September 19, 2002

WASHINGTON (NYTimes) - Smirky McGolfcart scoffed today at Saddam's promise to admit weapons inspectors to Iraq, saying it was just another trick, and Defense Secretary Donald "what, me fight?!" Rumsfeld told a House panel that the Iraqi dictator poses a unique threat to the United States and must be dealt with soon.

"All they've got to do is look at his record, his latest ploy," the Confused Cowstalker said, urging allies of the United States not to be lulled by Mr. Hussein's latest overture. "He's not going to fool anybody."

Tom 'Isadora' Daschle (D-Neutered), used similar language. "This is a ploy we've seen Saddam Hussein use on many occasions. We shouldn't be fooled by it," Mr. Daschle said. "Now, if you'll excuse me, my kneepads need polishing."

The Democratic House leader, Richard 'Fluffy' Gephardt, said he thought a group of lawmakers from both parties would be at work "over the next days" on the language of a support resolution.

"This is about life and death. It's about national security," Mr. Gephardt bleated. "But I'm late for my bikini wax!"

Several House Democrats told reporters they were not decided. "Right now, everyone is seeking information," said Jim Langevin of Rhode Island, a member of the Armed Services Committee. "But thank God some of us Dems still have testicles."

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