Friday Funnies-Socialist Edition

"Attention passengers, the Straight Talk Express is no longer in service." --David Letterman

"People all over the world are celebrating Barack Obama’s victory. In fact, Sarah Palin watched the Russians celebrating from her house." --David Letterman

"After congratulating President-elect Obama, President Bush called John McCain to commend him on his well-fought campaign. President Bush also phoned Sarah Palin and she said, 'Oh yeah, I'm sure this is the real Bush, I'm not falling for that again.'" --Jay Leno

"Obama’s victory would not have been not possible without the help of the leaders who came before him — Martin Luther King, Jesse Jackson, and most importantly, President Bush, who has set the bar pretty low." --Craig Ferguson

"At the end of the evening, the electoral vote count was 349 for Obama, 148 for McCain. Or, as Fox News says, too close to call." --David Letterman

"But right about now Joe the plumber is meeting with his transition team. They're going to help ease him from obscurity back to oblivion." --David Letterman

"And in what has to be one of the most ridiculous moments yesterday, it looks like convicted Sen. Ted Stevens of Alaska has won re-election. How does that make the guy who lost feel, huh? What's that concession speech like? 'We gave it our best, but the voters are preferred a convicted, 84-year-old felon who's going to prison.'" --Jay Leno