use their new majority to right the dangerous wrongs of the last six years of Mr. Bush’s one-party rule.

This is a false choice. Dealing with these issues is not about the past. The administration’s assault on some of the nation’s founding principles continues unabated. If the Democrats were to shirk their responsibility to stop it, that would make them no better than the Republicans who formed and enabled these policies in the first place.

Well, yeah - but who's this asstard? --

Bipartisanship as the First Resort

In scoring early political notches, House Democrats had better keep in mind the promise of bipartisanship for securing larger victories.

For years, bipartisanship has been the missing ingredient in the sour stew of Washington... Chronically invoked by President Bush, this political ideal has been reduced to rhetorical ashes.

Of necessity, perhaps, the new Senate majority leader, Harry Reid, is making a considerable show of promising to reach across the aisle. In the House, Ms. Pelosi promises bipartisanship will be in evidence after the Democrats get past their opening agenda. That is like saying the checks and balances are in the mail. If Democratic candidates were smart enough during the campaign to realize that the voters demand bipartisanship, they should be quick enough to try it from the start.

Give me a fucking break. Fuck that.

Karma
Knock-knock
Who's there?
Your ass
Your ass who?
No, your ass. On a fucking platter, aishholes! Mwaaaahahahaha!

Over the next few weeks, Senate Democrats plan to hold at least 11 hearings just on Iraq. In the House, one of the Democrats' most dogged investigators is waiting to spring his committee on a different mission — suspected government fraud.

From the war to environmental policy and secret surveillance, the Democrats who now control both the House and Senate are armed with subpoena power and ready to summon panels of witnesses.

These newly empowered Democrats plan to put the Bush administration under scrutiny for once like never before.

Beginning this week, when Bush is expected to disclose his new war strategy, three Senate and at least two House committees plan to call Cabinet members to testify about the president's policy.

Yeah, baby!!

Awol McBubbleboy surrounds himself with war supporters
Just whose president is he supposed to be again? Besides Bill Kristol's?

The moves are part of a broad mission to surround himself, both in Washington and on the ground in Iraq, with officials who support increasing troop numbers, a move largely opposed on Capitol Hill and among the American public.

Mr Bush is also beefing up his White House legal team in anticipation of a blizzard of Iraq-related subpoenas expected to be issued by the new Democrat-controlled Congress. On Thursday he accepted the resignation of Harriet Miers, his White House counsel, after aides expressed doubts about her ability to push back against what Democrats have promised will be vigorous oversight of the war’s management.

So much for loyalty!

Unfuckingbelievable
Gerald Plessner reports "In what has to be the dumbest move in a stupidity-plagued presidency, George W. Bush has put the neo-conservatives who talked us into the disaster of Iraq in charge of our Iraq policy," including one Dougie Feith, "the fucking stupidest guy on the face of the earth."

"The American people voted decisively to tell this administration that it should end our involvement in Iraq. If the president and his vice president refuse to honor the expressed will of the American people, then they should resign. Failing that, the Congress should begin to consider impeachment."

Damn straight. Enough already.

Kudos
To the Fightin' 109th "Do-Nothing" Congress of the United States of America, for coming in 4th in the 2006 douchebags of the year list, and to the "painfully cretinous" Rush Limbaugh, recipient of a Dishonorable Mention for making fun of Michael J. Fox.

150,000
Iraq vets left in physical and mental agony

On New Year's Eve, the number of US soldiers killed in Iraq passed 3,000. By Tuesday, the death toll had reached 3,004 -- 31 more than died in the Sep. 11 attacks on the World Trade Centre and the Pentagon.

But the number of injured has far outstripped the dead, with the Veterans Administration reporting that more than 150,000 veterans of the Iraq war are receiving disability benefits.

My God.

Cutting and running
Bush 'driving toward' new Iraq plan, plans to take off-ramp, stop at local bar.

Joe Biden (D-Del.), chairman of the Senate Foreign Relations Committee, said yesterday that he believes top officials in the Bush misadministration have privately concluded they have lost Iraq and are simply trying to postpone disaster so the next president will "be the guy landing helicopters inside the Green Zone, taking people off the roof," in a chaotic withdrawal reminiscent of Vietnam.

"I have reached the tentative conclusion that a significant portion of this administration, maybe even including the vice president, believes Iraq is lost," Biden said. "They have no answer to deal with how badly they have screwed it up."

How fucking stupid is Sean Hannity?
Yeah, that's a trick question. Details here.

Lott: misadministration fudged pushed intel on Iraq
Trent Lott (R-Dixiedoofus) on Hardball last night:

"They were pushing the evidence that justified going to the war, a lot of us, Republicans and Democrats, were concerned about what we were told, and we bought the packet."

No shit, idiot. Fat, drunk and stupid is no way to go through life, son.

2002 Senate regrets the whole vote-to-invade-Iraq thing
We would have voted against it before we voted for it, say brainless twats.

Senators say that if they knew then what everybody in Left Blogtopia did they know now, Spanky McAwol would never have been given the authority to "use force" in Iraq. Doiiiii...

Fair and balanced
Story: Congressman sworn in using Koran in private ceremony.
Fox News headline: "Congressman uses Koran in photo-op"

Fuckers.

Decider shitcans realists, hires leghumping stooges
Awol McCokehead will replace top generals who disagreed with his handling of the Iraq war.

Bunnypants' "fresh start" in Iraq to include not only sending 30-40,000 more troops to their death, but bringing back his chickenhawk neocon cronies and naming new yes men advisers and military commanders in a "major realignment" towards asskissing douchetards.

Fun fact: a Navy man will be put in charge of two land wars fought in fucking deserts.


Cheney: "Heh heh... heckuva, boy!"
Bush: "Squirrels..."
****

You betcha!
Quote o' the mornin'

"Now comes the fun part as Democrats make it clear that the days of the do-nothing Republican Senate are over." - Bob Geiger.

Hee hee! At last!

Keepin' us safer
The head of the Nuclear Security Agency has been forced to resign over security lapses. Heckuva job, dude.

It's payback time, bitches - part deux
Rangel boots veep! screams the NY comPost.

Rep. Charlie Rangel has evicted Dick Cheney from his office in the Capitol. The new digs give Rangel some of the choicest and most politically central real estate in all of Washington - as well as a measure of sweet revenge.

Rangel moved at lightning speed to boot the man he once called a "son of a bitch."

"Mr. Cheney has enjoyed an office that historically has been designated for the Ways and Means Committee chairman," Rangel said as he pissed all over Cheney's boxed belongings. "Well, now he can go fuck himself."

It's payback time, bitches
Defense contractors - including Dick "dick" Cheney's "former" company Halliburton, big tobacco, the intelligence rationale for the war in Iraq and CIA secret prisons are among the first items identified by Democratic staffers as "likely targets" for investigations.


"Grrrrrr.... zzzzzzttt... meep... blort!"
*****

Suddenly righteous republicants
Eat me.

Rep. Patrick "Dur?" McHenry (R-Cornhole) has demanded that the new Democratic majority give the Republican minority all the rights that Republicans had denied Democrats for years.

"The bill we offer today, the minority bill of rights, is crafted based on the exact text that then-Minority Leader Nancy Pelosi submitted in 2004 to then-Speaker of the House Dennis Hastert," declared the unbelievably irony-deficient douchetard, with 10 republican colleagues arrayed around him like flies on shit. "We're submitting this minority bill of rights, which will ensure that all sides are protected, that fairness and openness is in fact granted by the new majority."

Omitted from McHenry's plea for fairness was the fact that the GOP had ignored Pelosi's 2004 request.

It fell to CNN's Dana Bash to point out the awkward truth. "You can play back, almost verbatim, Democrats saying almost exactly what you all just said," she said. "So is there a little bit of hypocrisy in you saying that you want minority rights?"

"What stopped you from taking that opportunity when you were still in the majority?" inquired Rick Klein of the Boston Globe.

Republicans must have known they'd have some explaining to do, because they scheduled back-to-back news conferences on their minority rights.

You have GOT to be kidding me.

Il Ducebag pushes, opens envelope on US spying
The Dictator-tot has given himself the power to open Americans' mail without a judge's warrant. Fucking enough already.

The President asserted his new authority {WHAT new authority??? - Ed.} when he signed a postal reform bill into law on Dec. 20 - during the winter congressional recess. Bush then issued a "signing statement" that declared his right to open people's mail under "emergency conditions."

That claim is contrary to existing law and contradicted the bill he had just signed, say experts.

A top Senate Intelligence Committee aide promised, "It's something we're going to look into."

I should damn well hope so.

War deserter/dumbass: more cannon fodder needed to save muh legacy
A New Way Forward: Awol McBubbleboy to send 40,000 more troops to their deaths in Iraq.

Dan Froomkin asks

If the vox populi and the cognoscenti agree that throwing more American bodies at the problem will only result in more American deaths, then how is the apparent Bush plan anything short of a betrayal of the troops and an expression of contempt for the will of the people?

And is there any more plausible explanation for Bush's behavior than that he is willing to sacrifice more troops so he won't have to admit -- at least not yet -- that he made a mistake? Is that a good enough reason to ask even one more soldier to die?

Keith Olbermann agrees:

First we sent Americans to their deaths for your lie, Mr. Bush. Now we are sending them to their deaths for your ego.

If what is reported is true — if your decision is made and the “sacrifice” is ordered — take a page instead from the man at whose funeral you so eloquently spoke this morning — Gerald Ford: Put pragmatism and the healing of a nation ahead of some kind of misguided vision. Atone.

Sacrifice, Mr. Bush? No, sir, this is not “sacrifice.” This has now become “human sacrifice.” And it must stop.

Hah. The preznit is "driving toward a conclusion" as his plan is "taking shape" and "getting more detailed" as he puts "on the finer points" of sending more men and women to their doom for his ego and his lies. And what's going to happen if enough Dems find the balls to put the kibosh on his "plan"? Oh wait, forgot myself for a minute there...

Douchie McKissyface loses control of his own party
The Connecticut for Lieberman Party, created by longtime Bush rump swab Joe Lieberman after he lost the primary, has been taken over by one of his critics.

Fairfield University political science professor John Orman's takeover has been recognized by Secretary of the State Susan Bysiewicz.

Orman is the sole member of the party and filed paperwork with Bysiewicz's office naming himself chairman. The state officials accepted Orman's takeover and his bylaws which limit membership to critics of the senator and anyone named Lieberman. Orman said he plans to use his position as party chairman to hold Lieberman accountable.

"If someone wanted to challenge it, they'd have to go to court," a state elections attorney for Bysiewicz's office said Tuesday.

I'm not sure why this cracks me up so much, but it does.


i'm in yr party, seizing yr chairmanship
*****

Boy King's vacation ruined by dead guy
Little Lord Bunnypants' self-serving photo-op at Ford funeral snubbed by the family.

The children of late President Gerald Ford spent every hour of public viewing in the United States Capitol to greet tens of thousands of everyday Americans who came to pay tribute to their father. When [Drinky McDumbass] showed up, the Ford children were nowhere to be seen.

According to a Capitol Hill source, Bush is the only person to have the Rotunda cleared for his visit, bringing a screeching halt to the public's visit to the casket. Other former Presidents and political VIPs went to the front of the line, but nonetheless greeted fellow mourners while paying their condolences. Further, Bush reportedly spent only seven seconds at the casket and promptly left the building.

To quote Major Frank Burns, "Snot! Snot! Snot!"


"Man... ah could be home eatin' doritos an' playin' Batman... this sucks."
*****

Kudos
Congratulations are in order to Retard McJebus and Senator/asshole Ted Stevens, for coming in in the top five in the Stupidest Statements Awards of 2006.

Bush, for his answer when he was asked if the tide was turning in Iraq: "I think -- tide turning -- see, as I remember -- I was raised in the desert, but tides kind of -- it's easy to see a tide turn -- did I say those words?" (June 14, 2006)

And the Senator from Alaska, for explaining how the internet actually works: "It's a series of tubes." (June 28, 2006.)

Bush does not get struck by lightning
Decider seeking spending control, cooperation from new Congress, appeals for bipartisanship.

"The politics of failure have failed!" Il Ducebag is asking Democrats, in charge of the House and Senate for the first time in his presidency, to work with him on legislation. Ummm, for the first time in his presidency.

"We can show the American people that Republicans and Democrats can come together to find ways to help make America a more secure, prosperous and hopeful society," the Obstructionist-in-Chief actually had the nerve to say after six years of doing the complete opposite.


"Look... ah got muh resolvitude face on. Heh heh."
******

Sorry. The Apple is at the repair shop, hopefully I'll have it back "between 7 to 10 business days."


Synchronicitude
Drivin' towards victerry!


- Click to embiggen (via DKos).



Little voices in nutcase's head speaking to him again
The Lord gave me a 12-inch dick, but I'm not allowed to show it to you.

In what has become an annual tradition of showcasing his utter buffoonery - uhhhhh, prophesies - psycho religious wingnut Pat Robertson said Tuesday God told him that a terrorist attack on the United States would result in "mass killing" late in 2007.

"I'm not necessarily saying it's going to be nuclear," he said helpfully. "The Lord didn't say nuclear. But I do believe it will be something like that."

Robertson said God also told him that the weather was fine up there, the Bucs would win the Super Bowl, and that Gerald Ford has already tripped and fallen down a flight of cloud-stairs.

Fun fact: God did not tell Pat which city would be attacked by terrorists, leaving it completely open that Pat might be 'called home' this year.