August 29, 2005

Noble cause
The evolving rationale for the Iraq war:

  • 9/11
  • WMD
  • Liberate oppressed Iraqis
  • Democracy in the Middle East
  • So the deaths will not have been in vain

    At the rate things are going, here are a few more we might see from the misadministration:
  • "Saddam took a shot at mah daddy!"

  • Because tan guys with handlebar mustaches always look like they're up to something.

  • Saddam owed me $14 and about a dozen cups of sugar.

  • Their student loans were due.

  • Jesus just ain't gonna walk in there

  • My hard drive with all my porn was confiscated due to the Patriot Act. That dust-bin owes me!

  • We told them to turn that damned stereo down, but they didn't listen.

  • Saddam ran over my cat and knocked up my sister.

  • Because the President can't pronounce "Uzbekistan".

  • Hussein was a truly bad neighbor. Loud music at all times of the night, he let his kids run around the place doing whatever they wanted, and he hadn't mowed his yard in like 6 years. Something had to be done!

  • Because they stole my f**king clamcakes!

  • Uday borrowed Ikari Warriors II: Victory Road from me in 1988 and I never f*cking saw it again.

  • Yam violations.

  • Because someone from the Clinton administration took the "N" off the typewriter, so they HAD to attack Iraq instead of Iran.

  • Because he gassed his own people.

  • Because Junior needed to prove he had a bigger penis than his daddy.

  • Because all those brown people just weren't going to kill themselves.

  • 'Cause of 9/11. I mean, if Saddam didn't ACTUALLY do anything to make it happen, he at least wanted to, or was happy when it happened. And we really just can't let that stand, can we?

  • Because the Middle East wasn't unstable enough...

  • Because George W. Bush thinks that's where spinach comes from, and he hates spinach.

  • Because geopolitical stability is overrated.

  • Because it was time to demoralize the military by giving them abstract, unattainable, and ever-changing goals.
    (Via Fark).


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