July 28, 2008

Dick Cheney hates our troops

Vice President Cheney's photo-op to frighten address propagandize to wounded combat veterans next month has been shitcanned because his security demands were "Draconian and unreasonable."

The jerry-rigged cyborg had planned to speak to the Disabled American Veterans at 8:30 a.m. at its August convention in Las Vegas. His staff insisted the sick vets be sequestered for two hours before Cheney's arrival and couldn't leave until he'd finished talking, officials confirmed, just in case one of the poor maimed bastards managed to wheel himself into a bathroom stall to grab a pea-shooter to pull on him.

Many of the vets are elderly and left pieces of themselves on foreign battlefields since World War II, and others were crippled by recent service in Iraq and Afghanistan. For health reasons, many can't be stuck in a room for hours, especially one with no bathrooms and with the snarling, dyspeptic vice president ready to rip somebody's goddamned head off.

"It was a huge imposition on our delegates," added a Veterans official. "They would've had to get up at 0h-dark-30 and try to get breakfast, shower and get their prosthetics on. What is he, insane?"

"You fucking pussies! During Vietnam I was... uhhh... mehhh... go fuck yourselves!"

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